Why Can't You Be a Real Boy... and ...If I Were a Girl...

One of the worst, most hurtful things that I've heard Dan talk about in the past, was how exes wanted him to give up drag and be a "real man".  And, I've always thought that they were douchebags for saying that to him.  So, imagine my surprise, when I was driving home from work last night, thinking that I understood the reasoning behind them saying it, because I was saying it myself (to myself).

The thought that I was being like his exes, whether in person OR in my head, scared me.  And, it made me think about what the real issue was, and who the issue was really with.

I have no issue with Dan as himself, or Dan as Shaunna Rai.  The real issue, is with myself.  I'm jealous of the attention that Dan gets, in or out of drag.  And, I'm jealous that he's enough of a chameleon to be able to fit in, as either gender.  He's a people person...I'm not.  Everyone knows him...people know me, but mostly only as his boyfriend.  Dan and I were talking a couple days ago about the fact that I don't have a great sense of style and know little about certain grooming habits (like ironing).  And, I made the joke that I needed a teacher to be gay enough to be gay.

And, that was when it hit me.  When I realized that I had hit a nerve myself, with my own self-deprecating joke, it dawned on me that it was all on me.  I'm not gay enough to be gay, but not straight enough to pass as straight.

I was terrified to even write this, because of how it might be taken.  So, I actually discussed the theme before a word even went down.

The funniest thing was that it took a dose of drag shopping to snap me back to reality.  Or, at least, to make me remember what it is that I like about the whole drag thing.  And, to make me remember that I have a boyfriend who is patient enough to explain things to me that confuse the hell out of me.

We went shopping, initially for lashes this morning, for Shaunna Rai's show at Mama's Cabaret, in Lewiston, tonight.  And, so, even though we've been together for 8 months, I still don't have a clue about some things...like makeup.  I found the coolest eyeshadow ever...and pointed it out to him...and he reminded me that it was actually nail polish...and the polka dots in it, were glitter.  Then, there was the glittery makeup that turned out to be a compact.  And, the mix of stained glass foundation....that one confused the hell out of me...why would you want 17 different colors in tiny amounts?  Because they all blend together, to give an all around even tone to your skin.  (Yeah, I'm that much of an idiot that I had to ask.)

While he goes through, looking at things, I tend to be attracted to the bright colors and shiny things.  In other words, the nails/nail polish.  So, I was looking at something gaudy, and we started talking about the fact that it was a good thing that I didn't do drag, because I would be a gaudy drag queen.  Dan of course, was like, "Well, it takes all kinds.  I wouldn't want everyone to look like me, and I wouldn't want to look like everyone else."

Point made, point taken.  And, suddenly, it all clicked into place.  I understand drag, just a little bit better now, than I have up to this point.

Through the conversation about the fact that I would totally wear neon colored nails with rhinestones, and glitter, I realized that I would be a gaudy queen.  And, I would go to that extreme, because in real life, I'm more conservative in how I dress, and what I do.  I mean, come on, for years, I wouldn't wear solid colors because they were too bright...and I still have a hard time wearing a screen printed t-shirt, because I want people to notice me, but not what I am a walking billboard for.

Drag is less about looking like a girl (or boy, in the case of drag kings) than it is about doing something outside the norm.  It's about stepping outside of what's "comfortable" and breaking down the walls of the box that you build around yourself.  It's (to some degree) about promoting acceptance by showing that conformity isn't the only thing there is.

While the dressing up thing isn't for me, I love going to the shows.  I love seeing Shaunna Rai and the other girls perform.  I love taking pictures, so that I have a record of what I'm seeing.  So, yeah, I'm jealous.  Yeah, there are some days when I'm just like UGH!!! But, in the long run, if it makes Dan happy to be Shaunna Rai, that's important.  It's not my place to ever say, I don't think you should any more.  And anyone who would say that, really is a douchebag.  

The Fame and the Infamy...

While trying to make a name for themselves, some people let nothing stand in the way of their imminent fame.  This is true of anyone, not just drag queens.  Whether you're scratching and clawing, or blowing your way to the top, eventually, the plan is to get to the top.  The goal, to be the name on everyone's lips.  (Essentially, the plot of the play/movie Chicago).  

Being a "Drag Husband", I haven't got to worry, really, about making a name for myself.  My "name" was dubbed, the minute I started officially dating Dan and Shaunna Rai.  I'm the one carrying the bags, and taking the pictures.  And, getting teased on the mic, during the shows...to the tune of being threatened with "doggy-style" not just once, or twice, but three times, in one show, in front of my parents... 

Shaunna Rai, has a bit more infamy, than I do.  After the show I was just talking about, the owner of the venue expressed gratefulness to Dan for not being a bitch about the way the show ran.  And, it's surprised me how many people think that Shaunna Rai really is a bitch.  And, by extension1 of personality, that Dan is too.  The thing with the two of them, is that they're the same person, figuratively, and literally.  Nothing is off limits, and they're both going to tell things the way they really are, like it or not.  

Over the course of the past few months, I've watched people develop either their own personal fame, or infamy, or in some cases both.  

A couple months ago, literally a couple days after we moved, was the Miss Blackstones pageant.  Given that it's a local "pageant", I knew all the contestants.  Desta Toot, Tatoola Tess Tosterone, and Vanila Honey-Bush.  As Vanila is my roommate, I was rooting for her. Although, I was going to be happy for whoever won, because I was friendly with them all.

After the crowning of Vanila Honey-Bush, though, everything hit the fan.  There were claims that the show was rigged.  And, worse, there were some personal attacks.  Since then, I believe that the air has been cleared, but seeing something so fun turn into something so nasty, kinda bothered me.

On the other hand, the shows that Taffy Pulls did over the course of the run of RuPaul's Drag Race, cemented her place as a "famous" local queen. At least in my mind.  Though the shows were sometimes disorganized, they managed to keep the "craziness" of Taffy's drag personality.

And, that's just on a personal level.  On a less personal, and more "national" level, RuPaul made, and broke some queens.  Truthfully, I think there are more "names" made on Drag Race than are broken.  I just find it interesting, that names that come onto the show, whether well known, or unknown are victimized, or villified by way of editing, and poor choice of conversation.  In this past season of RPDR, I was positive, that Roxxxy Andrews was going to make it, as the winner.  

Due to some poor choices of when to talk and when to keep her mouth shut, Roxxxy ended up being villified.  And, Jinkx Monsoon ended up taking it all.  Why?  Jinkx was victimized because of what Roxxxy said.  And, however the vote from fans was figured, it was very much influenced by the "bullying" of Roxxxy.  Would we have had the same results if Roxxxy had not chosen to "bully" Jinkx?  Hard telling. We'll never know, because that's the nature of the beast.  But, it's possible.  

As Dan is fond of saying, "Perception is reality."  You can make yourself famous, or infamous.  But, you're nothing without the people who make you what you're going to be, for it's they, who make you famous, or infamous...or both.

A Real Queen Would've Noticed if She Lost a Shoe

Over the weekend, I was introduced to the movie To Wong Foo. To say the least, it was an experience. Watching a movie about drag with two drag queens...well, let's just say, they had a lot to say about it.

But, before we get to what they had to say, let me set the stage. When I woke up on Sunday, Ryan was watching Blade, with Wesley Snipes. Halfway through the movie, a conversation starts. "You know, after he did To Wong Foo, he bought all the memorabilia, and burnt it. And then started doing all these macho man movies..." (I have yet to Google that to see if it's true.) Which, in turn, turned into, "You seriously haven't seen it before?"

And, so it was decided that I would go find a copy of it to watch. Done, and done.

The fact that I am starting to recognize famous drag queens scares me a little...Lady Bunny, RuPaul, Miss Coco Peru...just to name a few.

And, then, the main characters: Miss Vida Boheme, Miss Noxeema Jackson and ChiChi Rodriguez. Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes, and John Leguizamo, respectively.

Road trip movies are fun. And, make me a little bit jealous, because I haven't really been anywhere.

However, the first lesson I learned, watching the movie: Real drag queens don't dress in drag for indefinite periods of time. Next: if you're wearing heels, you're going to notice if you lose one, because one leg will be shorter than the other. Next: Queens don't go to bed in full face...however, they may go in partial face, aka Drag Lag. And finally, don't piss off a Drag Queen.

And the lessons I learned from the movie? Be nice to people, tell the truth, and, did I mention, don't piss off a Drag Queen!

I didn't know what to really think about it, because, Hollywood tends to play up the camp and ignore the serious stuff. So, I expected the comedy part. What I didn't expect was the crazy abusive menfolk and how they were dealt with. I haven't laughed as much as I did in a while.

Overall, it was a great movie. And, one that I will probably watch again. And, definitely in the company of queens!