I came out in 1998. At the time, I was living in Philadelphia and had just gained my freedom from my parents and high school and all the kids that spent years calling me names. I knew what it meant that I was coming out. I was most upset by the fact that it meant that 90 percent of the names I was called were, in fact, accurate.
I never made it to Philly Pride. I'm still a bit sad about that. I never made it to any pride until 2012.
Fast forward to 2012. In 2012, I attended my first Pride, in Boston. I was fresh out of an 11 year relationship, and wanted to feel like I was a part of something. I went with a friend, who ditched me to go be on a float for Machine. I survived and I actually had fun...Although I still didn't feel like I fit in anywhere. Maybe, that is just me. Maybe I don't really fit in anywhere.
Fast forward a couple years to the creation of Pride Portland. For the first time, I felt like, "this is where I belong. These are my people." And, for a while it was really good. Pride felt like a safe place and a place to have fun with a bunch of other queer people, when you didn't have to worry about how you were perceived by others. We were all there to have a good time and only worry about ourselves.
Cue the end of the Obama administration and the start of the Trump administration. Pride Portland has been in existence for a few years and the committee has begun to change. People have stepped down, new people have stepped up. But, the tone has changed. Not just in Portland, Maine, but across the country and, potentially, across the globe.
The atmosphere in general, since the new president was elected has been a severely divided atmosphere. It was like that before, granted. But, things came to a head after the election.
Words like Cis started being thrown around. And not in a descriptive way, but in an accusatory way. Drag Queens stopped being asked to do things for Pride because they weren't family friendly enough. Trans people and people of color were feeling like they don't have a voice in Pride. And, so the pendulum has begun its swing to the other side. This is both a good thing and a bad thing.
This year's pride committee has done everything (from what I'm hearing from committee members) to make this year's Pride more inclusive of ALL members of the LGBTQIAA community. This should be a good thing. However, I have also seen posts from some of these same people talking about how cisgender white gay males in particular have appropriated a celebration that they have no right to, so they can dance around in harnesses and speedos in the street, covered in glitter.
As someone who has photographed multiple prides, I will say this. The only thing that I am doing there is documenting a fight that still is ages away from being over. I will never dance in the street covered in glitter wearing a speedo, because I don't have the self confidence to do so. My goal is to get across as much of the charged energy coming from marchers and signs. And, over the course of the last few years, yes, Pride has been very white. But, my question is this...is it because we are excluding people of color? Or is it that they just don't come to pride? Or is it that we literally live in one of the whitest states in the country? Or am I just an ignorant cisgender white gay man, who is angry at being scapegoat for a bigger problem? Or is it a combination of all of the above?
I will support Pride again this year, because I feel like it's as much of a civic duty as voting. For better or worse, these are my people and I want to preserve this for the next generations, because we're already losing so much of our history as gay people to either Hollywood whitewashing or to ignorance of historical fact.
If we are to continue as a community, yes we need to be more inclusive of ALL people. We need to preserve the history of those who have come before us. We need to support each other, not tear each other down. Listen to each other. Know that the fight is all of ours and not just one person's. If we want to succeed we need to come together. Because, in all honesty, the more we name call and tear down each other's groups, the more fractured we become. And, eventually, you can't come back from that.
