We're All in This Together

Every year, at Pride, I have such high hopes that this year will be the year that we embrace what Pride was originally intended to be. And every year, I'm disappointed by all the infighting within our community, at the start of Pride season.

Pride was created in 1970, as a way to commemorate the community coming together for a common goal during the Stonewall Riots on June 28, 1969.

If you're not familiar, let me bring you up to speed. Stonewall Inn is in New York City.  It was (essentially) a gay bar, at a time when it was literally illegal for groups of homosexuals to gather in public places.  Raids by the police were commonplace. Those who were arrested by during raids were often outed publicly, losing jobs, homes, etc., as there were no protections for any of that at the time.

On June 28th, 1969, the patrons of Stonewall had had enough.  Yet another raid happened. And people came together, regardless of their designation in the LGBTQ spectrum. Marsha P Johnson and Silvia Rivera are credited with starting the riots.  Marsha P Johnson was an African American drag queen. Silvia Rivera was a Latinx transgender woman. Both performed in drag and supported transgender and gay rights throughout their lives.

After the riots, the local community struggled to come together. (Something that we still are struggling with, some 50 years later.) But, they did. And, they launched a push to celebrate remembrance of the events at Stonewall, nationwide. (That we still celebrate.)

So, why am I disappointed in the LGBTQ community every year, when Pride comes around?

In a community full of brilliant minds and activists of every shape, size and color, we should be able to put aside our differences. But inevitably, what happens, is that we erase letters from our acronym, according to what our letters are.

A post to the Blackstones Facebook page a couple of weeks ago started a demonizing of Pride, and of the community as a whole. While this may have been helpful in getting across a point, which it did, in proving the point, it further divided a community that is already fragile enough.

Add to that, a straight group petitioning the city of Boston to be able to hold a Straight Pride parade in August. People are losing their minds over this. Is it ridiculous? Absolutely. Straight people don't need to fear for their lives just for being themselves. But, denying the rights for Straights to have their parade sets a precedent that could easily backfire for OUR community.

If you want to have your voice be heard, protest. Protest loudly. Protest often. Grab a rainbow colored pussy hat and go to the straight pride parade. Write OP Ed's that explain that the First Amendment, which allows us the freedom to gather for pride is a luxury that is afforded to everyone in this country...because, again, if it gets denied, there is a precedent being set that will allow our things.to.be denied.

We live in a time where it feels like the government is trying to erase the entire LGBTQ community. It is harder and harder every day for the most vulnerable of us to even be visible. And yet, we continue to degrade ourselves and spread further discontent amongst ourselves, all in the name of "helping the community."

Follow the example of those who have come before you. Fight for all of our rights, not just those that benefit the people who look and act like you. Stand up for the less visible in our community.  Extend an olive branch to those who you have ignored based on their differences.

Gay men have had our time in the spotlight, in this fight for our rights. Certainly,  we are nowhere near finished.with the fight. But, until we embrace the other letters in our acronym and start protecting the vulnerable, we can never win this fight.

Remember, Pride is a celebration of the beginning of our fight 50 years ago. But, just think, if we can come together, (like we did after Stonewall) some day we could be using Pride as a way to celebrate the end of our fight as well. Support all the letters in the alphabet soup of our community, because that is the only.way we can win this.

Happy Pride!🌈🌈🌈

An Angry Young Man

I've spent 12 of the last 15 years working in jobs where I literally listen to their problems and try to help them solve them. Somewhere along the way, I seem to have lost myself completely.

In an effort to not get too close with clients, I started to put feelings in boxes that I could lock away and never have to deal with again. Once I started it was nearly impossible to stop.

The result of course, is that now, I don't remember what emotions go with what feelings. And, the one emotion I do remember, is the one I would most like to forget.

Anger. I am an angry person. I'm angry because I don't know what else to be. I'm angry because I blame myself for everything. I'm angry because I'm so disillusioned by people that I just don't even want to deal with them anymore. I'm angry because I destroyed my first relationship and didn't even know I was doing it. I'm angry because I have continued to do so with every relationship since. I'm angry because I can't speak my mind without someone trying to cover it up with a band aid. I don't need anyone else to fix my issues. I am the only one who can do that. I'm angry because I've stopped trying to speak my mind and tell people how I feel. I am angry that I feel the need to apologize for everything, whether it involves me or not.

I'm angry that the one person I should have been taking care of is the one person I didn't. Me.

I'm tired of apologizing for things that are not my fault. I'm tired of being caught in the middle of things that adults should work out themselves, respectfully. I'm tired of the toll that physically my anger is taking on my body. I have days when I am so stressed out that my body liquified everything when I cannot stay out of the restroom. I have days when I am so angry that I just want to hit something. I have days where there is so much anger in me that I feel like I have given a wet willy to an electrical outlet, because I can feel the electric currents running through my body.

But, I'm not supposed to get upset if someone comes for me. I'm not allowed to have an attitude when I'm given an attitude. I'm overreacting if it appears that we have an issue and I ask why. I'm overreacting if I show any kind of emotion.

If you preach love, but spew hate, you have no right to wonder why I'm confused and don't understand where I stand with you.

I just can't anymore.

We live in a country that preaches "Make America Great Again," but is literally pitting person against person. America could be great again, if we just stopped talking for the sake of talking. It could be great again if we listened to hear, instead of listening for our turn to talk.

Don't come at me with guns a blazing, and expect me to just roll over and take it. There is a word for that. It's called abuse.

I'm tired of being walked over like a doormat. I'm tired of being expected to be respectful when I'm treated with blatant disrespect to my face and behind my back. If you want me to treat you with respect, then you at least owe me the same decency.

I've spent my whole life just taking it. I didn't want to rock the boat, so I just accepted the name calling. The disrespect. The whispers and laughing. Even so far as to allow other people to tell me how to feel.

I've spent most of my adult life trying to please other people, at the expense of not knowing how to please myself. So it's time I take back control. I get to say what's respectful and what's not. I get to say if I'm happy or sad or angry. Its time I try to find what makes me happy. It's time that I start opening my baggage and see just what it is that I have to unpack. Once its unpacked, then it's time to start letting it go.

It's time that I do a soft reset on my life, and see if I can find a shiny version of myself. Or keep resetting until I do. You live your life, I'll live mine. Just stop trying to tell me how to live mine, because, it's not cute.

No Excuses...

If you've followed my blog for any length of time, you've probably noticed that I have been mostly silent, over the last (shall we say) year.  I spent more time in that period of time, trying to figure out excuses to give as to why I'm not writing anymore.  But, nobody wants excuses.

It stopped being fun.  The world of drag as I had known it, became a place I didn't like. And, I had started the descent into a period of depression.  Everything that I enjoyed, had begun to turn.  Pandora Boxx called me out in person for a bad review I had written after seeing her perform.  I had hurt people's feelings.  And, I just got overwhelmed.

It became easier and easier to just keep the memories of the shows that I attended as just that...memories and photographs.  And, then the photos stopped being fun.  Everything had begun to feel like work...that I was doing as a volunteer, and not getting paid for.  Nor, was I getting any recognition when people would use my photos.  So, I stopped posting photos.

And, then I stopped going to shows.  It was always easy to do it when work was part of the equation...because it was a built in excuse. A few times I was sick, for real...but, also another built in excuse.

My life has become an exercise in isolating myself from everyone and everything.  Why say something, when someone is going to be offended by it, potentially?  I quit everything that I enjoyed, and just started falling into my cell phone and tv shows.  I'd stopped drawing for myself.  I had begun doing cartoon portraits for drag queens.  Their follow up ideas, I couldn't get my work to fit their expectations.  I got a "Who's that supposed to be?" once, and really haven't taken on any new drawings since.  It became an extremely stressful job, for the amount of money that I would get from a new project.  So, I just stopped.

See a pattern forming?  I certainly do now.  I didn't see it, at the time, when it was happening.

For a while, the only thing that kept me from losing any kind of presence online was my Bowtie Fridays on Instagram.  And, then, even that began to be a stress. I would wait until the night before, and sew the tie for the next morning before I went to bed.  I would force myself to make the tie and take the picture, because I knew that it was fun for other people.  In over a year, I have only missed one week's photo...That was about two weeks ago.

Last week, one night, I sat up and wrote myself a list, using I statements of both good and bad things.  And, during the creation of this page, I felt the switch flip in my mind, so the depression is retreating...for now.

I started drawing for myself again.  I had two photo shoots and a behind the scenes of a photo shoot shoot with Shaunna Rai.  The photos I took came out amazing, if I do say so myself (because people on Facebook say they're good.)  And, Shaunna Rai reminded me that I should start writing again.

The goal, from here on out, is to do what is fun.  And, if we're lucky, we keep the depression beast away.

All Together Now. Everybody!

I came out in 1998. At the time, I was living in Philadelphia and had just gained my freedom from my parents and high school and all the kids that spent years calling me names. I knew what it meant that I was coming out. I was most upset by the fact that it meant that 90 percent of the names I was called were, in fact, accurate.

I never made it to Philly Pride. I'm still a bit sad about that. I never made it to any pride until 2012.

Fast forward to 2012. In 2012, I attended my first Pride, in Boston. I was fresh out of an 11 year relationship, and wanted to feel like I was a part of something. I went with a friend, who ditched me to go be on a float for Machine. I survived and I actually had fun...Although I still didn't feel like I fit in anywhere. Maybe, that is just me. Maybe I don't really fit in anywhere.

Fast forward a couple years to the creation of Pride Portland. For the first time, I felt like, "this is where I belong. These are my people." And, for a while it was really good. Pride felt like a safe place and a place to have fun with a bunch of other queer people, when you didn't have to worry about how you were perceived by others. We were all there to have a good time and only worry about ourselves.

Cue the end of the Obama administration and the start of the Trump administration.  Pride Portland has been in existence for a few years and the committee has begun to change. People have stepped down, new people have stepped up. But, the tone has changed. Not just in Portland, Maine, but across the country and, potentially, across the globe.

The atmosphere in general, since the new president was elected has been a severely divided atmosphere. It was like that before, granted. But, things came to a head after the election.

Words like Cis started being thrown around. And not in a descriptive way, but in an accusatory way. Drag Queens stopped being asked to do things for Pride because they weren't family friendly enough. Trans people and people of color were feeling like they don't have a voice in Pride. And, so the pendulum has begun its swing to the other side. This is both a good thing and a bad thing.

This year's pride committee has done everything  (from what I'm hearing from committee members) to make this year's Pride more inclusive of ALL members of the LGBTQIAA community. This should be a good thing. However, I have also seen posts from some of these same people talking about how cisgender white gay males in particular have appropriated a celebration that they have no right to, so they can dance around in harnesses and speedos in the street, covered in glitter.

As someone who has photographed multiple prides, I will say this. The only thing that I am doing there is documenting a fight that still is ages away from being over. I will never dance in the street covered in glitter wearing a speedo, because I don't have the self confidence to do so. My goal is to get across as much of the charged energy coming from marchers and signs. And, over the course of the last few years, yes, Pride has been very white. But, my question is this...is it because we are excluding people of color? Or is it that they just don't come to pride? Or is it that we literally live in one of the whitest states in the country? Or am I just an ignorant cisgender white gay man, who is angry at being scapegoat for a bigger problem? Or is it a combination of all of the above?

I will support Pride again this year, because I feel like it's as much of a civic duty as voting. For better or worse, these are my people and I want to preserve this for the next generations, because we're already losing so much of our history as gay people to either Hollywood whitewashing or to ignorance of historical fact.

If we are to continue as a community, yes we need to be more inclusive of ALL people. We need to preserve the history of those who have come before us. We need to support each other, not tear each  other down. Listen to each other. Know that the fight is all of ours and not just one person's. If we want to succeed we need to come together. Because, in all honesty, the more we name call and tear down each other's groups, the more fractured we become. And, eventually, you can't come back from that. 

What's the Story, Morning Glory?

I've taken a lot of time off from doing anything to do with drag, over the last year.  A lot of it, just has to do with me trying to figure out myself, although, I attribute a lot of it to other things...

The biggest thing, was that doing drag photography stopped being fun.  Going to drag shows was fine, because I got attention, that I apparently crave, from the queens...but, it became a thankless work.  And, it just wasn't fun.  I have spent entire shows running around chasing the queens, to get "perfect" pictures, that will get used, but I won't ever even get credit for taking. 

I've been working on some trading cards for Shaunna Rai, so she can hand them out, as a business card of sorts.  While some of them are her selfies, it's given me an opportunity to work my skills as a graphic designer, and photo editor.  One of the cards, is a photo of Shaunna that I had taken before a Christmas show that she did.  The request was that the photo be edited to make it usable at any time during the year, instead of just Christmas.  So, I started playing with Photoshop Elements, and turned Christmas into a tropical getaway look.  One of my proudest achievements, until I actually got the cards here, and realized that I had missed a few spots of the photo, during the editing of the dress color that remain the original red color. 

After having gone to see Bunny Wonderland and Joslyn Fox in The Bunny and the Fox Show in Portsmouth, and having prime real estate for photographs, and not having to run after the performers, I decided to go back to the photos from Christmas, and start deciding which ones to post. 

Because of the sheer amount of photos that I take during any given show, I have enough photos to be able to tell the story of most of a performance.  And, I realized, for the first time, since Cherry Lemonade told me that my writing here was important, because it told a story and allowed the performers to have something to remember it by, that that's what my whole aim has been in all the time I've taken these pictures.  I haven't always done a good job of it.  Some of the photo albums on Facebook look like I just chose random photos and stuck them there.  Some, are completely random photos.  Some were before I realized that I could take photos without a flash, so I was at the mercy of how quickly the flash would recharge before the next picture would snap.

With the realization of not needing to use the flash to still get good pictures, I started taking way more pictures, with a much better chance of getting stuff I could use.  This gave more of a total overview of the show.  But, with the last couple of batches of photos that I've taken, when it came time to post them, I realized that by editing a little, and not including every photo that "may be okay", and only going for the ones with a (totally subjective) wow factor that I could actually give more of a visual story of each performance. 

Unfortunately, it's not an exact art.  I still have a hard time getting accurate photos, because some performers just move faster than others, and some know how to use the lights best for photography.  So, it still looks like I give preferential treatment to some, more than others.  It gives me a goal, though, to figure out how to capture those lower light, super fast moving photos...and have it look like I've frozen the moment in time.

Anyway, back to the narrative aspect of the photos.  When I started writing the blog, here, it was often to tell the story of how the show went.  Laying out the photos as more of a "Graphic Novel" set up, instead of just a "Photo Album," has given me a different outlook on my pictures. One, that I feel might be able to get me out of the slump that I've been in when it comes to drag shows recently. 

So, goals for 2018:
1) Get out of the slump.
2) Learn to freeze frame during a performance, so that all details are clear
3) Make the best of super low lighting for photos, so I don't lose half a performance.
4) Don't let anyone take away the fun in shooting, because if it isn't fun, you shouldn't be doing it.

Mental--Help Me

People care more about things that don't matter, than they do about what does.

A couple weeks ago, Katya's male alter ego Brian had posted online that Katya would not be performing for the remainder of 2018, due to needing to recharge and take care of his mental health.

The message a lot of people took away from this, based on comments I read, was that Drag Race ended up being too much for her and that she was done.

What the message they should have taken out of it was "I'm human. I don't work a 9-5 job. And, I need some time."

When mental health or mental illness is involved, you need to pay attention. Dealing with other people day in and day out, for some is no issue. For others, it's a struggle. And throwing a diagnosis into the fray, well, all bets are off.

I've seen too many lives in people around me, cut short, because something, treated or not, finally won the inner war.  But, we aren't allowed to talk about that. Why? Because there is a giant stigma about having any kind of perceived mental defect. So, we don't talk about depression. We don't talk about anxiety. We don't talk about the days that you literally have to pep talk yourself out of your bed, to go to work. We don't talk about rehearsing conversations in your mind, to ensure that nothing you say can be taken wrong. We don't talk about replaying every conversation you had during the day, multiple times to ensure that whatever you thought you were giving for a message would be interpreted correctly. We don't talk about the days when, for absolutely no reason, you're on the verge of tears. We don't talk about thinking that "Nobody would really care if I were dead." Male on male rape, sexual harassment, sexual assault...those aren't real...

Except they are. The #MeToo movement has begun to bring up the idea that men can be victims too. And yet, people believe that the alleged victims are just looking for their 15 minutes of fame.

The struggles of daily life should be discussed. They should not be shamed. You are not weak for having emotions. You are strong because you have them. If you made it through the day, without harm, congratulate yourself. You earned it.

If you're struggling, seek help. Talk to someone close to you about how you're feeling. Seek alternate outlets for your emotions if needed. Journal, draw, listen to music...or if you're like me, watch Drag Race. Find something that makes you happy. Allow yourself to be happy, even if you feel like you don't deserve to be.

Remember that you never know what kind of a war the person standing next to you is fighting. So always be kind.

Take care of yourself. "'Cause if you can't take care of yourself, how the hell you gonna take care of somebody else?"

Art More

When I was a kid, I wanted to be an artist.  

I re-edited a photo to create this. 
Shaunna's T-shirts have this as an option
(minus the background.)

Now that I'm an adult, I wonder if I'll ever make money enough to live on as an artist.  And, I wonder what kind of an artist I'm going to be.  This second question is one that I never thought about as a kid.

I spent a lot of time trying to learn every hobby that I could, to see what I liked, and what I would be good at.  I taught myself how to draw.  I wrote stories.  I learned how to sew.  I played the clarinet (badly, but I tried.)  When I got my first computer, and a program that would let me start playing with layers and transparency, I taught myself how to combine photos to make a more interesting image.  I tried my hand at web design (better than I was with the clarinet, but still not very good.)  

I started an online drag coloring
book featuring people who I have
drawn cartoon portraits of.

The other night, Shaunna Rai had a show with Bunny Wonderland, Joslyn Fox and Cherry Lemonade, and a couple of girls from New Hampshire that I don't know.  I had to work, and it would have been cutting it close, to try to get there in time for the show to start.  So, I chose to stay home.  And, I started working on a project.  Shaunna Rai has been posting old photos on her instagram recently, and found some more pictures that she wanted to post, but they needed to be scanned first.  So, I decided to start scanning the pictures, while she was gone.  

About a quarter of the way through the pile of photos, it hit me.  As I played around with the brightness and contrast of the scanned photos, I realized that I've fulfilled my desire to be an artist.  And, photography is just a part of who I am as an artist.  

After hearing that Lady Valerie
Honeywell had a trading card,
Shaunna now has a trading card
set of 4 different cards.
Miss E'on and Leanna Love each
also each have one card.

You see, what I hadn't really taken into consideration is that my desire to be good at everything, gave me more tools than I know what to do with.  And, so while, some things, like painting are non-favorable forms of creation, others have been added.  Photoshop Elements, Light Room and Paint Tool Sai have become my tools of creation...along with the old standby of a pencil and paper.  The computer gave me the ability to paint, without getting messy...which was something I hated in school, and even more, during art school.  Painting meant that I was going to be stained, personally, or that I was going to ruin an article of clothing.  

2017 was a good year for me
as far as doing drawings, like this one
of Lindsey Devereaux.

I have thousands and thousands of photos in my life.  I have probably 10 different SD cards with varying amounts of photos on them.  My cell phone has so many photos.  My new external hard drive houses most of them.  My Facebook pages, the rest.  

With the creation of Shaunna Rai's merchandise line on DragQueenMerch.com, I started to combine my photography and my Photoshop skills.  And, I realized that there is still much that I need to learn.  And, I need to figure out how to break my way through the artistic/creative block that I have put up somehow.  In order for me to get better at my "graphic design" abilities, I need to challenge myself.  Each new task I give myself, or am given, I need to make it a test, to see what else I can learn.

So, my goal, for the year 2018, is to Art More...and learn more.  And, keep myself posting things.  Because the more I do it, the better the chance that the artist that I imagined at 5 I would be will become a reality.  And, who doesn't want to make the child they were at 5 proud?    

When Shaunna's Away...

When I was a kid, I spent so much time alone. Not necessarily physically alone, as in there were other people around, but more, I just liked doing stuff myself. As I entered the dating world, I stopped spending time alone. During my alone time, I used to draw, write stories and sing out loud to my music. At some point in time I convinced myself that those things were too childish, and I needed to grow up. I would occasionally seek out the childish part of me,  usually with a couple of drinks in me. But,  for the most part, even up until now, I've been "too grown up," to the point of blatantly ignoring the feeling to be creative.

Shaunna Rai has been in Texas with our friend, Z, for over a week. Dan has been in Texas since Saturday. So, I have been alone since Saturday afternoon. Like,  totally, physically alone. It's a little strange. The quiet in the house is deafening.

It has given me a lot of time to think. (And I still have another week alone, to go.) Some thoughts good, some bad. But, they're all valid and need to be acknowledged.

1.) I like being alone.
2.) I over-analyze everything before I let it come out of my mouth about 99 % of the time.
3.) I like the person that doesn't analyze stuff during the other 1%...I just don't know how to be that person.
4.) I feel the urge to couple up around Thanksgiving, historically, in my dating history. This year, I'm going to try to couple up with Pokémon Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon.
5.) I have a difficult time completing tasks, because I usually have 10 other things going on in my head at the same time.
6.) Boredom makes me clean things. But,  cleaning things bores me. The house will probably be pretty clean when Dan gets back.
7.) I hate being told what to do. But, I like telling people what to do... Although almost always in the form of a question to allow them to say no, because that's what I do...
8.) I have an intense distrust of people's intentions. And of my own. Which is probably why I'm still single, a year and a half later.
9.) The buzz of the fish tank filter is really annoying.
10.) I like eating out, more than I like cooking for myself. Of the last three days,  I only cooked for myself once...but I have another week to cook, while I'm still alone.
11.) Discovering the Wish App was a bad, bad thing for me. I want to buy everything, because it's cheap.
12.) The old me,  a long time ago, used to actually enjoy going out to go shopping, even if he never bought anything. It has always been a quick in and out though. Except for video game shopping.
13.) I don't like being alone. And, I do like it. I don't like it, because on the rare occasions that I'm really excited about something, and decide to talk about it,  there's nobody to talk to. And having someone else around makes me feel secure. I do like it, because, quite frankly,  for the first time in my life, I'm completely alone. I don't have to deal with anyone's attitude but my own. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, and not have to worry about its effects on anyone else. And, so, while I feel like I have total freedom, I am doing nothing with it,  but the same old stuff I always do.

My biggest hangup has been thinking about dating. On the one hand, I like not having to really answer to anyone but myself. But, I miss being held and kissed.

I have a love/hate relationship with the dating (hook-up) apps. I like when people want to talk to me. But, I usually make a fool of myself, and therefore never initiate conversation, because I'm scared to be rejected.

Dan and Z have been busy, so I am trying to not take all kinds of time up with messages. This trip is about him and Shaunna, not me.

It's been nice having the alone time... Mainly, because it has given me the chance to find pieces of me that I needed to be alone, to find, that I didn't know were missing.

DragCon NYC: Day One: The Arrival

Dan is a planner. I am not.  Dan had been planning the trip to New York for months,  to make sure that everything went perfect. So, Thursday night, I went to bed early, to make sure that I would be up by 3am at the minimum, so we could leave by 4am.

When Dan woke me up at 4am, I instantly started to freak out,  because, well,  that meant that I had slept through my alarm, which was set for 2:45am...(just to make sure I didn't over sleep...)

By 4:30, we had picked up Larry and we were on our way. The GPS told us that the trip would take us 6 hours. She was mostly right.  However, she, like I am, is a last minute planner. While I was trying to read directions to Dan,  I wasn't getting the information when he wanted it. Some yelling ensued. And then, we finally arrived at our motel. The Hudson Motel is a small motel hidden just off the highway, that we had to make a u-turn to get to

.

Once we were all checked in,  we unloaded the car, and took quick showers, so that we would be on time to pick up our VIP bags at the Javits Center. While Dan showered,  I called to check on a price for a taxi from Bayonne, NJ to the Javits Center. When they quoted me $20, I was like, "Hell yes."

Obviously, this is where my small town boy status shows... I fell for it hook,  line and sinker. I booked the taxi, and we were on our way. The cabbie was friendly enough. He commented on my pokeball earrings,  and struck up a conversation about Pokémon in general. We got to the Lincoln Tunnel and he asked if I had the $15 for the toll. Thinking he was joking,  I asked. (He was serious.) Once we got into the city, and the Javits Center itself,  he dropped the bomb.  The cab ride cost $80, not $20. Feeling angry, I paid,  then got an earful about how I should act in the city like I know what's going on, instead of like a tourist. (I had had enough of being yelled and was ready to give the weekend up as a total loss.)

Stumpy, aka Tim, The Pigeon

We got to the Javits Center early, and had to wait as they set up the pick ups for VIP passes. We were hungry and grumpy, so we grabbed some food from a convenience store inside the center,  and then grabbed food from the food cart just outside. It wasn't great, but it was food.

A security guard told a guy sitting near us that he had to leave, as the seating was only for attendees of DragCon, and then pointed at us. The guy,  apparently was looking for a seat while he waited for the bus.

I met Stumpy the Pigeon, who I made sure to get pictures of each day. Someone else on Instagram also had the same instinct and called him Tim.

While we waited, I started my usual people watching, and saw Chad Sell go by, then later Raja and Manila Luzon. All the while, people were coming get and going from the main room.

They finally opened up the line for VIP Badges, and we were pretty close to the first ones to get them. Surprisingly, there was no line for them. Because there was very little information about anything going on on Friday afternoon, we left the Javits Center, and started a trek around the city.

The first goal was to get to the Empire State Building. It was easy enough to find... Just look up,  and you could basically follow it to where it was. The path to it brought us up 34th street, through what appeared to be a homeless camp. On the way, we came across a wig shop. So,  obviously Shaunna Rai and Leanna Love needed to check it out. (Although neither was in drag at all during the weekend.)

Further past the wig shop,  we're some street sales of dresses. Really cheap prices... Between $1.99 and $20. And then, came the fabric shops.

I have never seen anyone get excited about a fabric shop. Well,  I take that back.  My mom, when she was quilting all the time when I was a kid got excited about fabric shops.  But, this was a different kind of excited. Spandex World was like the fabric store for drag queens. Why?  Because spandex. Just about every fabric in the store was spandex... From cool lightning designs to the reversible sequin fabric, to sheers with amazing sequin designs. We literally could have spent the entire three days in there alone.

But,  we still had to find the Empire State Building,  and had a show later on in the evening. So,  without buying anything, we left and continued the search for the Empire State Building. At this point, I pulled out my phone,  and fired up Google Maps,  because they have walking directions, as well as bus and driving directions.

I had gotten us as far as Broadway pretty much without help. As we got to the corner,  I realized that this was where Macy's was. Not like the Macy's at the Maine Mall,  but THE Macy's. The one where the Thanksgiving parade happens. We went in,  looked around the makeup counters for a minute, then continued on the way, because there was too much to look at and Dan said,  "I could spend the rest of the day and my money right here."

We were back on the move and finally made it to the Empire State Building. When we were told that tickets were required for the Observatory Deck, plans changed.  Instead of going in and going up, we went in, took a couple pictures of the plaque inside, before continuing on our way.  

Times Square

At one point, during the afternoon, Dan had made mention of the fact that he wouldn't mind seeing Times Square, up close and personal.  So, our next destination was Times Square.  It was just like it is on tv.  Bright, and busy.  With it being the weekend of the anniversary of 9/11, there was an increased security presence, which included what looked like SWAT team members with automatic rifles.  (I chose not to take pictures of them, because, well, guns aren't really my thing.  They scare the hell out of me.)  

Unfortunately, at this point, my phone battery started to die.  And, we still weren't exactly sure where we were going for the show.  Lucky me, I packed two extra phone batteries, along with my 6 extra camera batteries.  Unfortunately, while I packed the camera batteries in my camera bag, I didn't pack my phone batteries there like I'd thought.  I left them in my duffle bag back at the hotel...where they did me no good.  Starbucks, I thought, would have a charging station, because a lot of the ones in Boston do.  (It was a good thought, because they do have the stations...just not the wireless charger things to charge with.)  So, then it was a mad dash to find a charger and a cord that would fit my Galaxy S5.  Walgreens didn't have it, but, luckily, we were practically across the street from Best Buy...who had one.  Literally, ONE in the whole store.  I guess it was my lucky day, and that my luck was changing, because there wasn't any more yelling after I got my phone charged back up as much as possible.

We watched a Break Dancing group

Dinner was at a diner, very close to The Town Hall, where the show was to be.  I had a burger on gluten free bread.  The fries were really good, and I wish that I'd ordered a double order of fries.  And, it was nice to sit down for a while, since by this time, we'd walked about 5 to 6 miles.  

In order to kill some time, before the show, we went back out wandering.  We came across a group of guys who, we were pretty sure were going to do some dancing, so we stopped and watched.  It was a group of break dancers, and they were awesome to watch.  The one picture to the right, doesn't do justice for the show that they put on.

Hermes on the top of Grand Central Station

From there, we went on a search to find the Chrysler Building.  Again, we fired up Google Maps, and it got us there, eventually, although, we stopped at Grand Central Station first, because it was kind of in our way.  So we went in, looked around, and then went back out and walked around it.  (I'm the one with anxiety around people, and here I was suggesting that we just walk through the building and out the other side, and everyone else said no...go figure.)  

One of the Chrysler Building Eagles

When we finally reached the Chrysler Building, it was a little anti-climactic for me.  Yeah, I got some neat pictures of it, but, there were only just so many pictures I could take before they all started to get boring.  So, once I got a few, and convinced myself that I was only dizzy because I was looking up, taking pictures, and watching clouds move, and that it wasn't some kind of vertigo, we headed back for Town Hall.  

During the walk, we talked a little bit about the city, and how cool it was being there with all the history, and architecture, and people.  And, it hit me.  I missed it.  When I was in art school in Philadelphia, I used to hop on the train to go to NYC, with my friend Lynne, just to hang out.  (Although, usually hanging out meant waiting in line to get tickets to The Scarlet Pimpernel.)  The feelings of missing living in a big city were present, as a reminder that this was something that I could do.  But, it would all depend on if it was something I wanted to do.  And, it came up for discussion, about if I would ever move back to a big city.  And, the answer was, that I don't know. I don't know, because it terrifies me, even though, it was so amazing...because I'm not sure that I've progressed much with my naivete since I was 18.  (See above with the taxi ride.)

When we got to The Town Hall, it was about 6:30.  We had walked just about 7 miles (if not more).  And we were tired.  And, the doors didn't open until 8.  Because we were there so early, people thought that we knew what was going on...that we would know which doors they would be opening, and which way the lines would flow.  (We didn't.)  I was already trying to compose the first night's blog post in my head...so, it was a quiet hour and a half.  The girls who were next to us, were getting drunk with whiskey in Ginger Ale bottles.  They were chatty, but, left me alone, which was fine by me.  We met up with Wendy and Chris while we were in line, and talked to them, until they opened the doors.

Jaymes Mansfield

Finally, the doors were opened.  I'm used to just being able to go into a location.  I figured with my camera bag, that they would need to look inside...what I hadn't planned on though, was having them wave the metal detector wand around.  I had keys in one pocket, change in another, and not enough hands to take everything out of my pockets without losing stuff.  And, apparently, my hands weren't big enough to get everything out of my pockets all at once.  Needless to say, I was mortified, by the time the lady finally waved me through, saying that I was cleared to go in. Pretty much, I wanted to find a seat, and melt into it, never to be seen again.

Wendy and Chris had VIP tickets, so we separated, and took our seats.  I'd forgotten that Bob the Drag Queen was hosting the show 9 From Nine.  So, when they started the Purse First music, I snapped out of my embarrassment, and jumped back into photographer mode.

Kimora Blac

First up, was one of my early favorites, who I was really sad to see go early in the show, was Jaymes Mansfield.  Knowing that she is a comedy queen, I expected something funny. She did her intro with a puppet, so I was expecting puppets or something.  I wasn't expecting her to come out on stage as a "little person."  I just about died laughing.

Next was Kimora Blac.  She was one of Dan's favorites.  I wasn't really a fan during the season.  She actually walked by us before the show, saying that she wasn't sure where she was supposed to go, even though she was in full drag.  I've changed my tune about her after her performance though.  She's good.  And, she ended with one of my favorite songs that Shaunna Rai performs, "Hush, Hush", by the Pussycat Dolls.  So, why wouldn't I love it?

Cynthia Lee Fontaine

Cynthia Lee Fontaine, from Seasons 8 and 9 had one of the most profound acts that I saw during the whole weekend.  I actually teared up.  I believe that she was singing live.  She was dressed as an angel, while in the background, activists from Stonewall to Harvey Milk, and a tribute to the tragedy at Pulse Orlando, flashed by. If any performance stood out to me, during the entire weekend, it was this one.

Aja

Aja was up next. Her look is very similar to Maine's own Cherry Lemonade, and her act could have been one of Cherry's.  It was not without it's technical issues.  But, this is what live theater is about...expecting the unexpected.  She performed a burlesque number, and it was all going well, until there was a wardrobe malfunction, and the nipple tassle fell off.  But, she kept going, and even tried putting it back on.  The act made me smile, and after having tears in my eyes for the previous number, this was a great thing.

Tammie Brown

Tammie Brown from Season one was up next.  I've only seen Season One once...because, it's rarely ever played, due to copyright issues.  So, I don't really remember much about Tammie, other than her "Walking Children in Nature."  She performed "Lipsync Suicide", about her time on the show, and how she was trying to up her game with her lip syncing for her life.

Acid Betty

Nina Bonina Brown was supposed to be the next one in the show, but, she wasn't actually at the show.  (I was kinda bummed, because she was one of the few that I was interested in seeing what she was like on stage, because I just wasn't sure about her.)  Instead, I was treated to one of my favorite New York queens from another season.  Acid Betty.  She came out in her Madonna look, from the episode she was sent home on, and performed "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," as a drunk pregnant girl with an attitude.  Since I wasn't expecting her, this was a super added bonus for me.

Alexis Michelle

Alexis Michelle, who was another of my favorites to win, from the beginning of the season, was up next.  Performing "Man of La Mancha."  We had also seen her outside, before the show started, although, completely out of drag...well, wearing a mumu and combat boots.  She didn't disappoint me, because she was the "Broadway Queen" I expected and wanted her to be.

Farrah Moan as Christina Aguilera

Next up was Christina Aguilera.  Oh, wait, no I mean, Farrah Moan.  She was performing Christina, and looked like Christina, so it's only right that I got the two confused.  She was smaller than I expected her to be...even though, I expected her to be small.  But, she commanded the stage, so it all evened out in the end.  

The final two numbers of the night, came down to Shea Coulee and Sasha Velour, who had one of the best RuPaul's Best Friend Race relationships since Raven and Jujubee.

Shea Coulee

Shea performed her own original song. I hated her jacket that she wore at the start of the number, because...well, it looked like she'd killed a muppet.  But, having been around drag queens for as long as I have been, I should've known that the jacket would eventually come off... And, it did.  She was great, and I think I might be in love with one of her backup dancers...

Sasha Velour making over her team

And, the night finished out with the Season Nine winner, Sasha Velour.  While I was hoping for a replay of the finale, where she would pull off the wig, while performing Whitney's "So Emotional", I was treated to something else entirely.  I actually don't remember the song.  But, it was cool, because she was "making over" her whole backup dancer team, giving them a wig that matched her own in color.  Granted, she would give them the wig, then, keep it to move on to the next person.  But, it was fun to watch.  As a photographer, the fact that there was a ring light on the stage, it made for great photos.

When the show was over, we went outside, and started to look for an Uber to take back to the Motel.  Surprisingly, in a city of, I don't know how many millions, we were in our Uber and on our way out of town in less than 10 minutes.  It was a very quiet ride home.  And, I was so engrossed in reviewing my pictures, that I didn't even remember going through the Lincoln Tunnel, which we would do at least four more times during the remainder of the weekend, much to my chagrin.

We got back to the motel, and I went to grab a couple of snacks and drinks.  While I was at the vending machine, some other guests came in, asking the manager for their money back, as they were going to be leaving, and had only been there for like an hour.  I tried not to listen, but, when you're in the midst of it, it's hard not to.  The manager wouldn't agree to it, as he could only charge for a minimum of 3 hours, and would need to get housekeeping in to redo the room.  Needless to say, the other guests were not happy.  And, I can only guess the reason that they would need a room for less than 3 hours...

When I got back to the room, I started to transfer pictures to my phone, until I ran out of energy...both with my camera battery, and with myself.  At that point, it was time for bed.  And, I was totally ready for it.  Unlike my normal life, I let sleep take me, instead of trying to fight it.

You Have a Voice People Want to Hear

I haven't really done much drag related since June.  I've been in a bit of a creative funk, and every time I start something, I end up giving up on it.  And, for a while I'd done the same with both posts, and posting photos on the Facebook page.  I got a commission request for a drag cartoon drawing, just before my birthday, and ended up almost giving the money back.  The one thing that I have going for me, is that I pushed through the funk a bit, and got out a commissioned drawing that the client loved.  And, it brought me to another drag show, and the realization that I had photos I hadn't posted from before Pride.

So, I started going through them, and posting them.  And, while the Pride photos were nothing really special, because it's a totally different form of event photography from that of a drag show, I spotted something in the drag photos that I hadn't really paid much attention to.  I get a different kind of drag show than any other person in the audience.  Not only do I watch almost the entire show through the playback screen on my camera, but I get somewhat of a private show.  During any of the local shows, the performers all expect me to be there with my camera.  And, because of that, they search me out, and pose for the camera and/or sing directly at the camera, and therefore, directly to me.  If that's not a private show, I don't know what is.

I was also reminded, of the fact that the Kings and Queens who I have photographed, who know of the blog, enjoy reading about my perspective of the shows, and what have you, because when they're in the moment, they don't really remember much about it, aside from issues like the lights being too bright, and the music not being loud enough, or wardrobe, hair or shoe issues.  In other words, I was encouraged to not let my being in my head destroy my ability to create.  Because whether it's a drawing, or a photograph, or a blog, for whatever reason, I have a voice that people want to hear.  That was some powerful stuff right there.

 And, with DragCon NYC coming up in a little more than a week, I need to be inspired, because the plan is for me to take a shit ton of pictures.  Not only am I going to the Con, but I have tickets for the two official NYC shows with RuPaul queens, and who knows what else there will be in NYC for me to take pictures of.  I'm going to have a backlog of pictures to get me through until Christmas.

The last time I was in NYC was in the early 2000's.  I think I had just got my first cell phone?  I've always been late to embrace technology, but once I embrace it, it's with full gusto.  I think I had my giant clunky old digital camera (it was so old that it took floppy disks to record the photos on.)  And, now, I'm going to be going back to the city, for the first time in (Over a Decade? REALLY?)a long time, with a digital camera, that I just bought 4 new batteries for, to go with the three batteries that I already have. (Hopefully that will be enough energy to get through a full day of DragCon and then a show at night!?)