Saturday, October 12, 2013

I shall call her "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert"

Yesterday marked a big day for me.  I bought a new car.  It's a Pontiac Vibe, 2005, white.  It's the new Dragmobile.  And, it was bought partially, with that purpose in mind.

Previous to this, I'd been thinking that I was going to buy a Mini Cooper, and I would name it Sheldon.  (Big Bang Theory fans should get the reference...)  Anyway, I need to come up with a name for the new Dragmobile...because Dragmobile just sounds...well...blah.  Yeah, kinda Batman-ish, but a car that's going to be used in part (or in full) to transport drag queens, needs a good name.  I mean, they named a bus Priscilla, Queen of the Desert... So, I've got to compete with that.

I've never been one to name my cars.  NEVER.  I never understood the appeal of it.  I never even really understood the idea of calling your car your baby.  Apparently, I've never been as fond of my cars as I should have been.

Anyway, so the idea had been in my head for a while that I needed a new car.  And, this weekend was going to be the weekend that I would take care of it.  It was a pay week.  I had a long weekend, and part of it was off with Dan.  Given that I know very little about cars, other than how to change a headlight, and a tire, and that they're expensive as hell to maintain over long periods of time...especially when they eat your tires...I needed someone who knew a little bit more about cars to go with me.  Because when I go into a car dealership, I end up being the faggy, little queer that everyone knows is a faggy, little queer, and is going to try to sell the most expensive car to.  In other words, I have a body guard/moral support person with me.

Something I learned through this experience, was that I need to learn to stop being so damned wishy-washy, and to listen to advice the first time, instead of having to hear it a hundred times before I take it in.  Since the topic of a new car became an actual topic of conversation, Dan had been telling me, "Go back to Lee. You bought a car from them already, you'll probably get a better deal from them, since YOU ALREADY HAVE A RELATIONSHIP established with them."  Instead, I decided that I needed to try something different. I was going to go with something new that I'd seen on TV.  My Maine Ride was a business out of Bangor, that offers a car, for $300 down, and $50 per week.  Sounds like a great deal.  I'd been pre-approved for a car from them.  The paperwork that I needed was minimal.  But, it was in Bangor.  A 5 hour minimum round trip.  I called them yesterday morning, about trading in my old car, and was given a "We can't guarantee that if you do bring it to trade it, you'll be approved.  But, let us take your number, and we'll see if we can approve you before you come down."  And, I never heard back from them.

So, in the meantime, I figured, "What the hell, I'll try Lee, and just see what they have."  And, of course, I fell in love with a car.  Not, in fact, the car that I ended up with.  They had a blue Jeep Cherokee Laredo, and it looked like it would be in my price range.  So, I called about it.  They were eager to help, from the minute I got on the phone, Adam answered all my questions, and encouraged me to call ahead, so that I would have someone to wait on me when I got there.  So, I did.  I got to Lee Nissan, let them know that I had an appointment with Will, and they got me started.  Along the way, Will handed me off to Scott, and, I'm kind of glad that he did.  Scott was a great guy.  Listened to everything that I needed, and showed me a car that they had just taken into inventory and cleaned, as it fit my criteria.

The car needed to be all around a bit bigger/roomier than my old car (Hyundai Elantra), it needed to have space for large purchases, like it needed to be able to hold a table, if we needed to buy one.  It needed to be higher off the ground than my current car.  And, all around, it needed to make me feel like I'd be safer driving it.  (Dan, Ryan, and anyone else who doesn't appreciate my driving, stop laughing...)  Oh yeah, and did I mention, that it needed to be able to fit, Me, a minimum of two drag queens (more if possible), and all the suitcases, hips, boobs, makeup, outfits, and hair that go along with said drag queens.  (And yes, literally, the first thought after getting into the car, and getting over the fact that the seat was still a little damp, was, yep, I can fit at least 3 drag queens in here.  One in the front, two in the back, (maybe a third, if she was tiny, or just a little person) and all their stuff in the trunk.

The test drive was great.  I've been driving a car around where the front end shakes when you go 65 or over, so, by the time I get to work every day, I feel like a milkshake.  This car doesn't do that.  And, I can see over a lot of the cars on the road...instead of looking up at them.  It was great.  I fell in love.

The paperwork, well, that was a bit of a hard time.  Things got messy, and the trade wasn't going to work.  So, we had to switch gears.  And, my Dragmobile, might be off the table of possibility.  Crap! Now what?  LUNCH.  At this point, what was going to only take an hour or two tops, was going on hour three.  We went to lunch, and I resigned myself to the idea that, I'm not getting a car today.  I spoke with credit people while I ate, gave them information, including the fact that I still apparently have a mortgage in my name, although I don't have a house title in my name...a fact that I was NOT happy about.

When we got back from lunch, we went to wait in the waiting room, and I began to get anxious.  I wanted a car, and I didn't want to wait anymore.  Scott came back, and told me he had good news, but I needed to wait a few before he'd tell me.

Good news! The car that you want, they're willing to work with us, with your price range for it, and you'll be able to get it TODAY.  The rest of the afternoon was a bit of a waiting game, and then just some paper signing.  And then she was mine! My new Dragmobile.  I shall not call her Priscilla, because, honestly, I don't really care much for the name...besides, she's not a BUS.  I could call her Lisa-Marie, because that would be a step down from Priscilla...Or Christina? Celine? Cher? Something gay...for sure.  I just haven't figured out what yet...

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