Get Educated: Why Charlie Sheen's Status is Important

If you had told me five years ago, that I would be trying to educate about HIV,  and that it would be in response to Charlie Sheen's admission of his status, I would never have believed you. But, it appears, that that is exactly where my life is headed.

As recently as 4 years ago, I was guilty of shaming those who are living with HIV. Due to my own ignorance, at the time, I just figured that it was someone's own fault if they were exposed to it.

It bothered me less that a well known celebrity was admitting, openly that he is HIV positive than it did when I started seeing responses to this admission.

Multiple times, I saw things like, "He deserves it," or "What took so long for him to get it?" I saw a couple of, "Aww so sad that you're so sick, you'll be missed," as if he had died the moment he "came out" (for lack of a better term). And, my favorite stupid response was, "Well, this is all just a publicity stunt."

I was very young when the initial AIDS epidemic hit in the 80's. I remember in elementary school hearing about Ryan White and his having died from this disease called AIDS. But, being in a place like Maine, those things happen in other places. But, I remember the fear that anything could give you AIDS.

It wasn't until the 90's when I actually met someone who was HIV positive. He was a friend of my Uncle's. He worked in a hospital lab, and was infected by a needle stick. By this time I was in high school, and had a lot of questions that I wanted to ask, and probably should have. But, he wasn't someone I really knew, and it's rude to ask people questions about their health...or so I felt at the time.

In 1998, I had my first scare. I had hooked up with a guy, who afterward, freaked out on me, and told me that I had given him AIDS. And, I believed that I had. It led me into a tailspin. I had AIDS (or so I thought), so, therefore, I was going to die. It was the scariest time of my life. I knew nothing about testing. I knew nothing of the treatments that were available. What I knew of HIV/AIDS, I had picked up from the play RENT.

It wasn't until right around the time of my breakup with my ex that HIV hit very close to home. One of my good friends outed his status to me. I had so many questions for him. And, I was so scared for him, because I was still totally ignorant on the topic of HIV. 

Shortly after that, I went on a couple dates with a guy, who felt comfortable enough to share his status with me. It was his choice for us to remain friends, and not pursue anything romantic. But, he was the first person to really give me information about the virus, transmission of it, and treatments.  It was also the first time I had heard a name that I know we'll now, The Frannie Peabody Center.

After a really bad date and a bunch of self-loathing, I once again had convinced myself I had HIV. (I swear I'm not that much of a hypochondriac anymore.) My friend Nelson took me to Portland, to the Frannie Peabody Center, to get myself tested. When I had received my negative status the first time, it was with a blood draw. So, you can imagine my surprise when I found out it was only going to take 20 minutes and a mouth swab to get results. And, finding out that even if the result came back positive, Frannie would be able to help me get treatment and information, it was a relief.

The 20 minutes it took to get those results were the worst minutes of my life. I think I cried before I found out the results. I know I wanted to puke. And, when it was time for me to go, it almost pissed me off that they would not allow my support person to come in with me. (I get it now, but, at the time, I hated them.) And, when it came back as negative, I had worn myself out so much that I didn't really have the energy to celebrate.

Fast forward to meeting Dan and Shaunna Rai. My first "real date" with the two of them, was at Screaming Queens, a fundraiser for the Eastern Maine AIDS Network. Followed up over the last few years by a ton of events with the Frannie Peabody Center. I have gathered information here and there. I have been educated, and done my best to educate myself about HIV and AIDS.

So, why all this information about my experience with HIV and what does it have to do with Charlie Sheen and the responses online?

Honestly, I feel like in order to teach something, you have to know something about what you want to teach. Otherwise, you're just making things up. So, giving an idea of what my life experiences are, shows that I have some idea of what I'm talking about...although, I would still be remiss to think that I know all there is to know.

So, why do I believe that we needed to have Charlie Sheen out himself?  Well, we're living in a post-epidemic world. People have gotten complacent and lazy when it comes to protecting themselves. We live in a world where people would rather point fingers than to take responsibility for their actions. So, it was time for someone to say, "Hey, if it could happen to me, it can happen to anyone."

In his Today Show interview, Charlie made it seem as though he will step up to the plate as an advocate for people living with HIV. I hope he does.

Whether you love him or hate him, he started conversations that we should have been having all along.  People believe that there is a cure for AIDS. (There still is not, in spite of all the research being done.) People believe that it is still a death sentence.  (It is not. People live normal, healthy lives with the proper treatments.) HIV cannot be transmitted by drinking from the same glass, kissing, or using a public toilet. It can be transmitted through an exchange of bodily fluids. And, it can be prevented. PEP and PrEP are both available as a former of prevention, either pre or post-exposure. And, the most reliable of all, is the condom.

I can't imagine that this is a publicity stunt for Charlie Sheen. What publicist in their right mind would say, "You know what, you're on a downward spiral, so to boost your career, you should get HIV, then go public about it." And, he's not dead, yet. He stands to live a normal life with the treatments he has been receiving. Nobody deserves a diagnosis of something as life changing as HIV, and it's horrible to think that people would wish it on anyone.

So, I can only hope that Charlie Sheen will step up to the plate and start advocating and teaching. Whether he does or not, remains to be seen.

(I'm not going to get into all the lawsuits he is facing, because, that is not something I would be able to speak about with any knowledge. )

But, I will do my part to spread knowledge, and hopefully help end the stigma that surrounds HIV, and those who deal with it on a daily basis. If I can change one person's mind, by teaching, and rid some of the ignorance in the world, I will have done my job. If I can reach multiple people, and do the same, well, it will be icing on the cake.

So, get tested and know your status. (Which reminds me, I'm probably due for a test myself.)

Fight the ignorance, educate yourself. And, get tested regularly. Help put an end to HIV.

Where's the Love?

I don't want to beat a dead identity, but I feel the need to say one more thing about the controversy surrounding Caitlyn Jenner, and the fact that because I support her, I therefore cannot support our troops, nor can I support any person with cancer or another disease, nor anyone who raises money for the search for a cure.

Within minutes of my last post about Caitlyn, and what I hope to see from her and what I hope I see from the rest of the world, a friend on Facebook had posted that Jenner is not a hero, and if you support Jenner, then you don't support our troops.

Part of this argument comes from the decision to honor Caitlyn Jenner with the Arthur Ashe award for bravery, over a young woman who had raised over 1 million dollars for Cancer research, who sadly passed away after her own battle with cancer this year. Noah Galloway, the veteran who appeared on Dancing With The Stars this season, supposedly was up for this award as well, and was passed over.

In no way was I involved in either decision. Do I think Caitlyn Jenner is more deserving than anyone else? Honestly, not yet. Was it brave confirming what people have been thinking for the past few years, on national television? Yes. Braver than losing half your limbs to a land mine? Yes and no. There are different kinds of bravery. Essentially making a spectacle of your private life is in no way the same as trying to make the world a better place for future generations and losing limbs in the process. They're both bravery. And in no way are they comparable.

I don't know what world everyone else lives in, but in my world, it is possible to support the bravery in a trans woman's coming out publicly (whether for profit, fame, infamy or, just because it needs visibility) and also support the service men and women who give up life and limb for the good of the rest of the world. To think otherwise, is foolish.

Whether that post was in reaction to my blog, or not, there is enough love to go around.

Trans issues are close to my heart, because I know people who are transitioning or have made their transition already. I know the battle is a long one that, for some, will never be over. Not everyone has the resources that Caitlyn Jenner, Laverne Cox, or Chaz Bono have.

Both of my grandfathers, my great uncle and my brother have done service for the United States. While I may not blog about military service (usually, because there isn't a lot to do with drag, that becomes public knowledge), I have the utmost respect for anyone selfless enough to give up everything for the safety and freedom that I enjoy. Those are the people who give me the right to talk about Drag and not worry about whether someone is going to kill me for it, because "those are the rules." They also allow for me to freely say that I disagree with someone who believes that I cannot support more than one cause at a time. 

Cancer has taken its toll on both family and friend/acquaintances. Whenever possible I donate what I can to help with the search for a cure. The same goes for HIV/AIDS. While I may only be a child of the '80's, that does not exclude me from those affected by it.  I officially know one person who has died from AIDS complications. I know a number of people who live with HIV, and I wish that in their lifetime, we can progress enough with research that they can end their lives healthy, happy people, not as statistics. Thus the reason that for the last three years, I have taken time off from work to do what I can for the Southern Maine AIDS Walk weekend.

I am not a one trick pony. I support who and what I believe in. 

Let's get over the fear and transphobia, and stop treating each other like we're incapable of being caring. We can try to understand that which we do not without putting it down. We can show care for the veterans who have risked it all for us. And we can support research to end some of this generation's killers. But, we can do none of this through hate. It must come from a place of love. Ask questions. Remember that not everyone knows your life, nor how you think...but also not everyone is going to agree with you. And that is ok.

Respect everyone, including those who disrespect you. You may be the reason that they finally turn the corner and stop the hate.

Miss AIDS Awareness 2014

For as long as I've known them, Dan and Shaunna Rai have been synonymous with Miss AIDS Awareness.  Given the fact that the pageant hadn't been held in three years, for various reasons, I, more or less expected Shaunna Rai to carry on the title, indefinitely.

However, after a three year break, the pageant was held again this year.  It was hosted at Paradym (the former Club 313), presented by Envy Chanel's alter ego, and the NH Task Force.  

Chantel Chanel

Tatoola Tess Tosterone

I've taken a long time to write about the pageant, because there was a lot of things that I needed time to process, and think about how to best sum it up.  I was involved in creating the poster for the Pageant, which became a task all in and of itself.  For a donated piece of artwork, I put far more work into it than I have ever put into my paid work, due to multiple change requests.  (That however, I won't get into, because it'll just make me mad about it again.)  I got the poster out as quickly as I could, once I had the information, and had made all the changes to it.  Unfortunately, for the fundraising part of it, the poster wasn't distributed in enough time for there to be a particularly large audience.  

Countess Morticia

Competitors couldn't register online, or early.  Registration happened about an hour before the show.  Sadly, there were only four entrants. For a title that helps fund raise for what is still known as a primarily "Gay Disease," I would have thought that there would have been more interest in helping out with the fight to find a cure.  (But, maybe I'm in the minority, because I want to spread awareness about this kind of thing?)  Scarrlett Cuntyfierce Couture, Tatoola Tess Tosterone, the Countess Morticia, and Chantel Chanel were the contestants, and former title holders, Miss E,on, Shaunna Rai and Porcia J. Chanel all performed, and the whole thing was hosted by Violencia Exclamation Point.

There was a lot of down time, during the personal interviews, to which I was not privy, so I ended up sitting alone, drinking, waiting for the show itself to start.  The show began, and I was impressed.  I was a little sad that Mercadies Chanel wasn't able to host, due to illness, but I was quite impressed with Violencia.  

Scarrlett Cuntyfierce Couture

The things that stood out the most for me, for the night, were: Dueling Chers with the Newspaper wigs, Honey Boo-Boo's entry into the "Gown Competition", the Disney's Pocahontas montage act, and the fact that all of the contestants, when asked why they would be the best pick for Miss AIDS Awareness, they all kind of skirted giving an actual answer.

Going into the night, knowing a little bit of history, I was not surprised that a couple of the entrants brought people with them to tip, given that tips make up part of the points that you earn overall, and can actually change the final outcome.  E,on won the crown over Shaunna Rai, one year, by one point, because E,on brought in more tips.

Tatoola's "Rose's Turn"

I went into the night, rooting for Tatoola, because we're friends.  But, I know that Tatoola is less into the performing than she is the dressing up.  And, the audience was less than receptive of her.  Although, I thought that she was great.  I loved her "Rose's Turn" performance.

Scarrlett took the show.  The minute that she came out and started doing the medley of Pocahontas songs, I was pretty sure that she had it in the bag.  I love the theatricality of drag, and given that she had backup dancers to perform the parts of John Smith and Powhatan...I may have had to pick my jaw up off the floor.  I agreed with the judging, that Scarrlett deserved the crown.

The Passing of the Crown

Overall, it was a great night.  After the show, I found out some things that made me really sad.  There is so much information that needs to still be redistributed over and over to the gay community about HIV/AIDS.  While it may have just been nerves, none of the contestants could answer how you get the disease, and one contestant actually said that there is a cure for it.  Now, I get that we're not living in the 80's and 90's, when the majority of the gay community actually knew someone who had, or had died from AIDS.  But, there is so much information out there about how it's transmitted, that you would hope that someone would at least know that it's passed through bodily fluids, and not just liquids.  Yes, people still live healthy, productive lives, on a cocktail of meds, once they contract the disease, but that is, by no means a cure.  

I can only hope that Scarrlett will help bring awareness to the younger generation of the community, that while it's not a death sentence anymore, it's still far from being cured, and that the best things to do are get tested, talk about it often, and use protection.  Because, I know that Shaunna, in spite of giving up the crown, will still be doing as much as she can for education and fundraising.