Why DON'T You Do Drag? or I Just Want to be Pretty

Me, with no makeup, no padding, and gym sock boobies.

Back in February, during the Open Hearts/Broken Hearts show, Chris, the director of the show, asked me why I don't do drag.  He was surprised when I told him that I had done it before, and then again asked me why I don't. 

At the time, I had a stock answer.  I'd been growing my beard since November.  Doing drag would mean shaving it off, and then I'd have to go through the 3 1/2 weeks of itching and wanting to tear my face off.  So, there was no way that I would put myself through all that, just for a show that might last a couple of hours.

I guess it was an acceptable excuse, since he didn't pursue it any further.

But, Chris isn't the first person to have asked me why I don't do drag, and most likely won't be the last.  Cherry Lemonade asked me about it, the same night, and almost died when I showed her pictures. 

"Well, why not," she asked.  "Well, you know, the beard, and everything.  And, I don't really perform.  I can sing, but I sing for myself.  I can't dance...(I'm so white that I dance with my shoulders, and that's about it.)

Mathu Anderson, the face behind RuPaul's face.

It's all been excuses though.  The truth is, Drag is a ton of work. While I may be able to lip sync with the likes of Jujubee, because I know the songs, I know nothing of makeup, and padding, and building a body.  (Plus, Dan had said at the beginning of our relationship that if I ever decided to become a drag queen, our relationship would have to turn to a friendship, because he doesn't date other drag queens.)  I'm lazy enough that I don't want to have to go through all the work of getting all dolled up for something.  Or, at least that's what I keep telling myself.

The last couple of weeks for me have been a mess.  My job as a temp agency person has been less than helpful in getting me hours.  And, so I've been spending a lot of time at home, thinking. People always tell you to do what makes you happy.  The last couple of months, I've been more or less miserable at work.   A job that I used to enjoy now leaves me longing for something more. It's time to make a move...it's just a matter of figuring out what that move is.

Having dealt with depression for most of my life, I can tell that part of my problem, is that my depression is back, and not under control.  (In part, I assume, due to the stress of never knowing if I'm going to have any hours, thus never knowing if I'm going to have money for bills.) And, I've been trying to release some anger toward people who have moved on to the next life, of their own volition.  It's an anger that I didn't even know was there, until a few days ago.  And, so of course, the resulting facebook post, on my personal page, came off like a suicide note, and I got a ton of messages from it, making it feel like I had done something bad, by writing it.  When, in fact, it was done to release feelings, and not as an actual, "I'm fishing for likes and comments," post.  But, over the past week or so, I've been dealing with the idea of mortality.  And, the finality of death. 

So, why am I telling you all this?  Because, well, I'm still trying to process some things on my own.  And, writing about it usually helps.  And, because, it ties in, eventually, if you stay with me. 

Drag, has given me a voice, both as a writer, and as a photographer.  This blog, is my way of discussing drag.  And, the shows that I attend, give me both something to photograph, and something to write about.  Cherry Lemonade told me last summer, (a sentiment that Shaunna Rai has repeated since) that I fill a niche, and my blog is important to the performers themselves.  (At least sometimes...I've had a few get pissed off at me because when I've written about performances, they didn't get much coverage, because they didn't really stand out all that much.) I give the performers a view of what they did, that they don't normally get...because people tend to be like, "OMG, You're SOOOO Awesome.  You're my FAVE drag queen, ever." And, I'm real about it.  If you were good, I'll let everyone know how good.  If you're bad, I'm going to skim over the bad parts, because my goal is to tell what I see, NOT to hurt anyone's feelings.

Bearded Ladies can be Beautiful too!

Of course, living with Shaunna Rai, I have full access to outfits, makeup and hair, any time that I want.  But, I haven't taken advantage of it, ever, with the exception of Halloween, because I don't want to be a pain in the ass.  That being said, I've often wondered what I would actually look like, if I went full on drag queen...And,in spite of RuPaul's Drag Race's bearded lady challenge last season, I haven't really been keen on bearded drag.  Just, because I hadn't really seen much of it that really impressed me much.

Last night, I may have become enamored of the look of a (new to me) bearded queen.  Hellvetika, along with Mathu Anderson changed my mind about bearded drag.  Of course, there are good makeup artists, and there are not so good ones.  The two of them, though, are top of the line, in my book.  I'm not saying that I'm planning on being dragged out of the closet, as a bearded queen any time soon.  God knows, I can't afford it right now, on my will I work this week budget. But, it's not totally ruled out anymore.  At least not as long as I can manage to get away with looking ok, and not looking like a pot-bellied bald guy in a sausage casing dress.

So, no promises, but, if you see a bearded lady with a camera, lip syncing with the rest of the queens, it could be me...Maybe...

I just wanna be pretty.

I Like Your Beard

9 Days worth of Growth.

It's November, which means you'll be seeing a lot more "hipster" looking guys, due to Mo-vember (where guys grow mustaches) or No-Shave November (where guys just stop shaving) in honor of bringing recognition to Male Health Problems, such as Testicular Cancer.

Every year, since I moved to Portland, I've said that I was going to participate in it, and then always found a reason why I couldn't.  The clients wouldn't recognize me, I've never grown a full out beard, so I don't know how it would look, I'm starting a new job.  Let's just say, I'm really good at finding reasons for not doing something, and not so good at finding reasons to ACTUALLY do them.

For the first time in years, I had Halloween off.  And, I'm with someone, who actually celebrates it.  So, I got into the mood to do something different this year, and decided that for one of the Halloween parties, that I would dress as Captain "Killian Jones" Hook, from Once Upon A Time.  Shaunna Rai, of course went as Maleficent.  Hooray for Disney Villains!  And, given that Killian/Hook has a face full of scruff, I started my No Shave November early.

Mathu Anderson, because, who knew a bearded lady could be so sexy?

So, how does this tie in to Drag, you're probably asking?  Well, for one, it's just as possible for a drag queen to get testicular cancer, as it is for anyone else.  For two, I wanted an excuse to post pictures of Mathu Anderson (RuPaul's bearded makeup artist, and drag queen). For three, I wanted to show off what I look like with full facial hair, before it gets too itchy and I shave it all off.  And, lastly, I wanted an excuse to talk about testicles, and use the word testicles as many times as possible, because the word is funny to say, and I still think like a 12 year old, when it comes to funny body part names.

As we all know, in October, you fondle your chest, to search for lumps, that shouldn't be there.  Susan G. Komen has beaten that into our heads.  But, nobody ever talks about their testicles.  I work in a group home, with young men, and I can't go more than five minutes, without seeing someone adjusting their junk, or just randomly shoving their hand down their pants, to make sure that their penis is still there.  It happens all the time in public.  I can't tell you how many times, I've been out shopping, and seen someone slip a hand down their pants.  My point being, as men, it is almost expected for you to touch yourself.  But, it's surprising how many people touch, but don't check, nor do they acknowledge that there are issues going on with their health.  Over the last two years, I've heard of at least three people I know, who have been affected personally by either Prostate or Testicular Cancers.  I would like to think that that number is far more than I should know.  And, that I'm just lucky that I know fighters, who have survived.

No Shave Gear available at No-shave.org

If you haven't already checked it out, go to No-shave.org, to find out how you can participate in No Shave November, and help by spreading the word, buying gear or donating toward finding a cure.

So, if you're feeling odd, or if, you feel a lump, have it checked out by a doctor.  And, if you're not already doing a monthly self-check, do it.  Not that I need to be the one to do so, but I'm giving you permission to fondle your testicles.  Touch yourself, for your health.