Friday, September 11, 2015

Op-ed: Who Are You, to Have an Opinion?

I want to preface by saying I may be offensive in this post. I do not intend to be, but as it is my opinion, I have the right to feel how I feel, as do you. If you agree or disagree, let me know in the comments. Start a dialogue, because without it, nothing will ever change.

2015 has been a big year for the LGBT community. Marriage has been made legal for same sex couples, nationwide, and in other countries. Laws are being written to include protections for all people, regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. And, trans issues have come out in a big way, with the outing and subsequent emergence of Caitlyn Jenner.
These are all amazing things, and as a whole, we should be happy that progress is being made.

However, (and this is where it gets tricky to not be totally pc, and sugarcoat everything) there is dissent between the LGB's and the T's. There is a difference between having an opinion and forcing your opinion on the rest of humanity.

The last 24 hours have not been good for the USM Royal Majesty Ball.

For a drag show that raises money for LGBT causes, through a sold out show every year, one would think that every part of the community would be glad for the event. However, it happens to fall on Transgender Day of Remembrance this year, November 20th. And with that announcement, all Hell broke loose.

In no way am I saying that TDoR is not important, because it is. The fact that for the last 16 years, the Trans community has banded together for a day to remember those who have been lost to murder or suicide just for being trans, is amazing. The Gay community doesn't even do that... So, yeah, it's a big deal, and super important.

Along with the date announcement, though, was an apology and discussion about trying to move the date.

Apparently, though, people who are in a tizzy over the date believe that it's simple to change the date of an event, when it's a delicate dance to get the venue and the performers booked in the first place, to then, go back and say, "Hey, I fucked up, can we move it to next week?" Venues usually book out quite a while in advance.  (Try to book a wedding somewhere, and then call back and say, "Well, that date actually won't work, can we move it back a week?" and see how kindly they agree to it...)

What started off as an honest discussion, quickly turned into an attack on anyone who had something to say. From, "Drag is distasteful and disrespectful to the trans people," to "I never liked drag anyway," to "This just furthers the idea that drag and trans are the same thing,  and nobody cares about how the trans community feels."  And, further turned to, "Well, if you're not trans, then you don't have any foot to stand on in this conversation, so stay out of it."

It takes a lot to make me angry, but, when the oppressed become the oppressors, and you tell me that I'm wrong to have feelings because I wasn't born as anything other than a cisgender white gay male, you've taken a step too far. I invite conversation, so long as it is constructive. And I would listen to anything said , even if I disagree, without saying, shut up, because you're not like me.  So, I got angry. And I fought back.

The truth of the matter,  is whether it's this or something else, the LGBT community as a whole doesn't function well. Nobody is willing to listen to anyone else, because, "they're not like us." And, this is precisely what is going to tear us apart, and break down progress for future generations.

Give people time to make amends. Understand that it was an innocent oversight that caused this, to begin with. It was never meant to be an editorial on whether the trans people in Maine or anywhere matter. Trans people, like all people matter. In no way was it meant to happen, and it was not done with malicious intent.

But, damage has been done. Shaunna Rai was potentially going to be in the show. Now that true colors of some of the members of the community have been shown, she's appalled at the people who she has raised money for, for the last 23 years. Why keep raising money for people who don't want you around, because your very presence is offensive to them?

What nobody but me is seeing,  is a breakdown in our ability to coexist. We don't have to like each other. But, in a world where you can be killed for being trans, and just as easily for being gay, why continue to fight amongst ourselves.

This is about more than a drag show. This is about internal hatred, and homo/transphobia. And, taking it out on those who do so much to support the community,  be it gay, lesbian or trans, only hurts those who really need the support.  And the only way to resolve it, it to start talking, and listen to all sides before making a final decision on what is right, and wrong.

Let's take a page out of Caitlyn Jenner's play book, and get a number of differing opinions in one place, and hear them all out, before we make our own decisions on what we think.

It's not all about me. And, it's not all about you. It's about all of us working together to make our world a better, safer, friendlier, more accepting place for all of us.

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