I posted on my Facebook today, a Leo post, that says, more or less that Leos crave attention, and acknowledgement, and if they don't get it, they lose interest and give up. I reposted it, because, at first, it was just a, "Hey, I'm a Leo, and this kinda sounds like me." But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it wasn't just a soundbite, but, instead, it was almost like a mantra that I have lived by my entire life.
I have spent the majority of my life, especially, when I have been in a relationship, looking for someone to approve of every move that I make. I question my every move, because I don't want to do anything wrong. I do things, because I think that they will make someone else happy, and because I want someone to be proud of me.
When I don't get a response, I get sulky. I feel like, what was the point of doing this, if you don't care about it. Why should I continue doing what I'm doing, if you're not going to appreciate it. In my head, I'm always doing things, for approval from a you, who only exists in my head.
I fear making mistakes. I fear hearing someone tell me, "that was crap." I fear people losing interest in me, and what I'm doing. So, I start building a wall, so that it won't hurt when/if I get that criticism. And, in building that wall, I break down friendships and relationships. I get so worried about screwing up a relationship, that, inadvertently, I actually screw it up myself.
On top of all that, I've always been my own worst critic. Look at the photoshoot that I did the other day, where, I spent the whole next day tearing apart the pictures I took, because I thought I could have done better. Nobody else told me that they were crap. I did that. I get defensive when someone else criticizes me, but then, I rip myself to shreds. Sure, it may be in hopes of making me the best me possible. But, is that really what it's about? Or, is it something else?
I withdraw so far into myself, that I can't find myself, when someone is trying to communicate with me. All the while, that I think I'm "protecting myself," I"m actually making things worse. It's a vicious cycle.
I know, it's been a lifelong process to get to the point where I am now, and realize that I've been waiting for some kind of approval that is never going to come from anyone else. And, I know it's not going to be easy for me, but I need to make the change for myself. I need to realize that the only approval that I really need is from myself. If I'm not happy, I need to make sure that I can find a way to make myself happy. If I'm doing something that will make me happy, I need to just do it, and not wait for someone else to say, "That's awesome, keep it up." Because, if I'm already doing it, I don't need that approval.
I need to stop fighting myself, and be more Pro-Me. Because, Anti-Me, just isn't working for me anymore. It's a bad habit, that's going to take a hell of a lot of work, to break, but, if I can manage to break it, and become my own friend, and supporter, it's going to make the next 35 years of my life, a lot easier to bear.
Goals for the year: Follow my dreams, Do what makes me happy, and Give yourself some leeway...everything can't be as horrible as you make it out to be.
I have spent the majority of my life, especially, when I have been in a relationship, looking for someone to approve of every move that I make. I question my every move, because I don't want to do anything wrong. I do things, because I think that they will make someone else happy, and because I want someone to be proud of me.
When I don't get a response, I get sulky. I feel like, what was the point of doing this, if you don't care about it. Why should I continue doing what I'm doing, if you're not going to appreciate it. In my head, I'm always doing things, for approval from a you, who only exists in my head.
I fear making mistakes. I fear hearing someone tell me, "that was crap." I fear people losing interest in me, and what I'm doing. So, I start building a wall, so that it won't hurt when/if I get that criticism. And, in building that wall, I break down friendships and relationships. I get so worried about screwing up a relationship, that, inadvertently, I actually screw it up myself.
On top of all that, I've always been my own worst critic. Look at the photoshoot that I did the other day, where, I spent the whole next day tearing apart the pictures I took, because I thought I could have done better. Nobody else told me that they were crap. I did that. I get defensive when someone else criticizes me, but then, I rip myself to shreds. Sure, it may be in hopes of making me the best me possible. But, is that really what it's about? Or, is it something else?
I withdraw so far into myself, that I can't find myself, when someone is trying to communicate with me. All the while, that I think I'm "protecting myself," I"m actually making things worse. It's a vicious cycle.
I know, it's been a lifelong process to get to the point where I am now, and realize that I've been waiting for some kind of approval that is never going to come from anyone else. And, I know it's not going to be easy for me, but I need to make the change for myself. I need to realize that the only approval that I really need is from myself. If I'm not happy, I need to make sure that I can find a way to make myself happy. If I'm doing something that will make me happy, I need to just do it, and not wait for someone else to say, "That's awesome, keep it up." Because, if I'm already doing it, I don't need that approval.
I need to stop fighting myself, and be more Pro-Me. Because, Anti-Me, just isn't working for me anymore. It's a bad habit, that's going to take a hell of a lot of work, to break, but, if I can manage to break it, and become my own friend, and supporter, it's going to make the next 35 years of my life, a lot easier to bear.
Goals for the year: Follow my dreams, Do what makes me happy, and Give yourself some leeway...everything can't be as horrible as you make it out to be.
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