Pretty close to a year ago, I posted about what it's like for me when Dan goes shopping for Shaunna Rai. How people stare or glare at him/us for looking around in the women's clothing. At the time, I thought it was super uncomfortable, for me to do the shopping with him.
The uncomfortable feeling has gone away, mostly. The anger toward people who make no bones about letting me know that they're staring at us, though... This is a new thing for me. Anger is a feeling that I avoid at all possible costs. It's a very uncomfortable feeling for me. (And, partly the reason that I earned the nickname, Stephanie Dickless, in junior high...because I wouldn't get angry and fight back).
So, why has a feeling of discomfort morphed into a less comfortable feeling of anger?
I think part of it is, after 33 years of doing nothing, when it comes to fighting, I'm over being the pushover. I want someone to say something to me, so that I can just lose my cool, and essentially, freak out on them. And, part of it is, people know what's right or wrong. I don't glare at old ladies, when they're picking up sweaters covered in felt snowmen, or overwhelmed with sequins and beading, because I know that's wrong. I also know, that they're going to look like the old ladies that they are, when they wear them, because that's just how things go.
After taking a trip to Marden's in Biddeford, and having no less than 4 different people staring at us, as Dan was meandering through the shoes, and tops in the ladies' section, I mentioned the staring. Dan, after 20 years of doing this, is completely oblivious to it, unless something is specifically said to him, or within earshot. A year in, and I'm still in the "they're staring at me" mode, although, they're probably not really staring at ME. He told me about how, one of his exes used to follow behind, when Dan and his other drag friends would go shopping, because the ex was super sensitive to the other shoppers, and wanted to be there, to stop anything, if it started. And, I get it. When I thought about it, on the drive home from Biddeford, I was kind of like, you know, part of me wants to have someone say something to me, because, for the first time in my life, "I WILL finish it."
That probably says a lot more about me, than I care to think about.
But, hey, a lady-boy needs to have some clothes too. And, if shopping in a public place is how she wants to get those clothes, who has the right, to say that it's wrong? I don't tell you where you can shop, so don't tell us where Shaunna Rai should get her clothes. And if you do, lord help you, because I may just go psycho on your ass.
The uncomfortable feeling has gone away, mostly. The anger toward people who make no bones about letting me know that they're staring at us, though... This is a new thing for me. Anger is a feeling that I avoid at all possible costs. It's a very uncomfortable feeling for me. (And, partly the reason that I earned the nickname, Stephanie Dickless, in junior high...because I wouldn't get angry and fight back).
So, why has a feeling of discomfort morphed into a less comfortable feeling of anger?
I think part of it is, after 33 years of doing nothing, when it comes to fighting, I'm over being the pushover. I want someone to say something to me, so that I can just lose my cool, and essentially, freak out on them. And, part of it is, people know what's right or wrong. I don't glare at old ladies, when they're picking up sweaters covered in felt snowmen, or overwhelmed with sequins and beading, because I know that's wrong. I also know, that they're going to look like the old ladies that they are, when they wear them, because that's just how things go.
After taking a trip to Marden's in Biddeford, and having no less than 4 different people staring at us, as Dan was meandering through the shoes, and tops in the ladies' section, I mentioned the staring. Dan, after 20 years of doing this, is completely oblivious to it, unless something is specifically said to him, or within earshot. A year in, and I'm still in the "they're staring at me" mode, although, they're probably not really staring at ME. He told me about how, one of his exes used to follow behind, when Dan and his other drag friends would go shopping, because the ex was super sensitive to the other shoppers, and wanted to be there, to stop anything, if it started. And, I get it. When I thought about it, on the drive home from Biddeford, I was kind of like, you know, part of me wants to have someone say something to me, because, for the first time in my life, "I WILL finish it."
That probably says a lot more about me, than I care to think about.
But, hey, a lady-boy needs to have some clothes too. And, if shopping in a public place is how she wants to get those clothes, who has the right, to say that it's wrong? I don't tell you where you can shop, so don't tell us where Shaunna Rai should get her clothes. And if you do, lord help you, because I may just go psycho on your ass.
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