Sometimes, people creep into your life, and make their way into your heart. Often, I fight against letting this happen. I have a bad habit of pushing people away, who want to be close to me, because I have this fear of them leaving. So, if I don't let them in, they can't hurt me when they leave. (I know, it's lame. But, it's real. Working in Social work, I see it all the time.)When I first moved to Portland, it was to get away from having been hurt. I figured, if I moved somewhere, where nobody knew me, that I could start over fresh. And, really, I didn't expect that I would end up with friends...all my friends were from other places, and eventually, I would let those friendships lapse, as I got busier and busier with my new life.
Somewhere along the lines about two and a half years ago, I went to Blackstones, for the first time. I knew of it, because of my roommate at the time, talking about it. It had a reputation, from what I had heard of being a "leather bar," a "daddy bar", and "a dive bar," but above all else, it was most decidedly, "a GAY bar." I was terrified. I did the straight boy thing, and worried that everyone in the bar was going to hit on me, because I was a new, fresh face in the bar. (I wasn't entirely wrong...)
Scott was one of the first people that I met. He came over, and started talking to me, and introduced himself. He intimidated me, at first. We connected over the fact that I work in the social work field, and was at the time, working with a population of people with developmental disabilities, because he had a son who was disabled.
The first time I met Evie Does-It, I was flustered. I couldn't figure out why I knew her, but I knew that I knew her. Evie had a bad habit of talking more than she should, and throwing attitude at the wrong people. At first I didn't get it. But, when Shaunna Rai started bartending at Blackstones earlier this year, things started to finally make sense.
A lot of people have a bad habit of talking too much, when they shouldn't about people who don't deserve it. Scott/Evie had medical problems, and a lot of ribbing came at the expense of those medical problems. And, so, Evie did what I do, and pushed people away, by being bitchy to them. She tried it with Shaunna once, and was read the riot act. After that, their relationship changed, more to a mentoring kind of relationship. Evie would ask Shaunna for advice about drag, and that was that.
Evie came to every drag show that I ever went to, in Portland. She loved it. And, a few months ago, she was talking about the fact that she was going to have a surgery to help lose some weight. Then, after the surgery, watch out world, because Evie is going to hit the stage.
Evie had started having wigs done by Dan, and her look was evolving, somewhat. I would have loved to have seen what she could have become, with more time and guidance.
Unfortunately, Scott passed away last Saturday. His timing couldn't have been worse. Latrice Royale, from RuPaul's Drag Race, was coming to Styxx that night, and he was really looking forward to going. Scott even had a date for the night.
I found out that he had passed, while I was at work. And, working in the field I work in, it's hard to keep your emotions in check all the time. Especially for me, because my poker face is busted, and everything that goes through my mind shows up on my face. And, the kids I work with have been in the system long enough that they know how to read someone. I was worried that something was going to happen to him, because he'd been in the hospital, and Dan, after one of the last shows, had said that he thought that something bad was going to happen, because Scott's skin looked off colored. What I didn't expect, though, was how hard it would hit me.
Any time I tried to talk about him, I got choked up. And, twice, before the show, I almost broke down in tears. I would have skipped the show altogether, if I hadn't been tasked as the official photographer for the show. And, then I thought about what he would have said to me. And, realized that for as long as I've known him, he always wanted happiness for everyone he knew. And, he would have wanted me to go, enjoy the drag, to know that he wasn't in pain anymore, and that he was there in spirit...My heart goes out to Scott's family and friends. I'm not able to go to his funeral, which makes me sad. So, I will figure out some other way to say my goodbyes to him.
Evie, you'll be missed, and Blackstones will never be the same place without you. Good bye my friend.
