Who Are You? (I Really Wanna Know)

The best advice that I've ever heard given to anyone, is "Be the best you, that you can be."  It's so simple, that it takes very little thought to get the meaning.  Over the last few years, I've actually heard a number of "newer" queens say that they got this tidbit of advice from Shaunna Rai.

Like with any good actor, a drag queen has a character that they play.  You design your act around the character, and you dress and accessorize accordingly.  Surprisingly, though, many of the queens that I know, don't really know who they are.  And, it shows.

My first time in drag, I didn't have a name, but
I had a character...a hairy chested Britney Spears wannabe.
(Because I forgot to shave my chest.)

Why don't you know who you are?

You're on your third name, and you expect people to know who you are?  Your face changes every time you perform, but yet, you don't think that you look any different?  You're on stage, and you look like you want to run and hide in the furthest corner of the building.  What's going on?  But, I have no drag family...

I get it.  Drag is hard.

You're on your third name, because you didn't like the first two.  I get that.  But, every time that you change your name, you have to expect there to be an adjustment period, when people are going to get used to your new name.  I can think of at least three queens that I know, whose names have changed, since I've known them.  In all three cases, I agree with them, that the new name is more fitting than the previous names.  But, people are still going to refer to them as their previous name(s).  The longer you've had a name, the harder it's going to be to break people of calling you by that name.  If I decide today that I'm going to change my name to Willis (for the sole purpose of making sure that people will say, "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?") it's going to take forever for it to take hold.  Especially with anyone who has known me for the majority of my life.  To them, I will always be Steve, and never be Willis.

Spice Andrews was a pretty girl, who sang live.  And, had
no self-confidence.  I was terrified.  I got halfway through
my song, before I realized that mic wasn't even on.  And
was told later, that the number was better when the mic
was off.  Not a great way to get introduced to doing drag.

You want to look like Nina Flowers.  You want to look like Raven.  You want to look like Tammie Brown.  You do realize that none of them look like the other?  They're completely different looks.  It's great to be able to have the looks in the bag, if there's a reason for them.  It's good to play with different looks, to see what looks best on you.  Play around with your makeup to tutorials on YouTube.  But, figure out who your character is.  Work with your face, and get the look how you want it.  Then, you can take a piece of Nina and a piece of Raven and a piece of Tammie.  But, if you show up for a show once looking like Raven, and the next time, looking like Tammie, and the next, looking like Nina, nobody's going to recognize you.  Unless the character that you're portraying, in drag is a chameleon, your face probably shouldn't change as often as your underwear.

So, you settled on a character.  You settled on a face, and you've made it into a show.  Congratulations!  The hard parts over, right?  Well, not really.  You see, from the perspective of someone who goes to A LOT of drag shows, the audience can tell if you're not comfortable.  I'm a horrible person to be around, when I watch a performance with no confidence level.  If you look like you're going to pass out, or are trying to decide whether to run away or not, I'm going to be able to tell, and you'll probably be able to tell that I can tell, by whatever is written on my face.  (I have no poker face.  Unlike Lady Gaga, "You can read my, can read my poker face...")  When you hit the stage, even if you're terrified, Fake It.  The more the audience thinks that you're comfortable doing, whatever it is that you do, the better it is for everyone.  I'm more apt to talk about how amazing you were if I know it's your first show, and you rock it out, than I am, if you've been doing drag for years, and look like you would rather be anywhere else than where you are.  If you look scared, etiquette says that I tell you you did great, and pretend like I didn't know how horrible it was for you.

So, your drag mother made you up, and then dropped you on the doorstep of a bar, and took off, never to be heard from again.  What's a girl to do?  She creates her own family, of course.  The gay community tends to do this a lot anyway.  So, follow the lead.  Drag mother did you up once, and then pushed you out of the nest, with a wig, lipstick and a dress?  Meet others in the area.  A word of advice though, if you're asking them for help, don't expect all of it to come for free.  Drag is an expensive hobby job.  You get what you pay for.  Every time you ask the fishy queen to help you out, and expect her to do it for free, it's probably not going to happen.  That's how you force people away, quickly.  And, when you have someone who will do it for free, they're not always going to be doing exactly what you want.  So, be careful what you wish for, because, quite frankly, you could end up getting it, and it won't be quite what you wanted.

When Dan did my makeup, there was no character
as I was just a model.  But, a Kathy Griffin look ended
up emerging at the end, after trying on a few different
wigs.

And, if someone is kind enough to take the time to help you out, get you into a show, or whatever, be respectful of them.   Nothing will get you blacklisted faster than having a pro get you, the new queen in town into a show, and then having you cancel an hour before the show.  And, if you've been doing drag for a minute, and you're being helped by someone who's done it for 20 years or more, at least do them the honor of listening to them, without trying to tell them what they're saying.  It stands to reason, and shouldn't have to be said, but it is amazing how many new queens think that they know more than their predecessors.  (Hint:  You really don't.  Hell, I really don't, either.)

  This is just stuff that I've gleaned off people in the last few years.  Thank you to Shaunna Rai and Cherry Lemonade for contributing most of this stuff in conversations we've had.  And, whether you're an old pro, or new to the scene, take each other into consideration.  Newbies are going to be looking for someone to take them under their wings, and teach them everything there is to know about drag.  And the old pros are going to more often than not give the help that's being requested of them, but if there's no respect for what's being passed along, that fountain of knowledge is going to dry up, and then you have to start the search for it all over again.

But, what do I know, I'm just a drag husband.

Feel free to share this, or to follow it, or to ignore it. Do what you like with it.



And, wherever you are in your journey through drag, just know that you've got someone out there rooting for you.