Who Are You? (I Really Wanna Know)

The best advice that I've ever heard given to anyone, is "Be the best you, that you can be."  It's so simple, that it takes very little thought to get the meaning.  Over the last few years, I've actually heard a number of "newer" queens say that they got this tidbit of advice from Shaunna Rai.

Like with any good actor, a drag queen has a character that they play.  You design your act around the character, and you dress and accessorize accordingly.  Surprisingly, though, many of the queens that I know, don't really know who they are.  And, it shows.

My first time in drag, I didn't have a name, but
I had a character...a hairy chested Britney Spears wannabe.
(Because I forgot to shave my chest.)

Why don't you know who you are?

You're on your third name, and you expect people to know who you are?  Your face changes every time you perform, but yet, you don't think that you look any different?  You're on stage, and you look like you want to run and hide in the furthest corner of the building.  What's going on?  But, I have no drag family...

I get it.  Drag is hard.

You're on your third name, because you didn't like the first two.  I get that.  But, every time that you change your name, you have to expect there to be an adjustment period, when people are going to get used to your new name.  I can think of at least three queens that I know, whose names have changed, since I've known them.  In all three cases, I agree with them, that the new name is more fitting than the previous names.  But, people are still going to refer to them as their previous name(s).  The longer you've had a name, the harder it's going to be to break people of calling you by that name.  If I decide today that I'm going to change my name to Willis (for the sole purpose of making sure that people will say, "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?") it's going to take forever for it to take hold.  Especially with anyone who has known me for the majority of my life.  To them, I will always be Steve, and never be Willis.

Spice Andrews was a pretty girl, who sang live.  And, had
no self-confidence.  I was terrified.  I got halfway through
my song, before I realized that mic wasn't even on.  And
was told later, that the number was better when the mic
was off.  Not a great way to get introduced to doing drag.

You want to look like Nina Flowers.  You want to look like Raven.  You want to look like Tammie Brown.  You do realize that none of them look like the other?  They're completely different looks.  It's great to be able to have the looks in the bag, if there's a reason for them.  It's good to play with different looks, to see what looks best on you.  Play around with your makeup to tutorials on YouTube.  But, figure out who your character is.  Work with your face, and get the look how you want it.  Then, you can take a piece of Nina and a piece of Raven and a piece of Tammie.  But, if you show up for a show once looking like Raven, and the next time, looking like Tammie, and the next, looking like Nina, nobody's going to recognize you.  Unless the character that you're portraying, in drag is a chameleon, your face probably shouldn't change as often as your underwear.

So, you settled on a character.  You settled on a face, and you've made it into a show.  Congratulations!  The hard parts over, right?  Well, not really.  You see, from the perspective of someone who goes to A LOT of drag shows, the audience can tell if you're not comfortable.  I'm a horrible person to be around, when I watch a performance with no confidence level.  If you look like you're going to pass out, or are trying to decide whether to run away or not, I'm going to be able to tell, and you'll probably be able to tell that I can tell, by whatever is written on my face.  (I have no poker face.  Unlike Lady Gaga, "You can read my, can read my poker face...")  When you hit the stage, even if you're terrified, Fake It.  The more the audience thinks that you're comfortable doing, whatever it is that you do, the better it is for everyone.  I'm more apt to talk about how amazing you were if I know it's your first show, and you rock it out, than I am, if you've been doing drag for years, and look like you would rather be anywhere else than where you are.  If you look scared, etiquette says that I tell you you did great, and pretend like I didn't know how horrible it was for you.

So, your drag mother made you up, and then dropped you on the doorstep of a bar, and took off, never to be heard from again.  What's a girl to do?  She creates her own family, of course.  The gay community tends to do this a lot anyway.  So, follow the lead.  Drag mother did you up once, and then pushed you out of the nest, with a wig, lipstick and a dress?  Meet others in the area.  A word of advice though, if you're asking them for help, don't expect all of it to come for free.  Drag is an expensive hobby job.  You get what you pay for.  Every time you ask the fishy queen to help you out, and expect her to do it for free, it's probably not going to happen.  That's how you force people away, quickly.  And, when you have someone who will do it for free, they're not always going to be doing exactly what you want.  So, be careful what you wish for, because, quite frankly, you could end up getting it, and it won't be quite what you wanted.

When Dan did my makeup, there was no character
as I was just a model.  But, a Kathy Griffin look ended
up emerging at the end, after trying on a few different
wigs.

And, if someone is kind enough to take the time to help you out, get you into a show, or whatever, be respectful of them.   Nothing will get you blacklisted faster than having a pro get you, the new queen in town into a show, and then having you cancel an hour before the show.  And, if you've been doing drag for a minute, and you're being helped by someone who's done it for 20 years or more, at least do them the honor of listening to them, without trying to tell them what they're saying.  It stands to reason, and shouldn't have to be said, but it is amazing how many new queens think that they know more than their predecessors.  (Hint:  You really don't.  Hell, I really don't, either.)

  This is just stuff that I've gleaned off people in the last few years.  Thank you to Shaunna Rai and Cherry Lemonade for contributing most of this stuff in conversations we've had.  And, whether you're an old pro, or new to the scene, take each other into consideration.  Newbies are going to be looking for someone to take them under their wings, and teach them everything there is to know about drag.  And the old pros are going to more often than not give the help that's being requested of them, but if there's no respect for what's being passed along, that fountain of knowledge is going to dry up, and then you have to start the search for it all over again.

But, what do I know, I'm just a drag husband.

Feel free to share this, or to follow it, or to ignore it. Do what you like with it.



And, wherever you are in your journey through drag, just know that you've got someone out there rooting for you.

Play to your strengths

"She's not a very pretty queen..."
That was me, last episode of RuPaul's Drag Race: The Lost Season, of Tammie Brown.
"She isn't supposed to be.  She's not like a lot of the queens that have been on the more recent seasons.  She sings live, and does stand up.  And, she's herself."
That was Dan.

This of course, launched a conversation about characters.  And a realization that doing drag, you actually have to know yourself quite well.  Because, all of it, is about who you are.  You take the parts of you that are the best, mush them all up together, and put on the costume, and you're most of the way there.  This of course, is a condensed version of what really happens.  Because, let's face it.  You can't just throw on a pair of heels, a wig, and a dress, and have a ready made drag queen. It just doesn't work that way. And, even if it did, from what I've seen, a drag queen is a constantly shifting work of art.

There is no cookie cutter mold to form a drag queen.  What makes this person amazing may not make the next person as amazing.  Do drag queens have to be beautiful? No.  Do they have to be ugly? No.  Do they have to shave all their body hair off? No.  Some do, but others, proudly display the fact that they're a man in a dress, complete with a beard.  It's all part of a persona that they're creating.

This persona, in my mind, is the most important piece of the whole process.  Like anything, it can be a work in progress, for the entire length of the alter ego's life.  But, it's the piece that takes the most work.  The reason for doing drag in the first place may or may not be a part of the character building.  (Shaunna Rai, for example, was originally brought to life as a way to get into bars, because drag performers weren't asked to show ID's.)  Over time, she has made a name for herself, throughout the state of Maine, and into New Hampshire and Massachusetts.  She has developed a reputation as being, "a bitch," a title which she sometimes will display proudly, like in her last show, titled: "The Bitch is Back".  She doesn't mind taking the mic, but she won't sing live. From time to time, she may say bitchy things, but, generally, it's all said in fun.  Shaunna Rai is known for her drinking.  Hell, she even has a drink named after her at Blackstone's, and whatever name Mama's Cabaret is going by these days...I think it's Rumorz(?)

As I have previously established here, the outfits, the wigs, and the shoes are important as well.  And, a lot of thought goes into the outfits that get worn.  I can't even begin to tell you how many times that I've gone into a place like Hot Topic, or Spencer's, and Dan has been at work, thinking about, "I could buy two pairs of these stretchy pants, and make them into a body suit." Or, walking through Marden's, looking at fringe, hearing him say, "I think I want a dress made out of that."  This is not always, but sometimes a daily occurrence.

Now that the outfit's picked out, it's time for the hair.  Which hair goes best with this outfit?  (This is the hardest for me to understand...because I think any hair looks good with anything.  But, that's why I'm not the one doing drag.) And, so, the part of the dressing process that every "husband" (drag or otherwise) dreads: "How does this look?" "Would I look better if I wore this other hair with this?" Sometimes my opinion is taken into consideration.  Sometimes, it's not.  Occasionally, the part where I have to give an opinion is skipped altogether.  (I.e.: the outfit was chosen around the hair, instead of the other way around.)


And, finally, which shoes look better?  The question I hate the most.  My stock answer, is "Those look fine."  But, then again, there's question among my gay friends if I'm really gay, because (although I have about 10 pair of shoes), I'm not very good at matching boy shoes with what I'm wearing. Hell, until last year, I didn't know that it was wrong to wear white socks with dress shoes...although, I found that out in a hurry.

Anyway.

My point here, is that while it may look to an outsider like drag is just throwing on a dress, makeup, a wig and those killer heels,it's not as easy as that.  Dan/Shaunna Rai have been asked on occasion to contribute drag wisdom to a "Drag Boot Camp" program that someone Dan knows has been trying to put in place.  While the idea is great, it relies too heavily on the idea that you can pick a queen out of a box, and every queen is going to be the same.

A question that Dan told me about what, "What 5 items should every queen have in their purse?"  Well, it depends on the queen.  I know a queen, who would carry around a rubber chicken, probably, because she uses it on stage in her act.  Shaunna Rai, on the other hand, wouldn't be caught dead with a rubber chicken...she would more than likely have a bottle of Jaegermeister, a bottle of Vodka, and some Red Bull, or have it all pre-mixed in a flask.  (Actually, more likely, she would have a pair of flip flops, a tank top and a pair of shorts, for after the show.)  Sure, hairspray, and makeup would show up in MOST purses, but not every drag queen is going to carry the same things.

Another question that he told me about was something along the lines of "where did your character/alter ego come from?"  Paraphrasing the question, I can get the point across better. How do you know who your character should be?

Let me tell you, the answer that I got when he told me about the question...wooooah....You don't create a character from a box.  You don't just get blessed by the drag fairy, and all of a sudden, you're a queen.  You have to have some idea, starting out, what you want to be.  Choose a genre: Horror, Comedy, Beauty, Musician, whatever.  Choose a character type: if you're going for comedy: Are you stand up? Are you sarcastic humor? Are you going to go for singing dirty parodies of pop songs?

Ok, so you're going for Stand up Comedy queen:  Who are you?  Is your character crazy?  Is your character a single drunk woman, who will sleep with anything with a pulse?  Are you the old lady full of one liners, like Sophia from the Golden Girls?

These are the things you need to know, in order for your character to develop.  Without a backstory for your character, you'll never have the right information for your stand up, for one.  And, by the same token, if you don't know the character, how are you going to find the right outfits?  If you're going for Mama Sophia, a lady in her 80's, more than likely, you're not going to be wearing prom gowns, or bikinis.  You're going to want to camp up the old lady purple hair, and wear the cardigans, and pants pulled up to right under your boobs.  By the same token, if you're going for the drunk single woman, you're going to want to play up the part of being drunk, and single, so you're going to dress a lot sluttier.

Anyway, my point being, drag is a learning process, throughout the lifetime of your character.  You have to have a bit of creativity, to be able to pick out what you're actually good at, and play to your strengths.  Don't try to be RuPaul, or any other queen that you've seen on tv (or in person).  Be yourself.  Know yourself well enough to know what you'll excel with.  And, bring it!  Just remember that you're the only one who will be able to bring out your inner drag queen.

It Must be Ladies' Night...

The night of a show is always an interesting time, for me. I get to watch the transformation from male to female. If Shaunna Rai, or any of "MY" girls will allow photos to be taken, and posted, I'll prove it.

With the makeup and the padding,  (when needed) in place, there is a shift in personality. It's almost as if that is the point in time when a queen gets "into character."

This is the point in the night, where I step back into the background, which, is where I like to be. I'm the gopher. And, I'm the caddy. By helping out, I feel like I'm not in the way.

Dan was asked if I get jealous of Shaunna Rai, and the attention that she gets from everyone. The men who think she's hot, the women who want to know where she got her outfits, and everyone in between. The truth is, I do get a little jealous. But, it only lasts a few minutes. Why is this? Well, for one, anyone who has the balls to put on a dress, and do what Dan and all the others do, deserves the attention. And, for two, I'm the one going home with him at the end of the night.

After the show last night, at Blackstones, we went to Denny's. What surprised me most about the night was not how much fun it was, or that it reminded me of the night Dan and I "officially" met. It was that a fan of the "ladies" paid the tab for our table.

Doing kind deeds for others, is rare enough, in the real world. Doing it because you enjoyed a show, floored me. Nobody at our table, at that point was still in drag,  and I hadn't been in drag at all. But, I still ended up getting the perks of association. So, it really isn't all that bad.