Take a Break

The last year of my life has been challenging, to say the least. From being asked to leave a job, to being hired at two other jobs, that never delivered on the hours that they promised, I'm a little disenchanted with things. Then, with the addition of a breakup, which was very public (though on very good terms). And finally, with all the drama that comes with the drag community, I am tired. And, I need to take a step back from everything and re-center myself.

Any of these on their own would be enough to cause some to throw their hands up in defeat. But, I'm a glutton for punishment, and let it build and build and build. And, NOW, I'm throwing my hands up.

Over the last 5 years, I have voluntarily taken pictures at shows. I get no compensation for doing so. And, I generally will take 2-6k pictures over the course of a show. I then find the best ones, edit them and post them. It was initially for me. And, partially, for people who weren't able to attend. And it all takes time. And, sometimes I just am not in the mood to deal with pictures. The random, "when will the pictures be up," sometimes makes me want to say, "Never." I don't think I have actually sat through a show in 5 years, to watch it, in person. It has always been through a camera lens...

I went to art school, right out of high school, because I was going to animate for Disney. Life happened, and I never achieved that. For a long time, I avoided art in general. Then, I was asked to do a show poster. It gave me a chance to put my creativity to use. And, that was great. When I have all the info and photos and such that I'll need, it takes no time. And, again, I don't really get any compensation. That's my own fault...although recently, I have started negotiating for the work that I do. But, there comes although time when as a graphic design, you want to tell the client to go to hell, when the poster has to be changed a million times. And, when an outside person or group won't share the poster because of wording...well, it means another edit. My average number of edits on a poster, generally ranges from 5 to 8, because of last minute drop outs or additions. My advice...if you're not sure about the line up, do yourself and me a favor... instead of listing everyone, say "And Special Guests."

While I was working very little this spring, I started doing caricatures of queens. It was a way for me to bring in a little extra cash. It was something that I enjoyed. That is, until my opinion became a death stroke for a commission. The worst part, was that the beheading of the project came just a short while after a conversation with the queen about starting over, because it wasn't conveying her "look". The project was killed by her manager, who disagreed with what I said, and told me that he (the manager) was killing it, because he didn't want to be reminded of a horrible day, with her merchandising. That left a bad taste in my mouth, and I really have avoided taking new commissions since.

And then, of course, there is the blog itself. I haven't posted since the breakup, because I'm still not sure how I feel. So, it has been easier to not say anything about anything, than to address what I want to address.

It feels like this is a good time to take a break. There are shows tonight and tomorrow, that I'm committed to. But, after that, I'm free to do what I want. Shaunna Rai now has a vehicle, so no longer has to rely on me taking her to shows.

So, I am going to take some me time. I'll only take on projects that I really want to do. And, maybe, after the show tomorrow, I'll go to a show, and watch it like a normal person.

Art Walk LA

At the end of the night at the Cancer Schmancer show, I was approached about submitting artwork to the Lewiston/Auburn Art Walk. It was totally out of the blue, and unexpected. But, Grayling asked me specifically to participate,  and show off my photography work.

Scarrlett 

Because most any kind of exposure is good exposure, I figured that I would try it. It would do one of two things...it would make me feel better about being an artist, or it would make me decide never to do it again. The whole time, my mind went back and forth about the ultimate outcome.

Deadlines flew at me, and at the last minute, it was a scramble to narrow down my thousands upon thousands of pictures to just 15.

Wanting to do things right, I did a mass tag of Facebook friends who I have photographed in the past in hopes that a few of them would say yes. The response was overwhelmingly yes, with a few, "yes, but let me see it first. I just want to approve of it."

Jacinda

Once I got all the approvals, I saved all the pictures to my desktop to save to a memory card, to take to be printed. In the meantime, I had Dan go to Goodwill to pick me up frames...which he did with little to no knowledge of what I was using for pictures. The night before delivery, I literally was finishing putting the pictures in the frames, hoping that it was all going to work out ok. 

Porcia Chanel

The night of delivery, almost didn't happen. Dan and Larry (Shaunna Rai and Leanna Love) had taken a trip to Boston in Dan's new (used) car. As I was getting ready to take the pictures to the venue, at 46 Lisbon Street, I got a call from Dan. "Hey, I know you have to drop off your pictures,  but we need to get a tow, and a ride home, we're broken down outside of the Massachusetts and New Hampshire border, by the bridge that they're fixing that I always mess with you about."

So while waiting for a message to see if I could get in to drop the pictures off earlier,  I made phone calls, and got the tow on the way. I dropped off the pictures, and made a flying trip to Massachusetts...it all turned out ok, except for the car, which was kind of a lemon.

Rainbow Frite

After much freaking out, because I had submitted 14 photos, and only delivered 13, because I had forgotten to save the final one on the laptop, I ended up with it in hand for the night of the walk.

I didn't know what to expect from the space, as it was an abandoned looking shop front, which, incidentally,  happened to be where my mom purchased her wedding gown. (Talk about a small world, right?) I waited outside for the doors to open, after grabbing the clipboard and lanyard, that said I was an official volunteer for the night.

Shaunna Rai

Finally the space opened, we got my final piece situated and food and drink set out, and people started arriving. Our venue had boxed wine, and I knew that if I was going to make this better for myself, I at least needed one glass of wine, to keep from being the guy standing in the corner trying to be as small as possible so nobody would talk to me.

The wine worked.  I was sharing the space with another photographer, who does landscape type photography and what she called her "twirl" photos (when you focus the camera on something and then twist it, making it look like you were rolling when you took the picture.  She had also come out to volunteer. The other lady, who was showing, did not come out, but had three paintings on display.

Leanna Love

The first few people who came through, just looked around, like they were in an art gallery, then left. Ivy, the other photographer and I, started talking about our work to each other. I was surprised that none of her stuff was for sale, because it was really good. She told me that her goal was to let people see what they could do themselves, with Goodwill frames and a point and shoot camera. That was why she wasn't going to sell them. Well, that along with the feeling that art is a very personal thing, and sometimes it's hard to part with.

Cecelia Grace

She asked me, and I was asked many times through the night, how I got into the field of portraiture. I did a bunch of plugging for the blog, which as of now, appears to not have done any good...(Probably because, with everything I remembered,  the business cards were what I forgot.) I went on to explain that the pictures had chosen had been my favorites out of a ton of choices over the last four years or so.

Miss E,on

People finally started asking me questions, or just talking to me. One gentleman, an older guy, I had to correct his terminology, and explain the difference between drag, cross dressing and transgender. This was a very long conversation. He had heard a story on NPR, about a drag queen, who became addicted to her drag personal so much, that she basically had to kill her drag career, to keep her real life. (It seemed far fetched to me, but, what do I know. Stranger things have happened.) We then moved on to trans women. He told me the story of a professor at Bowdoin College (I think) who had written a book about her transition, and this gentleman thought that the whole thing was amazing. I thought it was cool that he told me the story.  He eventually moved on, and left.

Lili Whiteass

A bear couple (for anyone not in the know, a burly, gay couple, presumably with a lot of body hair, and usually facial hair) came up and told me how great the pictures were, and asked where they could see a show, without having to drive all the way to Portland. They explained that they had moved from down in the south (Baltimore, I think), where they could go to a show anytime they wanted. I explained that the drag scene in Maine is dwindling, but promoted an upcoming show at the Elks Club in Lewiston. I'm hoping to see them there.

Diamond Dunhill

There were a lot of people who legit thought that all the pictures were of real women. There were a few who, upon realizing that the pictures they were looking at were male, turned and booked it out of the venue. And, an overwhelming amount of people who either knew the queens or had actually been to the shows. These were the ones I enjoyed talking to the most. These were the people asking how did you get such good pictures, and where can I see them in person? I took that time to plug upcoming shows, and lament the lack of shows in the area. This was when I realized that I want to do something about the lack of drag in Maine. (Not that I know what to do, where to start, or how to make something happen, but it gave me a starting point. )

Cherry Lemonade

As the night wore down, and came to a close, I stopped for a minute to think about all the stuff I had accomplished. First, I had a showing of my work, for the first time ever. Second, I did all of it on my own. Third, I talked about what I do with total strangers, and didn't get much of a negative response. And, last, but certainly not least...I'd on fact, most important, I had a hell of a lot of fun. And kind of want to do it again next year.

Bunny Wonderland

Yes, occasionally, I need someone to light a fire under my ass, to get me going. And, there's a good possibility that I may buck it the whole way, because I'm scared. But, I really need to just remember that I am my own worst enemy, and that I need to just do things, instead of worry about the bad things that could happen. Because, truthfully, the things I worry about rarely come to fruition,  and then I've spent so much energy worrying that I have none when it comes time to have fun.

ClubKid MizzDiveena

Oh, and Bunny Wonderland, just so you know, this picture of you actually sold.  Granted, it was to my mom, but...

Chad Sell is my Hero...

Latrice Royale

At the beginning of the year, I decided that this was going to be a year to try to keep up on blogging, and try to crank out as many posts as I could.  But, I wanted them to be worth-while.  I figured I would keep with the posts about the shows that I go to, and random things that pop into my head that have to do with drag.  So, it seemed fitting that I talk about an artistic idol of mine, who is best known for his RuPaul's Drag Race girls' portraits.

The question became, how do I tackle this?  Do I just write about how much I love his artwork, and leave it at that?  And, then, during an overnight, the thought hit me...I learned of Chad Sell through Facebook, so I could probably contact him the same way. I don't know exactly what it was about the work that I loved, whether it was the cartoon feel of the illustrations, or just the graphic way of capturing the costumes and personality quirks of the queens, but from Roxxy Andrews's fringe dress illustration, I was hooked.  And I've looked forward to each new season, for the new illustrations.

So, in the middle of the night, I took a shot in the dark and sent him a message. I honestly didn't think that I would hear back from him, so I was very surprised when I got a response a few hours later.  Even more so, when the answer was a yes, both to being able to use some of his artwork in a blog post, and to answering some of my questions.

With the beginning of Season 7 of RuPaul's Drag Race, being just around the corner, and the fact that I put in my requests right at the end of his annual Week Of Ru (when he posts daily, two of the queens from the new season, until the whole cast is revealed) , I wasn't concerned with how soon I got back the answers to my questions.  I was still basking in the fact that my hero actually answered me.

Immediately, after sending him the questions, I remembered that he has a blog on his website, and went to it immediately, to try to ascertain that I wasn't asking questions that he had already answered on his own site.  (After about 3 hours of trolling his site, that night, I didn't find anything that was quite what I asked, so I figured I was safe.)  I also reinforced my love of his artwork, by checking out his older blog posts.  There are so many illustrations that I am in love with, and would have loved to feature here, but, I'm featuring pictures that I got his express permission as an artist to use.

After what felt like a year (and was in fact only about 2 weeks), I got the response to my questions.  I'm sure that he's probably asked most of these questions on a regular basis, but he was very gracious about answering them all for me.  So, here are the answers, to my most burning questions.

When the episodes start airing, how do you decide which queens to draw?

After I watch each episode, I start sketching out ideas for my favorite runway looks and moments.  I tend toward the more theatrical, outrageous outfits with bold colors and shapes which lend themselves to my style the best.  

Delta Work's First Workroom Look.

I often start with rough sketches for a lot of the queens, but I winnow down that number throughout my day of drawing as I run out of time.  There are frequently queens and outfits I *wish* I had drawn, but I just couldn't figure out a cool way to draw them in the time I had!

(Because I draw some myself, I'm always most interested in finding out how other people's artistic process works.)

What does your process look like? (Do you sketch on paper, or do you do it all on the computer?)  From initial sketch to final product, about how long does it take you? And, what program(s) do you use?

Depending on my moood, I'll either sketch out my ideas in a sketchbook or on my computer.  My process has changed a lot over the years, but these days, I do most of my work on a tablet monitor attached to my desktop.  I draw in a program called Manga Studio 5, which I love and evangelize to all my artist friends.

Following the Monday night airing of each episode, I give myself all of Tuesday to work on that week's pieces. I make final touches the next morning and try to post my work by around noon Wednesday.

Some pieces come together really quickly, and other frustrate me endlessly.  I fuss over likenesses and color palette at the end.  The self-imposed deadline helps me keep things in perspective, though, and it helps shut up my inner perfectionist.

The most important question, of course was: Were you surprised by how popular the RuGirls' portraits have become?

Yes. It's awesome.

I have my own favorites, including the Latrice Royale picture at the start of this post.  So, I was curious:  Do you have a favorite portrait?

BenDeLaCreme: Black and White

I'm always my own worst critic, so there are usually little things that bug me about a lot of my work.  That's true of even some of my most popular pieces!  I'll always be particularly fond of the very first Drag Race portrait I ever finished of Delta Work's first workroom look.  Something about my All-Stars portrait of Latrice Royale still sticks with me.  And, I was really happy with how BenDeLaCreme's "Black and White" portrait came out -- she's one of my all-time favorite queens and I was trying to depict her with a sense of grace and intensity.  It's definitely not one of my most popular images, but I love it, anyway.

Any responses from the RuGirls, that I've seen online have been overwhelmingly positive, so I had to know, if there have ever been any negative responses from them.

I feel supremely lucky to have been embraced by the Drag Race queens and community -- every season brings new thrills, excitement and favorite new queens.  

I don't recall any negative responses from the actual queens on the Drag Race, though.  I think their approach to fans making art of them is to appreciate the effort, even if the final result isn't always very flattering.

A Self Portrait by Chad

 As he had just finished the Week of Ru, with the new Season 7 girls, I had to ask...Any predictions or hopes for Season 7?

I HAVE NO IDEA.  This is the first season where I personally knew some of the queens before they were cast.  So, that's weird and crazy. (Trixie Mattel and Pearl have both performed extensively in Chicago, and I've gotten to meet both.)

To me it's not so much important that all my favorite queens make it far in the competition. I just hope that they're depicted well and get a chance to show what they've got!

When it came to advice for budding artists, Chad's advice was this:

1. Get good.
2. Don't expect to be the best before you put your work out there.
3.  Find others who are excited by the same stuff you are.  Make art about that stuff, and they'll be excited about it, too.

Be sure to check out his website, www.chadsellcomics.com, during the Drag Race season, because he'll be featuring lots of fun interviews about the show, as well as his own thoughts and illustrations of the queens.

Books, postcards and prints of all his best Drag Race work are available at his Etsy store, https://www.etsy.com/ChadSellComics

And, aside from his illustration work, he's also written and drawn a ton of different comic stories, which can all be read at http://www.chadsellcomics.com/comics/.

You can also follow Chad on Twitter and Facebook.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/panja57
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/chadsellcomics

If you're not following him and his work already, I suggest you do.  It's fun.  And, now that you have some of the inside secrets of what goes into the illustrations, keep an eye out for the Season 7 illustrations.

Chad, thank you again for your cooperation, and for being so sweet and responding to a crazy fan interview.  

I Still Get Jealous...

Shauna Rai, photo by Lauren Kennedy

It's no secret that at times, I am totally jealous of Shaunna Rai. Today (Sunday) gave me yet another reason to be jealous.
Today was a photo shoot with a local photographer, Lauren Kennedy.

Dan got up early, to get Shaunna together, for a 10:30 am appointment. I slept in, if you can consider sleeping until 8:30 am sleeping in. By the time I got up, Shaunna was already taking shape.

We got to the location for the shoot, Lauren's mother's house, before Lauren. She'd gone to get coffee.  She was back minutes after we got there, but, not before I was convinced that I was at the wrong house.

Lauren showed us in, and let us know kind of what to expect from the shoot. She had some questions for Shaunna about drag, that came out, throughout the shoot. 

Shaunna Rai,
photo by Lauren Kennedy

The first question was about pronouns, a topic that I feel like I'm relatively well versed in. I was glad I didn't try to answer for Shaunna, though, when she gave her answer. "Some people want you to use the pronoun that fits how they look. I, personally don't care either way. If you call me Dan when I'm Shaunna, I'll look. Just like if you call me Shaunna when I'm Dan, I'll look. To me it doesn't really make a difference, they're both me."  She then talked about how there are some queens, such as Mizery, who she has known for decades, but has no idea what Mizery's actual name is.

While Shaunna got into the first outfit, I talked with Lauren about whether it would be okay for me to take pictures of her taking pictures, for the blog. She said that would be fine, and encouraged me to get up and take pictures while she took hers.

"If you could turn this way..."

The first round of shots were to get the lighting right. As everything was being shot with a digital camera, I took adadvantage of being able to see the pictures as they were taken.  Once these shots were taken, she went to town. I thought that I took a lot of pictures,  as my average per show is about 100-150 useable shots...I'm sure that the total was well over twice that of shots in general.  Between having the vision and the speed with which the camera recovered from the flash, I was super jealous.


Lauren asked Shaunna about Drag Mothers. What are they,  exactly,  and are you one? Shaunna is drag mother to Jacinda, although,  she tries to avoid saying that she's anyone's drag mother. She would much prefer to be referred to as their "fairy drag mother," as Bunny Wonderland once called her.

Red Ribbon Gown, 
photo by Lauren Kennedy

For a little bit,  I got to play Shaunna's personal assistant...helping with costume changes, getting jewelry ready for this shot or that, and a couple times, I jumped to keep the lights from falling on someone. Oh, and a couple times, I ran to shoo Lauren's cats out of Shaunna's suitcase.

As Lauren posed Shaunna,  I often was looking at the pose from a much different angle, and had no idea how the picture was going to look good.  "Put your hand like this, but away from your face." What I saw made no sense, but apparently, translated much better from where she was standing.

"Just like that."

During another costume change, Lauren asked me about what I do...aside from writing the blog.  I explained about being a DSP and working in a group home.  And, lo and behold, she had actually done DSP work, as an ovenight staff.  I often forget how many agencies there are that provide long term and/or short term care for people.  And, it's always nice to be able to talk about my job, when I'm talking to someone who has actually done the work before, because they can understand some of the frustrations that other people may not.

Shaunna came back out, in the last outfit, and after what seemed like a million pictures,  the shoot was over. I was a little sad, because there were so many outfits that Shaunna had brought along, that never got used.  I jokingly said later, that Lauren just wanted to shoot Shaunna naked.

One of my shots of Shaunna Rai

Lauren who had been using her laptop to bring up a Pinterest board with pictures that she was using for inspiration for the shoot, took the memory card, and started uploading the images into her laptop, asking Shaunna to go through and mark the pictures that she liked.  Even the pictures that were just the pre-shoot test shots were amazing.

Lauren asked about if there were any photographers who only took pictures of queens.  Shaunna mentioned a couple of names of photographers (that I don't remember).  Really, the only name that came to mind for me was Jose Guzman Colon, who has shot a few of the RuPaul girls's pictures, that tend to be used mostly for promotional materials.  Lauren then talked about wanting to do some more shoots, with other drag queens, and maybe doing some group shots, and that sort of thing.  Shaunna was totally interested in doing something like that, and made sure to say so.

And, now, I'm jealous.  I want to have a photo shoot of my own.  Not that I expect much from it.  I'm far less photogenic than Shaunna is.  And, like everything else in my life, when I'm in front of the camera, I'm awkward.  I smile like a Cheshire cat, and look like a goofball.  But, I still wouldn't mind having some pictures of myself so that I could pretend for a few days that I'm famous enough for someone to want to take my pictures.  

Happy Birthday, Dear Gay Guy

You would think that the nights of a drag show are the most fun for me.  While I enjoy them, this is mostly false.  The drag nights that are the most fun, are the impromptu, "I just wanna be pretty" nights. Friday night, was one such night.

The reason I enjoy these nights, more than drag shows, is because there's a lot less stress involved.  Every show night, there's the "Which outfits/wigs/accessories do I need to bring? Does my makeup look amazing? Am I drop dead gorgeous?" The stress leads to snappiness, and a general time where I avoid saying/doing anything, and making myself scarce.  If there's one thing that I've learned, in the past year, it's that you on't argue with a queen.  It's not in your best interest.

On, "I just wanna be pretty nights," all of that stress is gone.  The hardest decisions are still, what outfit and hair am I going to wear? But, there's not the same sense of urgency, to painting, and getting dressed up to go out.

Anyway, partway through the day, we decided that we were going to go out. And, then we were contacted by Andy, our new friend, who I talked about last time. It was his partner's birthday on Friday. So, the night on the town, was going to turn into a birthday party! What fun.

I'd deposited my check earlier in the day, so I figured that it was going to be all set.  When the girls started painting, I'd go out, and pick up a cake, and get a little extra money for drinks, and, everything would be all set.  I picked up the cake, and a couple of other things, and headed to the checkout.  The lines were full of people with carts full of crap.  And, here I am, with 3 things.  And, I hate lines. I hate shopping, in general, unless I can get in and out in less than 10 minutes. Finally, the lady in front of me gets up to the conveyor belt, and then says, "You go ahead of me." Shocked? Yes. People don't do that anymore.  I thanked her profusely, and then went to pay for my purchases.  I ran my card, and asked for cash back. And, it declined.  And, I started to freak out a little.  I ran it again, without the cash back, and it went through.  Weird, but okay.  At least I could leave now.  I thanked the lady again, and wished her a good evening.

I finally, decide, before I go home, I'm going to check the ATM, and see what's going on with my deposit?  And, it's not there.  I can't find anywhere that I actually deposited money into my account, despite the fact that I have a receipt from the teller saying that I did.  And, so I start panicking.  What the hell happened to the money?

I got home, and at this point, I'm freaking out.  And, I kinda exploded.  I was ready to murder the teller, for stealing my money, and the person who tried cutting me off on the way home. And, I just can't think at this point. Dan tells me, call the bank.  Nothing's going to get taken care of if you're just yelling about it.  Half an hour later, I'm actually talking to someone from the bank, who says, "Yes, the money was deposited into your account, the system just hasn't updated yet. It'll be there at midnight."  And, I'm just all like, I don't even get it, because I've never had NONE of my check available use immediately.

Anyway, Shaunna Rai finally was ready, with her new hair, that she had literally only had for hours, before wearing it.  And, we were on our way to Blackstones to meet Andy and Tommy.  Before they arrived, I talked to JR, about hiding the cake, and getting utensils, and paper plates...because it never crossed my mind to pick them up while I was out...not that I would have been able to afford them anyway.  The boys showed up, and we chatted for a while, and then it was time to bring out the cake.

I went and got the cake, and brought it out with candles lit, and people started singing.  I remembered from my birthday, when I walked in, and everyone sang to me.  And, as I'm walking, I hear the people who know them, say, "Happy Birthday, dear Tommy," and this one guy, on the other side of me, singing, "Happy Birthday, Dear Gay Guy." And, at that point, I realized that I'd had enough to drink to actually relax...which is something difficult enough for me to do.  I just let loose after that.  I felt bad, because I bought a cake that I knew I wouldn't be able to eat, because of my gluten thing...but I knew that it would be bad if I had cake, period.

The night seemed to fly by.  The girls were doing their usual mingling.  And, I was chatting with people.  I was hit with "So, you really thought that we were ax murderers?" Because of my last blog.  Truth is, I think everyone's an ax murderer, until they prove to me otherwise.  But, that's neither here nor there.  I learned about the heirarchy of Bitch, and the way to use it...  "You aren't a bitch just because you can be.  You're a bitch, because they deserve it. And, you don't try to out-bitch those who have paved the way for you to dress in drag, because you will be taken down."  (I'm paraphrasing, but you get the picture.)

At some point, I had had a bit more to drink than I should have, and became a nuisance.  Our local "Tina Turner" Thomas, went into his dance, when Proud Mary came on.  And, I had had just enough to drink, to think that he just wanted to dance.  And, I just wanted to dance.  And, yeah... it wasn't pretty.  Or so, I hear.

At the end of the night, we went to Denny's with the birthday boy, and his other half.  I don't remember much from that point.  I remember eating, and drinking my coke.  At some point, the girls took pictures with someone at Denny's.  I think they said the winner of the 80's night at Bubba's.  And, some girl said later to Shaunna Rai, that she liked her hair, and asked if she could touch it, and Shaunna Rai ripped the wig off, and held it out to her.  Most of this, I heard about yesterday, because I didn't remember it.

I knew that I'd had too much of a good time, when I woke up yesterday though. The first words out of my mouth, were, "I have a head...and it hurts." But, it was totally worth it.  The boys had fun. The girls had fun, and most of all, I had fun.  

I Don't Know How to Thank You...

Danielle Renee Phillips

So, last night, was the benefit show, at Blackstones, to raise money for the victims of last Sunday's fire on Irving Street.  With less than a week's notice, I wasn't sure what to expect for a crowd.  Shaunna, Vanila, Dan, Ryan and I were promoting via Facebook, as was Blackstones.

Vanila Honey-Bush

We got there early, as the show itself was early in the night.  There was a good sized crowd.  And, as it got closer to show time, the crowd grew a bit.

The girls mingle with the crowd, on show nights, before shows.  It's an awesome way to build a fan base, and let people get to know who you are.  And, to show that you're a real person under all the masking of drag.  So, while the ladies were mingling, I was finding my usual seat, to get the best pictures during the show.  This is normally the time, when I get all anti-social, and only talk to people I know, and avoid contact with everyone that I don't know, in hopes that they'll leave me alone. (I say that half joking, because I know subconsciously that's exactly what I do.)

Shaunna Rai

For whatever reason, though, last night was a different night for me.  A guy I didn't know, started chatting with me.  He kinda buttered me up, and made me talk to him, by telling me that I was the best looking thing in the bar. (It was nice to hear...) I got nervous, so I immediately brought up the fact that I am not a single man. He continued the conversation, and it was a nice change. A good way to experiment with breaking out of my comfort zone.  He eventually moved on, to order a drink, and continue making his way through the bar.

Cherry Lemonade

It turns out, that the lady who was sitting next to me, was there in support of her brother...one of the victims of the fire.  She and I spent a bit of time talking.  She was impressed that the community would pull together something like this.  And, said that her brother couldn't believe that the queens would put on a show, to help raise money to help him out.  The final count, I believe that I heard from Dan, was $500 was raised to help out the fire victims, both from raffles, and tips that the queens received.

Danielle Renee Phillips

During, and after the show, I spent some time getting to know a couple who has recently moved to Maine, who had friended Shaunna Rai on Facebook.  Andy and Tommy were really good company, after the show, while Shaunna Rai was off mingling again.  They were friendly, and nice.  You know, all the qualities that I look for in people who I'm hoping aren't going to turn out to be ax murderers.  (Just kidding.  My list of qualities that I look for in an ax murderer is much, much, much longer than that.)

Cherry Lemonade

 I personally want to thank everyone who came out to support the show, because this is the kind of thing that helps us to remind people that we're good guys too.  Aside from our witty sarcasm, and anal sex, the gay community, is known for their contributions to charitable causes.  And, given that we as a community raised $500 in one night, we were on our game.

Shaunna Rai

 And, I want to thank Ralph, the owner of Blackstones.  Every time he sees me without my camera, when I'm out with Shaunna and Vanila, he asks me where it is.  This time, I actually got vouchers for free drinks.  It was a very sweet gesture, given that while I do promote shows, I don't do nearly as much promotion for the bar as Shaunna and Dan do.

Vanila Honey-Bush

 Contrary to what usually happens, it was an early night.  I had to work at 5am, so bed was calling my name.  As was a gluten free half pizza, that I hadn't eaten at lunch.

Fact Finding Mission...

Back in the days BDS (Before Dan and Shaunna) I ran a little webcomic, called Got Pride? It was an homage to everything queer that I could come up with. And, a story about my family life...more or less. I did very little research into some of the stuff that I tackled. One of the unfinished, unresolved stories that I started was the transitioning of a transgendered character.  Why was it unfinished? Well, for the most part, I don't know what it's like to be transgendered.  Nor did I know anyone who identified as transgendered, who I could ask, in order to do some research, and actually get the story right.

I may take that story back up someday.  I just need to find some people who I can collaborate with, to get it right.  Because, I'm pretty sure that there's a lot more to the story than just deciding one day as a woman that you're going to go to CVS, buy hair clippers, hair dye, and men's clothes, and boom, you're a man. I've heard that it's an easier transition than the transition from male to female, but, still.  I handled it ignorantly, and then wrote the character off, because I knew I didn't know, what I didn't know.

That being said, with the successful interest in the drawings that I have been doing on commissions, it got me back in the mindset of, I want to tell a story.  But, I don't want it to be my story.  I want it to be the story of a drag queen.  Or a group of queens.  It'll tell about what it's like to be a boy, and a girl, without having to deal with all the stresses of telling the transition story...at least at first.  Because as I've noticed throughout my year living with Dan, the transgender community is intertwined with that of the drag community. (And, yes, I'm still quite ignorant about the trans community, so I'm going to get things wrong, and apologize in advance.)

What I decided this time though, is that I need to do my research first.  I want to know the experience of being a drag queen, through a drag queen's eyes. (And, if any transgendered people want to help me research their side of things, I'd love to hear that as well.)  So, I've come up with a list of questions that I'm hoping will help me get some answers that will help me decide if I really can go through with the comic/graphic novel about drag life.  As of now, it's all still in planning.  No set characters, no storyline (as such), just an idea in my head that I need help figuring out how to best get it on paper.

So, the list of questions, in no particular order:

How did you get your start in drag?
How did you get your drag name?
What is your favorite part of doing drag?
Queens tend to get categorized (ie. Comedy, Club Kid, Pageant Queen) What category do you consider yourself to be?
Have you ever experienced stage fright while performing? How did you overcome it?
Have you ever won any titles/awards?
Tell me about some of your (good or bad) backstage experiences with other queens.
Do you do your own hair, makeup, costuming? Or do you have help with some or all of the above?
Tell me about a memorable adventure that you've had that you would not have had if not for drag.
When you're out of drag, what do you do? (ie. Work, fun,etc.)
Tell me anything else that you think might be important for me to know to get inside the head of a drag queen.

If you feel like answering these questions, I greatly appreciate your answers.  You can leave comments below, or email me, Steve at swd8880@yahoo.com. I will also be posting this on Facebook, so answers can be shot to me through my like page, or through my inbox. 

Play to your strengths

"She's not a very pretty queen..."
That was me, last episode of RuPaul's Drag Race: The Lost Season, of Tammie Brown.
"She isn't supposed to be.  She's not like a lot of the queens that have been on the more recent seasons.  She sings live, and does stand up.  And, she's herself."
That was Dan.

This of course, launched a conversation about characters.  And a realization that doing drag, you actually have to know yourself quite well.  Because, all of it, is about who you are.  You take the parts of you that are the best, mush them all up together, and put on the costume, and you're most of the way there.  This of course, is a condensed version of what really happens.  Because, let's face it.  You can't just throw on a pair of heels, a wig, and a dress, and have a ready made drag queen. It just doesn't work that way. And, even if it did, from what I've seen, a drag queen is a constantly shifting work of art.

There is no cookie cutter mold to form a drag queen.  What makes this person amazing may not make the next person as amazing.  Do drag queens have to be beautiful? No.  Do they have to be ugly? No.  Do they have to shave all their body hair off? No.  Some do, but others, proudly display the fact that they're a man in a dress, complete with a beard.  It's all part of a persona that they're creating.

This persona, in my mind, is the most important piece of the whole process.  Like anything, it can be a work in progress, for the entire length of the alter ego's life.  But, it's the piece that takes the most work.  The reason for doing drag in the first place may or may not be a part of the character building.  (Shaunna Rai, for example, was originally brought to life as a way to get into bars, because drag performers weren't asked to show ID's.)  Over time, she has made a name for herself, throughout the state of Maine, and into New Hampshire and Massachusetts.  She has developed a reputation as being, "a bitch," a title which she sometimes will display proudly, like in her last show, titled: "The Bitch is Back".  She doesn't mind taking the mic, but she won't sing live. From time to time, she may say bitchy things, but, generally, it's all said in fun.  Shaunna Rai is known for her drinking.  Hell, she even has a drink named after her at Blackstone's, and whatever name Mama's Cabaret is going by these days...I think it's Rumorz(?)

As I have previously established here, the outfits, the wigs, and the shoes are important as well.  And, a lot of thought goes into the outfits that get worn.  I can't even begin to tell you how many times that I've gone into a place like Hot Topic, or Spencer's, and Dan has been at work, thinking about, "I could buy two pairs of these stretchy pants, and make them into a body suit." Or, walking through Marden's, looking at fringe, hearing him say, "I think I want a dress made out of that."  This is not always, but sometimes a daily occurrence.

Now that the outfit's picked out, it's time for the hair.  Which hair goes best with this outfit?  (This is the hardest for me to understand...because I think any hair looks good with anything.  But, that's why I'm not the one doing drag.) And, so, the part of the dressing process that every "husband" (drag or otherwise) dreads: "How does this look?" "Would I look better if I wore this other hair with this?" Sometimes my opinion is taken into consideration.  Sometimes, it's not.  Occasionally, the part where I have to give an opinion is skipped altogether.  (I.e.: the outfit was chosen around the hair, instead of the other way around.)


And, finally, which shoes look better?  The question I hate the most.  My stock answer, is "Those look fine."  But, then again, there's question among my gay friends if I'm really gay, because (although I have about 10 pair of shoes), I'm not very good at matching boy shoes with what I'm wearing. Hell, until last year, I didn't know that it was wrong to wear white socks with dress shoes...although, I found that out in a hurry.

Anyway.

My point here, is that while it may look to an outsider like drag is just throwing on a dress, makeup, a wig and those killer heels,it's not as easy as that.  Dan/Shaunna Rai have been asked on occasion to contribute drag wisdom to a "Drag Boot Camp" program that someone Dan knows has been trying to put in place.  While the idea is great, it relies too heavily on the idea that you can pick a queen out of a box, and every queen is going to be the same.

A question that Dan told me about what, "What 5 items should every queen have in their purse?"  Well, it depends on the queen.  I know a queen, who would carry around a rubber chicken, probably, because she uses it on stage in her act.  Shaunna Rai, on the other hand, wouldn't be caught dead with a rubber chicken...she would more than likely have a bottle of Jaegermeister, a bottle of Vodka, and some Red Bull, or have it all pre-mixed in a flask.  (Actually, more likely, she would have a pair of flip flops, a tank top and a pair of shorts, for after the show.)  Sure, hairspray, and makeup would show up in MOST purses, but not every drag queen is going to carry the same things.

Another question that he told me about was something along the lines of "where did your character/alter ego come from?"  Paraphrasing the question, I can get the point across better. How do you know who your character should be?

Let me tell you, the answer that I got when he told me about the question...wooooah....You don't create a character from a box.  You don't just get blessed by the drag fairy, and all of a sudden, you're a queen.  You have to have some idea, starting out, what you want to be.  Choose a genre: Horror, Comedy, Beauty, Musician, whatever.  Choose a character type: if you're going for comedy: Are you stand up? Are you sarcastic humor? Are you going to go for singing dirty parodies of pop songs?

Ok, so you're going for Stand up Comedy queen:  Who are you?  Is your character crazy?  Is your character a single drunk woman, who will sleep with anything with a pulse?  Are you the old lady full of one liners, like Sophia from the Golden Girls?

These are the things you need to know, in order for your character to develop.  Without a backstory for your character, you'll never have the right information for your stand up, for one.  And, by the same token, if you don't know the character, how are you going to find the right outfits?  If you're going for Mama Sophia, a lady in her 80's, more than likely, you're not going to be wearing prom gowns, or bikinis.  You're going to want to camp up the old lady purple hair, and wear the cardigans, and pants pulled up to right under your boobs.  By the same token, if you're going for the drunk single woman, you're going to want to play up the part of being drunk, and single, so you're going to dress a lot sluttier.

Anyway, my point being, drag is a learning process, throughout the lifetime of your character.  You have to have a bit of creativity, to be able to pick out what you're actually good at, and play to your strengths.  Don't try to be RuPaul, or any other queen that you've seen on tv (or in person).  Be yourself.  Know yourself well enough to know what you'll excel with.  And, bring it!  Just remember that you're the only one who will be able to bring out your inner drag queen.

A Cock in a Frock, on a Rock...

When I started watching RuPaul's Drag Race, last year, the biggest question that I had, of all drag queens, was, are all drag queens that bitchy?

From where I stand, the answer is, maybe.

Hear me out.  This is going to be a long post, and most definitely doesn't have a clear answer to the question.

Every movie that I've watched with a drag queen character in it, has had a queen, who over all the other characters, is the bitch.  Throughout the course of the movie, you come to find out the reason that she's such a bitch, is because she's had a shitty life, and that she had to toughen herself up, in order to deal with life.  From my experience, any homo is going to tell you that that's their life story.

Does that give you any particular excuse for being a bitch then?  Not really.

When I started dating Dan, I was terrified of the drag world.  Until I started to really experience what it was like going to shows.  For once in my life, I felt like it didn't matter that I was there. I wasn't anyone's thorn in their side.  And, I was accepted for being the blatant homo that I sometimes feel like I am.  I have never felt more comfortable, than I have being brought in by the drag world.

What happens though, is from time to time, a queen thinks that she's better than anyone else, and starts throwing her weight around.  When this happens, the queens around her, generally go on the defensive.  Usually, with good reason...they're being attacked, or they've been wronged somehow.

Drag queens are the best of both worlds.  They're men, and behave like men, except for when they're being women.  This is an observation, that needs to be taken as such.  Stereotypically, men get pissed off at each other, have it out, and then make up.  It happens.  Stereotypically, women get pissed off at each other, and hold a grudge forever.  Stereotypically, this is common throughout the entire gay world.  It just has been more publicized in the drag world, through the movies, and shows like Drag Race.  According to media, drag queens are the top of the hill when it comes to catty, bitchiness.  And, some of the people that I know personally, have furthered this stereotype, in their behavior.

A rule in life to remember, is that people are always going to talk.  It's one that I learned very early in life.  At 7, I learned a vast majority of the names that kids call kids like I was.  Not a single one of them was nice.  Come to think of it, a lot of the time that I've heard people talk about me, it hasn't been nice.  (Sorry, back on topic)  Oh yeah, my point here was that there's gotta be some kind of conviction behind what's being said.  If you're going to call me a whore, make sure that I'm slutting it up.  Wanna call me sloppy seconds? Take a look at yourself, and check to see whether you're doing better at life than I am.  Because the final result, is going to be that someone's going to get pissed off in the long run, and you better believe that you're going to get a reading like you've never had before.

I don't care who you are, if you say something bad about a person, there's a reason that you said it.  And, alcohol is not an excuse.  You were already thinking it, and the alcohol just cut down on your inhibitions, and let it slide off your tongue.  "I didn't mean it," isn't a reason either.  You did mean it at some point, if those words came out of your mouth.

Now, at this point, it sounds like I'm villifying drag queens, and that is totally NOT my intention.  Because NOT all drag queens are villains.  Drag queens in general, are some of the most caring people that you'll ever meet.  Statistically, according to "The Official Drag Handbook," by Todd Kachinski-Kottmeier (The Infamous Todd), "For every $10 earned for LGBT cause, $8.82 came in through the assistance of a female impersonator." That's a pretty hefty sum, and bear in mind, that is just talking specifically about the LGBT causes.  That doesn't encompass the numerous other charities that these people support.

They may be crass, or they may be classy.  But, one thing that I can tell you for sure, is that when a queen is performing, is the best time.  At Shaunna Rai's last show in Lewiston, I had invited my cousin.  She had said that she wanted to meet Shaunna Rai.  At the time I invited her, I had no idea that there was anything really going on in her life that she would need a break from.  The show was great.  And, after the show, while we were waiting for the girls to get packed back up, I found out how much of a release it was for her to be at the show, instead of dealing with her life.  She needed the cheering up, that drag brought to her.  (Well, not just drag, but Shaunna Rai, and her girls...)

My point, is this.  Drag queens have a reputation of being bitchy, because they sometimes can be.  But, there's so much more to a queen than a bitchy attitude.  There's creativity, there's grace, there's humor.  There's a sense of community, and a need to give back.  And, most importantly, there's the ability to make a person feel welcome, when that person has felt shut out all of their life.

So, are all queens that bitchy?  No.  But, some are.  And, I think that will never change. 

Life is a Cabaret

The Lady Chablis

 After a very long week of hanging out with Shaunna Rai, and Vanila, we took Friday night off from anything drag related, which meant, we missed opening night of Mama's Cabaret, in Lewiston. The press for the opening promoted having Lady Chablis, of "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" fame.

The night off Friday night was a welcome change.  Dan and I spent the night at home, catching up on sleep and tv.

Saturday night, though, we were ready for date night.  And, a little birdie told me that Lady Chablis was still in town, for Mama Savannah's Birthday.  So, we decided to take the trip to Lewiston to check it out.

I had been there once before in a previous incarnation, which, coincidentally was the first time that I'd ever met Dan in person, although, at the time I was too shy to talk to him, since I thought that he was with someone.

Mama Savannah and Lady Chablis

So, I wasn't really sure what to expect of the venue. The layout of the building was still the same, which meant, the bar was on a lower level, and the rest of it was dance floor and general seating. As Mama's is a restaurant as well as a bar, we decided to get dinner.  As we arrived at our table, our waitress asked for our drink and appetizer order, before we'd even sit down, much less looked at the menu.

I ordered the Poutine, because it was something that I've heard of that I always wanted to try.  And, fortunately, it didn't disappoint. Dan ordered jambalaya, which was equally as good.  About the same time that our entree came, (Steak tips, with dirty rice and smashed potatoes) so did "Mama".

Mama walked in, with her larger than life hair, in full on drag, with sneakers.  The sneakers cracked me up, as did the fact that as soon as she spotted Dan, she made a beeline for our table, and then later cracked a joke about the fact that Shaunna Rai hadn't commented on them.  Before the show, Mama was making the rounds, and said to me, "This is a great song, I love the video." I'd never seen or heard it before, so I did the polite thing, and smiled and nodded. Unfortunately, for me, she read me. "You don't know it, do you?"  "No."  "You can tell that you're a drag husband, she said." The first time that I've been referred to as such.

Mama asked if we'd tried the Alligator Bites. We hadn't tried them yet, so she disappeared into the kitchen and in two shakes, was back with them.  I was a bit nervous about trying them, because Alligator just isn't something that I ever thought I'd be putting in my mouth.  It was much better than I imagined that it would be.  And, it really is like they say, it kind of does taste like chicken.

The show started, and Mama did the first number. Then came the Lady Chablis.  Shaunna Rai had worked with Lady Chablis during pride, years ago, so Dan had different expectations of her performance than I did.  I took the whole number in, from the outfit, to the fact that I think my calf muscles are bigger around than Lady Chablis.  And, I might have been a bit in awe of the fact that she is famous.  After her number, she said a few words about Mama Savannah, and then disappeared for the rest of the night.  Next up, were Mama's "House Girls," Paris Lynne, Mikayla Loveheart and Natilee-Marie Poliquin (Kimi) who also did double duty as VIP hostess.

After the show was over, the floor was opened up for dancing.  We stayed for a little bit after the floor was opened up, and then, made the trek back from Lewiston.

Overall, Mama's Cabaret exceeded my expectations. I'm looking forward to the next time I go back, which should be this Saturday, for the after party of the 5th Annual Lewistunning Dragapalooza show.

So, That Makes You a Cross Dresser, Right?

The One and Only RuPaul

Over the weekend, while Dan and I were snowed in, we watched a lot of Netflix.  (And, some Youtube.)  In all of the viewing that we did, I got a few answers to questions that I had. Namely, what is the difference between a Cross Dresser, a Drag Queen, a Transgender, and a Transvestite?  Because all in all, they all have similar elements to them.

The only thing that really ties all of the above together, is the fact that someone is wearing the clothing of the opposite gender. The reasoning, though, is what makes them different.

I'll go in the order of least amount of research for finding the definitions.

Drag Queen/Drag King: In either case, a man or woman dresses up as a member of the opposite sex, for performance/entertainment purposes. The clothing helps create a character. And, the costume does not mean that the person wearing it wants to actually be the opposite sex.

Transgender/Transsexual: This is probably the easiest for me to explain, (and hardest to understand in my head), and I don't really even have to look it up, only because I know at least two people who identify as transpeople. A transgendered person, is a person who feels that they were born of the wrong gender, and is likely to seek medical attention to correct their physical gender to match that of their mental gender.

Cross Dressing: According to urban dictionary, a cross dresser is a man (generally heterosexual) who wears women's clothes. According to wikipedia, just the act of putting on the clothing of the opposite sex is the definition. And, it's the overall name for the entire category of all people who dress gender opposite.

Transvestite: Anyone who has seen Rocky Horror Picture Show, has some idea of what a transvestite is. A transvestite, again, according to Wiki, is a person who dresses in the clothing of the opposite gender, for some kind of sexual gratification.

What does all this really mean? To me, not much. It's just a bunch of words, really. But, to people who fall into some of these categories, they mean a whole hell of a lot. Just because you're a drag queen, does not mean that you're a transwoman.  And, being a transwoman, doesn't make you a transvestite.  RuPaul, for example is a Drag Queen, but not a tranny (short for transgendered person).

For clarification, transwoman is a male to female gender reassignment, and, likewise, a transman, is a female to male.

Carmen Carerra, before and after

There are always exceptions to the rule, though.  Carmen Carerra, and Monica Beverly Hillz, both contestants on RuPaul's Drag Race, come to mind. Carmen Carerra came to the show as a male, for his season, but now, lives as a woman, and is gorgeous.  And, Monica Beverly Hillz, is currently on Drag Race, and just came out as a transwoman.

As I said before, transgender is very difficult for me to fathom. I just cannot make it ever make sense in my mind, how a person could just give up their identity that they were born with, to create a brand new identity, that will stick with them for the rest of their lives.I just wonder, if you were uncomfortable with a penis before because you felt like you were  really a woman, what makes you think that once you become a woman that you're going to be totally happy without it?  And, by all means, if you or anyone you know, can help me understand it, please explain it to me?  The goal here is for me to educate myself, as much as anyone else who reads this, instead of airing what may appear to be prejudices.

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes...

So, one of the most interesting experiences that I've had has been telling people that I'm dating someone who does drag.  In and of itself, it's not really that big a deal. Well, to me, anyway.

The reaction that surprised me the most, was "So, do you only date drag queens now?"  This makes sense, in that the last boyfriend I had, and my current one both do drag.  (And both are friends.)  My first reaction to that, was offense. Because, in the moment, my thought was, I wasn't dating the "alter".  I have since changed my stance on that a bit.  (More on this in a minute.)

The best reaction, I have to admit came from my mom.  "Oh, so, what does he do?"  Me, being me, I couldn't exactly leave it out.  Especially, since the first time I talked about Dan, was when he invited me to go to see him in a show in Waterville, the Screaming Queens.  So, I explained that he had two jobs, and that he did drag.  She later friended him and recently friended Shaunna Rai on Facebook.  Mom's response? "He makes a prettier girl than I do."  And, later on, "How does he walk in those shoes? If I tried that, I'd fall on my face!"

So, back to dating the "alter". As I said, my initial reaction was to get mad. Because, I'm not a gay guy trying to pass myself off as straight by dating someone, who sometimes, kinda looks like a girl.  I'm a gay guy, dating another gay guy, who just happens to sometimes dress up like a woman, and looks amazing as either. The longer we've been dating though, the more I realize that in some ways, I am dating Shaunna Rai as well. Screaming Queens was technically a date, with Shaunna Rai. And, on a few of our other dates, even though, I was out with Dan, dressed as Dan, people referred to him as Shaunna Rai. I was quite unsure about how to handle it at first. But, now, it makes no difference. If I'm Dan's boyfriend, Awesome. If I'm Shaunna Rai's boyfriend, Great. And, with the promoting that I've started doing for Shaunna Rai, and company, I'd say that she definitely has had an impact on my life.  In more of a positive way than I ever would have imagined.  I feel like I'm doing something, for the first time in a long time.  

I am not a Drag Queen

I'm not a drag queen. I don't play one on tv. I have only dressed in drag twice in my life. At some point, you will see the pictures, I'm sure.

That being said, I have found myself embraced by the Portland drag community. I come from a small town on the coast of Maine, where drag is only done by high school jocks, on Halloween, because: a) They have  the bodies for it, and b) they're the only ones who can come out of it, unscathed.

RuPaul is not a common topic of conversation, back home. Drag is not spoken of. Being gay is something you hide, and nobody would ever be caught dead impersonating the opposite gender.

My goal, with this blog, is to open up the Drag Closet, so to speak. I want to try to answer some questions that I have about drag in general. I want to do some interviews with some drag queens. I want to explain what its like to date a drag queen, from my own experiences. I hope to promote venues, and shows, and the Queens who have taken me under their wings, without trying to "recruit" me. I want to give some exposure to the business side of a community that is most often treated like clowns.

I know, I'm hoping for a lot, from a blog. And, we'll see what happens. Anyway, thanks for joining me for the ride.