You Don't Know What It's Like...

Me as Liz Taylor from AHS: Hotel

Halloween had never really been my holiday, since I was a kid. When I was a kid, I loved it. Dressing up, pretending I was someone else. It was the gay boy holiday. You spend so much time pretending you're someone different, that it's nice to be able to dress the part and get away with it.

I outgrew Halloween when I was about 14. I wasn't popular enough to get invited to Halloween parties. So, I would go out trick or treating with my brother and the girls across the road. And, that was when I found out that I had aged out of Halloween. Someone said, "what are you doing, you're too old for trick or treating." And, that was it.

Dan has asked me every year what I was going to do for Halloween, and every year, I put off making a decision until the last minute, when it's almost too late to do anything about a costume. This year, though, American Horror Story : Hotel happened. More specifically, Liz Taylor happened.

Madame Sheena, ClubKid MizzDiveena, Shaunna Rai, Miss E,on

I've avoided doing any kind of drag, mainly because I know what goes into it, how much work it is, and most importantly, I have worried that I would like it more than I should.  But, the Character of Liz Taylor wouldn't be drag exactly.  When the suggestion was made that I could do her, it wouldn't let go. I wouldn't have a lot of makeup, and could do it myself, for the most part. The wardrobe was simple. The worst part was going to be the shoes.

For the first time ever, I asked Benni (Miss E,on to make me something. I had to have Liz Taylor's flowy wrap thing, in order to make the character believable.

My Minions, Mom and Dad

I spent three weeks walking around in heels that used to belong to Raquel Blake, that were too big for Shaunna Rai. I found out the hard way that falling in heels is one of the worst things in the world. Especially when the heels make you almost 7 feet tall... The ground is a long way down.

Miss E,on

Finally, the night was here. Halloween. Shaunna Rai started her makeup. I shaved everything that would potentially be visible, including my head. Once that was over, it was a matter of throwing on what makeup I would need, and some lashes. I did the lipstick and eyeshadow myself. Dan/Shaunna did my lashes and liner. (We almost glued my eye shut, but, it worked itself out.)

Shaunna Rai

And, it was time to head to Portland. We stopped to pick up Miss E'on and Stephan and his partner, Devin. Devin was excited, because this would be his first drag show. We all ended up squeezed into the back seat of
Stephan's car. The ride there was long. Once we got into Portland,  it became a matter of finding a place to park. And, I got on the wrong side of Shaunna's mood, when I didn't speak up soon enough, because Shaunna couldn't see with her blackout contacts.

I finally found a parking lot around the block, and we were on out way. We got to the Westin in plenty of time. Chris O showed us where the girls would be getting ready. We brought the bags back, and I took Stephan and Devin back out to try to get their bracelets...only we were still way too early.

Chris O

And, given the fact that I was walking around in boy clothes with my face a made up, I was feeling weird, and decided that if the guys were ok, I would go get ready, and change into Liz Taylor. 

Once I was in the costume and heels, it was like I was a different person. I kinda understood for the first time how it was that Shaunna Rai comes out of Dan's mouth once a certain amount of makeup goes on. Nobody really notices Steve. But, everyone was watching Liz. 

Madame Sheena

While I was trying to not kill myself with the 8 inch heels, people stopped me to ask for a picture. Not because I had a camera, but, because they wanted to take a picture with me in it. It was literally one of the most surreal nights of my life.

On my way into the ballroom, to get directions about what was expected from pictures, I was stopped and asked if I would be participating in the costume contest. I hadn't really thought about it, mainly because I was there to "work." But, I figured, "what the Hell, you only live once, and if I stand a chance of winning,  why not?"

My parents showed up, and we're in partial costume. They asked about the bathrooms, so I pointed them in the right direction, and when they came back, they were Minions. Some nice person actually took a picture with all three of us..which I still have not seen anywhere...And, it was a bit awkward. While I've posed with my parents before, it has never been as awkward as it was when I was in the heels. Both of my parents at some point touched my butt.

ClubKid MizzDiveena

We all ended up with VIP bracelets. Which was cool. It meant that I had full access to everything. The VIP area was upstairs, with its own bar, and a bunch of tables. The balcony view of the dance floor was cool, and being above the chandeliers made for some nice pictures. But, I have to admit, I spent very little time in VIP. (Partly because it was hell walking up and down the stairs in the heels and a robe thing that was flowy enough that it would randomly start sliding, if I didn't hold myself just so.)

This was the first event in a long time that I spent completely sober. It was just as well, given how much trouble it would have been if I had fallen... Because, I still almost fell a number of times even without a drink. (My left ankle seems to be weaker than my right one.)

Once the doors were opened, I was dragged into the photo booth by the photographer. I got my one picture, and then went on my way, with camera out and at the ready. And, I did something that I rarely do at these events. I asked groups of people I'd I could take their pictures. And, as Shaunna has told me for years,  they all said yes..because, who doesn't want to pose for a camera? (Aside from me...)

When all four performers were finally there,  I grabbed a group picture of them. (One of the best pictures of the night.) They did their thing, and split up to mingle. Announcement was made of the agenda for the evening and DJ Jodi played music for everyone to dance to until the performances. 

Around 9:30pm, Miss E,on took the stage. About that time, some of Dan's friends from work showed up and said hi to me, before heading to the bar and to try to hunt down Shaunna.

Shaunna was up next, and I was looking forward to the song. Evanescence's Bring Me to Life. I've always loved the song, and when she said that she was doing it, I was excited. The performance went off without a hitch. 

More dancing. More pictures. I was asked by Coraline to get a picture with her. After she left, a couple of the hotel employee ladies took about a bajillion pictures of me on their phones. (More pictures that I have never seen.) 

Next up was the costume contest. Because I was supposed to be doing photos, this was stressful for me. I had no idea how I would manage to get pictures once I was on stage. Fortunately, waiting until last to go up, and being in one of the last categories, I didn't have much to worry about. Well, aside from the fact that I had been in heels for almost 3 hours, and my feet hurt and my legs were starting to get shaky.

Going up, I introduced myself as Liz Taylor, and when asked "and what are you?" I made a joke..."I'm dying to get out of these heels." The audience laughed. Unfortunately,  I was not fabulous enough to win the fabulous category. (Although, it made me feel good later, when someone told me that I was robbed, and should've won in my category.)

I totally agreed with the judges' decision that Medusa won overall. Ashley's costume was amazing. 

After it was over, I had to get rid of the heels. Literally, the pain on my feet and the wobbliness in my legs was making me sick to my stomach. I went and found our friends from the salon, and a lady, who I don't know, helped me take my shoes off. (I almost fell when I tried to do it myself.) I have a total new respect for women, who wear heels all day. And an even greater respect for drag queens, who, not only walk around in heels, but also dance, kick and do splits in heels.

Madame Sheena was up next for performing. I can't recall the name of the song. I want to say that it was from something called the Littlest Witch. Something like that.

ClubKid MizzDiveena was the final performer of the night. I knew due to her Jack Skellington costume that she had to be doing something Nightmare Before Christmas related. And, she didn't disappoint. She did a whole number to "This is Halloween."

The rest of the night was dancing. Shaunna and I caught back up with the group from the salon. Then, it was time to get changed and head out. We stopped and said goodbye to my parents. And, then it was back to the car, to head home.

On the way home we stopped at Burger King. We went inside, and I don't think that the people at the counter knew quite what to make of us. Two guys, two guys with makeup,  and Miss E,on, in full drag.

It was a great night. I has so much fun. And, I stepped so far out of my comfort zone, that it wasn't funny. But, I got an understanding for the first time, first hand, of what it's like to be a drag queen, and to get all of the attention. I would be lying if I didn't say that I actually of enjoyed the attention. I understand the draw to doing drag now. And, I'm not as immune to it as I once thought.  (But, once a year for Halloween, would be more than enough for me...since I don't perform. I can lip sync with the best, but I would be a very boring queen to watch.)

Remembering the Underground

In the grand scheme of things, in terms of the gay community,  I'm about preschool age as a gay man. Looking back on my life, I find that by settling down at 19, I missed out on a lot of the "scene", during my 20's and very early 30's. There is so much history that I have been learning about Portland's, Lewiston's, Augusta's and Bangor's gay history. And, now, there is only Portland left with any semblance of a gay bar, until you head south.

Miss JoAnn

So, when the announcement was made that Styxx was going to host a show called Remembering The Underground, it was one I wanted to go to. The premise, being that years ago, the space now known as Styxx was another business, called The Underground (fitting, as the club/bar is in the basement of the building, therefore it is Underground).

Back in the day, they had shows there all the time. Queens from Boston would come and perform. There was always a line around the corner, just to get in.

This was going to be a #throwbackthursday on a live stage. The queens would be performing music from the '90's and reminiscing about the old days, and some of the Queens and Kings who have either stopped performing by choice or have passed away.

Madame Sheena

For the first time I got kind of snotty about posters. I designed and redesigned, to totally different specifications the poster. I promoted on my own pages. And the performers either didn't share it at all, or literally just hit the share now button on Facebook, and didn't give reasons why anyone would want to go. I took out frustration on everyone, and feel the need to apologize.

The night itself was going to be fun. Both Miss E'on and Leanna Love, ended up being in the show as two other queens had canceled at the last minute.

And, Dan's daughter was going to be there, and get to see Shaunna Rai perform for the first time...aside from at a hair school show. Other than a little chit chat on Facebook, I hadn't really had much interaction with Logan so, I was looking forward to it.

We got to the bar, and I took the bags to the back, as usual. Miss JoAnn was already there. She greeted us warmly, and said something about her age, in response to something Leanna had said about being too old. (Miss JoAnn, I think is the oldest drag queen I know.)

Danielle Dior

Once things were squared away, I went to get Shaunna and myself something to drink. I may have gotten a little snippy with the lady at the door, when I went back to give Shaunna her drink...I drove with half the performers, with no gas money involved, and you're going to charge me a cover? (I now see that I'm just as bad as the rest of the people I complain about. I've been given too many free entries, for being the driver, that it has gone to my head.) And, I learned my lesson. When I'm already in the back, for a show, just wait until the back bar opens...

DJ ChrisO started the music, for the night, and in a way I was transported back in time. The music was the music that was new when I was finishing high school, and starting art school. (In other words, the soundtrack to my coming out.) Whitney Houston's It's Not Right came on, and I literally flashed back to my first time ever in a gay night club, in Philadelphia, at Woody's, when I was just over 18.

Leanna Love

The show started, and Madame Sheena started off the introductions.  Shaunna, E,on and Leanna paid homage to a group of girls that Shaunna used to perform with (the ISG...International Show Girls, who used to perform on the Scotia Prince cruise, back in the day.)

Miss JoAnn was introduced, and a joke was made about her having been performing since 1912...she really isn't that old...I got some great shots of her. Her Somewhere Over the Rainbow was a great number. It's one of my favorite songs, and it just fit for her to do it.

Barbara Streisand made an appearance. Oh, wait, no, that was Madame Sheena.

Danielle Dior, who is a former Miss Gay Maine, and was a fixture in The Underground days, hosting both the shows and Strip Night, did a number.

Shaunna Rai

Leanna, who I normally have a hard time getting good pictures of, did a version of Fever, by Madonna, and I got a few really good shots of her too.

Somewhere in between numbers, I saw our friends Andrea and Dana. I talked to Andrea a bit about a game that I'm excited to see come out, and she talked about someone that she was kind of seeing, having invited her to go to some kind of gamer convention in Boston. Dana asked me if it would be ok for him to put a dollar bill in his fly for tipping Shaunna. I never know what's appropriate until afterward,  so I gave my blessing...only because I know he wouldn't do anything bad.

E,on did her number,  which, for the life of me, I can't remember what it was. The one thing I do remember, was our friend Steve giving her a tip...in his teeth, and the huge grin on his face after. This is what shows are supposed to be about. Having fun.

Miss E,on

The thing I was most looking forward to, was the banter about the back in the day queens, who are no longer around. We reached Donna Summer's Last Dance, and the banter was not there. I knew little more about the old days than I did before I went. That was my only disappointment from the show.

The show was over, and the queens were heading back to pack up. Shaunna was still socializing, and introduced me to a couple, who asked if I could take a picture of them. They had met at The Underground, years ago, and wanted a picture, to commemorate it.

Finally, we were on our way home. The trip home from Portland seemed so much shorter than it did when we were in Portland after driving from Portsmouth.

Styxx Presents: Remembering the Underground

Coming Soon to Portland, a one night only event, featuring Shaunna Rai, Miss JoAnn, Valerie Honeywell, Beulah Gale, special guests, and your hostess for the evening, Madame Sheena.  DJ ChrisO is coming out for a night of music from the 90's.  

If you're like me, and know nothing about The Underground, it would be a good night for a little history of the drag scene in Portland.  This was where Shaunna Rai got her start, and where she met a lot of people, who are important to her.  The queens will be remembering some of the good times, and some of the queens from back in the day, who either have passed away, or no longer perform.

It should be a fun night, either way.  I'll be there taking pictures, as usual.  You should be there too!

An Evening With Danielle Dior

The host for the night,
Danielle Dior.

So, the night started out with me in a panic, that I wasn't going to make it to the show.  It was pretty much, in my mind, a case of, I wish I'd known sooner.

When I finally left work, on time, for once, it was with the expectation of arriving back in Portland at the end of the show, with nothing to do, but go home and go to bed.  The drive was long and boring.  And, finally, I made it back to Portland...where the roads were iffy, because we were still digging out from a storm that left a couple feet of snow.

Madame Sheena

I got to Styxx and Shaunna Rai was there, talking with a couple of people that we know.  I got a drink, and proceeded with talking about my frustrating day at work, with a co-worker, who had a hard time keeping track of residents. And, I was reminded that I smile, a lot.  My parents came up in conversation, about how accepting and supportive they are.

Lo and behold, the show had yet to start.  By the time the announcement was made that the show would be starting in five minutes, I think I'd gone through half my drink... Cherry Lemonade made a point of welcoming me to the show...and it made me smile, because who doesn't like a personal "Thanks for coming."

Cherry Lemonade in an Adore
Delano inspired look.

I'd smuggled my camera in, because, well, that's what I do.  I'm the picture guy.  And, for whatever reason, I want to document the drag that I see.  They're all the Candy Darlings, to my Andy Warhol.  (If you don't get the reference, Google it.)

The show started, and I had to say, it was a little odd to me.  Danielle is a Blackstones girl.  I hear, back in the day, when Styxx was the Underground, that Danielle was there a lot.  But, as long as I've known Danielle, it's been rare to see her out at Styxx, much less, performing there.  Danielle always starts the show off, with a thank you to us, the audience, for being there, and then goes into her first number.

Danielle Dior

Shaunna commented that she loved Danielle's outfit, and Cherry Lemonade came over and sat with us for a few minutes, before heading to the back to get ready for her number.

Madame Sheena was up next. I always enjoy her performances...although, my camera, doesn't as much.  She's a fast mover, and the camera tends to have a hard time focusing on her.

Madame Sheena

Cherry Lemonade came out for her number, looking like Adore Delano.  I loved the look.  She used the cage on the dance floor in her number.  At the end of the number, she took the mic, and reintroduced Danielle, for her second number.

Cherry Lemonade working
the Stripper Pole

Sheena came back out for her second number, and Cherry was back out for her second number.  This was one of the more memorable numbers for the night, because, well, the Stripper Pole.  While there was no upside down hanging, Cherry worked the pole, and I was happy to see that I got some cool pictures of it.

Danielle as Liza Minelli

Danielle came out for her next to last number.  I was a little disappointed, because initially, the DJ started playing the Madonna version of "Don't Cry For Me, Argentina," in error.  The correct song was actually a Liza medley.

Madame Sheena

At this point in the show, I was apparently, in the photo zone.  Why do I say that?  Well, for one, I'd taken probably 1100 pictures at this point.  (I took advantage of the settings that I'd found before the last show.)  But, apparently, at some point, about halfway through the number, there was a wardrobe malfunction.  When editing the pictures later, I was very much distracted by Danielle's nipple staring me in the face in about 100 pictures or so.

Danielle Dior

Sheena did one more number, and Danielle came out for her final number.  And, just like that, the show was over.

I sometimes wonder if the shows actually go so fast for the performers as they do for me.  I think part of it has to do with the fact that I'm focused on things, usually, other than enjoying myself.  (Not that I give up the enjoyment of the show, for the pictures, because that's totally not the case.)  I'm just usually more in the zone of point and shoot, than watch, tip, enjoy, repeat.

But, I have to admit, sometimes it pays off to be the guy who zones out by taking pictures.  On the way out, I mentioned to Josh (the bar owner) that I had taken a ton of pictures.  He told me to make sure to post them, and he'd make sure that next time I was there, I got a drink or two on the house, as payment.  Not a bad deal, for something that I would've done for free anyway.

Give to Me Your Leather, Take From Me, My Lace

Shaunna's Cousin from Deliverance...

 Even a little snow can't keep a show from going on...Thank Goodness.  And, you always know, when Shaunna Rai's "cousin" shows up, that you're in for a VERY interesting night.

After a drink, I was asked to call a cab, since I had to stake my claim on a free parking spot, due to the parking ban, knowing that the lot would be full by the time the show was over.  So, I did.  More than an hour and a half before we needed the cab to be here.  I thought nothing of it, as there was no reason for me to.  I received the confirmation that someone would be here by 8:30pm to pick us up, and no calls saying that that was inaccurate.

So, the girls got ready, and we did the usual photo shoot, before we leave the house.  Shaunna had a couple of shots done, because she's modeling nails for a company called X-Tar Cosmetics.  And, because I'm going to be bored for the next week, due to a severe shortage of hours that I'll be working, I wanted something that I could play with, for a poster to promote Shaunna Rai's Happy Hours, at Blackstones.  And, Vanila got a couple of shots done as well, just because, well, that's what we do. That's how we roll here...

So, finally, it's time for us to go wait for the cab.  Our neighbors arrived home, and we got to listen in to a phone conversation (because they were on the stoop, and yelling into the phone.)  8:30 came and went, and the cab wasn't here.  Vanila called the cab company, who proceeded to tell her, that "It's not our problem that when you called to order the cab, the dispatcher was new, and didn't know that we didn't have any cabs available."

Seriously, Unacceptable.

Abbey Road Taxi quoted us a 10 minute wait, and they were here sooner than that.  And, the show was back on the slippery, snowy road.  And, I started breathing again.  Because, in my crazy head, somehow, I had screwed up the taxi thing.

Upon arrival, I ordered drinks for Shaunna and I.  Shaunna was not performing in the show, so it was a different kind of night than the usual show night.  And, I was pretty excited.  My Facebook page will say otherwise, but I have few enough friends...but I had friends, who Dan/Shaunna Rai didn't know, coming in from Chicago, to see us and the show.

Shows normally start relatively early, like around 9 or 9:30pm.  This one, was scheduled for a 10pm start.  Around 9:15, I started to think that the snow was keeping the boys away.  And, I was a bit disappointed.  And, then, Brian and Patrick walked in.  And, they brought Liz, one of my favorite people from when I worked for the bank.  Big hugs all around, and I got a couple of slaps for leaving the bank...which, as much as I hate to say it, was one of the best choices that I've made for myself.

Introductions were made, and things went well.  And, I found out that I'm being stalked from Chicago.  Well, the boys have been watching the progressions in my life since I originally became single, up through now.  And, for the second time in a week, I heard, "You've gained so much confidence, and you seem so much happier. I'm proud of you."  The boys were actually in town to look for wedding venues, for their upcoming wedding.

I spent the weeks prior to the show, convinced that someone was going to be singing the Stevie Nicks/Don Henley song, "Leather and Lace", because I kept hearing the name of the show was Leather and Lace...it was really Leather and Love.  I need to pay better attention to promotion materials, and keep my head out of things.

The show started, and I was in a spot different from my usual perch by the front of the stage.  I spent the entire show, standing, trying to stay out of people's way, but, keep them out of my way, as well.  It was a delicate balance to not knock people in the head for getting too close to me.

It would be great, if I could actually remember after the show is over, what songs were performed.  But, I spend so much time, focused on taking the pictures, that I tend to forget to pay attention to the music.

What I did focus on though, was the performers.  Danielle was trying a new look, with her mesh (fishnet?) outfit, and managed to pull it off well.  I remember when I first heard about the show, that this particular outfit was the topic of a lot of speculation.  Cherry Lemonade, who had put a tax return into a chestplate, was looking bustier than I've ever seen her.  She was on it with both her lip sync number, and with her live number.  I have to say, when you've got the voice, you need to play it up.  And, Cherry has the voice.  Madame Sheena always puts on a good lip sync.   Vanila, who is usually pretty energetic in her performances wasn't quite there for this show.  This would probably be because she spent the entire week before the show, hacking up lungs, and dealing with a bum tooth.  The performance was good, just, I could tell she wasn't feeling it.

Shaunna Rai, after the show, did her mingling thing.  Because it was a Valentine's day show, she handed out some Cherry Blow Pops, that we'd bought earlier.  To each recipient, she made a request.  "Tell me how long it takes you to get to my center."  (I don't think anyone actually did mention how long it took...)  She managed to find the two girls who had never been to Blackstones before, much less a drag show...and welcomed them with her Blow Pops.

While she did her thing, I checked in with Vanila, to see kind of where we were at, as far as needing to get another cab.  Vanila went downhill quickly after the show.  And, so the cab was called pretty close to when I asked.  "It'll be about 10 minutes," was the cab company response.  And, like before, since it was the same company, they were there much sooner than the 10 minutes.  Vanila booked it for the cab, while I found Shaunna to tell her that the cab was here.  She said she'd be right out.  And then got caught up with taking pictures with fans.  So, when she finally got to the cab, I wasn't sure that she was going to get a fan out of the cabbie.



I just have to remember, that miss Shaunna Rai, is quite resourceful, and makes it hard to NOT like her.  She climbed in, after Vanila bribed the driver to not leave without her.  As she got in, she mentioned something about being good and covering up her "hoo-hah."  And, the conversation went something like this:

Cabbie: I don't know what a hoo-hah is.
Shaunna: If I have to explain it, I'll have to charge you.  Here, have my cherry.
Cabbie: What is it?
Shaunna: It's a Blow Pop.  It's my cherry.  Tell me how long it takes to get to my center.

Outwardly, I was laughing, because the driver was an older gentleman.  Friendly as all get out.  And he didn't seem at all thrown by the fact that he had two drag queens in his cab.  But, inwardly, I was cringing, because, this is a person that none of us knows.  And, he could very well take offense at anything that Shaunna said, and it could all blow up.  Fortunately, nothing like that actually happened.  The guy laughed along with us.  And, he told us a bit about the company, and was happy to hear that Vanila was now going to be a repeat customer.

Then, just like that, the night was over.  We were home.  The drag came off, the TV came on. And, I ended up being the last one awake.

Not a bad way to spend a Saturday night.  Good friends, good show at a great bar.