TL;DR : Social Media: The Downfall of America

 TL;DR has become a new term in my online vocabulary (for those of you not in the know, it means "Too Long; Didn't Read."  People will literally preface their arguments with TL;DR....so if you see it, know that what it really means, is, "I read it until it said something that I agreed with, and then I stopped reading, because I didn't really care enough about it to finish it. I just wanted something to argue about."  

When I was growing up, in the 80's and 90's, I did kid things. We went outside to play, we stayed out until mom called us in, usually well after dark. On rainy days, we got to play games on the Tandy computer. As I got older, I started writing stories. They were usually foolish, with no point (kinda like most blog posts that I post...)

As I neared the end of high school, and AOL became the new thing, for once, I could talk to people I didn't know, and it was cool. As time has gone by, I've come to realize that I have met a number of the people I used to talk to, in real life, and currently follow some of them on Facebook.

Once I left for Art school in Philadelphia, I wanted a way to keep my parents updated on what I was doing. I didn't want to call them all the time, because it was a long distance call, and could only be done after 7 on certain nights. So, I did what any resourceful teenager would do. I taught myself basic html coding, and started a blog.

I would have killed for Facebook, back then. Not the Facebook that we have now, but the Facebook that we had about 7 years ago when I first started. People would talk like civilized human beings about normal every day stuff...kinda like my original blog. Plus, you could play games, and people would help you out. The Facebook community was just that. A community.

As time has gone by, Facebook has changed. Algorithms have changed. What you are able to see, from whom, has changed. "Nobody plays games anymore," so nobody helps. And, instead, they dump. They dump on the games. They dump on each other. And they dump on people and situations they know nothing about. Trolls, they call them. Not the cute ones with rainbow colored hair, from the 90's. These trolls sit at home behind a computer screen, and actively make other people miserable. Why? Because they can. And they get enjoyment out of it. These people think nothing of telling someone to kill themselves.  They issue death threats for agreeing or disagreeing with someone else's opinion.  

While my social media presence has always been more fun and informational, many others use it as a platform.  In light of the recent protest in Charlottesville, VA, resulting in the death of an innocent woman, and injuries of 19 other people, my social media has shifted to a feed that is 95% political.  I understand the reasoning for it.  People are angry.  Social media is a great way to be able to get to a large audience to make your views understood.  If that's your brand, then by all means go ahead and brand yourself that way.  That is not my brand.  Generally speaking, I think probably less than 1% of posts in the entirety of my social media presence, going all the way back to my now defunct website from the 90's, have been politically subjected.  However, that does not make me ignorant of what is going on in the world, nor does it make me less of a person.  It just means, that I'm a non-confrontational person, who would rather try to make someone happy, than to induce a fight of any sort. 

I try to keep things light.  I post my drag photos.  I post the commissions for drag cartoon portraits that I do.  I do my #bowtiefriday posts every week, with a different, new bowtie.  I post foolish things to make people laugh.  I post things that people wouldn't expect from me, because it keeps things interesting.  

The random times that I do post politically charged things, it's because something has sparked within me, that makes me feel like I need to say something.  And, it's usually, more of an observation, because I'm an observer.  I watch, I listen, and I record it...whether on paper, or in my mind.  When the election was over last November, and Donald Trump became president, I made a late night rant, in which I discussed the possibility of the United States entering into a civil war.  The comment was based on perceived parallels between the current political atmosphere and the politics leading up to the civil war.  The article I posted a couple days ago, surprisingly, echoed my sentiment from almost a year ago.  I felt validated in my statement, by seeing it in someone else's words as well.  So, I posted it.  

The response I got to the article, though, kind of threw me a little.  Although, it shouldn't have, because, the truth of the matter, it's what this whole blog post is about.  Social media has become an outlet for working out anger.  Fights start from innocent comments.  We live in a world now, where communication is fully impersonal.  A text, a Facebook message, or any other kind of written communication is now suspect.  You can't tell the implied meaning behind how something was written.  Were you being serious?  Were you being sarcastic?  Are you mad at me?  Oh, you're joking? Depending on what kind of a day you're having, and what tone you choose to read the message in, it changes the meaning the message.  

It became a discussion, after a photo of SILENCE=DEATH was posted in response to my saying that I avoid discussing politics on social media.  Points were brought up from all parties who were involved in the conversation that were totally valid.  At times, it felt like those who opposed my silence were saying that because I don't post something political every day or every other post, that I was wrong.  Bear in mind, that these are all people who I know in real life, and respect.  And, that when looked at with a fresh set of impartial eyes, each point that was being discussed, all parties were in agreement with.  What became apparent, and has been apparent for a long time on social media in general, is that nobody really reads for comprehension anymore.  It's for argument's sake. 

So, we're all TL;DR'ing over here in the corner, stewing in our own anger, with no outlets other than social media. The anger, and fear of not knowing what is going to happen in the world in the next 24 hours is driving a wedge between us.  We can be in total agreement, and still argue about who's got the biggest dick or the loudest voice.  And, in the end, that's what will tear us apart.  Until we stop trying to yell the loudest, we can look forward to destroying each other.  Civil war will be inevitable.  The problem, is that this Civil war will look much different than the first one fought on US soil.  The lines won't be so finely divided into North and South.  It's going to be friend against friend, and family member against family member.  Why? Because they don't believe in the same thing you do.  

The worst part is that it could be stopped before it happens.  Speak Less, Listen More.  Don't start talking until you've had time to hear the words the other person is saying.  Educate yourself.  Research, research, research. And, remember that not everyone fights the same way.  Yelling doesn't work for everyone.  And, stop arguing with people who agree with you.  It's stupid.  

Social media burst onto the scene as a way for people to connect more.  And, it has fulfilled that goal.  Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and others are household names.  But, they're morphing us into something that scares me.  We're a species who have foolishly caused extinctions of other species.  And, now, we're in the midst of a world in turmoil, caused and played out by our species. And, we're gladly turning against people on our own side, in order to tell them that they're wrong, when they agree with us.  We accuse people of being hateful and bullying...and then turn around and do the same.  And we do it all publicly, so that we can find out which of our friends agree with us, and publicly criticize those who don't, before we report them and block them from our pages. 

So, who is really to blame here, for the political climate that we live in now?  Is it the media (newspapers, websites and television)?  Or is it Social Media?  Or, are we as humans so quick to "forget" history, that we will allow ourselves to nuke each other to death, while we tell each other "You're wrong!" because we have to be right?

United We Stand, Divided We Fall

June is Pride month. A year ago, we were banding together to support those lost in the attack on Orlando's Pulse. We were celebrating the announcement that it was legal in all 50 states to marry if you were a same sex couple.

This year, there were no proclamations by the new president about Pride month. There was no acknowledgement of Pride at all. I understand that since the election, there are a lot of people who are still shell shocked by the result. And, that the fear people are feeling has resulted in a distrust of anyone who disagrees with you.

This year's pride should be about coming together. And, unfortunately, what I'm seeing is people on both sides giving in to their fears and taking it out on others. This isn't who we are. And, it accomplishes nothing, except for scattering an already broken group into smaller and angrier pieces. 

Being angry has always been a part of what Pride stands for. The anger has led us to where we are now in terms of LGBTQ Rights. But, we need to focus that anger in the right direction.

Taking your anger out on others for an opposing view is small minded, and what we should actually be fighting against. Because, with all the things that are tearing us apart from the outside, do we really need to be doing it to ourselves as well?  

There are ways to fight the government, but attacking each other, is not the way.  

When I was at this year's pride, I became super emotional, and almost broke down in tears.  This has never happened to me before at any of the pride events I've been to.  I still couldn't tell you what it was that set me off.  Maybe it was the sangria that I had before the parade?  Maybe it was the fact that it dawned on me that I've been single for a year.  Maybe it was the number of people who were there, both in the parade, and viewing it.  Or, maybe it was the realization that by documenting Pride in pitcures of the parade, I was doing something that would have a teensy weensy little legacy in the grand scheme of things.  Whatever it was, it inspired me.  

I don't want to be Cleve Jones, and be an activist for the rest of my life.  But, I also don't want to stand by and watch as we self destruct, and others take away the very things that we'd been fighting for since the beginning.  I need to find the way to be more of an activist.  Find out what needs to be done, and how I can help.  

And, instead of polarizing all of our friends to either be with us or against us, we should all be doing the same.  Come together.  Use your weirdness, creativity, or whatever it is that you have inside you to keep the fight going.  But, use your common sense, and fight for the side of all, and not just the side that you think is "right".  Because, truthfully, when we stop fighting together, for what's important for all of us, we might as well give up fighting for anything.  There's safety in numbers. Nobody said that those numbers had to agree on everything...

So, while you may be scared daily about what's coming down the line, or you may just say, what happens happens, just be the best you that you can be.  Be out. Be proud of who you are.  And know, that just these small acts make a difference in some way, whether you know it or not.  

Happy Pride month!

What Do You Say?

Many years ago, before I got into drag, and before I ever met Dan or Shaunna Rai, I did something that I loved, as an artist and a writer.  I created a comic.  It was loosely based on the lives of people around me, and my personal life.  I say loosely, because in typical soap opera fashion, some crazy things that would never happen did, and some things that I didn't want to have happened, didn't.

Anyway, one of the goals that I had hoped to accomplish, was to show a little diversity in the story.  My character, and his partner at the time, were gay.  Most of the characters based on friends and family were straight, like really happens in the world.  And, one character, I had decided needed to be trans.

The only problem, was that I didn't know any trans people.  So, I didn't really know how to tell a story from their point of view.  To this day, it's the one thing that has bugged me the most.  It's been over a year, since the last time I posted on the Facebook page I created for it.  And, I still want to tell the story of Monica, and her transition to becoming Alexander...Alex for short.  But, I'm still faced with the same issue.  I want to make this the most real story that I've told, but, I need to ask questions about the process, and I really don't know what I can ask and what I can't.  I mean, the general consensus is that you never ask about the genital area...because, unless the person talking wants to talk about it, it's just rude to ask someone about their genitals.

But, how do you ask the questions?  Which ones are okay to ask, and which ones aren't?  And, which ones are just common sense, (in that there are some similarities to coming out as gay, in that most of the trans people who I do know have had a coming out of sorts to announce that they're trans)? Is it okay to ask about the second coming out?  Is it okay to ask about surgeries in general, and the processes needed to get approval?  What's the process like for taking the hormones? Do hormones change behavior patterns?  What do they do to your features? (I mean, I know that they can harden or soften your features, based on photo evidence...) At what point do you discuss your trans-ness with people?  Does it differ from person to person?  How realistic is it for a feminine woman to transition into a somewhat effeminate man?  If and when you began the surgical transition, did you disappear from your home area, and come back after the transition? Have you ever gone back? Would you have surgery without telling anyone?

This is just a short list of my questions, because I'm sure at this point, with half of the questions, I've started to sound like a dick.  I figure I'll stop while I'm ahead. However, if anyone would like to answer, I would greatly appreciate the help.  I want to do justice to a story that I feel needs to be told.  And, I want to do it with a sensitivity that makes Alex's transition not only a good story, but also a learning experience for those who, like me, are ignorant to what is appropriate to ask. I want to bring Alex back to the canvas, since he's technically been gone away on "a tour of the country" for something like 6 years now.  It doesn't need to be an after school special, because the rest of the stories I told have some kind of comedy to them...

It's the end of pride month, and I've been feeling the itch to draw again.  And, to tell stories.  And, to get my story to a point where there's closure for all stories.  And, I need to get some storyline ideas.  Part of the enjoyment I got out of the comic, in the first place, was that I would often ask for ideas for what else I could do.  Occasionally, stories would come out of the air, like the initial story when Jamie tells everyone she has "Gay Pride", and has no idea what that means. But, some, like the Larry, the Paper Bag Killer, Halloween story, were created with help.  The interactive aspect of it, made it exciting for me.  And, quite possibly, that may be the piece that I've been missing. I lost interest because I wasn't having fun.  But, I miss the characters, I miss the work, and I miss the stories. So, a social media presence could be beneficial for me.  If you're interested, the comic is HERE.

The Eyes are the Windows...

Shaunna Rai

April, May and June are busy months for a drag queen.  Well, I should say for a specific drag queen.  Shaunna Rai.  Every year, since I've known her, those three months have been jam packed with drag shows.  This is more a statement of fact, than a complaint.

To be honest, without those shows, I wouldn't really have much to do.  In the past, I've spent barely any time editing photos...and instead, merely waded through the initial 20 pictures, which turned to 200 pictures, and is now in the ballpark of 2-4k pictures.  Take a couple seconds, and look through each picture, for something that may disqualify it. Then, post it on Facebook.  As I started taking more photos, I began to actually edit some photos.  Looking through old albums, I could see what I was going for, but I can also see now, that I had no idea what I was doing.

During the start of the busy season, I got the joy of meeting and photographing Shangela, with one of my photography idols, Lauren.  Lauren took photos of Shaunna Rai a few years ago, and last year took photos of Amber, as you may recall. Lauren asked me if I had used Adobe Lightroom in any of my editing.  I remembered seeing her using it, the first time I met her.  And, I hadn't used it, based on the fact that I figured it was going to be too expensive, and it wouldn't be something I'd use often enough to justify it.  Little did I know, that conversation would change not only the look of my photos, but it would also change the way that I look at my own photos.

Shangela

Editing the photos from the Shangela show, I started caring more about the story that my photos were telling, if viewed in order. (Which, by the way, is nearly impossible to do on Facebook photo albums, if you decide to add all photos at the same time.  I spent more time putting them in the right order than I did, actually editing them.)

Having discovered the Exposure button on the camera itself could change how a photo looked, I started playing with that, in addition to starting to understand that for most of my drag photo needs, I would need the largest ISO setting that was available on the camera.  (For anyone who knows nothing about photgraphy, I apologize for using unknown terms, which I couldn't explain out loud, even though I understand the concept of how they're used.)

Lightroom, added options.  I tend to get overexposed photos, which are washed out.  By playing with the exposure, I realized I could get rid of some of the white, and actually save some otherwise useless pictures.  It's not an exact art, but I'm starting to get a feel for what I'm doing.  I've never really been a huge fan of black and white photography, in general, but, I have a newfound appreciation for it, because of presets for the program.  (Presets are groups of settings, that were already saved, so, you literally just click a button, and it changes your photo in specific ways.)  Creative cropping, which, up until now, hasn't really been a huge part of how I do my photos.  But, I've played around with it for a few

Miss E'on

selfies, to enjoyable results.

Finally, it all came together, after Dragapalooza, when I started editing photos.  The lighting was good, for the most part, the performers moved slowly enough that I was able to get a few good shots of them.  And, the editing has me wondering if I should go through every photo that I've ever taken, and edit it this way, so that it will be more enjoyable to me.  I think that's the perfectionist in me, who finds fault in everything that he's ever done...

Anyway, I can't say enough good about the Lightroom program.  It's definitely worth $10 per month. And, definitely a program that I will continue to use, both for what I consider to be my "more professional, but NOT Professional" photos, and my lame selfies on #bowtiefriday.

Armchair Activist

I started writing this months ago, and couldn't finish it, because it didn't know how. It's all as true today as it was when it started it though. Only, now I know that the story doesn't end...

I come off as aloof and naive, if you follow me in any way on social media.  I don't talk about politics... I don't often talk about anything real.  Nobody really knows me.  Not the me inside.  The me who is always in his head; thinking, listening, learning, and wanting to make a difference--somehow...

The super politically charged atmosphere of the United States (specifically) and the world (in general) has begun to cause me a lot of anxiety and anger.  Anxiety, I feel all the time.  Anger, in general, is a new feeling for me.  I don't understand it.  And, it frustrates me.  I want to find a way to make myself heard.  I need a way to say my piece, without fear of humiliation, or retaliation.  And, I want to make a difference.

Dragged to the Inside, for the last 3 years or so, has been that outlet for me.  I talk about Drag.  I hit on other topics.  And, from time to time, I do post something (only to the blog) that I don't post on Facebook, because...well, I second guess the things I put on Facebook.  I have created a brand of sorts, I suppose, and so when stuff doesn't quite fit that model, I don't cross post it.  Because...fear.  Fear of how it will be received.  Fear of being ridiculed for what I say, or worse, being hated for it.  My need to be accepted by people, often times keeps me from talking, when I should.  Because, God forbid I say something wrong, that makes someone mad.

And, yet, it's okay for the rest of the world to tear each other to pieces.

Last night, began the miniseries "When We Rise," on ABC. Watching it, opened something inside me.  Because, I realized, that, really, I have done nothing to further the Gay Rights Movement.  Not really.  Not when there are so many people who I have attended events with, who have been a part of the "Maine Chapter," who have actually done things.  Or at least have been part of the community, and not hidden away in their own little castle, separate from the rest of the world.

Shaunna Rai:  Shaunna is always going to be my go-to when it comes to the blog.  One, because we're roommates.  And, for almost 5 years, we dated.  So, Shaunna and Dan have been big influencers on me.  Both in terms of my artwork, and my desire to be a part of something bigger than myself.  Shaunna has been performing for more than two decades as the queen of the reveal.  And, she puts herself out there for the Frannie Peabody Center, and HIV/AIDS related causes.

Chris O:  Chris O is the kind of person I wish I could be.  Outgoing, and super active in the community.  He works for Equality Maine.  He helped revitalize the Pride festival in Portland.  He was a DJ at Styxx, for years. He helped bring a portion of the AIDS Quilt to Portland, and actually spoke with Cleve Jones (one of the people who the series is based on), in order to do so.  I'm sure there is so much more that I don't even know about.

Michael and Steven:  When we lived in Portland, they didn't live far from us.  They were the first Legally Married gay couple in the state of Maine.  They worked with the Pride committee.  Somewhere along the way, Eartha Quakes works into their story.

Marlena and Ashley:  Over the years, I have heard more stories about Ashley and Marlena than I will ever be able to remember.  Shaunna Rai performed with them for quite a while.  Ashley passed away before I came into the picture, so I will never know her.  But, Marlena, I've been friends with on Facebook for a while.  She has been part of so much of the fight for rights.  I look forward to seeing her posts every day.  She inspires me to be the best person I can be, because whatever fighting that I have done, is nothing compared to what she has fought for.

Mat:  Mat worked for Frannie Peabody Center, for the entire time that I've known him, until the last few months.  He attends every event.  He supports everything in the community.  And, along with Chris O, his name is synonymous with just about anything gay in Portland.  He's another person I wish I were more like.

I could go through my whole list of friends and acquaintances, and probably could explain to you why each of them has done more for the community than I have.

This year, Pride made me incredibly emotional, and I can't really figure out what it was that was different. I was still there with camera in hand, taking thousands of pictures. I was still just there to experience it. And I almost broke down crying for absolutely no reason that I could identify. 

Because I'm an awkward person, events with people, I would rather avoid. But, having a camera gives me an out of having to make small talk. And, it gets me into events sometimes. The very events that I would otherwise avoid out of sheer panic. But, when I'm working, I'm not thinking.

So, even when I'm not tasked with working, like the parade today,  it keeps me grounded. But, sometime in the middle of the parade, it hit me. I've always said that I wanted to be a part of something bigger than me. And, in my own way, I am. Cherry Lemonade once told me that what I do is important. I write about the experiences, and I have photographic proof that I was there. (This is where the bit about "When We Rise" ties it all together.) 

I've been lucky to never have to really fight for my own rights, really. I've always voted for LGBTQ Rights. But, otherwise, I've never really been part of a movement. Only, I have. On multiple occasions, I've worked with Equality Maine, as a volunteer for their fundraisers. And, I've volunteered as a photographer for Pride events. These are important events, whether they appear to be or not. Without them, we would be in a different place in the gay community than where we currently are. 

Depending on how technology changes in the future, will determine the lastingness of digital photography...but, potentially those photos could last long beyond my life. And, while my focus is generally on drag, I try to get a little bit of everything. And, this will be my legacy. I may not be a huge fund raiser. I may not be head of anything. But, I am as important to the cause, because I can prove that it happened. 

That is my activism. Well, that, and being able to talk openly about the fact that I'm Gay. I'm open about. I don't hide that I go to functions that are fund raisers for LGBTQ causes. 

And in a world that has Donald Trump as president of the United States, it would be easy to jump back in a closet and wish that it would go away. What takes guts is putting yourself out there, and being you. Whether you are a brick thrower at Stonewall, a drag queen, a dj, or a photographer who wears a different bowtie every Friday, keep being you. Live life out loud and proud. You are as important to the cause as anyone else. 

Happy Pride, everyone.

These Queens have dressed like this every Pride for at least the last 25 years, if not more.

#knowyourhistory #knowyourherstory

2017 Pride Parade 

Lady Ginger at Equality Maine's Spirit of Pride Cruise 

Shaunna Rai 

2016, A Year of Tears

The year 2016, is a year that many people would like to erase from memory. From the numerous celebrity deaths, to the Trump win at the election, it's clear that the year sucked.

On a personal level, it wasn't a great year for me. There were some good parts to it... I got to help design a line of t-shirts for Shaunna Rai, which is available at DragQueenMerch.com. I also created a couple of limited edition t-shirt runs on my own. (Which, only my mom bought...)

But, it was a super weird year. In March, I had full time hours cut back severely to 5 hours a week on a good week, and ended up on unemployment. I spent the next few months on a quest to find a new job. I chose to go to the first place that offered me relatively good money, with a Monday through Friday schedule. I lasted a full 6 months there. The full time that I was told would happen "eventually" never materialized. So, I picked up a second job as a cashier at a local salvage store. They worked around my first job, and treated me like they really wanted me there. Then, they offered me what the other job couldn't produce...Full time hours with benefits. So, over the course of a year, I've had three jobs...And the one I least expected to like, is the one I am happiest at.

Dan and I split up in June, just before Pride. Which made it awkward at pride, as we still only had one vehicle, and I brought him down so that Shaunna Rai could be a judge for the parade, and we made the announcement on Facebook prior to Pride...So everyone was asking if we were OK. The truth is, we weren't able to be for each other what we each needed.  We work better a friends. And, though it makes me sad that after almost 5 years we ended it, I'm glad that I got to at least keep a friendship.

Over the second half of the year, I had a mostly hate relationship with anything drag related. Not because of the breakup, mind you, but because of what was being expected of me, and a lack of respect as a person that I was getting.

I don't feel like I demand respect, ever. But, if I offer to do something for you, the least that you can do is thank me. This was a theme for a big part of the year.

"Steve, can you make me a poster?" OK. "Well, can you change this and that and that and this and give me the poster that I really wanted, yesterday?" Um, sure. I'll do that.

"Steve, we know you like taking pictures at shows...If you take them at this show, you'll get in for free..." OK, I'm good with bartering, but, you do realize that I do have a job, and that I take thousands of pictures at a show. And, I go through them to filter out bad photos and edit the ones that might be able to make it. "Yeah, but can you have the pictures you take up, before the performers go home for the night? They want to know how they looked." Um...Yeah... I'll get right on that.

Cherry Lemonade moved to New York.

It became a little too much for me to deal with, so I took a break from all things drag for a little bit.

At Halloween, Hurricane Bianca had come out, and I decided that I wanted to try doing something fun for Halloween. So, I became Bianca Del Rio...Sort of... The goal was that I was going to do my own makeup and then we would go to the Great Pumpkin Ball, a benefit for Equality Maine. I couldn't figure out what to do with the makeup, and Dan did it for me, which made him angry, as he was trying to do his own makeup, as he was performing. We arrived, I dropped Shaunna Rai and Miss E,on off at the door, then drove all around town to find a place to park...then walked about 4 blocks or so, in heels back to the venue. The highlight of the night was the girl who came up to me, and said, "I don't want to offend you, but, you look just like Bianca Del Rio. And I couldn't stop staring at you, trying to figure out why Bianca would be here, in Maine."

After another couple of shows, I again remember why I took the break in the first place. Because it all becomes a drama fest...

And, the year was capped off with the closing of my first gay bar experience in Maine, Portland's own Styxx. Not just like a "closed for a week for vacation," but a "closed for good. Kiss 30-something years of gay history goodbye." Mimi Imfurst came back for one last Christmas show. And, Brita Filter came from New York for one last show...And so did Cherry Lemonade. New Year's Eve was the last night, and I was glad that it was a busy night. It reminded me of the Styxx that I first experienced, years ago. Packed, with shot boys running around in tight undies. And everyone having a good time.

Here's to hoping that 2017 is going to be a better year. Less drama. Less sadness. More adventures and more real friendships that don't take backseats to relationships. (OK, I know, I'm grasping at straws with the last one...But, you never know.)

What's it to You?

I follow a lot of drag. Like, a ton. I follow good makeup artists and not so great makeup artists. I follow some who should be far more famous than they are, and some, who...well...in my opinion, could use a lot of work.

I can appreciate anyone who has the guts enough to put on a persona of the opposite gender, and be comfortable. It's not an easy task.

But, over the years, since I started following drag royalty on social media, I have come to hate one aspect of drag. And, that is the putting down of other people. I may question a performer's choices, but, it is a genuine question. It's not a read or "I could do better."

Reading, as they say, is fundamental. It's a part of drag that comes in the form of a "roast" of sorts. It's meant to be done in fun. And, not as a moral or mental attack. But, far too often, I have seen one small read turn into a flame war, with a number of casualties, who may or may not recover. This to me, is unacceptable.

For a sub-group in a minority, you would expect there to be support and encouragement. But, it often times, will come down to someone feeling a sense of entitlement, or having an opinion that they are better than they are. It comes down to not having a desire to learn from those who have come before. It comes from a belief that just because you are doing drag, you know better than everyone else what is going on and how to make things "better." And, it all ends up turning into a shit show, and people get hurt.

When attacks are made about a person's mental or physical health, that is a line that should not be crossed. That could be considered by some to be abuse. When the attacks cause a performer to throw in the towel, it's a sad day.

Whether it be in Maine, or anywhere else in the US, or around the world, we need to honor drag. Or, we will lose it. In Maine, we're losing performance spaces. When I first started going to drag shows, there was Blackstone's, Styxx and Mama's Cabaret. Studio 55 came later. Mama's is gone. Styxx, is due to be closed after New Year's. Golden Goddess Productions holds shows every couple of months. But, here in Maine, before long, there will be an abundance of Queens and Kings with nowhere to perform, at the rate things are going.

Don't let fighting be the death of drag. There are already enough factors working against drag on its own, without adding drag against drag.

Drag is supposed to be fun. Let that be the determining factor as to why a performer retires. Who cares if they're good, if they're having fun...aside from the audience, who will either tell them the truth, or lie and make them think that they're amazing. If a performer is bad, don't ask them back. Simple as that.

If I shared every opinion of every performance I have seen over the last 4 or 5 years, I would make a lot of enemies. I have seen good drag. I have seen bad drag. I have seen people who have the it factor. I have seen people who I would advise to hang up the wig and move on. But, my opinion doesn't have, and shouldn't have a bearing on the performers I see/work with regularly. Because, quite honestly, I have been disappointed in RuPaul girls, and I have been blown away by brand new performers. And, vice versa.

Social media is not the place to play out drag drama. While it may be fully entertaining, it sets a bad precedent for future entertainers. It gives them a reason to think that it is fully acceptable to be a bitch, just 'cause. So, think twice before airing your dirty laundry online. Karma is a bitch, and will hit you back with three times what you put out.

So, just remember. Play Nice. Make good choices, and, don't be a dick.

Who's the Bully Anyway?

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Take a Break

The last year of my life has been challenging, to say the least. From being asked to leave a job, to being hired at two other jobs, that never delivered on the hours that they promised, I'm a little disenchanted with things. Then, with the addition of a breakup, which was very public (though on very good terms). And finally, with all the drama that comes with the drag community, I am tired. And, I need to take a step back from everything and re-center myself.

Any of these on their own would be enough to cause some to throw their hands up in defeat. But, I'm a glutton for punishment, and let it build and build and build. And, NOW, I'm throwing my hands up.

Over the last 5 years, I have voluntarily taken pictures at shows. I get no compensation for doing so. And, I generally will take 2-6k pictures over the course of a show. I then find the best ones, edit them and post them. It was initially for me. And, partially, for people who weren't able to attend. And it all takes time. And, sometimes I just am not in the mood to deal with pictures. The random, "when will the pictures be up," sometimes makes me want to say, "Never." I don't think I have actually sat through a show in 5 years, to watch it, in person. It has always been through a camera lens...

I went to art school, right out of high school, because I was going to animate for Disney. Life happened, and I never achieved that. For a long time, I avoided art in general. Then, I was asked to do a show poster. It gave me a chance to put my creativity to use. And, that was great. When I have all the info and photos and such that I'll need, it takes no time. And, again, I don't really get any compensation. That's my own fault...although recently, I have started negotiating for the work that I do. But, there comes although time when as a graphic design, you want to tell the client to go to hell, when the poster has to be changed a million times. And, when an outside person or group won't share the poster because of wording...well, it means another edit. My average number of edits on a poster, generally ranges from 5 to 8, because of last minute drop outs or additions. My advice...if you're not sure about the line up, do yourself and me a favor... instead of listing everyone, say "And Special Guests."

While I was working very little this spring, I started doing caricatures of queens. It was a way for me to bring in a little extra cash. It was something that I enjoyed. That is, until my opinion became a death stroke for a commission. The worst part, was that the beheading of the project came just a short while after a conversation with the queen about starting over, because it wasn't conveying her "look". The project was killed by her manager, who disagreed with what I said, and told me that he (the manager) was killing it, because he didn't want to be reminded of a horrible day, with her merchandising. That left a bad taste in my mouth, and I really have avoided taking new commissions since.

And then, of course, there is the blog itself. I haven't posted since the breakup, because I'm still not sure how I feel. So, it has been easier to not say anything about anything, than to address what I want to address.

It feels like this is a good time to take a break. There are shows tonight and tomorrow, that I'm committed to. But, after that, I'm free to do what I want. Shaunna Rai now has a vehicle, so no longer has to rely on me taking her to shows.

So, I am going to take some me time. I'll only take on projects that I really want to do. And, maybe, after the show tomorrow, I'll go to a show, and watch it like a normal person.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

I can no longer be referred to as a Drag Husband. Not really. After almost five years, Dan and I have ended our relationship. It was a mutual decision, and nobody's fault.

I know anyone who knows us in real life, is waiting for me to write this, because they're expecting to get the dirt on who did what, to get to the root of the why. I feel bad for those who are hoping for that, because that's not what you're going to get.

I've been broken up with a few times. And, it's never pretty. There has always been a period of extreme awkwardness after. And, always talk about who was the real bad guy.

Quite honestly, we grew apart. We both wanted different things. That's it. No cheating scandals. I wasn't secretly trying to date other drag queens.

We broke up the Friday of Pride Portland. And attended Pride the next day together, and the Tea Dance on Peaks Island on Sunday. It was a little odd...because we were there together, but really weren't together.

We did a joint announcement on Facebook, posting the same thing, at about the same time, after I let my parents know, so they wouldn't find out online first. And, the friendship thing seems to be working for us.

Breaking up isn't easy. And it's not pretty. But, this time, at least the level of maturity on both our parts has made it far less awkward than it could be.

Now, comes the worst part of the break up...dating again...