I shall call her "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert"

Yesterday marked a big day for me.  I bought a new car.  It's a Pontiac Vibe, 2005, white.  It's the new Dragmobile.  And, it was bought partially, with that purpose in mind.

Previous to this, I'd been thinking that I was going to buy a Mini Cooper, and I would name it Sheldon.  (Big Bang Theory fans should get the reference...)  Anyway, I need to come up with a name for the new Dragmobile...because Dragmobile just sounds...well...blah.  Yeah, kinda Batman-ish, but a car that's going to be used in part (or in full) to transport drag queens, needs a good name.  I mean, they named a bus Priscilla, Queen of the Desert... So, I've got to compete with that.

I've never been one to name my cars.  NEVER.  I never understood the appeal of it.  I never even really understood the idea of calling your car your baby.  Apparently, I've never been as fond of my cars as I should have been.

Anyway, so the idea had been in my head for a while that I needed a new car.  And, this weekend was going to be the weekend that I would take care of it.  It was a pay week.  I had a long weekend, and part of it was off with Dan.  Given that I know very little about cars, other than how to change a headlight, and a tire, and that they're expensive as hell to maintain over long periods of time...especially when they eat your tires...I needed someone who knew a little bit more about cars to go with me.  Because when I go into a car dealership, I end up being the faggy, little queer that everyone knows is a faggy, little queer, and is going to try to sell the most expensive car to.  In other words, I have a body guard/moral support person with me.

Something I learned through this experience, was that I need to learn to stop being so damned wishy-washy, and to listen to advice the first time, instead of having to hear it a hundred times before I take it in.  Since the topic of a new car became an actual topic of conversation, Dan had been telling me, "Go back to Lee. You bought a car from them already, you'll probably get a better deal from them, since YOU ALREADY HAVE A RELATIONSHIP established with them."  Instead, I decided that I needed to try something different. I was going to go with something new that I'd seen on TV.  My Maine Ride was a business out of Bangor, that offers a car, for $300 down, and $50 per week.  Sounds like a great deal.  I'd been pre-approved for a car from them.  The paperwork that I needed was minimal.  But, it was in Bangor.  A 5 hour minimum round trip.  I called them yesterday morning, about trading in my old car, and was given a "We can't guarantee that if you do bring it to trade it, you'll be approved.  But, let us take your number, and we'll see if we can approve you before you come down."  And, I never heard back from them.

So, in the meantime, I figured, "What the hell, I'll try Lee, and just see what they have."  And, of course, I fell in love with a car.  Not, in fact, the car that I ended up with.  They had a blue Jeep Cherokee Laredo, and it looked like it would be in my price range.  So, I called about it.  They were eager to help, from the minute I got on the phone, Adam answered all my questions, and encouraged me to call ahead, so that I would have someone to wait on me when I got there.  So, I did.  I got to Lee Nissan, let them know that I had an appointment with Will, and they got me started.  Along the way, Will handed me off to Scott, and, I'm kind of glad that he did.  Scott was a great guy.  Listened to everything that I needed, and showed me a car that they had just taken into inventory and cleaned, as it fit my criteria.

The car needed to be all around a bit bigger/roomier than my old car (Hyundai Elantra), it needed to have space for large purchases, like it needed to be able to hold a table, if we needed to buy one.  It needed to be higher off the ground than my current car.  And, all around, it needed to make me feel like I'd be safer driving it.  (Dan, Ryan, and anyone else who doesn't appreciate my driving, stop laughing...)  Oh yeah, and did I mention, that it needed to be able to fit, Me, a minimum of two drag queens (more if possible), and all the suitcases, hips, boobs, makeup, outfits, and hair that go along with said drag queens.  (And yes, literally, the first thought after getting into the car, and getting over the fact that the seat was still a little damp, was, yep, I can fit at least 3 drag queens in here.  One in the front, two in the back, (maybe a third, if she was tiny, or just a little person) and all their stuff in the trunk.

The test drive was great.  I've been driving a car around where the front end shakes when you go 65 or over, so, by the time I get to work every day, I feel like a milkshake.  This car doesn't do that.  And, I can see over a lot of the cars on the road...instead of looking up at them.  It was great.  I fell in love.

The paperwork, well, that was a bit of a hard time.  Things got messy, and the trade wasn't going to work.  So, we had to switch gears.  And, my Dragmobile, might be off the table of possibility.  Crap! Now what?  LUNCH.  At this point, what was going to only take an hour or two tops, was going on hour three.  We went to lunch, and I resigned myself to the idea that, I'm not getting a car today.  I spoke with credit people while I ate, gave them information, including the fact that I still apparently have a mortgage in my name, although I don't have a house title in my name...a fact that I was NOT happy about.

When we got back from lunch, we went to wait in the waiting room, and I began to get anxious.  I wanted a car, and I didn't want to wait anymore.  Scott came back, and told me he had good news, but I needed to wait a few before he'd tell me.

Good news! The car that you want, they're willing to work with us, with your price range for it, and you'll be able to get it TODAY.  The rest of the afternoon was a bit of a waiting game, and then just some paper signing.  And then she was mine! My new Dragmobile.  I shall not call her Priscilla, because, honestly, I don't really care much for the name...besides, she's not a BUS.  I could call her Lisa-Marie, because that would be a step down from Priscilla...Or Christina? Celine? Cher? Something gay...for sure.  I just haven't figured out what yet...

Play to your strengths

"She's not a very pretty queen..."
That was me, last episode of RuPaul's Drag Race: The Lost Season, of Tammie Brown.
"She isn't supposed to be.  She's not like a lot of the queens that have been on the more recent seasons.  She sings live, and does stand up.  And, she's herself."
That was Dan.

This of course, launched a conversation about characters.  And a realization that doing drag, you actually have to know yourself quite well.  Because, all of it, is about who you are.  You take the parts of you that are the best, mush them all up together, and put on the costume, and you're most of the way there.  This of course, is a condensed version of what really happens.  Because, let's face it.  You can't just throw on a pair of heels, a wig, and a dress, and have a ready made drag queen. It just doesn't work that way. And, even if it did, from what I've seen, a drag queen is a constantly shifting work of art.

There is no cookie cutter mold to form a drag queen.  What makes this person amazing may not make the next person as amazing.  Do drag queens have to be beautiful? No.  Do they have to be ugly? No.  Do they have to shave all their body hair off? No.  Some do, but others, proudly display the fact that they're a man in a dress, complete with a beard.  It's all part of a persona that they're creating.

This persona, in my mind, is the most important piece of the whole process.  Like anything, it can be a work in progress, for the entire length of the alter ego's life.  But, it's the piece that takes the most work.  The reason for doing drag in the first place may or may not be a part of the character building.  (Shaunna Rai, for example, was originally brought to life as a way to get into bars, because drag performers weren't asked to show ID's.)  Over time, she has made a name for herself, throughout the state of Maine, and into New Hampshire and Massachusetts.  She has developed a reputation as being, "a bitch," a title which she sometimes will display proudly, like in her last show, titled: "The Bitch is Back".  She doesn't mind taking the mic, but she won't sing live. From time to time, she may say bitchy things, but, generally, it's all said in fun.  Shaunna Rai is known for her drinking.  Hell, she even has a drink named after her at Blackstone's, and whatever name Mama's Cabaret is going by these days...I think it's Rumorz(?)

As I have previously established here, the outfits, the wigs, and the shoes are important as well.  And, a lot of thought goes into the outfits that get worn.  I can't even begin to tell you how many times that I've gone into a place like Hot Topic, or Spencer's, and Dan has been at work, thinking about, "I could buy two pairs of these stretchy pants, and make them into a body suit." Or, walking through Marden's, looking at fringe, hearing him say, "I think I want a dress made out of that."  This is not always, but sometimes a daily occurrence.

Now that the outfit's picked out, it's time for the hair.  Which hair goes best with this outfit?  (This is the hardest for me to understand...because I think any hair looks good with anything.  But, that's why I'm not the one doing drag.) And, so, the part of the dressing process that every "husband" (drag or otherwise) dreads: "How does this look?" "Would I look better if I wore this other hair with this?" Sometimes my opinion is taken into consideration.  Sometimes, it's not.  Occasionally, the part where I have to give an opinion is skipped altogether.  (I.e.: the outfit was chosen around the hair, instead of the other way around.)


And, finally, which shoes look better?  The question I hate the most.  My stock answer, is "Those look fine."  But, then again, there's question among my gay friends if I'm really gay, because (although I have about 10 pair of shoes), I'm not very good at matching boy shoes with what I'm wearing. Hell, until last year, I didn't know that it was wrong to wear white socks with dress shoes...although, I found that out in a hurry.

Anyway.

My point here, is that while it may look to an outsider like drag is just throwing on a dress, makeup, a wig and those killer heels,it's not as easy as that.  Dan/Shaunna Rai have been asked on occasion to contribute drag wisdom to a "Drag Boot Camp" program that someone Dan knows has been trying to put in place.  While the idea is great, it relies too heavily on the idea that you can pick a queen out of a box, and every queen is going to be the same.

A question that Dan told me about what, "What 5 items should every queen have in their purse?"  Well, it depends on the queen.  I know a queen, who would carry around a rubber chicken, probably, because she uses it on stage in her act.  Shaunna Rai, on the other hand, wouldn't be caught dead with a rubber chicken...she would more than likely have a bottle of Jaegermeister, a bottle of Vodka, and some Red Bull, or have it all pre-mixed in a flask.  (Actually, more likely, she would have a pair of flip flops, a tank top and a pair of shorts, for after the show.)  Sure, hairspray, and makeup would show up in MOST purses, but not every drag queen is going to carry the same things.

Another question that he told me about was something along the lines of "where did your character/alter ego come from?"  Paraphrasing the question, I can get the point across better. How do you know who your character should be?

Let me tell you, the answer that I got when he told me about the question...wooooah....You don't create a character from a box.  You don't just get blessed by the drag fairy, and all of a sudden, you're a queen.  You have to have some idea, starting out, what you want to be.  Choose a genre: Horror, Comedy, Beauty, Musician, whatever.  Choose a character type: if you're going for comedy: Are you stand up? Are you sarcastic humor? Are you going to go for singing dirty parodies of pop songs?

Ok, so you're going for Stand up Comedy queen:  Who are you?  Is your character crazy?  Is your character a single drunk woman, who will sleep with anything with a pulse?  Are you the old lady full of one liners, like Sophia from the Golden Girls?

These are the things you need to know, in order for your character to develop.  Without a backstory for your character, you'll never have the right information for your stand up, for one.  And, by the same token, if you don't know the character, how are you going to find the right outfits?  If you're going for Mama Sophia, a lady in her 80's, more than likely, you're not going to be wearing prom gowns, or bikinis.  You're going to want to camp up the old lady purple hair, and wear the cardigans, and pants pulled up to right under your boobs.  By the same token, if you're going for the drunk single woman, you're going to want to play up the part of being drunk, and single, so you're going to dress a lot sluttier.

Anyway, my point being, drag is a learning process, throughout the lifetime of your character.  You have to have a bit of creativity, to be able to pick out what you're actually good at, and play to your strengths.  Don't try to be RuPaul, or any other queen that you've seen on tv (or in person).  Be yourself.  Know yourself well enough to know what you'll excel with.  And, bring it!  Just remember that you're the only one who will be able to bring out your inner drag queen.