Op-ed: Who Are You, to Have an Opinion?

I want to preface by saying I may be offensive in this post. I do not intend to be, but as it is my opinion, I have the right to feel how I feel, as do you. If you agree or disagree, let me know in the comments. Start a dialogue, because without it, nothing will ever change.

2015 has been a big year for the LGBT community. Marriage has been made legal for same sex couples, nationwide, and in other countries. Laws are being written to include protections for all people, regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. And, trans issues have come out in a big way, with the outing and subsequent emergence of Caitlyn Jenner.
These are all amazing things, and as a whole, we should be happy that progress is being made.

However, (and this is where it gets tricky to not be totally pc, and sugarcoat everything) there is dissent between the LGB's and the T's. There is a difference between having an opinion and forcing your opinion on the rest of humanity.

The last 24 hours have not been good for the USM Royal Majesty Ball.

For a drag show that raises money for LGBT causes, through a sold out show every year, one would think that every part of the community would be glad for the event. However, it happens to fall on Transgender Day of Remembrance this year, November 20th. And with that announcement, all Hell broke loose.

In no way am I saying that TDoR is not important, because it is. The fact that for the last 16 years, the Trans community has banded together for a day to remember those who have been lost to murder or suicide just for being trans, is amazing. The Gay community doesn't even do that... So, yeah, it's a big deal, and super important.

Along with the date announcement, though, was an apology and discussion about trying to move the date.

Apparently, though, people who are in a tizzy over the date believe that it's simple to change the date of an event, when it's a delicate dance to get the venue and the performers booked in the first place, to then, go back and say, "Hey, I fucked up, can we move it to next week?" Venues usually book out quite a while in advance.  (Try to book a wedding somewhere, and then call back and say, "Well, that date actually won't work, can we move it back a week?" and see how kindly they agree to it...)

What started off as an honest discussion, quickly turned into an attack on anyone who had something to say. From, "Drag is distasteful and disrespectful to the trans people," to "I never liked drag anyway," to "This just furthers the idea that drag and trans are the same thing,  and nobody cares about how the trans community feels."  And, further turned to, "Well, if you're not trans, then you don't have any foot to stand on in this conversation, so stay out of it."

It takes a lot to make me angry, but, when the oppressed become the oppressors, and you tell me that I'm wrong to have feelings because I wasn't born as anything other than a cisgender white gay male, you've taken a step too far. I invite conversation, so long as it is constructive. And I would listen to anything said , even if I disagree, without saying, shut up, because you're not like me.  So, I got angry. And I fought back.

The truth of the matter,  is whether it's this or something else, the LGBT community as a whole doesn't function well. Nobody is willing to listen to anyone else, because, "they're not like us." And, this is precisely what is going to tear us apart, and break down progress for future generations.

Give people time to make amends. Understand that it was an innocent oversight that caused this, to begin with. It was never meant to be an editorial on whether the trans people in Maine or anywhere matter. Trans people, like all people matter. In no way was it meant to happen, and it was not done with malicious intent.

But, damage has been done. Shaunna Rai was potentially going to be in the show. Now that true colors of some of the members of the community have been shown, she's appalled at the people who she has raised money for, for the last 23 years. Why keep raising money for people who don't want you around, because your very presence is offensive to them?

What nobody but me is seeing,  is a breakdown in our ability to coexist. We don't have to like each other. But, in a world where you can be killed for being trans, and just as easily for being gay, why continue to fight amongst ourselves.

This is about more than a drag show. This is about internal hatred, and homo/transphobia. And, taking it out on those who do so much to support the community,  be it gay, lesbian or trans, only hurts those who really need the support.  And the only way to resolve it, it to start talking, and listen to all sides before making a final decision on what is right, and wrong.

Let's take a page out of Caitlyn Jenner's play book, and get a number of differing opinions in one place, and hear them all out, before we make our own decisions on what we think.

It's not all about me. And, it's not all about you. It's about all of us working together to make our world a better, safer, friendlier, more accepting place for all of us.

Midsummer Night Queens: Week 2: Joslyn Fox

The trip to Portsmouth, was very uneventful, and conversation was much like it was the prior week...these guys take drag seriously, as a business, these guys don't, and the ones who don't, and go out in drag every night (for fun) ruin paid gigs for the "business-minded" queens.

We got held up again at the York toll. This time, for even longer than the first time.  Sundays, and the end of the summer, lead to mass tourists heading south, to return home. (I know, tourists make or break businesses in Maine, during the summer, but I'm usually glad to see them go home.)

We got to the Rep, and I again dropped the girls off, then drove around trying to figure out where I could park. Unfortunately, the bank parking lot was full, and I didn't want to risk it with the church possibly towing the car. So, I drove around the block three times, and by the grace of all that is good, as I was getting ready to give up and go park in the parking garage a few blocks away, someone pulled out. So, I got a spot right in front of the theater.  Only, Portsmouth runs their parking meters until 7pm on Sundays, so I had to rush to find quarters for two and a half hours worth of parking. Once parked, I took a minute to relax before heading back down.

Because I spend so much time as a man on a mission, I had planned to just head backstage to get drink orders. Only,  I got held up by puppets.  The Avenue Q puppets were again a part of Bunny's number. And I walked in on the rehearsal for it. It was brilliant, and I was so excited to see it actually worked into the show.

During the Jujubee show, Wendy had asked me how to get a backstage pass, to hang out in the dressing room with the girls. I told her that with some begging, and her being there early,  that we could probably get her in.

Once we arrived, though, I had actually forgotten that I was going to talk to Bunny Wonderland about getting her in. And it occurred to me when I saw her outside, that I had forgotten. Fortunately, Cherry Lemonade asked, and it was not a problem.

Because the room is set up with lights and mirrors on both sides of the room, I could stare at myself in the mirror, and see everything that was going on in the rest of the room. (I'm sure everyone knew that I was watching, but, I tried to play it off otherwise.)

Wendy was all aglow, because she had just gotten back from P-Town, where she met John Waters, and saw Jinkx Monsoon and Trixie Mattel. And, she was in all her glory hanging out backstage with the queens. I don't think that the entire time we were downstairs I saw the smile leave her face.

Unlike last year, Joslyn painted at her hotel room instead of the theater. She arrived and they did a quick run through of the introduction staging directions , I did a last drink run, and then Wendy and I went to take our seats.

Our usual seats were reserved...for someone else. When I asked about who they were for, apparently, someone is trying to set up a ferry to P-Town from Portsmouth, and those were the people who stole my seat. Which worked out well enough, because with the puppet number, I wouldn't have managed to get the whole stage from the first row. So, second row it was.

It's always fun, watching the crowd come into the Rep, because, it's like walking into a crater. A very deep crater with very steep sides. (It really sucks carrying suitcases with drag queens in them down the steps, but it's fun to watch other people.) The reaction is usually somewhere along the lines of, "Jesus, could they make these steps any steeper?"

Finally, showtime! All my usual people were there this time, including the new people from Jujubee. The only one missing was the ever stoic Brian, who had to work.

My favorite act, by far, was the Mary Poppins/Avenue Q number,  which I watched in rehearsal after parking. Bunny Wonderland made an amazing stoned Mary Poppins, being greeted by the puppets of Avenue Q, to the tune of "It's a Jolly Holiday With Mary".  Which, incidentally was why I needed to not be in the front row this time...

Joslyn as JLO surprised me. The hair was spot on, and occasionally during the number, I went off into a world where I was watching JLO and not JFO. 

I guess I was in the zone, because, it's rare that I have a conflict of reality, that allows me to suspend disbelief enough to buy a person as another person. (If that makes sense? This is why I could not watch TED...Peter Griffin is not a walking, talking teddy bear...I couldn't deal with the wrong character with the right voice.)

I was excited for Shaunna Rai's "Out Tonight" from RENT, because when we saw the stage the first time, I was like, "YOU NEED TO!"

Cherry Lemonade did a number, that I really didn't get. It started off with a phone call about her dad (presumably) dying, and then launched into a chain of memories about lost time, and that kind of thing. It was amazing, and showed off her vocal projection, because the mic crapped out on her.  It was important to Cherry,  and I later found out that it was one of her "for me" numbers.  A number that the audience doesn't have to "get" because it's about the character, more than it is the audience.

Lili Whiteass did again, her number starting with Elsa Mars singing "Heroes", and transforming into a skeleton tap dancing to "Puttin on the Ritz." And, I accidentally got one of my favorite pictures ever, of her, with the skull mask on.

The numbers kind of run together,  sometimes, for me, because as a photographer, I'm paying more attention to whatever action is happening, than the actual music.

Joslyn, as I expected, did not disappoint. Where her night last year was Broadway based, I has expected at least one Broadway number from her. Instead I got three Pop divas...JLO, Rhianna and Pink. And, I can honestly say I have never heard Pink do "Bohemian Rhapsody", but she's brilliant. And, Joslyn amazed.

Before I knew it, the show was over. I ran backstage to check on Shaunna, and see if she needed any help. We got the corset off, and I headed back up, to be ready for the Meet and Greet. I was there before the queens were, and, so I started to chat with the people I knew.

Andre, Joslyn's husband came up and started setting up merchandise for sale. I, immediately, searched out Wendy, who had said earlier that she was looking for Joslyn t-shirts.

Joslyn and the rest of the girls made their way up, and, as usually happens, the crowd swarmed. "Joslyn, take a selfish with me," and, "You're so (insert any adjective here), can I get a picture with you?"

So, I went around to get shots of people, and began to hand out my business cards to people, explaining that I was the official photographer, and showing where I would be posting photos from all the shows. (Because, what blogger doesn't want to promote their blog along with their photographs?)

Joslyn finally set herself up, with a table, for signing items for people. And I took control of the line. "You're next," and, "Smile," left my mouth more that night, than they ever have in my life. When the line was gone, I got panicky, because, it's my thing to get my picture with the Ru girls, and Shaunna was busy with her own paparazzi, so I had no idea who would take my picture. I didn't need to worry. I got my picture...And only then realized that I had forgotten to get one with Jujubee, the week before.

Finally, the crowd started to peter out, until only the few people who were getting paid were left. (And me, and Andre) Everyone went down to pack up, and leave. Feeling a little awkward, because the dressing room felt very crowded, I stayed outside, and probably made a complete fool of myself. I reintroduced myself to Andre (because I had met him in Ogunquit the day before they got married, and again at last year's show.) And, so, because I was trying to actually have a conversation on my own, I talked about the only thing that I could think of...Facebook...And the fact that we weren't Facebook friends. So,  I asked if I  would be weird to friend request him, since I was already friends with Joslyn's boy page. He said I would be fine, and I was like, this is so cool.

The ride home was a very interesting ride. Apparently, there was a mix up in Shaunna Rai's check and Rainbow Frite's. And, there was a difference in pay scale.

This set up a huge discussion about how the pay scale should've been the same across the board, for all but the Ru girls. I was silent, because I didn't know what to say for one, and I kind of expected that from girls who do this as a living, as opposed to the girls who have day jobs.

When we finally got to Kennebunk, I was ready to get out of the conversation. The Burger King people who worked the previous week were working again, AND recognized us. Shaunna asked Cherry if she wanted to take more pictures in the gazebo. Cherry said she would, and this time, the BK guys gave her a hard time about it.

The rest of the ride home was uneventful, but, I was so glad to finally get home. With these trips, I realized that the only downside to living in Lewiston, is that it's so much longer a ride when we're coming from out of state. That is the only time that I miss living in Portland.

Styxx Presents: Remembering the Underground

Coming Soon to Portland, a one night only event, featuring Shaunna Rai, Miss JoAnn, Valerie Honeywell, Beulah Gale, special guests, and your hostess for the evening, Madame Sheena.  DJ ChrisO is coming out for a night of music from the 90's.  

If you're like me, and know nothing about The Underground, it would be a good night for a little history of the drag scene in Portland.  This was where Shaunna Rai got her start, and where she met a lot of people, who are important to her.  The queens will be remembering some of the good times, and some of the queens from back in the day, who either have passed away, or no longer perform.

It should be a fun night, either way.  I'll be there taking pictures, as usual.  You should be there too!

Midsummer Night Queens: The Ru-Turn: Jujubee

Jujubee

So, the Seacoast Rep Theater invited Shaunna Rai back for a second round of Midsummer Night Queens.  They also invited Rainbow Frite, Lili Whiteass (who had done a winter version) and Cherry Lemonade (for her first time.)

Bunny Wonderland

Everything was on point, we were ready to go early, and everything.  So, it felt like something needed to go wrong.  Because, well, you know, that's kind of how my luck goes.  Surprisingly, nothing did go wrong.  Although, it did feel a little strange leaving to go to Portsmouth, and not stopping to pick up Miss E,on.

We left early, to stop for lunch.  And then, did some shopping while we killed time before we were supposed to pick up Cherry.  At 3:30pm, sharp, we were at Cherry's getting the car loaded, for the trek out of state.  And, everything went so smoothly...until we got to York.

Traffic went along great, and then we got to the York toll booths.  And, what with it being Sunday, everyone was headed south.  I kid you not, it took almost half an hour to make a 10 minute drive across the state line.

Lili Whiteass does Little Edie
from Grey Gardens

We got to the Rep, and I was given strict instructions.  Park in the bank parking lot, not the church parking lot.  If you park at the church, you will be towed!  (They share the same lot, but they're separated by a partial brick wall.)  Easier said than done. I drove around what seemed like forever, trying to find a spot.

Conversation for much of the trip down, revolved around shows, and drag as a career.  And, how seriously people take their drag.  And, how occasionally, you have a great queen, who could really wow people if they took themselves a little more seriously, and decided not to rely on the camp they could become a force to be reckoned with.

Cherry Lemonade

I got drinks, and really appreciated the fact that I was essentially touring with the Maine queens and got to take a little advantage of the drink tickets...not that I took a lot of advantage of it...two drinks and I'm pretty much done. After a quick tour of the stage, Jujubee showed up, in "boy drag". And I realized that this was the first time I had met Airline in person, although I have met Jujubee a number of times. A run through of the introduction, and then faces started to go on.

Shaunna Rai does Proud Mary

While I love to sit and watch Shaunna Rai put on her face, I enjoy watching everyone else get into face more...Because they're all so different.  And, so, I watched Jujubee, Cherry Lemonade and Bunny Wonderland  get into face.

Watching Shaunna put on a face, I more or less know the timeline for how long it takes for Dan to start looking like Shaunna. So, seeing the speed at which Airline became Jujubee, I was in awe...And so was Dan. It became a topic of conversation for the rest of the night.

Rainbow Frite as Frank N Furter
(Sort of)

Since Jujubee, Lili Whiteass and Rainbow Frite  are all Boston girls, of course some talk was about the drag scene in Boston. There was a little talk about the upcoming season of Drag Race and All Stars 2.

Lili Whiteass as Elsa Mars

The best and worst thing about working with someone who is/has been on a tv show,  is that you get inside information, on occasion, but then, you have to sit on that information, until the show airs. Then, when you say, "I've known since, whenever," people write you off as making it up.  So, I'll say it now, I know a couple things about a couple things, but I can't say a word about them.

I of course, in an attempt to actually talk to someone who I adore, started talking about my blog, and my less than favorable review of Pandora Boxx at the BOTS Tour, and that Pandora had seen and commented on the reciew. Jujubee then, jokingly said that I would need to go, because If I was a blogger, she couldn't be quoted talking about the show. (And I wanted to hide my head in shame. Until I realized she wasn't totally serious about it.)

and again as a tap dancing Skeleton

Bunny Wonderland

Shortly after that, it was almost showtime. I went up to claim my seat before the doors opened, leaving my camera bag and a shirt. I grabbed last minute drinks for Shaunna and Cherry and went back to the dressing room. Making sure that everyone was good, I went back to claim my place. And, immediately went into a panic. My camera bag,  with camera, was still there, but my shirt was gone. (A brand new shirt, I'd only worn once before.)

Wendy came, and took the seat next to me, with her friend, the boys (Cody and Frank), Jodi and her partner, were all there. And a few new people who I knew from other places as well.
During the introduction,  I pointed out for Wendy (who was video taping) where the girls were going to make their entrances from.

The show went off without a hitch. As usually happens, I got lost in trying to capture everything and lost some of the music.

Brian actually did smile...

Cherry Lemonade

A few things stand out, as they usually do. Rainbow Frite did Somewhere That's Green, from Little Shop of Horrors, and, somehow I remember hearing that the version that she had was not the version she meant to have, because it changed the content of the performance. Rainbow also did a Britney Spears mix of sorts...as a parody, with "I love Cock and Balls", as one of the parody songs. Which was great, until it turned a little awkward, when Rainbow grabbed Wendy's hand and made her simulate a hand job on me.

Jujubee

There was a guy (named Brian) and his girlfriend in the audience, that every single queen gravitated to. Poor Brian got lap dances and was teased mercilessly, due to the fact that he refused to smile, throughout the whole show.  (Although, there is photo proof that he did in fact smile.)

Shaunna Rai

Lili Whiteass did a mix that started out as Elsa Mars from American Horror Story: Freak Show and ended with the 1980's version of Puttin' On The Ritz. It was great, because it showed off her tap dancing ability. And, I loved it, because of the music. (Then again, I love it when I actually know the music, to begin with.)

Rainbow Frite's Somewhere That's Green

Across the theater from Brian and Tricia, was another "couple" in matching peachy orange shirts. The guy went to lean over the railing and the railing let go, almost spilling him to the floor. I was mortified, not knowing whether to get up, or just let the show go on...I did nothing, but watched him retake his seat, and NOT lean on the railing again.

Lili Whiteass

Sitting next to me, in the front row were a couple of young girls, who didn't look old enough to be there. (They were in their early teens.) At some point, I became a point of interest,  because they were told that I was Shaunna Rai's "husband".

The show flew by, and before I knew it, it was over. As usually happens at the end of a show,  I checked out back, to see if I was needed for anything. I was asked to take a couple of backstage pictures of the entire cast of the show, then, I undid Shaunna's corset, and then headed upstairs for the Meet and Greet.

Cherry Lemonade

Unlike last year, when we went to the Gaslight,  the Meet and Greet was held right at the Seacoast Rep.  There were a lot of familiar faces, looking to get their pictures taken with Jujubee. And there were quite a few new faces.

Shaunna Rai performs Donna Summer's
Last Dance

The photographer in me was having a meltdown, because I wasn't getting every picture with every queen, buy I tried my hardest to get as many as possible. At least until Jujubee made her appearance,  at which time, I decided that the reason I was there was for the pictures with Jujubee, and pretty much followed her around snapping pictures until I had made it through everyone waiting.

I always get my picture taken with the Rupaul girls, when I get the chance. But, for whatever reason, I got so into the zone of taking pictures and handing out my handwritten business cards explaining that the pictures would be on my Facebook page for the blog, that I forgot to get my picture with Juju. I'm half tempted to photoshop myself into someone else's picture...

Rainbow Frite as
Morticia Addams

After the Meet and Greet fizzled out, and everyone was pretty much gone, I went back downstairs to see what was ready to get loaded into the car. I had to pretty much sit on the suitcase to close it, but, it was ready.

 I finally, officially met Jujubee's fiance, Chris. I say officially, only because I'd seen him before at shows, but never been formally introduced.  I walked out with them, and said goodbye, then headed back in to get the rest of Shaunna's stuff, and see how Cherry was coming with hers.

Bunny Wonderland and the Bad Idea Bears
from Avenue Q.

On the way back from the car, I finally found my shirt.  Apparently, because Avenue Q was playing before the Midsummer Night Queens show, someone assumed that the shirt belonged to one of the Avenue Q cast members, and so it just got stuck out back.  I could finally stop panicking that I had lost my shirt.

Jujubee

Once the car was loaded, we went out so that Cherry and Shaunna could have a drink, before we hit the road. One drink turned to two, and then it hit me, that I had to work a long day,  the next day.  We hit the road, and stopped in Kennebunk to get some food at the Burger King. While waiting for the food, Cherry decided to try to climb into the gazebo in the middle of the food court...while Shaunna took pictures. And the clerk at the counter couldn't stop laughing.

Finally, Dan (Shaunna) and I made it home. I realized how much further north Lewiston is from Portland, after dropping off Cherry in Portland, and helping bring his stuff up to his apartment. The last leg of the trip was killer. We finally made it home at about 3:30am, just in time for me to get to sleep before work.

Back:Shaunna Rai, Lili Whiteass, Rainbow Frite, Jujubee
Front: Bunny Wonderland, Cherry Lemonade.

It was a great start to the season. I think I loved it more than last year's incarnation. And, not just because it started with "my girlfriend," as Dan has been teasing me.  And, it's nice to be able to say, "Hey,  I know them!" and not feel like I'm being pompous, because I actually do know Jujubee...just not Airline. (Dan knows them both, and was told to call or text any time that we're in Boston, to see if they're around.) Which,  I think is totally cool.

There's No Place Like Home...

The last few months have been a whirlwind.  I've missed blogging about so many events, and, I'm not sure that I could keep up, even if I tried.

May was full of the Southern Maine AIDS Walk, Dragapalooza (and I feel like there was something else...)  June was full of Pride stuff.   July was all about moving.  August has been about settling in, loss, and the beginning of a second run of the Midsummer Night Queens show in Portsmouth.  September is going to be about my brother's wedding, and a night to "Remember the Underground" (the previous incarnation of Styxx in Portland...before I was "allowed" to go out to the gay bars, so before my time...)

The AIDS Walk was three days of awesome.  Porcia Chanel and Scarrlett Couture came from New Hampshire, and spent the weekend in Ogunquit with us.  As usual, because they were essentially, new people, to me, I was kinda freaked out.  But, they made me feel like I belonged there, which is always a big thing for me.  The fundraising part of the Walk bypassed last years $100,000, which will go to benefit the Frannie Peabody Center, and all the work that they do with local people who are coping with HIV/AIDS and the struggles that come with it.  And, as it always does, the weekend itself makes me proud to know the people who I know, because they make me strive to be a better, more understanding person.

Dragapalooza was a huge show this year.  Like 39 numbers, or something like that.  As always, it was a fundraiser for Lewiston/Auburn Outright, and there were quite a few student entries, in conjunction with the professionals.  A couple of returning acts from last year. I'd brought two cameras, because I knew that I was going to need them, for pictures...and I wasn't wrong.  I drained the batteries from both cameras before the end of the show.  (Which, prompted me to go Ebay shopping, and bought myself two extra rechargeable batteries for my good camera, for less than I could buy them in an actual store.)

1920's Steve and Shaunna Rai
Photo by Steven Bridges

June started off with the Great Gatsby party, to kick off Pride.  It was a great time.  I looked like a cross between Mario and a News Boy from the 20's...Apparently, I can't pull off a mustache properly, and should probably just give it up...

Shaunna Rai and Miss E,on were asked to perform for a cruise out on Portland Harbor.  In spite of the fact that I am deathly afraid of drowning, I went, and had an amazing time.

I came thisclose to actually getting to go to Pride, but stupidly decided that I needed to work that day.  The closest that I got was that I drove by the set up sites, while everything was getting set up for the parade...and then I got to drive by the park at the end of the afternoon, when things were starting to be taken down.  I think I learned my lesson.

Dan and Ariel

July was the month that I didn't expect to make it through.  The old apartment had begun to leak, badly, in places that it shouldn't have been leaking, especially, since it was in the ceiling of the second floor of a three story building... Dan and I ended up in a time crunch, and I'll just leave it at there being a lot of yelling.  Things have since calmed down.  But, it was a very stressful time.

August sadly, marked the passing of Ariel Maranda Gibbs.  She's one of the few people who Dan/Shaunna talked about a lot, who I never actually met.  When things calm down, I would like to talk to a few people about her, so that I can get some idea of who she really was, and give her a nice "send off."

We're finally getting settled into the new place in Lewiston.  Dan has a car of his own again, for the first time in three years.  And, although it's had a couple of issues, he appears to be less stressed out than he has been in a long time.  Shaunna Rai's drag rooms are still in transition (no pun intended) as Shaunna is still half packed away.  I've claimed myself a corner of the garage for doing my own thing.  I have my drafting table set up for drawing, a 300 disc CD changer set up for music (that I need to update with some newer drag-ish music), and more space than I will be able to use...at least when the car(s) aren't parked in it.

Which brings us to the Midsummer Night Queens.  Last year was a blast...Manila Luzon, Jessica Wild and Joslyn Fox, along with Bunny Wonderland, Shaunna Rai and Miss E,on.  Tonight, August 16th, starts the Ru-Turn...another three part, weekly show.  It starts off with Jujubee (one of my favorites), and will feature Joslyn Fox (week 2) and BenDeLaCreme (week 3), along with Bunny Wonderland, Shaunna Rai, Lili Whiteass, Rainbow Frite, and Cherry Lemonade.  I will again be taking pictures of the three evenings, and am looking forward to sneaking a little bit of backstage time with the queens, to say hi, and geek out...(and hopefully creep BenDeLaCreme out less than I did when I met her after the BOTS tour.)

So, that's been the summer, in a nutshell.  I'll get back in the swing of things.  And, hopefully, be less stressed out about everything.  I managed to get a new job, where it's highly likely that I will have weekends off, and be able to do more with weekend shows...and have a life, like a real person, in a normal job...

Midsummer Night Queens: A Ru-turn

Last year was so much fun they decided to do it again. I can't wait.  As usual, I will be there with my camera for Jujubee, Joslyn Fox and BenDeLaCreme. Hope to see you there starting August 16th.

A Change Could Do You Good

After three years at our Portland apartment, it's time to say good bye to it. This is our last week here. We move this weekend. Tensions are high. We are trying to make sure that we get every thing for that we need to do.

So for the next week or so, it'll be a test of both of our sanities. This could either be the best thing ever for us, or be really super bad. I'm the eternal optimist though, so it has to be good.

Of course, moving means packing. And, I had not taken into consideration when the move was becoming a reality, how much stuff Shaunna Rai actually has. I mean, for real, she has two rooms devoted to her stuff, here. But it wasn't until we started packing her up that it dawned on me, just how much stuff she has either purchased, made, had made for her, or inherited over the last three years. So much clothing and shoes.

While I dread the act of loading and unloading the truck, I have to say, I'm excited about where we are moving. It's away from ocean water (which I am not crazy about), but it's quiet and country-ish. It's near the Auburn mall exit. It's a whole house to ourselves with a garage and two decks and a yard. (It's too bad that we work so much and the landlords don't want pets, because it would be the perfect place to have a dog.) We will be able to grill on the deck, get a fire pit set up. It will be fun. But, that's all dependent on whether we look each other during the move or not.

So here's hoping that a new start in a new place that has just been renovated well be better than the start we got here, that turned into a leaky ceiling on the second floor of a three floor building kind of problem.

The Rainbow Connection

Last Friday, it finally became legal in the United States for every person to marry a same sex partner, if they so choose.  This is huge.

And, while I wish that I were as thrilled about it as so many of my friends are, well, it's just a thing to me.  It doesn't really have an effect on my life...like how Obamacare doesn't really effect me, since I have private health insurance through work.

"But, wait," you're probably thinking, "you're gay.  Now you can get married! Aren't you happy about that!?"

Yes.  I'm happy that if I choose to marry, that it will be recognized as an actual marriage in all 50 of the United States, and a handful of other countries around the world.  But, maybe, I'm a bad gay.  Maybe, I'm an emotionless lump, who doesn't see the need to make something legal with the government, if there's even the slightest possibility of it going down the toilet in the end anyway.  Without all the legal mumbo jumbo that goes with weddings and the like, it's easier to just walk away.  There's no long drawn out court battles.  No divvying up the belongings...(although that part for me would be pretty easy.  I have a bed, a few dishes, and a bunch of cd's, dvd's and clothes that are mine.)

A friend of mine when I tried to tell him these thoughts on what it all meant, told me that I was too cynical about relationships.  I think my response was "maybe you're right."  But, what I actually meant was, "Who are you to judge how I feel about this?  Were you there when I put 11 years into someone who told me daily that they loved me, who then threw me out like a piece of trash to move on with a guy he was having an affair with while we were still together?  Were you there when I started dating again, and found that my naive belief that everyone is inherently good was proven to be...well, wrong?  It's not up to you to decide for me if I want to get married...especially, since I did the whole commitment ceremony thing, and ended up losing everything in the end. (Especially my PS2, with Dance Dance Revolution, which I miss dearly.)

If the opportunity presents itself, at some point, my mind probably could be changed.  But, for the moment, I'm happy with my life the way it is.  A piece of paper, and a couple of tax breaks are not really important to me.  I'd rather stay in a relationship working through my day to day crap, and know that if I'm making someone miserable, that nobody is going to be stuck in the system, miserable, for any extended period of time.

I'm not going to have my parents' life.  I'm not going to have my grandparents' life.  And, I'm okay with that.  I want to have MY life.  I need to make my own mistakes.  And I have to be okay with making the decisions that I want this, or I don't want this. And, just because I don't want it now, doesn't mean I won't want it later...(Ask the freezer...at 9pm, I decide to not eat ice cream, but at 12am, I'm in the freezer, digging out my ice cream.)

Anyway, now that the rant is over, I do want to remind everyone that the ruling in favor of Marriage for ALL is a good thing.  And, I'm happy that it happened.  It means that my friends who have already been married (Jim and Nelson, Patrick and Brian, Ted and Larry, etc.) and those who are about to get married (Jay and Dennis) can be legally recognized as spouses everywhere in the country, not just where they got the marriage license from.

I was really happy to see so many positive reactions on my Facebook from both my gay and lesbian friends, and my straight friends. With the rainbow filter for profile pictures, I was amazed at just how many people I knew, who were celebrating the decision.  I was actually surprised by a couple of people who I didn't realize were Allies.

And, as with everything, there were those who disagreed with the Supreme Court's decision.  So many people who posted that they had lost Facebook friends over opposing views on the decision.  But, really, if they were really your friends in the first place, it shouldn't matter what they say.  The Supreme Court made the decision to be followed, throughout the land.  If someone doesn't like it, they can suck it.  If deleting themselves or being deleted made them feel better about themselves, is there really anything else we can do?  The blissfully ignorant don't want to be taught, because they don't realize that they don't know everything.  We can continue to try.

Now that we've won marriage equality though, we can't just sit on our laurels and twiddle our thumbs for the rest of our lifetimes.  There are still a lot of issues that we (humanity as a whole and specifically the LGBT community) need to continue to address until things change.  We need to continue to educate about HIV/AIDS and make sure that we have resources for those living with it, and those who will develop it, until a clear cut cure has been found.  We need to continue to work closely with the Transgender community, to drop some of the statistics that are overwhelmingly sad, such as the murder and suicide rates.  We need to teach that it's okay to be different.  And, we need to teach that it's not okay to bully...and in doing so, not be bullies ourselves.

While Friday's monumental decision was a step forward for the Gay Rights Movement, it is not, and cannot be the end of the fight.  

Where's the Love?

I don't want to beat a dead identity, but I feel the need to say one more thing about the controversy surrounding Caitlyn Jenner, and the fact that because I support her, I therefore cannot support our troops, nor can I support any person with cancer or another disease, nor anyone who raises money for the search for a cure.

Within minutes of my last post about Caitlyn, and what I hope to see from her and what I hope I see from the rest of the world, a friend on Facebook had posted that Jenner is not a hero, and if you support Jenner, then you don't support our troops.

Part of this argument comes from the decision to honor Caitlyn Jenner with the Arthur Ashe award for bravery, over a young woman who had raised over 1 million dollars for Cancer research, who sadly passed away after her own battle with cancer this year. Noah Galloway, the veteran who appeared on Dancing With The Stars this season, supposedly was up for this award as well, and was passed over.

In no way was I involved in either decision. Do I think Caitlyn Jenner is more deserving than anyone else? Honestly, not yet. Was it brave confirming what people have been thinking for the past few years, on national television? Yes. Braver than losing half your limbs to a land mine? Yes and no. There are different kinds of bravery. Essentially making a spectacle of your private life is in no way the same as trying to make the world a better place for future generations and losing limbs in the process. They're both bravery. And in no way are they comparable.

I don't know what world everyone else lives in, but in my world, it is possible to support the bravery in a trans woman's coming out publicly (whether for profit, fame, infamy or, just because it needs visibility) and also support the service men and women who give up life and limb for the good of the rest of the world. To think otherwise, is foolish.

Whether that post was in reaction to my blog, or not, there is enough love to go around.

Trans issues are close to my heart, because I know people who are transitioning or have made their transition already. I know the battle is a long one that, for some, will never be over. Not everyone has the resources that Caitlyn Jenner, Laverne Cox, or Chaz Bono have.

Both of my grandfathers, my great uncle and my brother have done service for the United States. While I may not blog about military service (usually, because there isn't a lot to do with drag, that becomes public knowledge), I have the utmost respect for anyone selfless enough to give up everything for the safety and freedom that I enjoy. Those are the people who give me the right to talk about Drag and not worry about whether someone is going to kill me for it, because "those are the rules." They also allow for me to freely say that I disagree with someone who believes that I cannot support more than one cause at a time. 

Cancer has taken its toll on both family and friend/acquaintances. Whenever possible I donate what I can to help with the search for a cure. The same goes for HIV/AIDS. While I may only be a child of the '80's, that does not exclude me from those affected by it.  I officially know one person who has died from AIDS complications. I know a number of people who live with HIV, and I wish that in their lifetime, we can progress enough with research that they can end their lives healthy, happy people, not as statistics. Thus the reason that for the last three years, I have taken time off from work to do what I can for the Southern Maine AIDS Walk weekend.

I am not a one trick pony. I support who and what I believe in. 

Let's get over the fear and transphobia, and stop treating each other like we're incapable of being caring. We can try to understand that which we do not without putting it down. We can show care for the veterans who have risked it all for us. And we can support research to end some of this generation's killers. But, we can do none of this through hate. It must come from a place of love. Ask questions. Remember that not everyone knows your life, nor how you think...but also not everyone is going to agree with you. And that is ok.

Respect everyone, including those who disrespect you. You may be the reason that they finally turn the corner and stop the hate.

#CallMeCaitlyn

Caitlyn Jenner on the cover of Vanity Fair,
photographed by Annie Leibovitz

 Yesterday, the internet was broken.  And, it wasn't by Kim Kardashian.  Caitlyn Jenner's Vanity Fair shoot was released, and all the social media sites blew up with the news.

For anyone who may have been living under a rock, and doesn't watch the news, or know anything about the Kardashians, I'll give a brief rundown of why this is such an important story, and then I'll get into why I didn't post anything about it "in real time."

Caitlyn Jenner was formerly known as Bruce Jenner.  Bruce, (in case you don't know) was a gold medal winner, in the men's decathlon in 1976 in Montreal.  Bruce was also, for a number of years, married to Kris Jenner, the mother (momager) of the Kardashian clan.  In April, Bruce sat through an interview with Diane Sawyer, in which he announced that he was completing a transition into a woman.  Throughout the interview, he requested that media sources use the pronoun he, until he debuted "Her."

"She", Caitlyn, was finally revealed to the world, yesterday, and to an overwhelming amount of support.  While the majority of my Facebook feed was very supportive, there were a few people, here and there, who were less than supportive, and, occasionally, just mean.

When I first saw her, I was at work, and it was all I could do to not gasp, and say how amazing she looks.  Having watched the gradual transition through the show, Keeping up with the Kardashians, and the tabloids at the supermarket, I was actually shocked by the change.

Caitlyn Jenner, photographed by Annie Leibovitz

So, why is this such an important story?

Bruce Jenner is a name that is known to the majority of the world, for two vastly different reasons...  1.) He was an Olympic gold medalist. 2) He was the dad on Keeping up with the Kardashians.

Caitlyn Jenner is one of the first transgender people who many "average" people will "know."  (I don't discount any of the others who have paved the way for Caitlyn...Laverne Cox, Christine Jorgensen, etc.)  But, she has been public about the transition throughout it.  She also opened up about what life as a trans person is like, as a way of opening up conversation about trans issues.

The biggest thing that Caitlyn's debut did, was start sparking conversations that show just how far we have to go, in accepting all people.  For every 10, "You go girl," posts that came across my feed, there was probably 1, "Is anyone else over this whole Bruce Jenner thing?" And, every one of those "Who else is over this?", there were people coming out of the woodwork, in support of Caitlyn, explaining that I never expected.

Caitlyn is important, not because she "gives the gays a new cause," but because she gives a very public face to those dealing with gender dysmorphia, and transitioning.  She, whether she intended to or not, has made herself an advocate, for those who don't know how to advocate for themselves.  And, she has become a role model for a whole new generation.

Because of Caitlyn, people are going to learn when to use the proper pronouns, and why it's offensive not to.  People are going to make mistakes.  People are going to learn, through Caitlyn, much as they have through Laverne Cox and other trans people who have made a name for themselves, that they are not stereotypes.

And, the hope, for many people, is that with the very public transition, Caitlyn can help bring some attention to the issues that plague the trans community.  Suicide is one of the most prevalent issues, that needs to be addressed.  We have on average 41% of our trans community attempting suicide.  Trans people who don't kill themselves are also at a much higher risk of being murdered.  In 2012, 53% of LGBTQ murders were committed against transgender women...and 73% against non-white people.  If Caitlyn's "coming out" (of sorts) can help even just one or two young people choose not to end their lives...If her coming out can teach just one or two people that trans lives matter just as much as the rest of us...then, she will have done what is "expected" of her.

Caitlyn still has a long road of acceptance to go through herself.  And, I for one will be supporting her, every step of the way.

So, if I'm such a supporter, then why did I choose not to write immediately after having seen the photographs?  Well, for one, I was at work, so I didn't really have time to sit down and write out my thoughts.  Second, Caitlyn Jenner is a real person...and with the advent of the internet, it's possible that she could read it...and I wanted to have all my thoughts in order, so that I didn't come off like an ass...(like I did that time that Pandora Boxx read my blog in which I said that she wasn't one of my favorite performers that night, and commented on it.)  Along with that, I wanted to make sure that I had the right pronouns, and that I was being sensitive to what name I use when discussing the different parts of Caitlyn's former life.

I will be the first to admit that in spite of the fact that I actually have friends who are trans, that I know through the world of drag, I am pretty trans-ignorant.  So, I was also trying to be as respectful as I could to any of my friends who could potentially read this, and be offended.  If I have been at all offensive, in any way, PLEASE let me know.  I will re-edit and be more sensitive the next time I write anything about trans issues.  (Or if you, or anyone you know is trans and would like to help educate me with what is proper and what is offensive, I beg you to let me know...because I don't want to be known as that insensitive fuck who makes things up when he doesn't understand them to begin with.)

But, anyway, I will leave you with a quote from Caitlyn, that I think is important to end with...because, it's things like this, that will help people like me, and the rest of the general public, get educated.

"The uncomfortableness of being me never leaves me all day long. I’m not doing this to be interesting. I’m doing this to live … if I was lying on my deathbed and I had kept this secret and never ever did anything about it, I would be lying there saying, ‘You just blew your entire life. You never dealt with yourself.’ And I don’t want that to happen."