#PrayForTheWorld

The post that originally inspired this blog post.

I generally avoid anything political in any way, just because I don't like forcing my opinion on politics on anyone.  But, I want to address everything that's been going on in the world over the last week.

For more than a week, all we heard about was the Starbucks cups.  Starbucks (my coffee of choice) is now anti-Christmas, and therefore anti-Christian, if you believe the hype.  So much so, that apparently, a Photoshop color picker will bring up the red color as #4666, therefore, the cups are a representation of the devil.  And, if you turn the cup just right, in the right lighting, the shadow, along with the logo, make the symbol of a 6.  So, this has been a battle in the media, and social media for a week, or so now.  A little ridiculous, right.

Now, this was covered, ad nauseum, everywhere.  And, over the last few years, a lot of people I follow on Social Media, have professed conspiracy theories, that whenever something stupid like this takes over the news, it's because there's a lot of big stuff going on, that they're not reporting on.  And, for the longest time, I thought that they were just crazy, when they said that kind of thing.  Why wouldn't the media cover ALL the stories that need to be told, and then throw in stupid little stories about cups as filler on slow news days?  That's what I would do.

Last night, though, I was kind of rocked by just how controlled information is.  At about 5pm, last night, my Facebook and Instagram feeds were starting to fill up with the hashtag #prayforparis. I hadn't seen anything about the attacks yet, so, I did what I always do, and started researching what was going on.  By the time the nightly news at 6:30PM came on, I was already up to date, and knew as much, if not more than what the news anchors did.

In my research though, I found a number of other hashtags that I knew nothing about. #prayforjapan #prayforbeirut #prayforbaghdad.  Apparently, at the same time that the shootings were going on, Japan had just had a 7.0 or 7.1 undersea earthquake, with the threat of a tsunami.  Prior to both, Beirut was bombed, two days earlier, and a bomb went off inside a FUNERAL in Baghdad.  And, I knew nothing about any of it.  Because it wasn't covered.  However, a big deal was made of the assassination of Jihad Johnny, all day prior to the shootings in Paris.

So, what does any of this have to do with drag related stuff?  Well, not a whole lot.  The post was actually brought on by a couple of other posts I had seen, berating people for only caring about Paris, only caring about "White people", and feeling the need to say to people that "It's all well and good to pray for them, but it really doesn't do them any good."  And, I figured that this was as good a time as any, to step up on my soapbox, and say my piece.  Agree or disagree with me, that's your decision, and I'll gladly discuss it with you.

My heart really, and truly does go out to anyone, anywhere who has been affected by violence of any sort.  Yes, I may be middle class, white, gay, privileged, male, American, but, I live paycheck to three days before the next paycheck, and can't always donate my money to actually help out, because, well, bills have to be paid, and food needs to be bought, and I need gas to get back and forth to work.  So, while it may not be doing any physical good for someone to know that I'm sending love and healing their way, it may help mentally.

But, the post that I got so offended by (and yes, I did get offended by it, before fully reading through it,) got me thinking.  When I posted to instagram, with a #PrayersforParis, picture, I knew nothing about the other hashtags, that I could and should have used.  So, I'm not wrong in what I posted.  Nor, am I wrong, in changing my Facebook profile picture, by giving it a French flag overlay.  But, people are going to say that I am, and I'm a follower.

The truth of the matter, is that someone needs to bring attention to these senseless acts of violence.  Whether it's a bombing or a shooting, or even a case of domestic violence, NONE of it has a place in this world.

I'm sure there are others that I have missed,
so, #prayforeveryone

It makes me sad to see statistics outside of the terrorist attacks, like this, that a trans person is killed every 29 hours.  And, what's worse, is when someone starts to stand up for the rights of the community, they are told they're a disgrace, and know nothing about what they're bringing attention to.  (Yes, I'm referring to Caitlyn Jenner, here.) For a person, who for 65 years, was what would be considered a privileged, white, rich, Republican, male, to more or less admit on national television that he was female, and then, to admit again, that she was going to have to rethink her old ways of thinking, with all the new information that she was gathering, I think that's brave as hell.  And, when people fighting for the same cause you are, tell you you're doing it wrong, it makes you wonder, what's the point?

The point, is, there is too much violence, and not enough planning, to cut down on it.  And, when the discussion comes up about how to fix it, there's always someone getting offended.  I'm not saying that we need to get rid of guns.  I'm not saying that you don't have a right to disagree with anything that anyone says.  But, until we get a handle on how to get along, we're going to continue to have these hashtags of #PrayForWhatever, and the people who say you're being unfair, because you forgot this, that and the other thing.

That, being said, maybe I am a Sheeple.  Maybe, by playing my middle class, American male privilege, I'm just being another dumb American who really is doing nothing but writing about how to make himself feel better about his life, when in reality other people have lost theirs.  But, maybe, I can start a conversation, which will make people think about what's really important in life.  Because the sooner, we start thinking about the important things, and can move away from the things that people kill over, that's when we as a human race are going to make some progress.

You Don't Know What It's Like...

Me as Liz Taylor from AHS: Hotel

Halloween had never really been my holiday, since I was a kid. When I was a kid, I loved it. Dressing up, pretending I was someone else. It was the gay boy holiday. You spend so much time pretending you're someone different, that it's nice to be able to dress the part and get away with it.

I outgrew Halloween when I was about 14. I wasn't popular enough to get invited to Halloween parties. So, I would go out trick or treating with my brother and the girls across the road. And, that was when I found out that I had aged out of Halloween. Someone said, "what are you doing, you're too old for trick or treating." And, that was it.

Dan has asked me every year what I was going to do for Halloween, and every year, I put off making a decision until the last minute, when it's almost too late to do anything about a costume. This year, though, American Horror Story : Hotel happened. More specifically, Liz Taylor happened.

Madame Sheena, ClubKid MizzDiveena, Shaunna Rai, Miss E,on

I've avoided doing any kind of drag, mainly because I know what goes into it, how much work it is, and most importantly, I have worried that I would like it more than I should.  But, the Character of Liz Taylor wouldn't be drag exactly.  When the suggestion was made that I could do her, it wouldn't let go. I wouldn't have a lot of makeup, and could do it myself, for the most part. The wardrobe was simple. The worst part was going to be the shoes.

For the first time ever, I asked Benni (Miss E,on to make me something. I had to have Liz Taylor's flowy wrap thing, in order to make the character believable.

My Minions, Mom and Dad

I spent three weeks walking around in heels that used to belong to Raquel Blake, that were too big for Shaunna Rai. I found out the hard way that falling in heels is one of the worst things in the world. Especially when the heels make you almost 7 feet tall... The ground is a long way down.

Miss E,on

Finally, the night was here. Halloween. Shaunna Rai started her makeup. I shaved everything that would potentially be visible, including my head. Once that was over, it was a matter of throwing on what makeup I would need, and some lashes. I did the lipstick and eyeshadow myself. Dan/Shaunna did my lashes and liner. (We almost glued my eye shut, but, it worked itself out.)

Shaunna Rai

And, it was time to head to Portland. We stopped to pick up Miss E'on and Stephan and his partner, Devin. Devin was excited, because this would be his first drag show. We all ended up squeezed into the back seat of
Stephan's car. The ride there was long. Once we got into Portland,  it became a matter of finding a place to park. And, I got on the wrong side of Shaunna's mood, when I didn't speak up soon enough, because Shaunna couldn't see with her blackout contacts.

I finally found a parking lot around the block, and we were on out way. We got to the Westin in plenty of time. Chris O showed us where the girls would be getting ready. We brought the bags back, and I took Stephan and Devin back out to try to get their bracelets...only we were still way too early.

Chris O

And, given the fact that I was walking around in boy clothes with my face a made up, I was feeling weird, and decided that if the guys were ok, I would go get ready, and change into Liz Taylor. 

Once I was in the costume and heels, it was like I was a different person. I kinda understood for the first time how it was that Shaunna Rai comes out of Dan's mouth once a certain amount of makeup goes on. Nobody really notices Steve. But, everyone was watching Liz. 

Madame Sheena

While I was trying to not kill myself with the 8 inch heels, people stopped me to ask for a picture. Not because I had a camera, but, because they wanted to take a picture with me in it. It was literally one of the most surreal nights of my life.

On my way into the ballroom, to get directions about what was expected from pictures, I was stopped and asked if I would be participating in the costume contest. I hadn't really thought about it, mainly because I was there to "work." But, I figured, "what the Hell, you only live once, and if I stand a chance of winning,  why not?"

My parents showed up, and we're in partial costume. They asked about the bathrooms, so I pointed them in the right direction, and when they came back, they were Minions. Some nice person actually took a picture with all three of us..which I still have not seen anywhere...And, it was a bit awkward. While I've posed with my parents before, it has never been as awkward as it was when I was in the heels. Both of my parents at some point touched my butt.

ClubKid MizzDiveena

We all ended up with VIP bracelets. Which was cool. It meant that I had full access to everything. The VIP area was upstairs, with its own bar, and a bunch of tables. The balcony view of the dance floor was cool, and being above the chandeliers made for some nice pictures. But, I have to admit, I spent very little time in VIP. (Partly because it was hell walking up and down the stairs in the heels and a robe thing that was flowy enough that it would randomly start sliding, if I didn't hold myself just so.)

This was the first event in a long time that I spent completely sober. It was just as well, given how much trouble it would have been if I had fallen... Because, I still almost fell a number of times even without a drink. (My left ankle seems to be weaker than my right one.)

Once the doors were opened, I was dragged into the photo booth by the photographer. I got my one picture, and then went on my way, with camera out and at the ready. And, I did something that I rarely do at these events. I asked groups of people I'd I could take their pictures. And, as Shaunna has told me for years,  they all said yes..because, who doesn't want to pose for a camera? (Aside from me...)

When all four performers were finally there,  I grabbed a group picture of them. (One of the best pictures of the night.) They did their thing, and split up to mingle. Announcement was made of the agenda for the evening and DJ Jodi played music for everyone to dance to until the performances. 

Around 9:30pm, Miss E,on took the stage. About that time, some of Dan's friends from work showed up and said hi to me, before heading to the bar and to try to hunt down Shaunna.

Shaunna was up next, and I was looking forward to the song. Evanescence's Bring Me to Life. I've always loved the song, and when she said that she was doing it, I was excited. The performance went off without a hitch. 

More dancing. More pictures. I was asked by Coraline to get a picture with her. After she left, a couple of the hotel employee ladies took about a bajillion pictures of me on their phones. (More pictures that I have never seen.) 

Next up was the costume contest. Because I was supposed to be doing photos, this was stressful for me. I had no idea how I would manage to get pictures once I was on stage. Fortunately, waiting until last to go up, and being in one of the last categories, I didn't have much to worry about. Well, aside from the fact that I had been in heels for almost 3 hours, and my feet hurt and my legs were starting to get shaky.

Going up, I introduced myself as Liz Taylor, and when asked "and what are you?" I made a joke..."I'm dying to get out of these heels." The audience laughed. Unfortunately,  I was not fabulous enough to win the fabulous category. (Although, it made me feel good later, when someone told me that I was robbed, and should've won in my category.)

I totally agreed with the judges' decision that Medusa won overall. Ashley's costume was amazing. 

After it was over, I had to get rid of the heels. Literally, the pain on my feet and the wobbliness in my legs was making me sick to my stomach. I went and found our friends from the salon, and a lady, who I don't know, helped me take my shoes off. (I almost fell when I tried to do it myself.) I have a total new respect for women, who wear heels all day. And an even greater respect for drag queens, who, not only walk around in heels, but also dance, kick and do splits in heels.

Madame Sheena was up next for performing. I can't recall the name of the song. I want to say that it was from something called the Littlest Witch. Something like that.

ClubKid MizzDiveena was the final performer of the night. I knew due to her Jack Skellington costume that she had to be doing something Nightmare Before Christmas related. And, she didn't disappoint. She did a whole number to "This is Halloween."

The rest of the night was dancing. Shaunna and I caught back up with the group from the salon. Then, it was time to get changed and head out. We stopped and said goodbye to my parents. And, then it was back to the car, to head home.

On the way home we stopped at Burger King. We went inside, and I don't think that the people at the counter knew quite what to make of us. Two guys, two guys with makeup,  and Miss E,on, in full drag.

It was a great night. I has so much fun. And, I stepped so far out of my comfort zone, that it wasn't funny. But, I got an understanding for the first time, first hand, of what it's like to be a drag queen, and to get all of the attention. I would be lying if I didn't say that I actually of enjoyed the attention. I understand the draw to doing drag now. And, I'm not as immune to it as I once thought.  (But, once a year for Halloween, would be more than enough for me...since I don't perform. I can lip sync with the best, but I would be a very boring queen to watch.)

Shake It Off

If you've known me for any length of time, you know that I have more or less always kept a journal of sorts, since my family got a computer. It has always been my way of communicating what I'm doing with the people I care about.

When Dan and I first started discussing whether or not I should write about drag, it was more of a joke than anything. And, then I started to really think about what it meant to me.

I came from a place, where it wasn't ok to be gay. If you looked wrong at someone you got death threats...and yes, that did happen to me once.

So, drag was generally not a topic that was often discussed in any company. It was usually a topic to be laughed at, because, "well, those people only do that in the big city. Nobody in Maine would do that."

But, I felt that the only reason that it "wasn't okay," was just because, like so many other things, people didn't understand the reason behind it.  That it wasn't just a freakshow kind of thing.  That it is a way to do so many things.

What I didn't expect when I first started the blog though, was the intense feelings that would come from it.  The praise, and love that I've gotten, and the anger and hate that occasionally comes through. In comments, I have had someone who I know, anonymously come out to me.  I have had people tell me that I'm stupid for writing about drag, because nobody wants to read about it.  I've had people tell me that because of my blog posts, they felt like they were there.  And, I've had people tell me that I'm not a drag queen, so I have no right to write about my experience at a show.

When I started blogging about the events that I attend, it was more to remind myself of how I was feeling when I was there.  Because, for all intents and purposes, the blog is a diary, just like every blog that I've ever written.  I am very much aware of what I write, and I try my best to be kind.  I have never intentionally set out to hurt anyone's feelings.  The goal is to say what I feel, while doing the least amount of harm possible, to anyone's feelings.  It doesn't always work that way...ask Pandora Boxx...

I know from time to time, people are going to disagree with me.  I welcome that. In fact, I want that.  I want to know why I'm wrong.  And, I want people to tell me that I'm wrong, so that we can have a discussion and I can learn.  Occasionally, I will make a mistake...I may use a term, that is offensive. I want you to tell me why it's offensive.

But, know this.  The blog itself, is a learning tool.  As much a tool for anyone who knows little to nothing about drag, as it is for me to learn more about myself.  Because, to be quite honest, I've learned more about myself while writing this than I thought I would.

So, let's make this a little more interactive.  I want to hear what you want to hear from me.  I want to discuss what I've seen/done/heard at shows.  I want you to use the comments both on Google+ and on Facebook...that's why they're there.  Granted, most of the time, I'm just writing into a void, but, I watch my stats.  I know that I've got readers from here in the US, to Canada, to Russia, France and beyond.

And, just remember.  You don't have to like me.  You don't have to dislike me.  If you're still reading it, it means, for whatever reason, the blog is still relevant.

Perception is 99% of reality.  If you read something I've written, and believe that it was meant maliciously, I understand that you're going to think that I'm after something.  You have a right to that belief.  But, let me know that it makes you feel that way, before you put me to death.  It's often difficult to find the tone that an author intends with their writing.  I tend to be sarcastic, and sometimes don't come off as anything but mean.  If you question it, ask.  There's a reason, why I tend to be a little (ok a lot) self-deprecating when I write.  It's because I would rather make fun of myself, than hurt anyone else, because they thought I was making fun of them.  That's not who I am, nor is it who I want to be.

You're a Unicorn, My Dear

August 3rd is a day that I will never forget. When someone finally let's down their guard, and shows vulnerability, it's not something that you just forget.

Ariel Maranda Gibbs was a friend of Shaunna Rai's, and one of the few performers that I never got the chance to meet. I followed her on Facebook, and heard stories about her, from "Back in the day." She had a very long battle with cancer, and ultimately the morning of August 3rd, was the morning we found out that she had lost the battle.

I was up early, and had to be out the door for an 8am shift in Arundel. I had just grabbed all my stuff to head out the door when Dan came upstairs, hugged me, and told me, through tears. I remember being shocked at the news, and glad that I was there for the initial news, and feeling very awkward, because my hands were full and I didn't know whether to drop everything or continue holding it. (Ultimately I ended up doing the latter.)

Throughout the day, information poured in , and this woman who I never met, began to become a person I felt like I knew. A unicorn, of sorts... I knew of her existence, I had never seen her, but I knew that she was real.

Either that day, or a day or two later, I got a message from Diamond Dunhill asking me to submit any photos or video that I had of Ariel, as Diamond was making a video to commemorate Ariel's life.  When I had to tell Diamond that I had never really met Ariel, I realized the enormity of the loss to the community.  Ariel was a pageant girl and a former member of the Imperial Court of Massachusetts. She had been all over the country, and was well known.

When Diamond posted her video on YouTube, I had to watch it. The Link is here. Hearing her voice for the first time, and seeing her doing what she loved, was all it took. I broke down in tears, for someone I felt like I knew, through those around me.

When the day finally came for the memorial service, I was a little nervous. It was happening in Boston, and the only person I was going to know there was Dan.  And, my biggest fear, was that I was going to be out of place.  I don't do drag, and I'm not a trans person, and I wasn't family.  So, I didn't really have a place to be there, other than as Dan's support system.

The ride to Boston was uneventful, until we got to Boston. Then, we ended up going by the place. We ended up parking on the opposite side of Boston Common from the church, and walked the rest of the way.

Inside, we sat in the back row. A friend of Dan's, Colby and her wife, Lee, were there with us..so I felt a little less alone. Discussion,  before the service went to drag shows,  and the lack thereof. 

Back in the day, there was a show or benefit every month, and they lamented the fact that things have changed so much over the years.

I realized that I understood hardly anything about the Imperial Court. When a guy came in decked our in full on robe and crown, I instantly did a mind split. First I thought it was totally inappropriate for him to be in full regal dress. Then, I realized that it was part of the pageantry, part of what Ariel loved, and therefore it was totally appropriate.

I came to the conclusion during the service that I am far more awkward in social situations than I want to admit. At one point, a family member broke down, and I almost had to excuse myself so I wouldn't laugh at the dramatic sobbing.  And, when Dan broke down, I had a napkin ready, but didn't know how he would feel about a PDA so I rubbed his back, as much to make myself feel better, as to make him feel better.

After the poems, stories and songs, it was time to head out. They had everyone write a message which was tied to a balloon. As we went out, we received a balloon, to release. A number of people who had performed with her, were given tear away robes to wear while the balloons were released. Mind you, these were ruffled robes most in single colors, but a few in rainbow colors. 

The balloon release was a nice send off.

After, I faced a fear, and drove around the park, in Boston traffic. That was enough, and I made Dan drive afterward. We went to Club Cafe for the wake, or reception...whatever you want to call it.

We got there, and I got us drinks. Diamond came over, and I had no idea who he was...because I have never seen Diamond out of drag. He introduced us to a queen who had just moved to Boston.

Gigi, a member of the Imperial Court, and the official Queen of Salem came over and said hi. Having been involved in events that she was involved with, over the last two years, I was surprised when she told us that she had just figured out that Dan and I were a couple.

I met the family, and Ariel's husband. It was weird for me, because I never know what to say when I'm in that kind of a position.  So I really didn't say much of anything.

Before sitting down, I scoped out the food tables, to see if I would be able to eat anything. Then we sat with Colby and Lee and again chatted about the old times.

Eventually, they left. After, I got kind of an information overload. I forget sometimes how much drag queens talk. I found out from this one, why that one is on a shit list. I found out that this one is jealous of that one. And someone came out to me (in a manner of speaking.) The last being information that surprised me, and I hoped during the conversation that my face didn't betray me.

At last, it was time to go. I made sure we said our goodbyes. By the end of it, my head was spinning with all the stuff that I had heard.

It was a beautiful service for a truly beautiful person, who, regretfully, I never met. Through everything that I saw and heard, I feel like I actually knew her. And I got just a glimpse of how much of a loss her death was to the community, and to her friends and family.

Art Walk LA

At the end of the night at the Cancer Schmancer show, I was approached about submitting artwork to the Lewiston/Auburn Art Walk. It was totally out of the blue, and unexpected. But, Grayling asked me specifically to participate,  and show off my photography work.

Scarrlett 

Because most any kind of exposure is good exposure, I figured that I would try it. It would do one of two things...it would make me feel better about being an artist, or it would make me decide never to do it again. The whole time, my mind went back and forth about the ultimate outcome.

Deadlines flew at me, and at the last minute, it was a scramble to narrow down my thousands upon thousands of pictures to just 15.

Wanting to do things right, I did a mass tag of Facebook friends who I have photographed in the past in hopes that a few of them would say yes. The response was overwhelmingly yes, with a few, "yes, but let me see it first. I just want to approve of it."

Jacinda

Once I got all the approvals, I saved all the pictures to my desktop to save to a memory card, to take to be printed. In the meantime, I had Dan go to Goodwill to pick me up frames...which he did with little to no knowledge of what I was using for pictures. The night before delivery, I literally was finishing putting the pictures in the frames, hoping that it was all going to work out ok. 

Porcia Chanel

The night of delivery, almost didn't happen. Dan and Larry (Shaunna Rai and Leanna Love) had taken a trip to Boston in Dan's new (used) car. As I was getting ready to take the pictures to the venue, at 46 Lisbon Street, I got a call from Dan. "Hey, I know you have to drop off your pictures,  but we need to get a tow, and a ride home, we're broken down outside of the Massachusetts and New Hampshire border, by the bridge that they're fixing that I always mess with you about."

So while waiting for a message to see if I could get in to drop the pictures off earlier,  I made phone calls, and got the tow on the way. I dropped off the pictures, and made a flying trip to Massachusetts...it all turned out ok, except for the car, which was kind of a lemon.

Rainbow Frite

After much freaking out, because I had submitted 14 photos, and only delivered 13, because I had forgotten to save the final one on the laptop, I ended up with it in hand for the night of the walk.

I didn't know what to expect from the space, as it was an abandoned looking shop front, which, incidentally,  happened to be where my mom purchased her wedding gown. (Talk about a small world, right?) I waited outside for the doors to open, after grabbing the clipboard and lanyard, that said I was an official volunteer for the night.

Shaunna Rai

Finally the space opened, we got my final piece situated and food and drink set out, and people started arriving. Our venue had boxed wine, and I knew that if I was going to make this better for myself, I at least needed one glass of wine, to keep from being the guy standing in the corner trying to be as small as possible so nobody would talk to me.

The wine worked.  I was sharing the space with another photographer, who does landscape type photography and what she called her "twirl" photos (when you focus the camera on something and then twist it, making it look like you were rolling when you took the picture.  She had also come out to volunteer. The other lady, who was showing, did not come out, but had three paintings on display.

Leanna Love

The first few people who came through, just looked around, like they were in an art gallery, then left. Ivy, the other photographer and I, started talking about our work to each other. I was surprised that none of her stuff was for sale, because it was really good. She told me that her goal was to let people see what they could do themselves, with Goodwill frames and a point and shoot camera. That was why she wasn't going to sell them. Well, that along with the feeling that art is a very personal thing, and sometimes it's hard to part with.

Cecelia Grace

She asked me, and I was asked many times through the night, how I got into the field of portraiture. I did a bunch of plugging for the blog, which as of now, appears to not have done any good...(Probably because, with everything I remembered,  the business cards were what I forgot.) I went on to explain that the pictures had chosen had been my favorites out of a ton of choices over the last four years or so.

Miss E,on

People finally started asking me questions, or just talking to me. One gentleman, an older guy, I had to correct his terminology, and explain the difference between drag, cross dressing and transgender. This was a very long conversation. He had heard a story on NPR, about a drag queen, who became addicted to her drag personal so much, that she basically had to kill her drag career, to keep her real life. (It seemed far fetched to me, but, what do I know. Stranger things have happened.) We then moved on to trans women. He told me the story of a professor at Bowdoin College (I think) who had written a book about her transition, and this gentleman thought that the whole thing was amazing. I thought it was cool that he told me the story.  He eventually moved on, and left.

Lili Whiteass

A bear couple (for anyone not in the know, a burly, gay couple, presumably with a lot of body hair, and usually facial hair) came up and told me how great the pictures were, and asked where they could see a show, without having to drive all the way to Portland. They explained that they had moved from down in the south (Baltimore, I think), where they could go to a show anytime they wanted. I explained that the drag scene in Maine is dwindling, but promoted an upcoming show at the Elks Club in Lewiston. I'm hoping to see them there.

Diamond Dunhill

There were a lot of people who legit thought that all the pictures were of real women. There were a few who, upon realizing that the pictures they were looking at were male, turned and booked it out of the venue. And, an overwhelming amount of people who either knew the queens or had actually been to the shows. These were the ones I enjoyed talking to the most. These were the people asking how did you get such good pictures, and where can I see them in person? I took that time to plug upcoming shows, and lament the lack of shows in the area. This was when I realized that I want to do something about the lack of drag in Maine. (Not that I know what to do, where to start, or how to make something happen, but it gave me a starting point. )

Cherry Lemonade

As the night wore down, and came to a close, I stopped for a minute to think about all the stuff I had accomplished. First, I had a showing of my work, for the first time ever. Second, I did all of it on my own. Third, I talked about what I do with total strangers, and didn't get much of a negative response. And, last, but certainly not least...I'd on fact, most important, I had a hell of a lot of fun. And kind of want to do it again next year.

Bunny Wonderland

Yes, occasionally, I need someone to light a fire under my ass, to get me going. And, there's a good possibility that I may buck it the whole way, because I'm scared. But, I really need to just remember that I am my own worst enemy, and that I need to just do things, instead of worry about the bad things that could happen. Because, truthfully, the things I worry about rarely come to fruition,  and then I've spent so much energy worrying that I have none when it comes time to have fun.

ClubKid MizzDiveena

Oh, and Bunny Wonderland, just so you know, this picture of you actually sold.  Granted, it was to my mom, but...

Remembering the Underground

In the grand scheme of things, in terms of the gay community,  I'm about preschool age as a gay man. Looking back on my life, I find that by settling down at 19, I missed out on a lot of the "scene", during my 20's and very early 30's. There is so much history that I have been learning about Portland's, Lewiston's, Augusta's and Bangor's gay history. And, now, there is only Portland left with any semblance of a gay bar, until you head south.

Miss JoAnn

So, when the announcement was made that Styxx was going to host a show called Remembering The Underground, it was one I wanted to go to. The premise, being that years ago, the space now known as Styxx was another business, called The Underground (fitting, as the club/bar is in the basement of the building, therefore it is Underground).

Back in the day, they had shows there all the time. Queens from Boston would come and perform. There was always a line around the corner, just to get in.

This was going to be a #throwbackthursday on a live stage. The queens would be performing music from the '90's and reminiscing about the old days, and some of the Queens and Kings who have either stopped performing by choice or have passed away.

Madame Sheena

For the first time I got kind of snotty about posters. I designed and redesigned, to totally different specifications the poster. I promoted on my own pages. And the performers either didn't share it at all, or literally just hit the share now button on Facebook, and didn't give reasons why anyone would want to go. I took out frustration on everyone, and feel the need to apologize.

The night itself was going to be fun. Both Miss E'on and Leanna Love, ended up being in the show as two other queens had canceled at the last minute.

And, Dan's daughter was going to be there, and get to see Shaunna Rai perform for the first time...aside from at a hair school show. Other than a little chit chat on Facebook, I hadn't really had much interaction with Logan so, I was looking forward to it.

We got to the bar, and I took the bags to the back, as usual. Miss JoAnn was already there. She greeted us warmly, and said something about her age, in response to something Leanna had said about being too old. (Miss JoAnn, I think is the oldest drag queen I know.)

Danielle Dior

Once things were squared away, I went to get Shaunna and myself something to drink. I may have gotten a little snippy with the lady at the door, when I went back to give Shaunna her drink...I drove with half the performers, with no gas money involved, and you're going to charge me a cover? (I now see that I'm just as bad as the rest of the people I complain about. I've been given too many free entries, for being the driver, that it has gone to my head.) And, I learned my lesson. When I'm already in the back, for a show, just wait until the back bar opens...

DJ ChrisO started the music, for the night, and in a way I was transported back in time. The music was the music that was new when I was finishing high school, and starting art school. (In other words, the soundtrack to my coming out.) Whitney Houston's It's Not Right came on, and I literally flashed back to my first time ever in a gay night club, in Philadelphia, at Woody's, when I was just over 18.

Leanna Love

The show started, and Madame Sheena started off the introductions.  Shaunna, E,on and Leanna paid homage to a group of girls that Shaunna used to perform with (the ISG...International Show Girls, who used to perform on the Scotia Prince cruise, back in the day.)

Miss JoAnn was introduced, and a joke was made about her having been performing since 1912...she really isn't that old...I got some great shots of her. Her Somewhere Over the Rainbow was a great number. It's one of my favorite songs, and it just fit for her to do it.

Barbara Streisand made an appearance. Oh, wait, no, that was Madame Sheena.

Danielle Dior, who is a former Miss Gay Maine, and was a fixture in The Underground days, hosting both the shows and Strip Night, did a number.

Shaunna Rai

Leanna, who I normally have a hard time getting good pictures of, did a version of Fever, by Madonna, and I got a few really good shots of her too.

Somewhere in between numbers, I saw our friends Andrea and Dana. I talked to Andrea a bit about a game that I'm excited to see come out, and she talked about someone that she was kind of seeing, having invited her to go to some kind of gamer convention in Boston. Dana asked me if it would be ok for him to put a dollar bill in his fly for tipping Shaunna. I never know what's appropriate until afterward,  so I gave my blessing...only because I know he wouldn't do anything bad.

E,on did her number,  which, for the life of me, I can't remember what it was. The one thing I do remember, was our friend Steve giving her a tip...in his teeth, and the huge grin on his face after. This is what shows are supposed to be about. Having fun.

Miss E,on

The thing I was most looking forward to, was the banter about the back in the day queens, who are no longer around. We reached Donna Summer's Last Dance, and the banter was not there. I knew little more about the old days than I did before I went. That was my only disappointment from the show.

The show was over, and the queens were heading back to pack up. Shaunna was still socializing, and introduced me to a couple, who asked if I could take a picture of them. They had met at The Underground, years ago, and wanted a picture, to commemorate it.

Finally, we were on our way home. The trip home from Portland seemed so much shorter than it did when we were in Portland after driving from Portsmouth.

Midsummer Night Queens: Week 3: BenDeLaCreme

I waited a year for the second installment of Midsummer Night Queens shows. I was most looking forward to the final show, for two reasons. One, was that initially, Katya was supposed to be a part of it. And, two, was that when Katya was unable to be there, and it was BenDeLaCreme, I felt like it was a second chance of sorts, for me to make a better impression.

When Ben came to Portland for the BOTS Tour, I felt afterward a little like a creeper, because when we stayed for the "after party" at Styxx, I went into my "I'm a superfan, and don't know what to say, so I'll say nothing and just watch and take everything in," creeper mode.

And, after two days prior of shows, I was ready to get it over with...and was so excited I could pee.

Since we got in early from the Cancer Schmancer show, I felt like I actually got enough sleep, for once.  And, due to the traffic the previous two shows, we decided that the best thing to do, would be to leave early.

So, when Dan/Shaunna Rai got a text halfway to Portland, on our way to pick up Cherry Lemonade, saying that the show had been canceled, I didn't believe it. Like, I seriously thought that it was a joke.  Until I got the details...a pipe had burst at the Seacoast Rep Theater. The matinee show of Avenue Q was canceled. The water had bathed the lighting system, so it was all unusable space.

Given the fact that BenDeLaCreme had been flown in, it seemed like an impossibility for the show to not go on in some way. How much money would've been thrown down the toilet, if the theater lost money on BenDeLa,  and on tickets that needed to be refunded? It just made sense for the show to move venues...which was exactly what ended up happening.

During lunch with Shaunna and Cherry, I did what I do. I took to the social medias and started promoting the new location, in every way I could think of. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr all got some version (pretty much the same version from Instagram ) of the information..."The show has been moved, here's the new location, hope to see you there." I more or less figured that this was a lesson in futility, but I needed to do what I could to make sure that everyone I knew who was coming, would know where to go.

After lunch, we headed to the Rep, so that the girls could paint, as the space at the new venue was going to be too small for everyone's stuff. There was so much going on that the conversations have all melted together in my memory...although, I do remember talk of Rocky Horror, which was how Cherry and Bunny Wonderland met.  And, Mimi Imfurst was also around back in those days.

I ran upstairs, as the bar was open, and the girls wanted drinks. On the way up, I very nearly gave myself a heart attack, and then did it again on the way back down.  There was a mannequin with what looked like hockey gear on, standing in a dark corner. And I got jumped by it every time I walked by it.

Finally, we loaded the makeup cases back into the car, and it was time to head to the new space, 3S Artspace.  We got there easy enough, and it was then kind of a mess finding parking...so we parked at the bank...on the grass...and went in to find out where to bring the bags and stuff.

The staff were very helpful getting us to the stage area...presumably,  because it's not often that they get men in women's faces coming in. They were excited about the show though. The stage was great. Although, backstage was tiny. There were going to be about 6 people at a time back there with costume changes, etc. I'm still not sure how they all fit.

After getting them situated, I went back out to move the car, so I wouldn't fear being towed. And, grabbed the bags. On my way back into the building, I heard someone yell my name. I looked around, but didn't recognize the voice. As I got to the building, they said my name again. I recognized the person as a Facebook person. He thanked me for the update about the change of venue, and asked if I knew where we were going. I told him to follow me, but that I couldn't guarantee that they would let him in, because at this point, it was still really early. He thanked me then went on his way, as I made mine back into the backstage area.

Wendy showed up shortly after, and I bugged Bunny again, to let her in early. So, while I waited for everything to start, and for the doors to open, I at least had company.

Because of the change of venue, and the time change, and drag shows just about never start, on time, it seemed like forever for the show to start.  But, the show was totally worth the wait, and the hassle of exploiting social media.

Bunny did a version of her witches mix, that includes clips from Wicked and Maleficent from Sleeping  Beauty. 

Lili Whiteass did a version of Rocky Raccoon, in full raccoon drag. I had never heard the song before, but I got a kick out of it. Later, Lili did an homage to Devil Wears Prada and Madonna's Vogue.

BenDeLa did a hilarious number that started off with her lip synching to herself "talking to the dj", and then trying to follow a number, where the music was off...first too fast, then too slow. And, watching her do a perfect synch to slow motion music, and The Chipmunk speed music was awesome.

BenDeLaCreme later did her Burlesque number, that she had done when we saw the BOTS Tour. It's a number that I love, because it's funny. I didn't expect to get a glitter bomb though. I found out later, that Shaunna and Cherry told her to look for me, and throw glitter at me. Which, in a way made it better.

Cherry did a number from (I think) one of Barbara Streisand's movies. It was great until the end of the number, when the character falls off a building to her death, and it looked like Cherry overestimated the space between the stage and the first row if audience, because she quite nearly fell into the audience. 

For whatever reason, there was a carpet on the stage, and a number of times I caught a slip happening. 

Rainbow Frite again did her Somewhere That's Green, only, this time, it was the version she meant to do the first show...complete with an Audrey II puppet, that eventually devoured her.

Before I knew it, the show was over, and everyone was clearing out.  BenDeLa had finished out the show, and there was a couple bucks of tip money, and I think a cover up, left on the stage. So, when I felt like it was safe and nobody was going to be like "Wtf do you think you're doing," I grabbed the stuff, and took it backstage.

Once I got backstage, Shaunna introduced me, as her boyfriend, and as a surprise to me, she remembered me from the BOTS Tour. After I recovered from the idea that she knew who I was, I went out to wait with everyone else...because, the backstage area really was too small for me to be there too.

One by one, the girls came out, and I started up my, "I'll take your picture" thing, and from that point, time flew by. So many people. So many pictures. So many other people's cameras.

Finally, it was time for me to get my picture taken. And, nobody knew how to use my camera. I had it all set up, so that all that needed to be done was a click of the button, and the picture would've been perfect. I handed it off, and then proceeded to stand with BenDeLaCreme through 30-ish pictures that were not at the zoom I had set it for. We laughed a little, then headed outside.

Those who smoke smoked. The young girls who had been at the Jujubee show, were waiting outside, and proceeded to "tell the past" and  "tell the future" for BenDeLa, by reading her aura.

BenDeLaCreme put up with it, although, much of what they were saying was already public knowledge, or it was something that could apply to any generic gay man. They finally left, and BenDeLa said that was a relief. She didn't buy any of it.

At this point, it was just me and the queens, and the staff who were closing the theater for the night, and I would say that it was well after midnight. We went back inside, and everyone started to de-drag and pack up. BenDeLa admitted that she had forgotten to bring boy clothes for after the show. It didn't stop her from asking about bars around the area...only, she seemed shocked when she was told the time for last call. New England, and our Puritanical rules about alcohol being unavailable at a bar past 1am.

Unfortunately, for the girls, the bar at the theater had also closed for the night already, although cans of beer and soda were readily available.

This was the best part of the night for me, because I hadn't really gotten a good chance to meet Lili or Rainbow, in spite of the three shows. In my head, they were "above me," but proved to be just as human as me. Lili was trying to close her contact case, and couldn't figure out why it wouldn't work. She handed it off to Shaunna, who also couldn't figure it out. I had been watching, and couldn't figure out why the cap looked different, and asked if I could look at it. It turned out that they were trying to put a cap from a water bottle on it. We all had a good laugh, and then, got kicked out of the theater. It was about 2am, and the staff were ready to go home.

Everyone said their goodbyes and promised to keep in touch, and then began the trek back to Maine.

On the return trip, conversation turned to the guy who asked me how to get in, and that I am officially part of the drag crew...and that I play a bigger role than I think I do.

I snap pictures at every show I go to. I post them for the world to see, and for the girls to use for their own promotional purposes. And, I blog about the experience. The girls do the shows and have memories of this or that, but generally not the whole show. My stories about what the show was like, give them something solid to remember. I give a written history for them to look back at and say, "I remember that show," and to see how it went over with the audience.

We finally made it to Kennebunk and stopped for our usual BK stop. I don't remember exactly what led up to it, but at one point, I could've sworn that the cook was going to whip out his penis for Cherry. Quick as it started, he had gone back to the grill.

We headed back to the car, and I became the subject of conversation again...well, not me, specifically, but...my butt, specifically. How nice and round it is, and how many people, male or female would be jealous of it. Cherry asked if it was ok to grab a cheek, got the ok, and did. I was a little embarrassed,  but since I was driving, it didn't make much difference. I went into listening mode again, and then just like that, the night was over. We dropped Cherry off. I helped bring her stuff up to her apartment. And, then, an hour later, we were home.

A Night at the Breezeway

Following the show with Joslyn, we had a couple days off, before the next weekend. Only this weekend was going to be a full weekend of drag shows.

Friday night, was a show at the Breezeway, in Manchester,  New Hampshire, called Drag Roulette. A simple concept...the queen spins a wheel, with a list of artists on it, and then the DJ picks a song, and the queen does her best interpretation of the song.  It's a great idea, and it's always fun to see Porcia...who had invited Shaunna Rai to perform.

The morning started with Shaunna putting everything that she needed in the living room, for me to load in the trunk later, when it was closer to time to leave.  I took her to work, and then began a crazy day of baking, and running errands, for a birthday the following day, with another show.

I got everything done that needed to be, except finding cupcake tins, so I ended up baking cupcakes in muffin tins, like muffins, resulting in uncircumcised cupcakes. I finally had everything done, with about an hour left before I needed to go back to Portland to pick Shaunna up.

I loaded everything into the car, and then left. I got a mile down the road, before I realized that the one thing I had forgotten, was the makeup...without which, Shaunna wouldn't have been able to come out. So, I turned around and tried again. This time, I had everything.

I scooped up Dan/Shaunna, and we took off for Manchester. The ride was very much uneventful. I got an earful for almost forgetting the makeup. And, an earful about my driving, thanks to some road work and people slamming on brakes ahead of me.

Finally, we made it to Porcia's. We got the tour of her apartment. And then it was time to get down to business. Makeup mirrors went up for Shaunna, and Porcia and Scarrlett went to their respective drag rooms.  I had a couple of half Solo cups of wine, while I waited.

While Shaunna painted, I watched Porcia's dog screw the life out of a teddy bear. 

Finally, it was time for us to go, for the show. We were a few minutes late, but it was all good. Since the whole show was the three queens, it had to wait for them to even start. We ordered drinks, and I took my place for taking pictures.  I looked forward to it, because I haven't seen a lot of performances by either Porcia or Scarrlett.

Everyone did their first number,  and then it was time for a break. We went outside a the girls could get some air, and so that those who smoked could do so.

Upon returning inside, I was approached by a guy selling roses, and since we were close to Dan's birthday, I figured, sure, why not? We got a drink...I got a water, because I was feeling a little off. And, headed back in, so that the girls could get ready for their second numbers.

What I remember,  is that I got dizzy and grabbed ahold of a counter, and tried to sit on the stool. And then, I was on the floor. Shaunna and Porcia were standing over me. I had no idea what happened.

We went outside, so that I could get some air, and try to remember what happened. Shaunna told me that we could leave if I wanted to, because this was a health issue. I said no, because I already was feeling guilty about having passed out, and I didn't want to have made this trip all the way for one number.

Scarrlett's boyfriend volunteered to stay with me. I was immensely grateful,  and at the time completely ashamed, because I didn't know what happened...and with the cooler air hitting me, I couldn't tell if I had spilled my water, or if I had pissed myself, which made me even more upset.

When I finally regained my composure,  we went to the patio, so I could at least not be sitting outside the door like someone who got kicked out. A guy asked me to take a picture of him with Alex, Scarrlett's boyfriend. I did, and only then realized I had shoved the roses in my camera bag, and fallen on them. (I almost started crying again.)

Alex asked me if I wanted to go in for the last number,  to give Shaunna the roses, and I said I thought that I could manage that. And, so I did.

We left almost immediately after. I still felt like a douche. Dan needed to get out of drag, and then I got the full fury of just how badly I had scared him, and why I need to take better care of myself. And, it was a matter of making myself talk on the way back, so that we didn't end up having to go to the ER, and cancel the rest of the weekend.

That was the night that the Kennebunk rest area BK let us down at 2am, by having switched over to the breakfast menu, when all I wanted to eat was a burger and fries... You will never understand the letdown of sausage and a hash brown, when that isn't what you're craving.

I was never so happy to get home and go to bed as I was that night.

Cancer, Schmancer

It's very rare that a show comes along that I'm just not that into... Unfortunately, this was one of those rare shows that I probably should've stayed home for.

With the events of the previous night's show I was more or less exhausted and physically in pain, as I had apparently hit both my hip and my face on the way falling to the ground at the Breezeway.

In the middle of the day, I took a cake, along with a bunch of cupcakes to the Elks Club in Lewiston, so it would be there for Leanna Love, and be a surprise, as she didn't know that we were making her a cake.  Other than that, I did pretty much as little as possible.

I may have milked the sore and exhausted thing a little bit, but, I needed the rest, because there was still one more day of shows to go.

We got there, and I did the usual thing, being bag boy, grabbing my "dresser" ticket, and meeting up with my parents.

I hated the setup of the Elks Club. For a show, it was set up poorly. People wanted to tip, but the tables were too close to get through comfortably and there were so many people that it just looked awkward for the performers.  The stage was in a corner, far away from the audience, and there was little to no lighting, which meant that pictures were not very good from the night.

Knowing the girls in the show, I knew that the bar girl in each of them wouldn't allow most of them to stay on the stage, and figured that the best place for photos would be from across the room. I was mostly right, although, I should've used a flash, instead of relying on the low light settings on the camera and hoping.

I caught hell from stepping in front of the ladies in the concession stand, until they realized that during the show, nobody was getting up, and that they could move out from behind the counter.

Carol, my lobster smuggling friend from Zumba and her husband came, and I had them sit with my parents. Although, my mom followed me around with her camera...and Carol and her husband left...and dad followed us to the front, finding an empty chair, and getting the Shaunna treatment that I normally get, when she throws pieces of the tear aways at me...

Because I wasn't that into it, it felt like it took forever, I couldn't understand the need of Jacinda and Natilee to climb up on the tables and crawl around. (I mean, if that's what you want to do, fine, but, I just didn't get it.)

There were a couple of things that stood out for me though, and it wasn't all bad.

The show itself was a fund raiser, for two women who were battling cancer. Benefit shows are a good thing.

Over the years, I have often heard of Malibu, a queen that used to do shows all the time. I had never met her, and as far as I knew, she was no longer performing...only she did for this show.  My only issue with her performances, as a photographer, was that she kept turning her back to me, and even when she was looking toward my camera, her hair covered her face.

Jersey Couture, (who I have to fight myself to not call Jersey Shore) performed. It's rare enough to get her out out of drag, and even worse in drag, much less performing.

I don't remember if it was the sound,  the audience, the tipping or what, but, for the first time ever, in the time that I have been with Shaunna, I spotted a mistake in a number. So many of the numbers I have seen her do enough that if I wanted to, I probably could perform it spot on myself...so, when a rip away was missed, and then a double rip away happened, I kinda freaked out...like, what happened?

The show finally ended, and all the queens came out for a bow. And Chris, the emcee, asked Leanna to come back to the stage for a minute. Leanna, knowing that her birthday was right around the corner, tried to book it out of the place. After all the work that we put into the cake, I wasn't going to allow her to leave without at least seeing the cake. So I grabbed her arm, and walked her to a chair, while she glared at me, accusing, "You knew about this and didn't warn me!"

A few more pictures with all the queens, the cake, and a few random fans, and it was time to go. And I was ready...we still had Portsmouth the next day. Leanna invited us to go out for dinner, but we declined, and went home.

This was a bit of a low point in my drag fan career. But, you can't be on point all the time, and keep your physical being from having some kind of effect on your mood.

The Blame Game

So, you have this great idea for a drag show. You have a theme. You find the venue. You get your talent. You get promotional materials made for you.

So, you've done everything right. Right?

Then why is there no turn out? What happened to keep people away from the show? Why are your performers leaving with peanuts, instead of a butt load of cash in tips?

Whose fault is it, if a show is a flop?

The short answer, is it's everyone's fault.  But, it's a lot more complicated than that. Especially, when a large number of people are involved.

A drag performer's job is to promote their show. The more people they can bring in, the better the chance of bringing home the money. So, it makes sense for the queen or king to share a poster or event on any social media outlet available to them. And, the best way of creating a buzz is to tell the potential audience why they want to go to the show, so they don't leave, saying, "Yep, just what I was expecting  the same old queens doing the same old, boring numbers. I can't believe I wasted money for that." (Because, I literally have heard that sentiment before.)

A venue should promote a show that is happening there. When the artwork for promoting is built to the venue's specific needs, it should  be used for promotion. When performers begin to feel that the venue is not doing their job, they will talk about it. And, people will listen. What most people don't realize about Drag performers, is that they have captive audiences who hang on what they say. And, venues would do well to remember that any feeling of being slighted, will eventually come out. And, when you don't feel wanted somewhere, you don't go back. And you tell people, who tell people, who tell people. And, then, you have no patrons.

"Wait, there's a cover?" There is nothing that a potential audience member hates more than being surprised at the door with news that they will have to pay to get in. And, it's scary that (here in Maine) that is enough to cause someone to turn around and go elsewhere. If the promo material does not satisfactorily get this information across, it's the graphic artist's fault. If the posts  is delayed  in getting to the performers and the venue, it's the artist's fault.

But, what happens, when everything is said to be going right  And it turns out that it really isn't? What happens when your host says one thing, blaming the bar, and the bar says the exact opposite? Who is then to blame? And, why lie?

It doesn't matter who is lying. If things aren't going as they should be, then there is a problem. The breakdown of communication between all parties involved is problematic.

So, what is the solution? Because you're never going to be  every person involved to do what they need to do. How do you hold people accountable for what they didn't do?

First, all parties, from the host to the performers to the venue to the graphic artist should be a part of the conversation. If any one member is missing from the conversation, there is an issue. If everyone is a part of it, it makes it easier to hold someone accountable, and harder to lie about what you haven't done yet.

Next, be clear, right from the start of what is to be expected. Nothing makes people crazier than a waffler. I  It's ok one day and not the next, how do you expect anyone to know what's going on?

As a host, (in my opinion) if three fourths of your performers promote regularly, and the last doesn't, are you going to still pay them all the same? Especially, if you're splitting the cover? This is a time to put your foot down, and not be "the friend." You didn't promote, everyone else did. Sorry, but it's your own fault. Nobody is going to come see you  if they don't know you're going to be there...

Blame who you like, but the truth of the matter, is, unless there is a really big mistake that can be specifically tracked to one person, it's everyone's fault if a show fails.

Accept your responsibility, and move on, but learn from those mistakes. Know the worth of the show. Know the worth of the performers. Know the worth of the venue. And work together...Because, if you can't work together, why put something together in the first place?