You're a Unicorn, My Dear

August 3rd is a day that I will never forget. When someone finally let's down their guard, and shows vulnerability, it's not something that you just forget.

Ariel Maranda Gibbs was a friend of Shaunna Rai's, and one of the few performers that I never got the chance to meet. I followed her on Facebook, and heard stories about her, from "Back in the day." She had a very long battle with cancer, and ultimately the morning of August 3rd, was the morning we found out that she had lost the battle.

I was up early, and had to be out the door for an 8am shift in Arundel. I had just grabbed all my stuff to head out the door when Dan came upstairs, hugged me, and told me, through tears. I remember being shocked at the news, and glad that I was there for the initial news, and feeling very awkward, because my hands were full and I didn't know whether to drop everything or continue holding it. (Ultimately I ended up doing the latter.)

Throughout the day, information poured in , and this woman who I never met, began to become a person I felt like I knew. A unicorn, of sorts... I knew of her existence, I had never seen her, but I knew that she was real.

Either that day, or a day or two later, I got a message from Diamond Dunhill asking me to submit any photos or video that I had of Ariel, as Diamond was making a video to commemorate Ariel's life.  When I had to tell Diamond that I had never really met Ariel, I realized the enormity of the loss to the community.  Ariel was a pageant girl and a former member of the Imperial Court of Massachusetts. She had been all over the country, and was well known.

When Diamond posted her video on YouTube, I had to watch it. The Link is here. Hearing her voice for the first time, and seeing her doing what she loved, was all it took. I broke down in tears, for someone I felt like I knew, through those around me.

When the day finally came for the memorial service, I was a little nervous. It was happening in Boston, and the only person I was going to know there was Dan.  And, my biggest fear, was that I was going to be out of place.  I don't do drag, and I'm not a trans person, and I wasn't family.  So, I didn't really have a place to be there, other than as Dan's support system.

The ride to Boston was uneventful, until we got to Boston. Then, we ended up going by the place. We ended up parking on the opposite side of Boston Common from the church, and walked the rest of the way.

Inside, we sat in the back row. A friend of Dan's, Colby and her wife, Lee, were there with us..so I felt a little less alone. Discussion,  before the service went to drag shows,  and the lack thereof. 

Back in the day, there was a show or benefit every month, and they lamented the fact that things have changed so much over the years.

I realized that I understood hardly anything about the Imperial Court. When a guy came in decked our in full on robe and crown, I instantly did a mind split. First I thought it was totally inappropriate for him to be in full regal dress. Then, I realized that it was part of the pageantry, part of what Ariel loved, and therefore it was totally appropriate.

I came to the conclusion during the service that I am far more awkward in social situations than I want to admit. At one point, a family member broke down, and I almost had to excuse myself so I wouldn't laugh at the dramatic sobbing.  And, when Dan broke down, I had a napkin ready, but didn't know how he would feel about a PDA so I rubbed his back, as much to make myself feel better, as to make him feel better.

After the poems, stories and songs, it was time to head out. They had everyone write a message which was tied to a balloon. As we went out, we received a balloon, to release. A number of people who had performed with her, were given tear away robes to wear while the balloons were released. Mind you, these were ruffled robes most in single colors, but a few in rainbow colors. 

The balloon release was a nice send off.

After, I faced a fear, and drove around the park, in Boston traffic. That was enough, and I made Dan drive afterward. We went to Club Cafe for the wake, or reception...whatever you want to call it.

We got there, and I got us drinks. Diamond came over, and I had no idea who he was...because I have never seen Diamond out of drag. He introduced us to a queen who had just moved to Boston.

Gigi, a member of the Imperial Court, and the official Queen of Salem came over and said hi. Having been involved in events that she was involved with, over the last two years, I was surprised when she told us that she had just figured out that Dan and I were a couple.

I met the family, and Ariel's husband. It was weird for me, because I never know what to say when I'm in that kind of a position.  So I really didn't say much of anything.

Before sitting down, I scoped out the food tables, to see if I would be able to eat anything. Then we sat with Colby and Lee and again chatted about the old times.

Eventually, they left. After, I got kind of an information overload. I forget sometimes how much drag queens talk. I found out from this one, why that one is on a shit list. I found out that this one is jealous of that one. And someone came out to me (in a manner of speaking.) The last being information that surprised me, and I hoped during the conversation that my face didn't betray me.

At last, it was time to go. I made sure we said our goodbyes. By the end of it, my head was spinning with all the stuff that I had heard.

It was a beautiful service for a truly beautiful person, who, regretfully, I never met. Through everything that I saw and heard, I feel like I actually knew her. And I got just a glimpse of how much of a loss her death was to the community, and to her friends and family.

Art Walk LA

At the end of the night at the Cancer Schmancer show, I was approached about submitting artwork to the Lewiston/Auburn Art Walk. It was totally out of the blue, and unexpected. But, Grayling asked me specifically to participate,  and show off my photography work.

Scarrlett 

Because most any kind of exposure is good exposure, I figured that I would try it. It would do one of two things...it would make me feel better about being an artist, or it would make me decide never to do it again. The whole time, my mind went back and forth about the ultimate outcome.

Deadlines flew at me, and at the last minute, it was a scramble to narrow down my thousands upon thousands of pictures to just 15.

Wanting to do things right, I did a mass tag of Facebook friends who I have photographed in the past in hopes that a few of them would say yes. The response was overwhelmingly yes, with a few, "yes, but let me see it first. I just want to approve of it."

Jacinda

Once I got all the approvals, I saved all the pictures to my desktop to save to a memory card, to take to be printed. In the meantime, I had Dan go to Goodwill to pick me up frames...which he did with little to no knowledge of what I was using for pictures. The night before delivery, I literally was finishing putting the pictures in the frames, hoping that it was all going to work out ok. 

Porcia Chanel

The night of delivery, almost didn't happen. Dan and Larry (Shaunna Rai and Leanna Love) had taken a trip to Boston in Dan's new (used) car. As I was getting ready to take the pictures to the venue, at 46 Lisbon Street, I got a call from Dan. "Hey, I know you have to drop off your pictures,  but we need to get a tow, and a ride home, we're broken down outside of the Massachusetts and New Hampshire border, by the bridge that they're fixing that I always mess with you about."

So while waiting for a message to see if I could get in to drop the pictures off earlier,  I made phone calls, and got the tow on the way. I dropped off the pictures, and made a flying trip to Massachusetts...it all turned out ok, except for the car, which was kind of a lemon.

Rainbow Frite

After much freaking out, because I had submitted 14 photos, and only delivered 13, because I had forgotten to save the final one on the laptop, I ended up with it in hand for the night of the walk.

I didn't know what to expect from the space, as it was an abandoned looking shop front, which, incidentally,  happened to be where my mom purchased her wedding gown. (Talk about a small world, right?) I waited outside for the doors to open, after grabbing the clipboard and lanyard, that said I was an official volunteer for the night.

Shaunna Rai

Finally the space opened, we got my final piece situated and food and drink set out, and people started arriving. Our venue had boxed wine, and I knew that if I was going to make this better for myself, I at least needed one glass of wine, to keep from being the guy standing in the corner trying to be as small as possible so nobody would talk to me.

The wine worked.  I was sharing the space with another photographer, who does landscape type photography and what she called her "twirl" photos (when you focus the camera on something and then twist it, making it look like you were rolling when you took the picture.  She had also come out to volunteer. The other lady, who was showing, did not come out, but had three paintings on display.

Leanna Love

The first few people who came through, just looked around, like they were in an art gallery, then left. Ivy, the other photographer and I, started talking about our work to each other. I was surprised that none of her stuff was for sale, because it was really good. She told me that her goal was to let people see what they could do themselves, with Goodwill frames and a point and shoot camera. That was why she wasn't going to sell them. Well, that along with the feeling that art is a very personal thing, and sometimes it's hard to part with.

Cecelia Grace

She asked me, and I was asked many times through the night, how I got into the field of portraiture. I did a bunch of plugging for the blog, which as of now, appears to not have done any good...(Probably because, with everything I remembered,  the business cards were what I forgot.) I went on to explain that the pictures had chosen had been my favorites out of a ton of choices over the last four years or so.

Miss E,on

People finally started asking me questions, or just talking to me. One gentleman, an older guy, I had to correct his terminology, and explain the difference between drag, cross dressing and transgender. This was a very long conversation. He had heard a story on NPR, about a drag queen, who became addicted to her drag personal so much, that she basically had to kill her drag career, to keep her real life. (It seemed far fetched to me, but, what do I know. Stranger things have happened.) We then moved on to trans women. He told me the story of a professor at Bowdoin College (I think) who had written a book about her transition, and this gentleman thought that the whole thing was amazing. I thought it was cool that he told me the story.  He eventually moved on, and left.

Lili Whiteass

A bear couple (for anyone not in the know, a burly, gay couple, presumably with a lot of body hair, and usually facial hair) came up and told me how great the pictures were, and asked where they could see a show, without having to drive all the way to Portland. They explained that they had moved from down in the south (Baltimore, I think), where they could go to a show anytime they wanted. I explained that the drag scene in Maine is dwindling, but promoted an upcoming show at the Elks Club in Lewiston. I'm hoping to see them there.

Diamond Dunhill

There were a lot of people who legit thought that all the pictures were of real women. There were a few who, upon realizing that the pictures they were looking at were male, turned and booked it out of the venue. And, an overwhelming amount of people who either knew the queens or had actually been to the shows. These were the ones I enjoyed talking to the most. These were the people asking how did you get such good pictures, and where can I see them in person? I took that time to plug upcoming shows, and lament the lack of shows in the area. This was when I realized that I want to do something about the lack of drag in Maine. (Not that I know what to do, where to start, or how to make something happen, but it gave me a starting point. )

Cherry Lemonade

As the night wore down, and came to a close, I stopped for a minute to think about all the stuff I had accomplished. First, I had a showing of my work, for the first time ever. Second, I did all of it on my own. Third, I talked about what I do with total strangers, and didn't get much of a negative response. And, last, but certainly not least...I'd on fact, most important, I had a hell of a lot of fun. And kind of want to do it again next year.

Bunny Wonderland

Yes, occasionally, I need someone to light a fire under my ass, to get me going. And, there's a good possibility that I may buck it the whole way, because I'm scared. But, I really need to just remember that I am my own worst enemy, and that I need to just do things, instead of worry about the bad things that could happen. Because, truthfully, the things I worry about rarely come to fruition,  and then I've spent so much energy worrying that I have none when it comes time to have fun.

ClubKid MizzDiveena

Oh, and Bunny Wonderland, just so you know, this picture of you actually sold.  Granted, it was to my mom, but...

Remembering the Underground

In the grand scheme of things, in terms of the gay community,  I'm about preschool age as a gay man. Looking back on my life, I find that by settling down at 19, I missed out on a lot of the "scene", during my 20's and very early 30's. There is so much history that I have been learning about Portland's, Lewiston's, Augusta's and Bangor's gay history. And, now, there is only Portland left with any semblance of a gay bar, until you head south.

Miss JoAnn

So, when the announcement was made that Styxx was going to host a show called Remembering The Underground, it was one I wanted to go to. The premise, being that years ago, the space now known as Styxx was another business, called The Underground (fitting, as the club/bar is in the basement of the building, therefore it is Underground).

Back in the day, they had shows there all the time. Queens from Boston would come and perform. There was always a line around the corner, just to get in.

This was going to be a #throwbackthursday on a live stage. The queens would be performing music from the '90's and reminiscing about the old days, and some of the Queens and Kings who have either stopped performing by choice or have passed away.

Madame Sheena

For the first time I got kind of snotty about posters. I designed and redesigned, to totally different specifications the poster. I promoted on my own pages. And the performers either didn't share it at all, or literally just hit the share now button on Facebook, and didn't give reasons why anyone would want to go. I took out frustration on everyone, and feel the need to apologize.

The night itself was going to be fun. Both Miss E'on and Leanna Love, ended up being in the show as two other queens had canceled at the last minute.

And, Dan's daughter was going to be there, and get to see Shaunna Rai perform for the first time...aside from at a hair school show. Other than a little chit chat on Facebook, I hadn't really had much interaction with Logan so, I was looking forward to it.

We got to the bar, and I took the bags to the back, as usual. Miss JoAnn was already there. She greeted us warmly, and said something about her age, in response to something Leanna had said about being too old. (Miss JoAnn, I think is the oldest drag queen I know.)

Danielle Dior

Once things were squared away, I went to get Shaunna and myself something to drink. I may have gotten a little snippy with the lady at the door, when I went back to give Shaunna her drink...I drove with half the performers, with no gas money involved, and you're going to charge me a cover? (I now see that I'm just as bad as the rest of the people I complain about. I've been given too many free entries, for being the driver, that it has gone to my head.) And, I learned my lesson. When I'm already in the back, for a show, just wait until the back bar opens...

DJ ChrisO started the music, for the night, and in a way I was transported back in time. The music was the music that was new when I was finishing high school, and starting art school. (In other words, the soundtrack to my coming out.) Whitney Houston's It's Not Right came on, and I literally flashed back to my first time ever in a gay night club, in Philadelphia, at Woody's, when I was just over 18.

Leanna Love

The show started, and Madame Sheena started off the introductions.  Shaunna, E,on and Leanna paid homage to a group of girls that Shaunna used to perform with (the ISG...International Show Girls, who used to perform on the Scotia Prince cruise, back in the day.)

Miss JoAnn was introduced, and a joke was made about her having been performing since 1912...she really isn't that old...I got some great shots of her. Her Somewhere Over the Rainbow was a great number. It's one of my favorite songs, and it just fit for her to do it.

Barbara Streisand made an appearance. Oh, wait, no, that was Madame Sheena.

Danielle Dior, who is a former Miss Gay Maine, and was a fixture in The Underground days, hosting both the shows and Strip Night, did a number.

Shaunna Rai

Leanna, who I normally have a hard time getting good pictures of, did a version of Fever, by Madonna, and I got a few really good shots of her too.

Somewhere in between numbers, I saw our friends Andrea and Dana. I talked to Andrea a bit about a game that I'm excited to see come out, and she talked about someone that she was kind of seeing, having invited her to go to some kind of gamer convention in Boston. Dana asked me if it would be ok for him to put a dollar bill in his fly for tipping Shaunna. I never know what's appropriate until afterward,  so I gave my blessing...only because I know he wouldn't do anything bad.

E,on did her number,  which, for the life of me, I can't remember what it was. The one thing I do remember, was our friend Steve giving her a tip...in his teeth, and the huge grin on his face after. This is what shows are supposed to be about. Having fun.

Miss E,on

The thing I was most looking forward to, was the banter about the back in the day queens, who are no longer around. We reached Donna Summer's Last Dance, and the banter was not there. I knew little more about the old days than I did before I went. That was my only disappointment from the show.

The show was over, and the queens were heading back to pack up. Shaunna was still socializing, and introduced me to a couple, who asked if I could take a picture of them. They had met at The Underground, years ago, and wanted a picture, to commemorate it.

Finally, we were on our way home. The trip home from Portland seemed so much shorter than it did when we were in Portland after driving from Portsmouth.

Midsummer Night Queens: Week 3: BenDeLaCreme

I waited a year for the second installment of Midsummer Night Queens shows. I was most looking forward to the final show, for two reasons. One, was that initially, Katya was supposed to be a part of it. And, two, was that when Katya was unable to be there, and it was BenDeLaCreme, I felt like it was a second chance of sorts, for me to make a better impression.

When Ben came to Portland for the BOTS Tour, I felt afterward a little like a creeper, because when we stayed for the "after party" at Styxx, I went into my "I'm a superfan, and don't know what to say, so I'll say nothing and just watch and take everything in," creeper mode.

And, after two days prior of shows, I was ready to get it over with...and was so excited I could pee.

Since we got in early from the Cancer Schmancer show, I felt like I actually got enough sleep, for once.  And, due to the traffic the previous two shows, we decided that the best thing to do, would be to leave early.

So, when Dan/Shaunna Rai got a text halfway to Portland, on our way to pick up Cherry Lemonade, saying that the show had been canceled, I didn't believe it. Like, I seriously thought that it was a joke.  Until I got the details...a pipe had burst at the Seacoast Rep Theater. The matinee show of Avenue Q was canceled. The water had bathed the lighting system, so it was all unusable space.

Given the fact that BenDeLaCreme had been flown in, it seemed like an impossibility for the show to not go on in some way. How much money would've been thrown down the toilet, if the theater lost money on BenDeLa,  and on tickets that needed to be refunded? It just made sense for the show to move venues...which was exactly what ended up happening.

During lunch with Shaunna and Cherry, I did what I do. I took to the social medias and started promoting the new location, in every way I could think of. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr all got some version (pretty much the same version from Instagram ) of the information..."The show has been moved, here's the new location, hope to see you there." I more or less figured that this was a lesson in futility, but I needed to do what I could to make sure that everyone I knew who was coming, would know where to go.

After lunch, we headed to the Rep, so that the girls could paint, as the space at the new venue was going to be too small for everyone's stuff. There was so much going on that the conversations have all melted together in my memory...although, I do remember talk of Rocky Horror, which was how Cherry and Bunny Wonderland met.  And, Mimi Imfurst was also around back in those days.

I ran upstairs, as the bar was open, and the girls wanted drinks. On the way up, I very nearly gave myself a heart attack, and then did it again on the way back down.  There was a mannequin with what looked like hockey gear on, standing in a dark corner. And I got jumped by it every time I walked by it.

Finally, we loaded the makeup cases back into the car, and it was time to head to the new space, 3S Artspace.  We got there easy enough, and it was then kind of a mess finding parking...so we parked at the bank...on the grass...and went in to find out where to bring the bags and stuff.

The staff were very helpful getting us to the stage area...presumably,  because it's not often that they get men in women's faces coming in. They were excited about the show though. The stage was great. Although, backstage was tiny. There were going to be about 6 people at a time back there with costume changes, etc. I'm still not sure how they all fit.

After getting them situated, I went back out to move the car, so I wouldn't fear being towed. And, grabbed the bags. On my way back into the building, I heard someone yell my name. I looked around, but didn't recognize the voice. As I got to the building, they said my name again. I recognized the person as a Facebook person. He thanked me for the update about the change of venue, and asked if I knew where we were going. I told him to follow me, but that I couldn't guarantee that they would let him in, because at this point, it was still really early. He thanked me then went on his way, as I made mine back into the backstage area.

Wendy showed up shortly after, and I bugged Bunny again, to let her in early. So, while I waited for everything to start, and for the doors to open, I at least had company.

Because of the change of venue, and the time change, and drag shows just about never start, on time, it seemed like forever for the show to start.  But, the show was totally worth the wait, and the hassle of exploiting social media.

Bunny did a version of her witches mix, that includes clips from Wicked and Maleficent from Sleeping  Beauty. 

Lili Whiteass did a version of Rocky Raccoon, in full raccoon drag. I had never heard the song before, but I got a kick out of it. Later, Lili did an homage to Devil Wears Prada and Madonna's Vogue.

BenDeLa did a hilarious number that started off with her lip synching to herself "talking to the dj", and then trying to follow a number, where the music was off...first too fast, then too slow. And, watching her do a perfect synch to slow motion music, and The Chipmunk speed music was awesome.

BenDeLaCreme later did her Burlesque number, that she had done when we saw the BOTS Tour. It's a number that I love, because it's funny. I didn't expect to get a glitter bomb though. I found out later, that Shaunna and Cherry told her to look for me, and throw glitter at me. Which, in a way made it better.

Cherry did a number from (I think) one of Barbara Streisand's movies. It was great until the end of the number, when the character falls off a building to her death, and it looked like Cherry overestimated the space between the stage and the first row if audience, because she quite nearly fell into the audience. 

For whatever reason, there was a carpet on the stage, and a number of times I caught a slip happening. 

Rainbow Frite again did her Somewhere That's Green, only, this time, it was the version she meant to do the first show...complete with an Audrey II puppet, that eventually devoured her.

Before I knew it, the show was over, and everyone was clearing out.  BenDeLa had finished out the show, and there was a couple bucks of tip money, and I think a cover up, left on the stage. So, when I felt like it was safe and nobody was going to be like "Wtf do you think you're doing," I grabbed the stuff, and took it backstage.

Once I got backstage, Shaunna introduced me, as her boyfriend, and as a surprise to me, she remembered me from the BOTS Tour. After I recovered from the idea that she knew who I was, I went out to wait with everyone else...because, the backstage area really was too small for me to be there too.

One by one, the girls came out, and I started up my, "I'll take your picture" thing, and from that point, time flew by. So many people. So many pictures. So many other people's cameras.

Finally, it was time for me to get my picture taken. And, nobody knew how to use my camera. I had it all set up, so that all that needed to be done was a click of the button, and the picture would've been perfect. I handed it off, and then proceeded to stand with BenDeLaCreme through 30-ish pictures that were not at the zoom I had set it for. We laughed a little, then headed outside.

Those who smoke smoked. The young girls who had been at the Jujubee show, were waiting outside, and proceeded to "tell the past" and  "tell the future" for BenDeLa, by reading her aura.

BenDeLaCreme put up with it, although, much of what they were saying was already public knowledge, or it was something that could apply to any generic gay man. They finally left, and BenDeLa said that was a relief. She didn't buy any of it.

At this point, it was just me and the queens, and the staff who were closing the theater for the night, and I would say that it was well after midnight. We went back inside, and everyone started to de-drag and pack up. BenDeLa admitted that she had forgotten to bring boy clothes for after the show. It didn't stop her from asking about bars around the area...only, she seemed shocked when she was told the time for last call. New England, and our Puritanical rules about alcohol being unavailable at a bar past 1am.

Unfortunately, for the girls, the bar at the theater had also closed for the night already, although cans of beer and soda were readily available.

This was the best part of the night for me, because I hadn't really gotten a good chance to meet Lili or Rainbow, in spite of the three shows. In my head, they were "above me," but proved to be just as human as me. Lili was trying to close her contact case, and couldn't figure out why it wouldn't work. She handed it off to Shaunna, who also couldn't figure it out. I had been watching, and couldn't figure out why the cap looked different, and asked if I could look at it. It turned out that they were trying to put a cap from a water bottle on it. We all had a good laugh, and then, got kicked out of the theater. It was about 2am, and the staff were ready to go home.

Everyone said their goodbyes and promised to keep in touch, and then began the trek back to Maine.

On the return trip, conversation turned to the guy who asked me how to get in, and that I am officially part of the drag crew...and that I play a bigger role than I think I do.

I snap pictures at every show I go to. I post them for the world to see, and for the girls to use for their own promotional purposes. And, I blog about the experience. The girls do the shows and have memories of this or that, but generally not the whole show. My stories about what the show was like, give them something solid to remember. I give a written history for them to look back at and say, "I remember that show," and to see how it went over with the audience.

We finally made it to Kennebunk and stopped for our usual BK stop. I don't remember exactly what led up to it, but at one point, I could've sworn that the cook was going to whip out his penis for Cherry. Quick as it started, he had gone back to the grill.

We headed back to the car, and I became the subject of conversation again...well, not me, specifically, but...my butt, specifically. How nice and round it is, and how many people, male or female would be jealous of it. Cherry asked if it was ok to grab a cheek, got the ok, and did. I was a little embarrassed,  but since I was driving, it didn't make much difference. I went into listening mode again, and then just like that, the night was over. We dropped Cherry off. I helped bring her stuff up to her apartment. And, then, an hour later, we were home.

A Night at the Breezeway

Following the show with Joslyn, we had a couple days off, before the next weekend. Only this weekend was going to be a full weekend of drag shows.

Friday night, was a show at the Breezeway, in Manchester,  New Hampshire, called Drag Roulette. A simple concept...the queen spins a wheel, with a list of artists on it, and then the DJ picks a song, and the queen does her best interpretation of the song.  It's a great idea, and it's always fun to see Porcia...who had invited Shaunna Rai to perform.

The morning started with Shaunna putting everything that she needed in the living room, for me to load in the trunk later, when it was closer to time to leave.  I took her to work, and then began a crazy day of baking, and running errands, for a birthday the following day, with another show.

I got everything done that needed to be, except finding cupcake tins, so I ended up baking cupcakes in muffin tins, like muffins, resulting in uncircumcised cupcakes. I finally had everything done, with about an hour left before I needed to go back to Portland to pick Shaunna up.

I loaded everything into the car, and then left. I got a mile down the road, before I realized that the one thing I had forgotten, was the makeup...without which, Shaunna wouldn't have been able to come out. So, I turned around and tried again. This time, I had everything.

I scooped up Dan/Shaunna, and we took off for Manchester. The ride was very much uneventful. I got an earful for almost forgetting the makeup. And, an earful about my driving, thanks to some road work and people slamming on brakes ahead of me.

Finally, we made it to Porcia's. We got the tour of her apartment. And then it was time to get down to business. Makeup mirrors went up for Shaunna, and Porcia and Scarrlett went to their respective drag rooms.  I had a couple of half Solo cups of wine, while I waited.

While Shaunna painted, I watched Porcia's dog screw the life out of a teddy bear. 

Finally, it was time for us to go, for the show. We were a few minutes late, but it was all good. Since the whole show was the three queens, it had to wait for them to even start. We ordered drinks, and I took my place for taking pictures.  I looked forward to it, because I haven't seen a lot of performances by either Porcia or Scarrlett.

Everyone did their first number,  and then it was time for a break. We went outside a the girls could get some air, and so that those who smoked could do so.

Upon returning inside, I was approached by a guy selling roses, and since we were close to Dan's birthday, I figured, sure, why not? We got a drink...I got a water, because I was feeling a little off. And, headed back in, so that the girls could get ready for their second numbers.

What I remember,  is that I got dizzy and grabbed ahold of a counter, and tried to sit on the stool. And then, I was on the floor. Shaunna and Porcia were standing over me. I had no idea what happened.

We went outside, so that I could get some air, and try to remember what happened. Shaunna told me that we could leave if I wanted to, because this was a health issue. I said no, because I already was feeling guilty about having passed out, and I didn't want to have made this trip all the way for one number.

Scarrlett's boyfriend volunteered to stay with me. I was immensely grateful,  and at the time completely ashamed, because I didn't know what happened...and with the cooler air hitting me, I couldn't tell if I had spilled my water, or if I had pissed myself, which made me even more upset.

When I finally regained my composure,  we went to the patio, so I could at least not be sitting outside the door like someone who got kicked out. A guy asked me to take a picture of him with Alex, Scarrlett's boyfriend. I did, and only then realized I had shoved the roses in my camera bag, and fallen on them. (I almost started crying again.)

Alex asked me if I wanted to go in for the last number,  to give Shaunna the roses, and I said I thought that I could manage that. And, so I did.

We left almost immediately after. I still felt like a douche. Dan needed to get out of drag, and then I got the full fury of just how badly I had scared him, and why I need to take better care of myself. And, it was a matter of making myself talk on the way back, so that we didn't end up having to go to the ER, and cancel the rest of the weekend.

That was the night that the Kennebunk rest area BK let us down at 2am, by having switched over to the breakfast menu, when all I wanted to eat was a burger and fries... You will never understand the letdown of sausage and a hash brown, when that isn't what you're craving.

I was never so happy to get home and go to bed as I was that night.

Cancer, Schmancer

It's very rare that a show comes along that I'm just not that into... Unfortunately, this was one of those rare shows that I probably should've stayed home for.

With the events of the previous night's show I was more or less exhausted and physically in pain, as I had apparently hit both my hip and my face on the way falling to the ground at the Breezeway.

In the middle of the day, I took a cake, along with a bunch of cupcakes to the Elks Club in Lewiston, so it would be there for Leanna Love, and be a surprise, as she didn't know that we were making her a cake.  Other than that, I did pretty much as little as possible.

I may have milked the sore and exhausted thing a little bit, but, I needed the rest, because there was still one more day of shows to go.

We got there, and I did the usual thing, being bag boy, grabbing my "dresser" ticket, and meeting up with my parents.

I hated the setup of the Elks Club. For a show, it was set up poorly. People wanted to tip, but the tables were too close to get through comfortably and there were so many people that it just looked awkward for the performers.  The stage was in a corner, far away from the audience, and there was little to no lighting, which meant that pictures were not very good from the night.

Knowing the girls in the show, I knew that the bar girl in each of them wouldn't allow most of them to stay on the stage, and figured that the best place for photos would be from across the room. I was mostly right, although, I should've used a flash, instead of relying on the low light settings on the camera and hoping.

I caught hell from stepping in front of the ladies in the concession stand, until they realized that during the show, nobody was getting up, and that they could move out from behind the counter.

Carol, my lobster smuggling friend from Zumba and her husband came, and I had them sit with my parents. Although, my mom followed me around with her camera...and Carol and her husband left...and dad followed us to the front, finding an empty chair, and getting the Shaunna treatment that I normally get, when she throws pieces of the tear aways at me...

Because I wasn't that into it, it felt like it took forever, I couldn't understand the need of Jacinda and Natilee to climb up on the tables and crawl around. (I mean, if that's what you want to do, fine, but, I just didn't get it.)

There were a couple of things that stood out for me though, and it wasn't all bad.

The show itself was a fund raiser, for two women who were battling cancer. Benefit shows are a good thing.

Over the years, I have often heard of Malibu, a queen that used to do shows all the time. I had never met her, and as far as I knew, she was no longer performing...only she did for this show.  My only issue with her performances, as a photographer, was that she kept turning her back to me, and even when she was looking toward my camera, her hair covered her face.

Jersey Couture, (who I have to fight myself to not call Jersey Shore) performed. It's rare enough to get her out out of drag, and even worse in drag, much less performing.

I don't remember if it was the sound,  the audience, the tipping or what, but, for the first time ever, in the time that I have been with Shaunna, I spotted a mistake in a number. So many of the numbers I have seen her do enough that if I wanted to, I probably could perform it spot on myself...so, when a rip away was missed, and then a double rip away happened, I kinda freaked out...like, what happened?

The show finally ended, and all the queens came out for a bow. And Chris, the emcee, asked Leanna to come back to the stage for a minute. Leanna, knowing that her birthday was right around the corner, tried to book it out of the place. After all the work that we put into the cake, I wasn't going to allow her to leave without at least seeing the cake. So I grabbed her arm, and walked her to a chair, while she glared at me, accusing, "You knew about this and didn't warn me!"

A few more pictures with all the queens, the cake, and a few random fans, and it was time to go. And I was ready...we still had Portsmouth the next day. Leanna invited us to go out for dinner, but we declined, and went home.

This was a bit of a low point in my drag fan career. But, you can't be on point all the time, and keep your physical being from having some kind of effect on your mood.

The Blame Game

So, you have this great idea for a drag show. You have a theme. You find the venue. You get your talent. You get promotional materials made for you.

So, you've done everything right. Right?

Then why is there no turn out? What happened to keep people away from the show? Why are your performers leaving with peanuts, instead of a butt load of cash in tips?

Whose fault is it, if a show is a flop?

The short answer, is it's everyone's fault.  But, it's a lot more complicated than that. Especially, when a large number of people are involved.

A drag performer's job is to promote their show. The more people they can bring in, the better the chance of bringing home the money. So, it makes sense for the queen or king to share a poster or event on any social media outlet available to them. And, the best way of creating a buzz is to tell the potential audience why they want to go to the show, so they don't leave, saying, "Yep, just what I was expecting  the same old queens doing the same old, boring numbers. I can't believe I wasted money for that." (Because, I literally have heard that sentiment before.)

A venue should promote a show that is happening there. When the artwork for promoting is built to the venue's specific needs, it should  be used for promotion. When performers begin to feel that the venue is not doing their job, they will talk about it. And, people will listen. What most people don't realize about Drag performers, is that they have captive audiences who hang on what they say. And, venues would do well to remember that any feeling of being slighted, will eventually come out. And, when you don't feel wanted somewhere, you don't go back. And you tell people, who tell people, who tell people. And, then, you have no patrons.

"Wait, there's a cover?" There is nothing that a potential audience member hates more than being surprised at the door with news that they will have to pay to get in. And, it's scary that (here in Maine) that is enough to cause someone to turn around and go elsewhere. If the promo material does not satisfactorily get this information across, it's the graphic artist's fault. If the posts  is delayed  in getting to the performers and the venue, it's the artist's fault.

But, what happens, when everything is said to be going right  And it turns out that it really isn't? What happens when your host says one thing, blaming the bar, and the bar says the exact opposite? Who is then to blame? And, why lie?

It doesn't matter who is lying. If things aren't going as they should be, then there is a problem. The breakdown of communication between all parties involved is problematic.

So, what is the solution? Because you're never going to be  every person involved to do what they need to do. How do you hold people accountable for what they didn't do?

First, all parties, from the host to the performers to the venue to the graphic artist should be a part of the conversation. If any one member is missing from the conversation, there is an issue. If everyone is a part of it, it makes it easier to hold someone accountable, and harder to lie about what you haven't done yet.

Next, be clear, right from the start of what is to be expected. Nothing makes people crazier than a waffler. I  It's ok one day and not the next, how do you expect anyone to know what's going on?

As a host, (in my opinion) if three fourths of your performers promote regularly, and the last doesn't, are you going to still pay them all the same? Especially, if you're splitting the cover? This is a time to put your foot down, and not be "the friend." You didn't promote, everyone else did. Sorry, but it's your own fault. Nobody is going to come see you  if they don't know you're going to be there...

Blame who you like, but the truth of the matter, is, unless there is a really big mistake that can be specifically tracked to one person, it's everyone's fault if a show fails.

Accept your responsibility, and move on, but learn from those mistakes. Know the worth of the show. Know the worth of the performers. Know the worth of the venue. And work together...Because, if you can't work together, why put something together in the first place?

Op-ed: Who Are You, to Have an Opinion?

I want to preface by saying I may be offensive in this post. I do not intend to be, but as it is my opinion, I have the right to feel how I feel, as do you. If you agree or disagree, let me know in the comments. Start a dialogue, because without it, nothing will ever change.

2015 has been a big year for the LGBT community. Marriage has been made legal for same sex couples, nationwide, and in other countries. Laws are being written to include protections for all people, regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. And, trans issues have come out in a big way, with the outing and subsequent emergence of Caitlyn Jenner.
These are all amazing things, and as a whole, we should be happy that progress is being made.

However, (and this is where it gets tricky to not be totally pc, and sugarcoat everything) there is dissent between the LGB's and the T's. There is a difference between having an opinion and forcing your opinion on the rest of humanity.

The last 24 hours have not been good for the USM Royal Majesty Ball.

For a drag show that raises money for LGBT causes, through a sold out show every year, one would think that every part of the community would be glad for the event. However, it happens to fall on Transgender Day of Remembrance this year, November 20th. And with that announcement, all Hell broke loose.

In no way am I saying that TDoR is not important, because it is. The fact that for the last 16 years, the Trans community has banded together for a day to remember those who have been lost to murder or suicide just for being trans, is amazing. The Gay community doesn't even do that... So, yeah, it's a big deal, and super important.

Along with the date announcement, though, was an apology and discussion about trying to move the date.

Apparently, though, people who are in a tizzy over the date believe that it's simple to change the date of an event, when it's a delicate dance to get the venue and the performers booked in the first place, to then, go back and say, "Hey, I fucked up, can we move it to next week?" Venues usually book out quite a while in advance.  (Try to book a wedding somewhere, and then call back and say, "Well, that date actually won't work, can we move it back a week?" and see how kindly they agree to it...)

What started off as an honest discussion, quickly turned into an attack on anyone who had something to say. From, "Drag is distasteful and disrespectful to the trans people," to "I never liked drag anyway," to "This just furthers the idea that drag and trans are the same thing,  and nobody cares about how the trans community feels."  And, further turned to, "Well, if you're not trans, then you don't have any foot to stand on in this conversation, so stay out of it."

It takes a lot to make me angry, but, when the oppressed become the oppressors, and you tell me that I'm wrong to have feelings because I wasn't born as anything other than a cisgender white gay male, you've taken a step too far. I invite conversation, so long as it is constructive. And I would listen to anything said , even if I disagree, without saying, shut up, because you're not like me.  So, I got angry. And I fought back.

The truth of the matter,  is whether it's this or something else, the LGBT community as a whole doesn't function well. Nobody is willing to listen to anyone else, because, "they're not like us." And, this is precisely what is going to tear us apart, and break down progress for future generations.

Give people time to make amends. Understand that it was an innocent oversight that caused this, to begin with. It was never meant to be an editorial on whether the trans people in Maine or anywhere matter. Trans people, like all people matter. In no way was it meant to happen, and it was not done with malicious intent.

But, damage has been done. Shaunna Rai was potentially going to be in the show. Now that true colors of some of the members of the community have been shown, she's appalled at the people who she has raised money for, for the last 23 years. Why keep raising money for people who don't want you around, because your very presence is offensive to them?

What nobody but me is seeing,  is a breakdown in our ability to coexist. We don't have to like each other. But, in a world where you can be killed for being trans, and just as easily for being gay, why continue to fight amongst ourselves.

This is about more than a drag show. This is about internal hatred, and homo/transphobia. And, taking it out on those who do so much to support the community,  be it gay, lesbian or trans, only hurts those who really need the support.  And the only way to resolve it, it to start talking, and listen to all sides before making a final decision on what is right, and wrong.

Let's take a page out of Caitlyn Jenner's play book, and get a number of differing opinions in one place, and hear them all out, before we make our own decisions on what we think.

It's not all about me. And, it's not all about you. It's about all of us working together to make our world a better, safer, friendlier, more accepting place for all of us.

Midsummer Night Queens: Week 2: Joslyn Fox

The trip to Portsmouth, was very uneventful, and conversation was much like it was the prior week...these guys take drag seriously, as a business, these guys don't, and the ones who don't, and go out in drag every night (for fun) ruin paid gigs for the "business-minded" queens.

We got held up again at the York toll. This time, for even longer than the first time.  Sundays, and the end of the summer, lead to mass tourists heading south, to return home. (I know, tourists make or break businesses in Maine, during the summer, but I'm usually glad to see them go home.)

We got to the Rep, and I again dropped the girls off, then drove around trying to figure out where I could park. Unfortunately, the bank parking lot was full, and I didn't want to risk it with the church possibly towing the car. So, I drove around the block three times, and by the grace of all that is good, as I was getting ready to give up and go park in the parking garage a few blocks away, someone pulled out. So, I got a spot right in front of the theater.  Only, Portsmouth runs their parking meters until 7pm on Sundays, so I had to rush to find quarters for two and a half hours worth of parking. Once parked, I took a minute to relax before heading back down.

Because I spend so much time as a man on a mission, I had planned to just head backstage to get drink orders. Only,  I got held up by puppets.  The Avenue Q puppets were again a part of Bunny's number. And I walked in on the rehearsal for it. It was brilliant, and I was so excited to see it actually worked into the show.

During the Jujubee show, Wendy had asked me how to get a backstage pass, to hang out in the dressing room with the girls. I told her that with some begging, and her being there early,  that we could probably get her in.

Once we arrived, though, I had actually forgotten that I was going to talk to Bunny Wonderland about getting her in. And it occurred to me when I saw her outside, that I had forgotten. Fortunately, Cherry Lemonade asked, and it was not a problem.

Because the room is set up with lights and mirrors on both sides of the room, I could stare at myself in the mirror, and see everything that was going on in the rest of the room. (I'm sure everyone knew that I was watching, but, I tried to play it off otherwise.)

Wendy was all aglow, because she had just gotten back from P-Town, where she met John Waters, and saw Jinkx Monsoon and Trixie Mattel. And, she was in all her glory hanging out backstage with the queens. I don't think that the entire time we were downstairs I saw the smile leave her face.

Unlike last year, Joslyn painted at her hotel room instead of the theater. She arrived and they did a quick run through of the introduction staging directions , I did a last drink run, and then Wendy and I went to take our seats.

Our usual seats were reserved...for someone else. When I asked about who they were for, apparently, someone is trying to set up a ferry to P-Town from Portsmouth, and those were the people who stole my seat. Which worked out well enough, because with the puppet number, I wouldn't have managed to get the whole stage from the first row. So, second row it was.

It's always fun, watching the crowd come into the Rep, because, it's like walking into a crater. A very deep crater with very steep sides. (It really sucks carrying suitcases with drag queens in them down the steps, but it's fun to watch other people.) The reaction is usually somewhere along the lines of, "Jesus, could they make these steps any steeper?"

Finally, showtime! All my usual people were there this time, including the new people from Jujubee. The only one missing was the ever stoic Brian, who had to work.

My favorite act, by far, was the Mary Poppins/Avenue Q number,  which I watched in rehearsal after parking. Bunny Wonderland made an amazing stoned Mary Poppins, being greeted by the puppets of Avenue Q, to the tune of "It's a Jolly Holiday With Mary".  Which, incidentally was why I needed to not be in the front row this time...

Joslyn as JLO surprised me. The hair was spot on, and occasionally during the number, I went off into a world where I was watching JLO and not JFO. 

I guess I was in the zone, because, it's rare that I have a conflict of reality, that allows me to suspend disbelief enough to buy a person as another person. (If that makes sense? This is why I could not watch TED...Peter Griffin is not a walking, talking teddy bear...I couldn't deal with the wrong character with the right voice.)

I was excited for Shaunna Rai's "Out Tonight" from RENT, because when we saw the stage the first time, I was like, "YOU NEED TO!"

Cherry Lemonade did a number, that I really didn't get. It started off with a phone call about her dad (presumably) dying, and then launched into a chain of memories about lost time, and that kind of thing. It was amazing, and showed off her vocal projection, because the mic crapped out on her.  It was important to Cherry,  and I later found out that it was one of her "for me" numbers.  A number that the audience doesn't have to "get" because it's about the character, more than it is the audience.

Lili Whiteass did again, her number starting with Elsa Mars singing "Heroes", and transforming into a skeleton tap dancing to "Puttin on the Ritz." And, I accidentally got one of my favorite pictures ever, of her, with the skull mask on.

The numbers kind of run together,  sometimes, for me, because as a photographer, I'm paying more attention to whatever action is happening, than the actual music.

Joslyn, as I expected, did not disappoint. Where her night last year was Broadway based, I has expected at least one Broadway number from her. Instead I got three Pop divas...JLO, Rhianna and Pink. And, I can honestly say I have never heard Pink do "Bohemian Rhapsody", but she's brilliant. And, Joslyn amazed.

Before I knew it, the show was over. I ran backstage to check on Shaunna, and see if she needed any help. We got the corset off, and I headed back up, to be ready for the Meet and Greet. I was there before the queens were, and, so I started to chat with the people I knew.

Andre, Joslyn's husband came up and started setting up merchandise for sale. I, immediately, searched out Wendy, who had said earlier that she was looking for Joslyn t-shirts.

Joslyn and the rest of the girls made their way up, and, as usually happens, the crowd swarmed. "Joslyn, take a selfish with me," and, "You're so (insert any adjective here), can I get a picture with you?"

So, I went around to get shots of people, and began to hand out my business cards to people, explaining that I was the official photographer, and showing where I would be posting photos from all the shows. (Because, what blogger doesn't want to promote their blog along with their photographs?)

Joslyn finally set herself up, with a table, for signing items for people. And I took control of the line. "You're next," and, "Smile," left my mouth more that night, than they ever have in my life. When the line was gone, I got panicky, because, it's my thing to get my picture with the Ru girls, and Shaunna was busy with her own paparazzi, so I had no idea who would take my picture. I didn't need to worry. I got my picture...And only then realized that I had forgotten to get one with Jujubee, the week before.

Finally, the crowd started to peter out, until only the few people who were getting paid were left. (And me, and Andre) Everyone went down to pack up, and leave. Feeling a little awkward, because the dressing room felt very crowded, I stayed outside, and probably made a complete fool of myself. I reintroduced myself to Andre (because I had met him in Ogunquit the day before they got married, and again at last year's show.) And, so, because I was trying to actually have a conversation on my own, I talked about the only thing that I could think of...Facebook...And the fact that we weren't Facebook friends. So,  I asked if I  would be weird to friend request him, since I was already friends with Joslyn's boy page. He said I would be fine, and I was like, this is so cool.

The ride home was a very interesting ride. Apparently, there was a mix up in Shaunna Rai's check and Rainbow Frite's. And, there was a difference in pay scale.

This set up a huge discussion about how the pay scale should've been the same across the board, for all but the Ru girls. I was silent, because I didn't know what to say for one, and I kind of expected that from girls who do this as a living, as opposed to the girls who have day jobs.

When we finally got to Kennebunk, I was ready to get out of the conversation. The Burger King people who worked the previous week were working again, AND recognized us. Shaunna asked Cherry if she wanted to take more pictures in the gazebo. Cherry said she would, and this time, the BK guys gave her a hard time about it.

The rest of the ride home was uneventful, but, I was so glad to finally get home. With these trips, I realized that the only downside to living in Lewiston, is that it's so much longer a ride when we're coming from out of state. That is the only time that I miss living in Portland.

Styxx Presents: Remembering the Underground

Coming Soon to Portland, a one night only event, featuring Shaunna Rai, Miss JoAnn, Valerie Honeywell, Beulah Gale, special guests, and your hostess for the evening, Madame Sheena.  DJ ChrisO is coming out for a night of music from the 90's.  

If you're like me, and know nothing about The Underground, it would be a good night for a little history of the drag scene in Portland.  This was where Shaunna Rai got her start, and where she met a lot of people, who are important to her.  The queens will be remembering some of the good times, and some of the queens from back in the day, who either have passed away, or no longer perform.

It should be a fun night, either way.  I'll be there taking pictures, as usual.  You should be there too!