Taffy's Drag Race Viewing Party

Come see Taffy Pulls work it at Styxx with her weekly viewing party.  In her own words, "I've got a weekly show going on. Styxx is hosting a viewing party for Rupauls drag race. Every Monday night @ 9pm. Ill be there with other drag queens doing tutorials and shit. Its awesome. We give away prizes. -- and after the drag queens get off the stage -- the mens come on the stage to strip and dance their shorts off!"

When Worlds Collide

When I started thinking about this blog, I really hadn't given much thought to how much everything is tied up in everything else. Drag queens can become transgender women. And a simple meet the parents becomes a, "We want to see you in a show."

The more I think about topics, the more I realize that I can't just decide to talk about drag, without talking about everything else too.

Anyway, this really is a post about Dan meeting my parents for the first time.

It was a last minute decision to make it happen. And, I think I was more nervous about it than Dan was. So, after making plans to take Dan to Moody's Diner, I texted my mom to set everything up.  Then, it was time.

How, you ask does this have anything to do with drag? Well... Given that I had told my parents that Dan does drag, and that mom has questions, it was inevitable that at some point, the questions would be addressed.

And, they were. Mom asked how Shaunna Rai walks in heels, because my mom, has a hard time with it. Dan, patient as ever, said that he doesn't think about it. And, that is why people have trouble. They overthink walking in heels. He then went on to promote upcoming shows.

I knew because of RuPaul's Drag Race, that my mom was interested in seeing Shaunna Rai perform. What I didn't expect, was hearing my dad say that he was interested too. That freaked me out a little. Of all the things you ever imagine hearing, the last one is, "Yeah, I'd kinda like to see my son's boyfriend dressed as a woman." 

Tell Me a Story?

So, last week was a busy week. Taffy's RuPaul's Drag Race Viewing Party was Monday. Wednesday, was the Blackstones' Valentine's Day show, Thursday was Taffy's show at Geno's, and Friday night was Andrew Christian Models and Kenya Michaels at Machine in Boston.

Needless to say, by the end of the weekend, I was a bit exhausted. And, with a bit of personal drama that stemmed from the night at Geno's, my mind was in a place of complete and utter chaos. And, I needed a distraction, stat. So, Monday, I asked Dan to tell me about Shaunna Rai. When and why she made her first appearance, and how she was "born".

I was surprised to learn that Shaunna Rai's birth came at about the same time as Dan's coming out. She was born to a former roommate. She only went out for an hour, the first time she went out. And, originally, she was a way of getting into bars without being ID'ed.

As time went on, Shaunna Rai started being asked to participate in shows around the state, and eventually, even out of state.

Back when Shaunna Rai first hit the scene, drag was bigger than it is now. The "cities" in Maine all had their own queens. Or, the queens claimed their city. Shaunna Rai saw every show as a way to get her name out, so, she didn't claim one city over another.

Over time, Shaunna Rai got involved in events. She was one of the first performers at the Portland Pride Pier Dance. She has been involved with the Frannie Peabody Center, and was named Miss AIDS Awareness. She has been a part of the Screaming Queens show, in Waterville, which is another fundraiser for the Eastern Maine AIDS Network. She promotes the First Friday Art walks, here in Portland, along with some friends. And, I know there is a ton of stuff I've forgotten.

Anyway, as he told me Shaunna Rai's story, I got lost in it.  Though she's applied multiple times for RuPaul's Drag Race, and made it quite far in the process, she has yet to make it to the show. In my eyes though, the glitz and glamour of that life is already there. And, I look forward to being there for the next chapter in both Dan and Shaunna Rai's life.

In Broad Daylight?

The last place I ever expect to see anyone in drag, is the Starbucks, in the middle of the day. And, yet, it happened this afternoon.

You would think, of all people, I would not have the reaction of "What the...?" But, I did.

I think, the reaction was more to the bad wig, lack of makeup, and men's calf length snow boots with an above the knee length skirt, than it was to the person . By my own advice, I should refer to her as a she. Because, I don't have a reference point for labeling. Nor should I try to label.

It was immediately followed by a need to label. And a question of, is this for real, or is this person doing this just for attention?

Even in my own little world, I try to fit everything into little boxes. If it doesn't make sense to me, I try to make it fit. And, I'm finding that sometimes, things just don't fit. Sometimes, you get a box of square pegs that don't fit in the round holes you're trying to put them in.

Perhaps, what I should've done, or should do in the future, is talk to her. I hate that I felt some form of prejudice toward her, given the fact that I'm writing a blog to help educate.

But, it's experiences like this that help me realize that even I still have a way to go in accepting a world that I'm just beginning to understand.

Are you attracted to her?

Ok, so this post was supposed to be about the large amounts of drag that I saw over the last week. It was preempted by an innocent, but poignant question.

"Are you attracted to Shaunna Rai?"

This is a grey area for me. Sort of. And, not an easy yes or no answer. Shaunna Rai lives in Dan, and vice versa, depending on who's being presented to the world at that moment.

Honestly, it's Dan that I'm attracted to. And, when Shaunna Rai is out, I look for Dan in her. I'll admit, there have been times when, yes, I've sat and watched a show, thinking, I wish that I could kiss her. And, I have kissed Shaunna Rai, after shows, before Dan came back out. But, that is the extent of it. I have no desire to be intimate with her sexually. And, she and I have discussed this before. And the feeling is mutual. Shaunna Rai would rather not be intimate with me either. So, it works out good, because I'm a gold star gay, and I have no desire to change that.

What I feel more, toward Shaunna Rai, and drag queens in general, is admiration. The ability to put together an outfit, do the hair and makeup, and to walk around in heels (without falling or wobbling), and in some cases dance or do acrobatic tricks, while in those heels... They've earned admiration, at the very least.

That doesn't mean that I don't find  queens attractive, while they're in drag.
It just means I don't want to sleep with them. I mean, the idea of waking up next to a wig is a little scary. And besides, makeup is hard to get out of fabrics...why else does every soap opera affair get revealed?

It Must be Ladies' Night...

The night of a show is always an interesting time, for me. I get to watch the transformation from male to female. If Shaunna Rai, or any of "MY" girls will allow photos to be taken, and posted, I'll prove it.

With the makeup and the padding,  (when needed) in place, there is a shift in personality. It's almost as if that is the point in time when a queen gets "into character."

This is the point in the night, where I step back into the background, which, is where I like to be. I'm the gopher. And, I'm the caddy. By helping out, I feel like I'm not in the way.

Dan was asked if I get jealous of Shaunna Rai, and the attention that she gets from everyone. The men who think she's hot, the women who want to know where she got her outfits, and everyone in between. The truth is, I do get a little jealous. But, it only lasts a few minutes. Why is this? Well, for one, anyone who has the balls to put on a dress, and do what Dan and all the others do, deserves the attention. And, for two, I'm the one going home with him at the end of the night.

After the show last night, at Blackstones, we went to Denny's. What surprised me most about the night was not how much fun it was, or that it reminded me of the night Dan and I "officially" met. It was that a fan of the "ladies" paid the tab for our table.

Doing kind deeds for others, is rare enough, in the real world. Doing it because you enjoyed a show, floored me. Nobody at our table, at that point was still in drag,  and I hadn't been in drag at all. But, I still ended up getting the perks of association. So, it really isn't all that bad. 

Grammar Police

So, it was brought to my attention, that try as I may, to not be offensive, my ignorance, when it comes to pronouns, is going to get me into trouble. As are my assumptions based on slang.

One of the things that I have found most confusing about entering the drag world, is, knowing when is the right time to use the words he or she, or him or her.

+Ms. Vanilla Honey-Bush brought it to my attention, that in talking about +Carmen Carerra, I used the male pronoun him or he, instead of her or she. For a transgender person, the proper pronoun to use, is the one that matches the visible figure.  If a person looks like a woman, you generally should refer to her as a her.

On the other hand, when it comes to the drag community, it's harder to know which gendered pronoun is the right one to use. At this point, after a lot of discussions with Dan and +Shaunna Rai, I've come to the conclusion, that if it quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, it's probably a duck, and should be referred to as such. Likewise, if a person is wearing a dress, and makeup, a female pronoun should be used.

In the greater Drag community though, it's much more interesting. Dan has taken me to  +Club 313, in Manchester, NH, and +Jacques' Cabaret, in Boston , MA. In both cases,it was Dan who took me out. But, it was Shaunna Rai who was talked to.

I thought, growing up, that it was bad that my dad knew people, everywhere he went. But, +Shaunna Rai takes that to a whole new level.

Dan explained on the way home from 313, the first time, his expectations about the proper use of pronouns when I'm with him. If I am with Dan as Dan, I refer to him as him. If he is Shaunna Rai, I should refer to him as her.

In talking to +Miss E'on, Vanilla Honey-Bush, and Shaunna Rai, last night, after +Taffy Pulls's +RuPaul's Drag Race viewing party, at +Styxx, it was brought to my attention, that there was an alternative to worrying about using the proper pronoun...use genderless ones, or use the proper name. Or, just skip using pronouns in general.

So, That Makes You a Cross Dresser, Right?

The One and Only RuPaul

Over the weekend, while Dan and I were snowed in, we watched a lot of Netflix.  (And, some Youtube.)  In all of the viewing that we did, I got a few answers to questions that I had. Namely, what is the difference between a Cross Dresser, a Drag Queen, a Transgender, and a Transvestite?  Because all in all, they all have similar elements to them.

The only thing that really ties all of the above together, is the fact that someone is wearing the clothing of the opposite gender. The reasoning, though, is what makes them different.

I'll go in the order of least amount of research for finding the definitions.

Drag Queen/Drag King: In either case, a man or woman dresses up as a member of the opposite sex, for performance/entertainment purposes. The clothing helps create a character. And, the costume does not mean that the person wearing it wants to actually be the opposite sex.

Transgender/Transsexual: This is probably the easiest for me to explain, (and hardest to understand in my head), and I don't really even have to look it up, only because I know at least two people who identify as transpeople. A transgendered person, is a person who feels that they were born of the wrong gender, and is likely to seek medical attention to correct their physical gender to match that of their mental gender.

Cross Dressing: According to urban dictionary, a cross dresser is a man (generally heterosexual) who wears women's clothes. According to wikipedia, just the act of putting on the clothing of the opposite sex is the definition. And, it's the overall name for the entire category of all people who dress gender opposite.

Transvestite: Anyone who has seen Rocky Horror Picture Show, has some idea of what a transvestite is. A transvestite, again, according to Wiki, is a person who dresses in the clothing of the opposite gender, for some kind of sexual gratification.

What does all this really mean? To me, not much. It's just a bunch of words, really. But, to people who fall into some of these categories, they mean a whole hell of a lot. Just because you're a drag queen, does not mean that you're a transwoman.  And, being a transwoman, doesn't make you a transvestite.  RuPaul, for example is a Drag Queen, but not a tranny (short for transgendered person).

For clarification, transwoman is a male to female gender reassignment, and, likewise, a transman, is a female to male.

Carmen Carerra, before and after

There are always exceptions to the rule, though.  Carmen Carerra, and Monica Beverly Hillz, both contestants on RuPaul's Drag Race, come to mind. Carmen Carerra came to the show as a male, for his season, but now, lives as a woman, and is gorgeous.  And, Monica Beverly Hillz, is currently on Drag Race, and just came out as a transwoman.

As I said before, transgender is very difficult for me to fathom. I just cannot make it ever make sense in my mind, how a person could just give up their identity that they were born with, to create a brand new identity, that will stick with them for the rest of their lives.I just wonder, if you were uncomfortable with a penis before because you felt like you were  really a woman, what makes you think that once you become a woman that you're going to be totally happy without it?  And, by all means, if you or anyone you know, can help me understand it, please explain it to me?  The goal here is for me to educate myself, as much as anyone else who reads this, instead of airing what may appear to be prejudices.

That Taffy Pulls, she's a busy girl! A show at Blackstones on Feb. 13, and another on Feb. 14th!  Go See Her!

Wait...What!?

So, you meet this guy. He's good looking. He's sweet. He's the kind of guy that you want to get to know, so you can take him home to meet the parents. And, then, he drops the bomb.  You've met before.  Only, he looked different. He was a she...

This has happened to me twice. Well, technically, only once, since I didn't meet T, until after the fact. But, I've had two boyfriends "come out" of "the drag closet."  It's not really something that you easily acclimate to.  Although, I suppose it's easier than finding out that he did time in Prison, and is the bitch of two 7 foot tall, 350 pound brutes, named Bubba...

So, how do you come to terms with this little revelation?

You either accept it, and go from there, or you run the other way, as fast as you can.  And, sometimes, it may be a little difficult to know which is the proper option.  With T, it was a case of, I'm going to be extremely cautious about this, because I don't know what to make of it.  With Shaunna Rai, it was a little different. I'd already been through this once with T. And, Shaunna Rai and I had actually interacted, before the dating thing started.

The biggest thing about the whole, my boyfriend is sometimes a girl, issue, was "What are the ground rules for this?" Do I have to go buy dresses with him? Does he buy dresses as a boy or a girl? What exactly does he expect of me?  And, what if I'm not comfortable with this, or that?

I'm getting better with the whole drag shopping thing. I've gone with Dan enough, to get stuff for Shaunna Rai, or just to window shop for her.  Am I always comfortable with it? No. Am I always uncomfortable with it? That's also a no.  It's really a day by day thing for me. I'm less comfortable with looking at women's clothing with Dan, than I am at women's shoes.  (I may have a bit of a shoe thing, and dammit, women have way more choices of pretty shoes.)  And, if the most uncomfortable thing I have to do, is spend time wandering around in the dress section of a store, I think I can handle it.

Honestly, there are much worse things than being told that your boyfriend dresses in drag...and has done so for the last 20 years...

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes...

So, one of the most interesting experiences that I've had has been telling people that I'm dating someone who does drag.  In and of itself, it's not really that big a deal. Well, to me, anyway.

The reaction that surprised me the most, was "So, do you only date drag queens now?"  This makes sense, in that the last boyfriend I had, and my current one both do drag.  (And both are friends.)  My first reaction to that, was offense. Because, in the moment, my thought was, I wasn't dating the "alter".  I have since changed my stance on that a bit.  (More on this in a minute.)

The best reaction, I have to admit came from my mom.  "Oh, so, what does he do?"  Me, being me, I couldn't exactly leave it out.  Especially, since the first time I talked about Dan, was when he invited me to go to see him in a show in Waterville, the Screaming Queens.  So, I explained that he had two jobs, and that he did drag.  She later friended him and recently friended Shaunna Rai on Facebook.  Mom's response? "He makes a prettier girl than I do."  And, later on, "How does he walk in those shoes? If I tried that, I'd fall on my face!"

So, back to dating the "alter". As I said, my initial reaction was to get mad. Because, I'm not a gay guy trying to pass myself off as straight by dating someone, who sometimes, kinda looks like a girl.  I'm a gay guy, dating another gay guy, who just happens to sometimes dress up like a woman, and looks amazing as either. The longer we've been dating though, the more I realize that in some ways, I am dating Shaunna Rai as well. Screaming Queens was technically a date, with Shaunna Rai. And, on a few of our other dates, even though, I was out with Dan, dressed as Dan, people referred to him as Shaunna Rai. I was quite unsure about how to handle it at first. But, now, it makes no difference. If I'm Dan's boyfriend, Awesome. If I'm Shaunna Rai's boyfriend, Great. And, with the promoting that I've started doing for Shaunna Rai, and company, I'd say that she definitely has had an impact on my life.  In more of a positive way than I ever would have imagined.  I feel like I'm doing something, for the first time in a long time.  

Taffy's Drag Race!

Come see Taffy Pulls work it at Styxx with her weekly viewing party.  In her own words, "Ive got a weekly show going on. Styxx is hosting a viewing party for Rupauls drag race. Every Monday night @ 9pm. Ill be there with other drag queens doing tutorials and shit. Its awesome. We give away prizes. Last week we gave away Henna work - the week before it was a quilt -- and after the drag queens get off the stage -- the mens come on the stage to strip and dance their shorts off!"

Guys In Gowns...or Clown Drag

As I said yesterday, I've done Drag a couple of times in my life. Both times, I was pretty embarassed, 

For my Girls, for Halloween   2007-ish

because it was something totally foreign to me.  And, for lack of a better explanation, it was totally scary.

My first foray, was when I worked at a group home for girls.  They knew more about the whole drag thing than I did.  And, before they all aged out of the program, they wanted me to drag up.  I was mortified.  But, I promised I would, on the premise that it would be a one time thing, on Halloween.  Luckily, for me, the majority of the staff was female, and helped get me all dolled up.  

I don't think I looked that good. The girls loved the look though.. SO, that was the important thing.  

The only other time that I've done drag, was for an event called Guys In Gowns. It was a fund raiser for a local business called Youth Promise, that helps to keep kids out of the court system. So, in my mind, it was a great cause. (And I participated in it, only because it was such a good cause...kids from the home I had worked at had worked with the program.)

  

Guys in Gowns 2011

Guys in Gowns was more scary, as I was performing, for real, in front of an actual audience of people who were there to see "Clown Drag".  What I mean by that, is that in years past, (before I actually participated), the drag was meant to be funny. Water balloon boobs, and Bearded Ladies.

I was talked into it by a friend, who had agreed to do a number with me. Unfortunately, for me, there was a drop out, the night before the show. And, in favor of keeping the time roughly the same, they decided that we should separate our acts.

So, instead of doing a duet, I went solo.  After an anti-anxiety med, or two.  I did my thing, and would have been great, if I hadn't discovered halfway through my number that my mic hadn't been on.  I turned it on, and finished singing the rest of the number.  In front of my boss, my co-workers, my parents, my boyfriend at the time, and the emcee of the show, Kathleen Shannon, of the local NBC affiliate news station.

I did something right, because I managed to pull a trophy or two out of it. One, just a participation trophy. The other, "Most Glamorous."  To be honest, though, I felt far from glamorous. I felt like what I was. A guy, in a dress, wearing high heel boots that were at least two sizes too small, who had socks stuffed in his chest.

Blackstones Portland Valentine's Day Show

Blackstone's Portland

Because the poster forgot to say where it takes place

I am not a Drag Queen

I'm not a drag queen. I don't play one on tv. I have only dressed in drag twice in my life. At some point, you will see the pictures, I'm sure.

That being said, I have found myself embraced by the Portland drag community. I come from a small town on the coast of Maine, where drag is only done by high school jocks, on Halloween, because: a) They have  the bodies for it, and b) they're the only ones who can come out of it, unscathed.

RuPaul is not a common topic of conversation, back home. Drag is not spoken of. Being gay is something you hide, and nobody would ever be caught dead impersonating the opposite gender.

My goal, with this blog, is to open up the Drag Closet, so to speak. I want to try to answer some questions that I have about drag in general. I want to do some interviews with some drag queens. I want to explain what its like to date a drag queen, from my own experiences. I hope to promote venues, and shows, and the Queens who have taken me under their wings, without trying to "recruit" me. I want to give some exposure to the business side of a community that is most often treated like clowns.

I know, I'm hoping for a lot, from a blog. And, we'll see what happens. Anyway, thanks for joining me for the ride.