Halloween: A Day for Drag, Hobgoblins, and Everything in Between

Ever since I was little, Halloween hasn't really been a holiday that held much interest for me.  Aside from the candy, there was no draw to it for me.  So, when this year's Halloween came around, I viewed it with a more open mind than usual.  Because, really, who's going to be the stick in the mud saying no to a drag queen on the one night of the year that people are going out of their way to become drag queens?

The thought had crossed my mind that I wanted nothing to do with Halloween, because it's never been any fun for me.  I've always had to work, and any time that I was invited to any kind of party, it was either while I was working, or I just wasn't in the mood to go.  And, the opportunity presented itself to go to two Halloween parties, along with two drag shows. And, I was going to be free to go to all of them.  What magic is this?

After realizing that the different parties meant that I should probably have different costumes, I kinda started to panic.  The idea of one costume was scary enough.  Three or four? Oh my.

I spent the first part of the Halloween season picking over costumes at Marden's and Party City, hoping that a costume would just jump out on me, and BOOM! I'd know what I wanted to be.  Unfortunately, life doesn't really work that way.  So, I'd pick up a piece here and there, and hope that I could figure out what I wanted to do with them.

The night of the first show, I ended up changing my mind completely.  Instead of going as the Gargoyle, that I had considered, I ended up deciding that I wanted to be a dead goth boy.  I bought my first bottle of nail polish....for myself, and was excited about it.  I decided that I wanted to do something totally different, and new, and bought a bottle of black paint, and a white t-shirt, which I promptly ran over (on purpose) after painting the tire of my car black.

Quickly, after changing out my hair for different hair, my costume came together.  I stenciled my tire track across my face, and then just had to wait for the ladies to finish getting ready.  After all, not only was it a costume party, with prizes (supposedly) but, it was a show night.  So, I was chauffeur to the girls.

And, for the first time, the venue was mostly empty for the show.  And, I was one of four people in costume.  Me, Pocahontas, Cleopatra, and the Gay-o-saurus.  The show, of course, as usual was great.  And, I met a couple of people Dan had gone to school with.  So, it was fun.

The next night, was the Halloween party in Ogunquit, at Mainestreet.  And, by the time we were in the mood to do anything, we didn't have the energy.  So, we stayed home.

Then, came the show at Blackstones.  Again, I was expecting a lot of people to be out in costume, even though Halloween itself wasn't until the following Thursday.  And, again, I decided to dress up a little.  I glued some demon horns to my head and decided to tattoo myself fully, using a shirt that Dan had.  One that actually got me a few people trying to figure out if they were real or not.

Again another amazing show, a fund raiser for the Dempsey Center in Lewiston.  All the usuals were there.  Shaunna Rai, Vanila Honey-Bush, and Miss E'on.

The final event for Halloween wasn't happening until after Halloween was over.  Another fund raiser for Pride.  And, at that point, I was over Halloween.  I learned a lesson though.  In the future, I'm going to pick a costume far earlier than I did this year.  I'll stick with the same costume, or change small things in it.  But, I need to NOT wait until the last minute to do so.


Who knows? Halloween is a holiday where Drag is an acceptable costume....I mean, all the jocks are dying to get into a dress...or at least they were in high school.  Maybe next year, I can take the Kathy Griffin look a step further...

I shall call her "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert"

Yesterday marked a big day for me.  I bought a new car.  It's a Pontiac Vibe, 2005, white.  It's the new Dragmobile.  And, it was bought partially, with that purpose in mind.

Previous to this, I'd been thinking that I was going to buy a Mini Cooper, and I would name it Sheldon.  (Big Bang Theory fans should get the reference...)  Anyway, I need to come up with a name for the new Dragmobile...because Dragmobile just sounds...well...blah.  Yeah, kinda Batman-ish, but a car that's going to be used in part (or in full) to transport drag queens, needs a good name.  I mean, they named a bus Priscilla, Queen of the Desert... So, I've got to compete with that.

I've never been one to name my cars.  NEVER.  I never understood the appeal of it.  I never even really understood the idea of calling your car your baby.  Apparently, I've never been as fond of my cars as I should have been.

Anyway, so the idea had been in my head for a while that I needed a new car.  And, this weekend was going to be the weekend that I would take care of it.  It was a pay week.  I had a long weekend, and part of it was off with Dan.  Given that I know very little about cars, other than how to change a headlight, and a tire, and that they're expensive as hell to maintain over long periods of time...especially when they eat your tires...I needed someone who knew a little bit more about cars to go with me.  Because when I go into a car dealership, I end up being the faggy, little queer that everyone knows is a faggy, little queer, and is going to try to sell the most expensive car to.  In other words, I have a body guard/moral support person with me.

Something I learned through this experience, was that I need to learn to stop being so damned wishy-washy, and to listen to advice the first time, instead of having to hear it a hundred times before I take it in.  Since the topic of a new car became an actual topic of conversation, Dan had been telling me, "Go back to Lee. You bought a car from them already, you'll probably get a better deal from them, since YOU ALREADY HAVE A RELATIONSHIP established with them."  Instead, I decided that I needed to try something different. I was going to go with something new that I'd seen on TV.  My Maine Ride was a business out of Bangor, that offers a car, for $300 down, and $50 per week.  Sounds like a great deal.  I'd been pre-approved for a car from them.  The paperwork that I needed was minimal.  But, it was in Bangor.  A 5 hour minimum round trip.  I called them yesterday morning, about trading in my old car, and was given a "We can't guarantee that if you do bring it to trade it, you'll be approved.  But, let us take your number, and we'll see if we can approve you before you come down."  And, I never heard back from them.

So, in the meantime, I figured, "What the hell, I'll try Lee, and just see what they have."  And, of course, I fell in love with a car.  Not, in fact, the car that I ended up with.  They had a blue Jeep Cherokee Laredo, and it looked like it would be in my price range.  So, I called about it.  They were eager to help, from the minute I got on the phone, Adam answered all my questions, and encouraged me to call ahead, so that I would have someone to wait on me when I got there.  So, I did.  I got to Lee Nissan, let them know that I had an appointment with Will, and they got me started.  Along the way, Will handed me off to Scott, and, I'm kind of glad that he did.  Scott was a great guy.  Listened to everything that I needed, and showed me a car that they had just taken into inventory and cleaned, as it fit my criteria.

The car needed to be all around a bit bigger/roomier than my old car (Hyundai Elantra), it needed to have space for large purchases, like it needed to be able to hold a table, if we needed to buy one.  It needed to be higher off the ground than my current car.  And, all around, it needed to make me feel like I'd be safer driving it.  (Dan, Ryan, and anyone else who doesn't appreciate my driving, stop laughing...)  Oh yeah, and did I mention, that it needed to be able to fit, Me, a minimum of two drag queens (more if possible), and all the suitcases, hips, boobs, makeup, outfits, and hair that go along with said drag queens.  (And yes, literally, the first thought after getting into the car, and getting over the fact that the seat was still a little damp, was, yep, I can fit at least 3 drag queens in here.  One in the front, two in the back, (maybe a third, if she was tiny, or just a little person) and all their stuff in the trunk.

The test drive was great.  I've been driving a car around where the front end shakes when you go 65 or over, so, by the time I get to work every day, I feel like a milkshake.  This car doesn't do that.  And, I can see over a lot of the cars on the road...instead of looking up at them.  It was great.  I fell in love.

The paperwork, well, that was a bit of a hard time.  Things got messy, and the trade wasn't going to work.  So, we had to switch gears.  And, my Dragmobile, might be off the table of possibility.  Crap! Now what?  LUNCH.  At this point, what was going to only take an hour or two tops, was going on hour three.  We went to lunch, and I resigned myself to the idea that, I'm not getting a car today.  I spoke with credit people while I ate, gave them information, including the fact that I still apparently have a mortgage in my name, although I don't have a house title in my name...a fact that I was NOT happy about.

When we got back from lunch, we went to wait in the waiting room, and I began to get anxious.  I wanted a car, and I didn't want to wait anymore.  Scott came back, and told me he had good news, but I needed to wait a few before he'd tell me.

Good news! The car that you want, they're willing to work with us, with your price range for it, and you'll be able to get it TODAY.  The rest of the afternoon was a bit of a waiting game, and then just some paper signing.  And then she was mine! My new Dragmobile.  I shall not call her Priscilla, because, honestly, I don't really care much for the name...besides, she's not a BUS.  I could call her Lisa-Marie, because that would be a step down from Priscilla...Or Christina? Celine? Cher? Something gay...for sure.  I just haven't figured out what yet...

Play to your strengths

"She's not a very pretty queen..."
That was me, last episode of RuPaul's Drag Race: The Lost Season, of Tammie Brown.
"She isn't supposed to be.  She's not like a lot of the queens that have been on the more recent seasons.  She sings live, and does stand up.  And, she's herself."
That was Dan.

This of course, launched a conversation about characters.  And a realization that doing drag, you actually have to know yourself quite well.  Because, all of it, is about who you are.  You take the parts of you that are the best, mush them all up together, and put on the costume, and you're most of the way there.  This of course, is a condensed version of what really happens.  Because, let's face it.  You can't just throw on a pair of heels, a wig, and a dress, and have a ready made drag queen. It just doesn't work that way. And, even if it did, from what I've seen, a drag queen is a constantly shifting work of art.

There is no cookie cutter mold to form a drag queen.  What makes this person amazing may not make the next person as amazing.  Do drag queens have to be beautiful? No.  Do they have to be ugly? No.  Do they have to shave all their body hair off? No.  Some do, but others, proudly display the fact that they're a man in a dress, complete with a beard.  It's all part of a persona that they're creating.

This persona, in my mind, is the most important piece of the whole process.  Like anything, it can be a work in progress, for the entire length of the alter ego's life.  But, it's the piece that takes the most work.  The reason for doing drag in the first place may or may not be a part of the character building.  (Shaunna Rai, for example, was originally brought to life as a way to get into bars, because drag performers weren't asked to show ID's.)  Over time, she has made a name for herself, throughout the state of Maine, and into New Hampshire and Massachusetts.  She has developed a reputation as being, "a bitch," a title which she sometimes will display proudly, like in her last show, titled: "The Bitch is Back".  She doesn't mind taking the mic, but she won't sing live. From time to time, she may say bitchy things, but, generally, it's all said in fun.  Shaunna Rai is known for her drinking.  Hell, she even has a drink named after her at Blackstone's, and whatever name Mama's Cabaret is going by these days...I think it's Rumorz(?)

As I have previously established here, the outfits, the wigs, and the shoes are important as well.  And, a lot of thought goes into the outfits that get worn.  I can't even begin to tell you how many times that I've gone into a place like Hot Topic, or Spencer's, and Dan has been at work, thinking about, "I could buy two pairs of these stretchy pants, and make them into a body suit." Or, walking through Marden's, looking at fringe, hearing him say, "I think I want a dress made out of that."  This is not always, but sometimes a daily occurrence.

Now that the outfit's picked out, it's time for the hair.  Which hair goes best with this outfit?  (This is the hardest for me to understand...because I think any hair looks good with anything.  But, that's why I'm not the one doing drag.) And, so, the part of the dressing process that every "husband" (drag or otherwise) dreads: "How does this look?" "Would I look better if I wore this other hair with this?" Sometimes my opinion is taken into consideration.  Sometimes, it's not.  Occasionally, the part where I have to give an opinion is skipped altogether.  (I.e.: the outfit was chosen around the hair, instead of the other way around.)


And, finally, which shoes look better?  The question I hate the most.  My stock answer, is "Those look fine."  But, then again, there's question among my gay friends if I'm really gay, because (although I have about 10 pair of shoes), I'm not very good at matching boy shoes with what I'm wearing. Hell, until last year, I didn't know that it was wrong to wear white socks with dress shoes...although, I found that out in a hurry.

Anyway.

My point here, is that while it may look to an outsider like drag is just throwing on a dress, makeup, a wig and those killer heels,it's not as easy as that.  Dan/Shaunna Rai have been asked on occasion to contribute drag wisdom to a "Drag Boot Camp" program that someone Dan knows has been trying to put in place.  While the idea is great, it relies too heavily on the idea that you can pick a queen out of a box, and every queen is going to be the same.

A question that Dan told me about what, "What 5 items should every queen have in their purse?"  Well, it depends on the queen.  I know a queen, who would carry around a rubber chicken, probably, because she uses it on stage in her act.  Shaunna Rai, on the other hand, wouldn't be caught dead with a rubber chicken...she would more than likely have a bottle of Jaegermeister, a bottle of Vodka, and some Red Bull, or have it all pre-mixed in a flask.  (Actually, more likely, she would have a pair of flip flops, a tank top and a pair of shorts, for after the show.)  Sure, hairspray, and makeup would show up in MOST purses, but not every drag queen is going to carry the same things.

Another question that he told me about was something along the lines of "where did your character/alter ego come from?"  Paraphrasing the question, I can get the point across better. How do you know who your character should be?

Let me tell you, the answer that I got when he told me about the question...wooooah....You don't create a character from a box.  You don't just get blessed by the drag fairy, and all of a sudden, you're a queen.  You have to have some idea, starting out, what you want to be.  Choose a genre: Horror, Comedy, Beauty, Musician, whatever.  Choose a character type: if you're going for comedy: Are you stand up? Are you sarcastic humor? Are you going to go for singing dirty parodies of pop songs?

Ok, so you're going for Stand up Comedy queen:  Who are you?  Is your character crazy?  Is your character a single drunk woman, who will sleep with anything with a pulse?  Are you the old lady full of one liners, like Sophia from the Golden Girls?

These are the things you need to know, in order for your character to develop.  Without a backstory for your character, you'll never have the right information for your stand up, for one.  And, by the same token, if you don't know the character, how are you going to find the right outfits?  If you're going for Mama Sophia, a lady in her 80's, more than likely, you're not going to be wearing prom gowns, or bikinis.  You're going to want to camp up the old lady purple hair, and wear the cardigans, and pants pulled up to right under your boobs.  By the same token, if you're going for the drunk single woman, you're going to want to play up the part of being drunk, and single, so you're going to dress a lot sluttier.

Anyway, my point being, drag is a learning process, throughout the lifetime of your character.  You have to have a bit of creativity, to be able to pick out what you're actually good at, and play to your strengths.  Don't try to be RuPaul, or any other queen that you've seen on tv (or in person).  Be yourself.  Know yourself well enough to know what you'll excel with.  And, bring it!  Just remember that you're the only one who will be able to bring out your inner drag queen.

A Cock in a Frock, on a Rock...

When I started watching RuPaul's Drag Race, last year, the biggest question that I had, of all drag queens, was, are all drag queens that bitchy?

From where I stand, the answer is, maybe.

Hear me out.  This is going to be a long post, and most definitely doesn't have a clear answer to the question.

Every movie that I've watched with a drag queen character in it, has had a queen, who over all the other characters, is the bitch.  Throughout the course of the movie, you come to find out the reason that she's such a bitch, is because she's had a shitty life, and that she had to toughen herself up, in order to deal with life.  From my experience, any homo is going to tell you that that's their life story.

Does that give you any particular excuse for being a bitch then?  Not really.

When I started dating Dan, I was terrified of the drag world.  Until I started to really experience what it was like going to shows.  For once in my life, I felt like it didn't matter that I was there. I wasn't anyone's thorn in their side.  And, I was accepted for being the blatant homo that I sometimes feel like I am.  I have never felt more comfortable, than I have being brought in by the drag world.

What happens though, is from time to time, a queen thinks that she's better than anyone else, and starts throwing her weight around.  When this happens, the queens around her, generally go on the defensive.  Usually, with good reason...they're being attacked, or they've been wronged somehow.

Drag queens are the best of both worlds.  They're men, and behave like men, except for when they're being women.  This is an observation, that needs to be taken as such.  Stereotypically, men get pissed off at each other, have it out, and then make up.  It happens.  Stereotypically, women get pissed off at each other, and hold a grudge forever.  Stereotypically, this is common throughout the entire gay world.  It just has been more publicized in the drag world, through the movies, and shows like Drag Race.  According to media, drag queens are the top of the hill when it comes to catty, bitchiness.  And, some of the people that I know personally, have furthered this stereotype, in their behavior.

A rule in life to remember, is that people are always going to talk.  It's one that I learned very early in life.  At 7, I learned a vast majority of the names that kids call kids like I was.  Not a single one of them was nice.  Come to think of it, a lot of the time that I've heard people talk about me, it hasn't been nice.  (Sorry, back on topic)  Oh yeah, my point here was that there's gotta be some kind of conviction behind what's being said.  If you're going to call me a whore, make sure that I'm slutting it up.  Wanna call me sloppy seconds? Take a look at yourself, and check to see whether you're doing better at life than I am.  Because the final result, is going to be that someone's going to get pissed off in the long run, and you better believe that you're going to get a reading like you've never had before.

I don't care who you are, if you say something bad about a person, there's a reason that you said it.  And, alcohol is not an excuse.  You were already thinking it, and the alcohol just cut down on your inhibitions, and let it slide off your tongue.  "I didn't mean it," isn't a reason either.  You did mean it at some point, if those words came out of your mouth.

Now, at this point, it sounds like I'm villifying drag queens, and that is totally NOT my intention.  Because NOT all drag queens are villains.  Drag queens in general, are some of the most caring people that you'll ever meet.  Statistically, according to "The Official Drag Handbook," by Todd Kachinski-Kottmeier (The Infamous Todd), "For every $10 earned for LGBT cause, $8.82 came in through the assistance of a female impersonator." That's a pretty hefty sum, and bear in mind, that is just talking specifically about the LGBT causes.  That doesn't encompass the numerous other charities that these people support.

They may be crass, or they may be classy.  But, one thing that I can tell you for sure, is that when a queen is performing, is the best time.  At Shaunna Rai's last show in Lewiston, I had invited my cousin.  She had said that she wanted to meet Shaunna Rai.  At the time I invited her, I had no idea that there was anything really going on in her life that she would need a break from.  The show was great.  And, after the show, while we were waiting for the girls to get packed back up, I found out how much of a release it was for her to be at the show, instead of dealing with her life.  She needed the cheering up, that drag brought to her.  (Well, not just drag, but Shaunna Rai, and her girls...)

My point, is this.  Drag queens have a reputation of being bitchy, because they sometimes can be.  But, there's so much more to a queen than a bitchy attitude.  There's creativity, there's grace, there's humor.  There's a sense of community, and a need to give back.  And, most importantly, there's the ability to make a person feel welcome, when that person has felt shut out all of their life.

So, are all queens that bitchy?  No.  But, some are.  And, I think that will never change. 

Wigging Out

Living with a hairdresser, who also happens to be a drag queen, and having a roommate who is also a drag queen, I'm surrounded by hair, and talk of hair all the time  The're re are mannequin heads around the house, with various stages of wigs, or hairpieces, or whatever.  Given the fact that I'm a balding person, it's kind of a mean reminder of the fact that my hair is rapidly migrating from my head. 

 When I first met Dan, he let me know that it was possible that he could "give me hair." The idea at the time, seemed foolish to me.  Everyone already knew that I was balding, and so it would be quite obvious that I had done something to my head, if I just mysteriously showed up with hair at work one day.  He never pushed for me to do it.  He just let me know that it was an option, and that if I changed my mind, that he'd be willing to let me try it out.  Given that this is what he does for his life's work, it was a great offer.  And, an offer that I considered very carefully, for a long time.  

So, I finally decided to give it a shot. At worst, I would hate it and want to take it off. At best, I'd love it.

The day came to do it and i was more than ready for it to happen. As I have been nearly bald for a long time, it was a bit weird sitting through a "real" haircut. And seeing how much hair came off the hairpiece surprised me. I'd forgotten how much hair the average person actually has.

When he told me it was done, I was scared to see the final product.  I knew I would look different.  I just didn't know what to think. Because,  at this point, my thin hair had all been shaved off. So I was either going to be really bald or I was going to have to live with hair I didn't like until the rest of it grew back.

Fortunately,  everything worked out fine. The new hair looks great. It still feels weird having hair when I previously haven't. 

The same day we went to Boston, for something to do. As a way to break in the new hair without running into anyone that we knew. 

Well, that and, now that I had my new hair, it was time for Shaunna Rai to get some new hair too. She ended up getting two new wigs in Boston. 

The big test with my hair came on Monday. Over the weekend the response to my hair pictures had been good. But it was the coworkers' response that scared me most. These are the people I see every day. If they didn't like it, I'd never hear the end of it. Thankfully, they all liked it too. Although, a couple of people didn't even recognize me!

Overall, it was one of my better decisions. And now i have my own hair that I get to wear. And I can stop being jealous of the fact that Shaunna Rai and Vanila Honey-Bush have a ton more hair than me.

Today for You, Tomorrow for Me

In the fall of 1997, I heard the first of a play called RENT. At the time,  I knew nothing of it. Just the name. As a Senior in high school,  I chose to blow off a trip to France for a trip to NYC. I never actually saw RENT until a year or so later.

RENT was a show unlike anything that I knew of. It spoke to me...in a matter of speaking. (Haha)

Ultimately,  it was my first exposure to adulthood.  But more important,  to drag queens. Angel will forever hold a place in my heart as the first drag queen I fell in love with.

I saw RENT with my friend Lynne. And afterwards,  I told her that I could relate to it. Although,  the how at that time I was still working out.

Fast forward a few years...

I was working with kids. And I passed the torch,  accidentally.  Most of "my kids" would say that RENT was good for them. It helped in some small way to make things make sense. And it brought us together. Obviously, this play has had a lot of impact on me.

During the roughest patch of my life, it was absent.  More because I'd forgotten I had it than anything else. At the time I most needed to connect,  I detached.  I'd forgotten my old friend Angel and her carefree love, when I should have turned toward it to help me remember to always put love first.

My point, is that RENT popped back into my life. One of my kids told me it was playing in Waldoboro. And if that wasn't enough, my friend Elizabeth was in it. She wanted to surprise Elizabeth,  with me. And we did.

The show was good. Collins was amazing.  Angel was great. And since they're my characters, they were the ones I needed to have be good. I'll admit,  I had low expectations, since it was a community theater production.  But, it reminded me. I love the show. I love the music. And I love Angel.

And I need to remain connected to people in real life, in a way that can't be achieved via the internet.

Why Can't You Be a Real Boy... and ...If I Were a Girl...

One of the worst, most hurtful things that I've heard Dan talk about in the past, was how exes wanted him to give up drag and be a "real man".  And, I've always thought that they were douchebags for saying that to him.  So, imagine my surprise, when I was driving home from work last night, thinking that I understood the reasoning behind them saying it, because I was saying it myself (to myself).

The thought that I was being like his exes, whether in person OR in my head, scared me.  And, it made me think about what the real issue was, and who the issue was really with.

I have no issue with Dan as himself, or Dan as Shaunna Rai.  The real issue, is with myself.  I'm jealous of the attention that Dan gets, in or out of drag.  And, I'm jealous that he's enough of a chameleon to be able to fit in, as either gender.  He's a people person...I'm not.  Everyone knows him...people know me, but mostly only as his boyfriend.  Dan and I were talking a couple days ago about the fact that I don't have a great sense of style and know little about certain grooming habits (like ironing).  And, I made the joke that I needed a teacher to be gay enough to be gay.

And, that was when it hit me.  When I realized that I had hit a nerve myself, with my own self-deprecating joke, it dawned on me that it was all on me.  I'm not gay enough to be gay, but not straight enough to pass as straight.

I was terrified to even write this, because of how it might be taken.  So, I actually discussed the theme before a word even went down.

The funniest thing was that it took a dose of drag shopping to snap me back to reality.  Or, at least, to make me remember what it is that I like about the whole drag thing.  And, to make me remember that I have a boyfriend who is patient enough to explain things to me that confuse the hell out of me.

We went shopping, initially for lashes this morning, for Shaunna Rai's show at Mama's Cabaret, in Lewiston, tonight.  And, so, even though we've been together for 8 months, I still don't have a clue about some things...like makeup.  I found the coolest eyeshadow ever...and pointed it out to him...and he reminded me that it was actually nail polish...and the polka dots in it, were glitter.  Then, there was the glittery makeup that turned out to be a compact.  And, the mix of stained glass foundation....that one confused the hell out of me...why would you want 17 different colors in tiny amounts?  Because they all blend together, to give an all around even tone to your skin.  (Yeah, I'm that much of an idiot that I had to ask.)

While he goes through, looking at things, I tend to be attracted to the bright colors and shiny things.  In other words, the nails/nail polish.  So, I was looking at something gaudy, and we started talking about the fact that it was a good thing that I didn't do drag, because I would be a gaudy drag queen.  Dan of course, was like, "Well, it takes all kinds.  I wouldn't want everyone to look like me, and I wouldn't want to look like everyone else."

Point made, point taken.  And, suddenly, it all clicked into place.  I understand drag, just a little bit better now, than I have up to this point.

Through the conversation about the fact that I would totally wear neon colored nails with rhinestones, and glitter, I realized that I would be a gaudy queen.  And, I would go to that extreme, because in real life, I'm more conservative in how I dress, and what I do.  I mean, come on, for years, I wouldn't wear solid colors because they were too bright...and I still have a hard time wearing a screen printed t-shirt, because I want people to notice me, but not what I am a walking billboard for.

Drag is less about looking like a girl (or boy, in the case of drag kings) than it is about doing something outside the norm.  It's about stepping outside of what's "comfortable" and breaking down the walls of the box that you build around yourself.  It's (to some degree) about promoting acceptance by showing that conformity isn't the only thing there is.

While the dressing up thing isn't for me, I love going to the shows.  I love seeing Shaunna Rai and the other girls perform.  I love taking pictures, so that I have a record of what I'm seeing.  So, yeah, I'm jealous.  Yeah, there are some days when I'm just like UGH!!! But, in the long run, if it makes Dan happy to be Shaunna Rai, that's important.  It's not my place to ever say, I don't think you should any more.  And anyone who would say that, really is a douchebag.  

The Fame and the Infamy...

While trying to make a name for themselves, some people let nothing stand in the way of their imminent fame.  This is true of anyone, not just drag queens.  Whether you're scratching and clawing, or blowing your way to the top, eventually, the plan is to get to the top.  The goal, to be the name on everyone's lips.  (Essentially, the plot of the play/movie Chicago).  

Being a "Drag Husband", I haven't got to worry, really, about making a name for myself.  My "name" was dubbed, the minute I started officially dating Dan and Shaunna Rai.  I'm the one carrying the bags, and taking the pictures.  And, getting teased on the mic, during the shows...to the tune of being threatened with "doggy-style" not just once, or twice, but three times, in one show, in front of my parents... 

Shaunna Rai, has a bit more infamy, than I do.  After the show I was just talking about, the owner of the venue expressed gratefulness to Dan for not being a bitch about the way the show ran.  And, it's surprised me how many people think that Shaunna Rai really is a bitch.  And, by extension1 of personality, that Dan is too.  The thing with the two of them, is that they're the same person, figuratively, and literally.  Nothing is off limits, and they're both going to tell things the way they really are, like it or not.  

Over the course of the past few months, I've watched people develop either their own personal fame, or infamy, or in some cases both.  

A couple months ago, literally a couple days after we moved, was the Miss Blackstones pageant.  Given that it's a local "pageant", I knew all the contestants.  Desta Toot, Tatoola Tess Tosterone, and Vanila Honey-Bush.  As Vanila is my roommate, I was rooting for her. Although, I was going to be happy for whoever won, because I was friendly with them all.

After the crowning of Vanila Honey-Bush, though, everything hit the fan.  There were claims that the show was rigged.  And, worse, there were some personal attacks.  Since then, I believe that the air has been cleared, but seeing something so fun turn into something so nasty, kinda bothered me.

On the other hand, the shows that Taffy Pulls did over the course of the run of RuPaul's Drag Race, cemented her place as a "famous" local queen. At least in my mind.  Though the shows were sometimes disorganized, they managed to keep the "craziness" of Taffy's drag personality.

And, that's just on a personal level.  On a less personal, and more "national" level, RuPaul made, and broke some queens.  Truthfully, I think there are more "names" made on Drag Race than are broken.  I just find it interesting, that names that come onto the show, whether well known, or unknown are victimized, or villified by way of editing, and poor choice of conversation.  In this past season of RPDR, I was positive, that Roxxxy Andrews was going to make it, as the winner.  

Due to some poor choices of when to talk and when to keep her mouth shut, Roxxxy ended up being villified.  And, Jinkx Monsoon ended up taking it all.  Why?  Jinkx was victimized because of what Roxxxy said.  And, however the vote from fans was figured, it was very much influenced by the "bullying" of Roxxxy.  Would we have had the same results if Roxxxy had not chosen to "bully" Jinkx?  Hard telling. We'll never know, because that's the nature of the beast.  But, it's possible.  

As Dan is fond of saying, "Perception is reality."  You can make yourself famous, or infamous.  But, you're nothing without the people who make you what you're going to be, for it's they, who make you famous, or infamous...or both.

A Real Queen Would've Noticed if She Lost a Shoe

Over the weekend, I was introduced to the movie To Wong Foo. To say the least, it was an experience. Watching a movie about drag with two drag queens...well, let's just say, they had a lot to say about it.

But, before we get to what they had to say, let me set the stage. When I woke up on Sunday, Ryan was watching Blade, with Wesley Snipes. Halfway through the movie, a conversation starts. "You know, after he did To Wong Foo, he bought all the memorabilia, and burnt it. And then started doing all these macho man movies..." (I have yet to Google that to see if it's true.) Which, in turn, turned into, "You seriously haven't seen it before?"

And, so it was decided that I would go find a copy of it to watch. Done, and done.

The fact that I am starting to recognize famous drag queens scares me a little...Lady Bunny, RuPaul, Miss Coco Peru...just to name a few.

And, then, the main characters: Miss Vida Boheme, Miss Noxeema Jackson and ChiChi Rodriguez. Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes, and John Leguizamo, respectively.

Road trip movies are fun. And, make me a little bit jealous, because I haven't really been anywhere.

However, the first lesson I learned, watching the movie: Real drag queens don't dress in drag for indefinite periods of time. Next: if you're wearing heels, you're going to notice if you lose one, because one leg will be shorter than the other. Next: Queens don't go to bed in full face...however, they may go in partial face, aka Drag Lag. And finally, don't piss off a Drag Queen.

And the lessons I learned from the movie? Be nice to people, tell the truth, and, did I mention, don't piss off a Drag Queen!

I didn't know what to really think about it, because, Hollywood tends to play up the camp and ignore the serious stuff. So, I expected the comedy part. What I didn't expect was the crazy abusive menfolk and how they were dealt with. I haven't laughed as much as I did in a while.

Overall, it was a great movie. And, one that I will probably watch again. And, definitely in the company of queens!

Five Personalities and One Home to Rule Them All

It's been forever since the last update. Part of this has been laziness on my part. But, part has been that we moved. I write this, currently, from my Kindle, leeching off the WiFi of an unknown neighbor. (Thanks unknown neighbor, for having insecure .)

So, anyway, for a while, I thought that the move wasn't even going to happen. My lease was coming up, and all the places that we'd checked out online or in person, were either really skeevy, or they just never got back to us. So when the response from this place came, I wasn't holding my breath.

We checked the place out, and I was ready to move in immediately. Well, except for the fact that the previous tenants hadn't moved yet. Within the first few minutes of viewing the apartment, it was decided that the third "bedroom" would henceforth be known as the drag room.

Since the move, I've had somewhat of a love/hate relationship with that room. The first few days after we moved in, the only topic of conversation was the drag room and how great it was going to be. As it is a room that is not exactly off limits to me, it's   a room that I tend to avoid. It's Dan and Ryan, and Shaunna Rai and Vanila's space. And, for the first week or two that we were here, there was a mannequin head with a wig in the hallway window, staring out at anyone coming in the front door. The very definition of freaky.

Since the move, I've seen the room in action. As an actual prep area for "painting" and as a closet. I have seen outfits and hair that I had previously not seen. There are crowns that sparkle and look pretty. And, on the days that I come home from work, and the girls are getting ready to go out, I'm greeted at the door by the smell of the makeup powders. It's a smell, that, at first, I was unsure about. And, now, it's comforting, like the smell of freshly baked bread.

Something Fishy This Way Comes

The last month has been a bit crazy, between all of Shaunna Rai's shows, and my own personal stuff.  I gave notice at a job I hated, and then left a week earlier than I said I would.  I started a new job, working in the sales/marketing department of a major bank.  And, I outed myself, to not only the other new hires in my training class, but also a group of new hires from Cleveland.

I made something of a celebrity of myself, and Shaunna Rai by doing so.  The instructor asked each person to name a fun fact about themselves.  So, figuring that a lot of people would talk about pets, or kids and such, I wanted something that would stand out. SO, I decided to put it out there that two of my closest friends (Dan and Ryan) are Drag Queens.  The instructor's response was that this was "The BEST" fun fact she had ever heard, and she was still talking about it days later.

But, by outing myself, I made a connection with a couple of people in my class.  Which, was sort of the goal.  At lunch, that afternoon, I started talking to an older woman (in her 50's, so older than me, but not old, by any means) about her kids.  She told me that one of her sons is a drag queen in California.  She then proceeded to pull out her phone, and show me Trendy Wendy's Facebook photos.  Score one for a cool mom.  I mean, really, this woman worked for the Navy for years, so, kudos for that! But, to be cool enough, and proud enough to show off pictures of your adult child in drag? Well, some drag queens just aren't that lucky.

I've also heard from another girl (younger than me), about a friend of hers, who is a transman.  She was there as a friend, to support him, in his transition, and saw the transformation, along the way.

Anyway, so I came home from work the other night, and told Dan about Trendy Wendy's mother, and the fact that she told me to stalk Wendy's page.  So, I did.  And, I looked at pictures with Dan.  And, he said something to the effect of "She's fishy."

In my former life, this would have meant one of two things: either, she stinks like a fish market, OR there's something off about her.  Neither of which anyone would want to hear about themselves.  Fortunately, with all the drag talk, and RuPaul's Drag Race, I've learned that Fishy also has another meaning...Very Feminine.  In drag and trans(woman) terms, the more fishy you are, the better, because it means that you look feminine without really trying hard.

To be a little more descriptive about what I mean:  in my world, there are (forgive me for a rough generalization) three classifications of drag queen makeup.

1. Gimmick makeup: Makeup done specifically for a reaction.  Taffy Pulls would be a good example of this class.  Her makeup tends to be pale, with bold eye shadow, and bright lipstick, that may or may not be applied properly.  (It's meant to look badly done, because that's the gimmick.)  Detox's Black and White for the season finale of RuPaul's Drag Race, and Jinkx Monsoon's Sugar Skull would both also fall into this category.

2. Regular Drag Makeup:  I'm sure there is probably a "real" name for it, but, this is my blog, and I'm just trying to classify in my own terms, what I'm thinking.  Regular Drag Makeup tends to, in person look extremely severe.  The highlights are very light, and the contouring (shading) is very dark.  A lot of the queens I know fall into this category.

3. Fishy Makeup: Fishy makeup, is the look that queens like Trendy Wendy go for, more of a "barely there" look.  Think along the lines of a magazine advertisement...you look at the picture, and see a beautiful face...and you think of "Oh, they have makeup on," after the fact.  

Life is a Cabaret

The Lady Chablis

 After a very long week of hanging out with Shaunna Rai, and Vanila, we took Friday night off from anything drag related, which meant, we missed opening night of Mama's Cabaret, in Lewiston. The press for the opening promoted having Lady Chablis, of "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" fame.

The night off Friday night was a welcome change.  Dan and I spent the night at home, catching up on sleep and tv.

Saturday night, though, we were ready for date night.  And, a little birdie told me that Lady Chablis was still in town, for Mama Savannah's Birthday.  So, we decided to take the trip to Lewiston to check it out.

I had been there once before in a previous incarnation, which, coincidentally was the first time that I'd ever met Dan in person, although, at the time I was too shy to talk to him, since I thought that he was with someone.

Mama Savannah and Lady Chablis

So, I wasn't really sure what to expect of the venue. The layout of the building was still the same, which meant, the bar was on a lower level, and the rest of it was dance floor and general seating. As Mama's is a restaurant as well as a bar, we decided to get dinner.  As we arrived at our table, our waitress asked for our drink and appetizer order, before we'd even sit down, much less looked at the menu.

I ordered the Poutine, because it was something that I've heard of that I always wanted to try.  And, fortunately, it didn't disappoint. Dan ordered jambalaya, which was equally as good.  About the same time that our entree came, (Steak tips, with dirty rice and smashed potatoes) so did "Mama".

Mama walked in, with her larger than life hair, in full on drag, with sneakers.  The sneakers cracked me up, as did the fact that as soon as she spotted Dan, she made a beeline for our table, and then later cracked a joke about the fact that Shaunna Rai hadn't commented on them.  Before the show, Mama was making the rounds, and said to me, "This is a great song, I love the video." I'd never seen or heard it before, so I did the polite thing, and smiled and nodded. Unfortunately, for me, she read me. "You don't know it, do you?"  "No."  "You can tell that you're a drag husband, she said." The first time that I've been referred to as such.

Mama asked if we'd tried the Alligator Bites. We hadn't tried them yet, so she disappeared into the kitchen and in two shakes, was back with them.  I was a bit nervous about trying them, because Alligator just isn't something that I ever thought I'd be putting in my mouth.  It was much better than I imagined that it would be.  And, it really is like they say, it kind of does taste like chicken.

The show started, and Mama did the first number. Then came the Lady Chablis.  Shaunna Rai had worked with Lady Chablis during pride, years ago, so Dan had different expectations of her performance than I did.  I took the whole number in, from the outfit, to the fact that I think my calf muscles are bigger around than Lady Chablis.  And, I might have been a bit in awe of the fact that she is famous.  After her number, she said a few words about Mama Savannah, and then disappeared for the rest of the night.  Next up, were Mama's "House Girls," Paris Lynne, Mikayla Loveheart and Natilee-Marie Poliquin (Kimi) who also did double duty as VIP hostess.

After the show was over, the floor was opened up for dancing.  We stayed for a little bit after the floor was opened up, and then, made the trek back from Lewiston.

Overall, Mama's Cabaret exceeded my expectations. I'm looking forward to the next time I go back, which should be this Saturday, for the after party of the 5th Annual Lewistunning Dragapalooza show.

A Little too Close for Comfort...

Coming off a crazy week of driving for shows, I was actually really excited to go to Club Cafe, for Shaunna Rai and Vanila Honey-Bush's face-off as P!nk and Kelly Clarkson.  That, is, until the Monday before the show... The Boston Marathon Bombing.

I was at work when the special report came on, cutting off whatever was on. And, I ended up being glued to the tv for the rest of the night. Mostly, because I was trying to figure out how close the bombing was to where the girls were going to be performing.  Being the geek that I am, or the Google King, as Dan likes to call me, I Googled it. Club Cafe was a matter of blocks away from the bombing.  SO, I spent the rest of the week, watching every report I could, about the bombing, and the bomber(s).  And, stressed.

Finally, the time was here, to actually go to Boston. Well, to Lewiston, first, to pick up Miss E'on, and then to Boston.  As there was a car full, the Dragging up, happened before we went to Boston. Instead of packing suitcase upon suitcase, which is the usual for going to a show, the only things we had to pack, were boy clothes, for "the girls".

I had agreed to drive to just outside Boston, but not in Boston. Because, I don't drive in Boston. Like, ever.  So, Shaunna Rai set the GPS to get us there. I don't remember a lot of the conversations, on the way down, other than a couple of things that I said, that amused me. At one point, I was trying to figure out how I was supposed to go 57 cell phone towers, because I didn't get that the m was above the i for miles...and then, when we were coming into town, I said to Dan, "You tricked me! You didn't tell the GPS lady that I wasn't driving in the city."  And, that, is how I came to drive in Boston, for the first time.

Anywho, on the way to Boston, they got the music to do their lip-synch to.  It was a nice 6-7 minute mix that went back and forth between Pink and Kelly.

We got to Boston early, and the girls mingled a little bit. And, I just kind of waited. When they finally opened the doors to let us get in to where the show was going to be, I was ready to find a corner and sit.  I was still a little stressed that I ended up driving in Boston.  I asked the DJ and the host of the show if it was okay to take pictures, because I didn't want to get kicked out for doing something wrong. It was fine. The host, was Chris Knievel, a girl that I had met once before. The first time I met her, she had just found out that I hadn't been to many drag shows, and she gave me a lap dance, to a song, I think, about having a big schlong...

So, Chris does her number, and then brings my girls out.  (Yes, I may feel a little possessive of them, since I spend most of my spare time with them.)  The song starts, and they start playing off each other. And, they start bringing their acrobatics into play. After all, the winner of the contest is chosen by the audience. Vanila brings out a back handspring, and all of a sudden, she's down. And, I'm like, "Oh god, what just happened?" even though I watched what had happened. The floor was slippery, and  the recovery just didn't quite happen. Instead of landing on her feet, she landed on her back.  The only way that we knew that she was okay, was that, while she was catching her breath, she was dancing on her back, with her arms in the air. Shaunna Rai did a split-ish. She has a fishnet scar on her knee now. And Vanila decided to do a split as well. None of which went as it was supposed to.  (I'm thinking that the Boston performers must do less acrobatics?)  Finally, it's time to pick a winner.

Vanila won the money, and Shaunna got a nice booze basket.

After all was said and done, Dan told me that we were staying put for a little while. I wasn't sure what was going on, other than it was strongly suggested that we stay put.

It wasn't until later, that I found out that things were getting blown up, and people were being shot, and, just maybe, one of the bombers was killed...or that, a few hours after we got out of the city, on our way home, that they had the entire city of Boston on lockdown, hunting for the bomber(s).

And, of course, on the way out of the city, we drove by "ground zero" of the bombing. It freaked me out, a bit, because A) this was so close to where they were performing, and B) it reminded me that three people died there, and a whole lot more ended up going to the hospital...some with limbs that had been amputated by the blast...

Needless to say, I was never so glad to get home.

When You're Good to Mama...

The April 13th show at Altera, in Lewiston, finished out what I was referring to as "Hell" week. Dan and Ryan were in drag, just about every other day, and Dan's car had just died, so I became chauffeur.

Wednesday night was Danielle's Birthday show at Blackstones, which was a blast, as always. Miss E'on came from Lewiston, to see the show, and to go to the Phoenix awards with us. E'on, Shaunna Rai, and Vanila all got into face at Miss LaJoy's house.

This was interesting to me, as I had not seen Miss LaJoy before. So, was very curious about how she was going to look in drag. I came to the realization, during the putting on of face, that for whatever reason, the smell of makeup, is kind of comforting to me.

The show at Blackstones, as I said before, was a blast. New girls, new numbers, and Taffy with Red Bull curlers in her hair! The pictures I got were great.

Friday night, was the First Phierce Friday at Mainestreet Ogunquit, with DJ Aga. There were giveaways of light stick things, and Carly Rae Jepsen CD's. Shaunna Rai and Vanila performed, and I started to see just how athletic these girls are. I'm impressed. Splits, Back handsprings, all kind of acrobatic tricks.

The weekend ended at Altera, with Shaunna Rai and her Dolls.  This, while it was a show, so it was important for the performers, was probably more important for me. This was the first time that my parents were going to see Shaunna Rai. Knowing my parents, I really didn't have anything to worry about, but, knowing myself, I was worried anyway. What if they got offended? What if they were uncomfortable? The what if's were flying, and I didn't know how to stop them.

Finally, I got the text from my mom saying, "We're here", so I went to go meet them, with their tickets. I had maybe, purposely, although, I still rationalize it as accidentally forgotten to give them a few pieces of information, like that Altera was a gay bar.  Because, in my mind, drag shows don't necessarily happen in straight bars.

Once we got in, and got settled, mom turns to me, and tells me that she's crossed two things off her bucket list.  So, I tried to guess. "Um, you're seeing a drag show, and you went to a gay bar?"
"Ooooh. Three things then!" "Ok, so if the first two are seeing a drag show, and going to a gay bar, what's the third?" "Going to a bar, period."  I'd forgotten. My mom doesn't drink. Ever. Never, ever. So, she wouldn't have a reason to go to a bar, much less a gay bar.

On the way in, Jacinda, in boy clothes, took the tickets, and let my mom keep them, so that she could get signatures from the "girls" if she chose to.  She chose to.

Introductions were a little awkward, for me, because I'm still having a hard time with figuring out which name to introduce with. The girls were in drag, so I figured it was appropriate to use the drag name, and then later explain to my parents who they are out of drag.

Most of the night, I spent, going back and forth between my parents making sure that they're having a good time. Dad seemed a little uncomfortable, after he found out it was a gay bar, but Mom seemed to be having the time of her life. I knew that Mom was going to take a million pictures, because that's just what she does. The one show I was in, I ended up being tagged on Facebook, in over 300 pictures...And, thankfully, I wasn't wrong here. I tend to be the photographer, at Shaunna Rai's shows, just because I enjoy it. Unfortunately, having taken pictures two other shows that week, I'd drained my batteries in my camera, and forgotten to grab new ones. And, my camera died.

After the show was over, Mom asked if she could go meet the girls, since, they were all out mingling before the show. I said I thought that could be arranged. And, she started gathering her autographs.  Shaunna Rai, Vanila, Taffy, and Desta Toot, all were so good to my mom, and gave her autographs, and took pictures with her. And, the "I love your mom" responses I got from the girls made me really happy. And, the "I love them too!" that they got on a facebook response later, made the whole night  perfect for me.

Let's Give 'Em a Show They'll Never Forget

How much planning goes into a show? Before I met Dan and Shaunna Rai, I had no idea. Over the past few months, I've gotten a crash course in show planning.

Music, outfits, makeup, hair and self-promotion, these are all considerations for a queen, preparing for a show.

In my perception of how things should be, a show was set up more like a play. It would be all planned and choreographed and all a queen has to do is show up, and do her thing. Of course, that was before I started seeing what goes into it.

Being asked to do a show is the easy part. It's not just about saying yes, and expecting everything else to be done for you. Each show has different requirements for music or content. Outfits are picked, sometimes just before the show. The wigs are chosen to show off the best look of the outfit.

The biggest, most important thing, though, aside from showing up at the show, is promoting yourself.
Once the venue decides on a date and time, in theory, you can start promoting then. With the use of social media, like Twitter and Facebook,  having a poster makes promotion easier. Posters can be shared by friends and family, as well as by yourself. They can be printed and posted around town.

As venues sometimes pay performers what is earned at the door, a good performer will market herself to get the largest number of audience members possible,  and, potentially will get friends and/or family to do some promoting of their own.

Finally, after all is said and done,  comes the night of the show. With all the promoting that has been done, hopefully, the audience turnout will be great, and they'll tip well. The numbers will go off without a hitch, and the audience will get a performance that they won't soon forget.

One Night Only

Ok, so last night was Taffy's show again. And, as promised, I got my makeover.

Being introduced as Dan's boyfriend, and "guinea pig" model/victim was fun. Taffy, Dan, and a couple of other makeup artists, plus the entire audience at Styxx hearing him say that.  It's sweet.

Anyway, then, because the lighting on the stage is really performance lighting, and not makeup lighting, we got to go in the back room, and I got a private makeup session, complete with my own photographer, my roommate.

I was half expecting to get made up on stage, so the fact that I was hidden away in the back, was almost a disappointment, but at the same time a relief.

Now, mind you, I've watched Dan get into Shaunna Rai's makeup a few times, so I know exactly what goes into it, and how long it takes. But, I didn't realize how long it feels like it takes, when someone else is doing it. I felt like I was in the chair forever. And by the time it was the "midway" check in, to see the progress on my face, I was ready for it to be over...the painting, at least.  I was ready for the reveal, even though, at that point, there really wasn't much to reveal, other than the fact that I'd had a base put on, and was contoured.

The makeup started to get itchy, and it took most of my willpower to not reach up and scratch my face. The makeup on the eyes was the worst part of the experience, because I'm a jumpy, blinky person anyway. SO, sitting there, and having Dan, a person I trust, poking around on my eyelids, with my eyes closed so I didn't know when or where he was at any given point, was enough to drive me nuts.

When we got to the lips, I was happy. It was almost over, by then. I'd been able to catch glimpses of myself in the mirror on the wall opposite where I was sitting, but, it didn't make a lot of sense to me what I was really seeing. But, I knew that we were getting close. And, when the wigs finally came out, I knew that I'd made it to the home stretch.

Judging from watching Shaunna Rai finish getting ready for a show, I figured that I was probably going to get at least two different wigs before we settled on something...or before Dan did. And, I wasn't disappointed. The first wig, was the black, curly Cher wig. Apparently, it was too dark.  And, of the other five or six wigs, it was the one that I was hoping NOT to get, that I got.  It wasn't that I didn't like the red wig...It's just that the last time I was in drag, I was a redhead.  Not to mention, when I go around in red hair, I look so much like my mother...

It all came together great though, in the end. And I was shocked that people didn't recognize me.  I mean, yeah, I'm wearing a wig, and makeup, but it's not like I changed bodies while they were waiting in the audience. And, yet, people who I socialize with on a regular basis, had no idea that it was me.

So, what started off as a night that was supposed to just be fun, kind of accidentally, (although, a "happy accident") became a social experiment.  Even though, I was still dressed in my boy clothes, and literally, the only changes in my look were that I was wearing a hair cutting cape, to keep the makeup off my clothes, and I had makeup and a wig on, people didn't know it was me.  The part where I really had fun, was afterward, when I got all kinds of compliments. People were amazed at the work that Dan had done on me, and more than I couple times, I got, "Gurrrl, you looked so good, I didn't even know it was you!"

It was fun to play make-believe with a new face and hair. But, that was all it was. I was extremely conscious of the fact that I was still Steve, and still shy, even though I was standing up in front of a full bar of people that I barely know. And, it was an odd mix of feelings. Part of me was basking in the attention. The rest of me was ready for it to be over, and get out of face. Once it was over though, I was glad to get back to being Steve, instead of One Night.

 Would I do it again? For something like Taffy's show, probably. For something to just go and do on a Friday night, probably not.  Unless Kathy Griffin needs a stunt double...in which case, I might consider it, because I might be able to pull off the look. The attitude and mannerisms, I'd need to study up on, though.

I shaved my beard for this?

As part of Taffy Pulls's weekly RuPaul's Drag Race viewing party, there are always things going on. This week, I happen to be one of those things.  If you're not on my Facebook, you may have missed the fact that tonight, I'm going to be undergoing a makeover.  Not just any makeover, mind you, but a drag makeover.

For the past year and a half, I've had a goatee that I've been very proud of. I shaved it off once, because I got bored of it, and immediately grew it back, because it was the beginning of winter, and it was too cold without it.  As of yesterday, it was gone away again. And, I feel quite naked without it.

Do I trust Dan to do this to me? You bet. He does hair and makeup for a living! He knows what he's doing.  Am I nervous about what I'm going to look like? Well, a little. I'm not going to be in full out drag. No dresses or jumpsuits for me. I'm just "getting into face".  I'm kinda feeling like I'm Shaunna Rai and Vanila Honey-Bush's younger brother, who they got bored, and decided to play "dress up" with.  Kinda like when my mom and aunts used to do that to my uncle...I think I'm more nervous about whether I'm going to really like what I look like "dragged up"...

Overall, I'm excited, and really can't wait to see the outcome, because I know that Dan will do his best to make me look...(dare I say it?)  FABULOUS!

Upcoming Shows

Various Mondays: Styxx for Watch RuPaul's Drag Race with Taffy Pulls

April 10: Danielle's Birthday Show at Blackstones

April 12: Phierce Friday with DJ Aga at Mainestreet Ogunquit

April 13: Shaunna Rai and her Dolls at Altera

April 18: Battle of the Divas, P!nk vs Kelly Clarkson at Club Cafe, Boston

May 4th, 7pm at Bates College

June 10: Miss Blackstones Competition

Your Boob's in the Sink

Over the weekend,  I woke up to a conversation containing those words. And, so, it got me thinking. A question that I have heard from a few people,  on a few occasions,  is, "How do they get their boobs?"

Sarcastic me always wants to respond, "They stole them from a biological  woman." Because, just like a bio woman, there are plenty of ways to make yourself have breasts, or the illusion of them.

When I did Guys in Gowns, my boobs were literally made from rolled up socks stuffed in my dress.

Everyone knows the old stand-by of stuffing tissues in a bra. And, there's a picture that keeps showing up on my Facebook with the caption "You know, you're supposed to take them out of the box..."

A lady never reveals her secrets,  but, given that I'm not a lady, I can reveal secrets. Lol. I have seen both Shaunna Rai and Vanila Honey-Bush use silicone-y falsies that look similar to boneless chicken breasts. These, being the ones that were found in the sink...

On a larger scale, there is the breastplate. A rubbery thing that wraps around the neck, like a big necklace, with boobs on it.

And, on a smaller scale, there is just contouring with makeup.  I've showed my mom pictures of Shaunna Rai with only contouring done, that she was like, "You're kidding". This, to me, is the coolest way of "making a chest." Because,  with the right dress, and the right contouring, it looks like a real set of breasts.

Shaunna Rai and Her Dolls at Altera

Coming to Lewiston,  April 13th, for one night...Shaunna Rai, Vanila Honey-Bush, Desta Toot and Taffy Pulls.

Tickets are $5 in advance,  or $7 at the door.

I want to be Taffy-fied

Originally,  this was supposed to be the title of a post in which Taffy Pulls demonstrates on me, the way she does her makeup. 
However, the last two weeks of Taffy's RuPaul's Drag Race Viewing Party, at Styxx, have given me a chance to experiment on my own. In honor of Snatch Game, last week, on the show, Taffy asked for volunteers to dress up as her, complete with outfits she has worn, and her wigs.

I'd known in advance that this was the plan for that night. And, I'd planned on shaving off the goatee so that I wouldn't look so silly. And, I forgot to. So, I turned out looking like a bearded Taffy. It was fun. I made a fool of myself in front of a bunch of people who were drinking, in a gay bar.

This week, in honor of the girls on the show having a challenge of putting on face in the dark, Taffy asked for volunteers to do makeup blindly.  Thinking, oh, I've watched Shaunna Rai, Tatoola, Vanila Honey-Bush and Taffy put on face a ton, I should be able to do this no problem. Yeah, not so much. I kinda choked. I was freaking out. "What the hell are all these things for?" kept going through my head.
I had a cheering section telling me to just throw stuff on. I forgot that when you do makeup for drag, that it's supposed to be a little (a lot) bolder, and less " natural". So the face I put on was barely noticeable.  Closer to a term that I've heard Shaunna Rai use, "tranny realness", than Drag "fishiness".  Although,  either way, it was still really badly done.

Would I do it again?  Hell yeah. I had so much fun, both times.  I'm half tempted to be Taffy's underwear model next week,  because it would be fun. Only half though, because I don't know if I dare dress down that much for three minutes,  in front of a group of drunk gay guys.

Outside my Comfort Zone

"I'd wear that (blue gown with a fade to silver and rhinestones)" is not the way I expected to start a conversation about Drag clothes shopping. Especially, given that I've said before that drag clothing shopping makes me a little uncomfortable.

In the past few months, I think I've spent equal amounts of time looking at women's clothing, and men's.  And, the more time that I spend with Dan, shopping for Shaunna Rai, the less weird it seems to me.

I spent yesterday with Dan and Ryan shopping for Shaunna Rai and Vanila Honey-Bush. It was a fun day, because,  it's always fun with the two of them. Seeing the "sibling-like" relationship they have was interesting.

They've got similar taste in clothes,  with some exceptions.  Shaunna Rai tends to go for off the shoulder outfits. And Vanila was looking for sleeves.

Going in to Deb, I was nervous,  because,  here we were, three guys, going into a store that is definitely a women's clothing store, and a gaggle of teenage boys walked past as we went in. The clerks asked if we were finding everything ok. (I always wonder what they must be thinking as they ask.)

At Forever XXI (21), the girls found matching outfits. And, I felt slightly less self conscious, as there were a lot of guys in there. Granted,  it was because they were there with their girlfriends. But, I didn't feel as much like people were staring at me.

At H&M, it was much more interesting.  As we did our own shopping,  it was pointed out that there was another drag queen shopping there. That explained the man looking at clothes in the women's section...

By the time we got to Torrid, I was getting tired of the drag shopping. And the (biological) women were less friendly.  They gave us dirty looks. They were thoughtful enough to keep their mouths shut,  but, by the time we left there, I was done with it.

Unfortunately, for me, Dan and Ryan still had more shopping to do. And, because I was less interested in the shopping,  I was more interested in people's reactions to us being in the women's clothes. There were dirty looks, and some blatant "we're avoiding this area, because you're here" behavior. 

I was very glad when it was time to go home. Partly because I was ready, and partly due to feeling sick to my stomach. 

Oddly enough, after a full day of it yesterday,  I went again with Dan, this morning. And, I found the importance of final clearance. Shaunna Rai got a jacket for 70 cents.

Anyway, back to my original thought, that it was funny that when I go shopping for Shaunna Rai, I look at things, and think,  "I'd wear that. (If I did drag.) I told Dan that one day, thinking he would give me a hard time. When he told me that he thought that a lot of guys do that, it made me feel less weird about being there, in the first place.

I'm stepping out of my comfort zone. It's a work in progress, for me, to be entirely comfortable with all of this.  But, I'm seeing progress.

Taffy's Drag Race Viewing Party

Come see Taffy Pulls work it at Styxx with her weekly viewing party.  In her own words, "I've got a weekly show going on. Styxx is hosting a viewing party for Rupauls drag race. Every Monday night @ 9pm. Ill be there with other drag queens doing tutorials and shit. Its awesome. We give away prizes. -- and after the drag queens get off the stage -- the mens come on the stage to strip and dance their shorts off!"

When Worlds Collide

When I started thinking about this blog, I really hadn't given much thought to how much everything is tied up in everything else. Drag queens can become transgender women. And a simple meet the parents becomes a, "We want to see you in a show."

The more I think about topics, the more I realize that I can't just decide to talk about drag, without talking about everything else too.

Anyway, this really is a post about Dan meeting my parents for the first time.

It was a last minute decision to make it happen. And, I think I was more nervous about it than Dan was. So, after making plans to take Dan to Moody's Diner, I texted my mom to set everything up.  Then, it was time.

How, you ask does this have anything to do with drag? Well... Given that I had told my parents that Dan does drag, and that mom has questions, it was inevitable that at some point, the questions would be addressed.

And, they were. Mom asked how Shaunna Rai walks in heels, because my mom, has a hard time with it. Dan, patient as ever, said that he doesn't think about it. And, that is why people have trouble. They overthink walking in heels. He then went on to promote upcoming shows.

I knew because of RuPaul's Drag Race, that my mom was interested in seeing Shaunna Rai perform. What I didn't expect, was hearing my dad say that he was interested too. That freaked me out a little. Of all the things you ever imagine hearing, the last one is, "Yeah, I'd kinda like to see my son's boyfriend dressed as a woman." 

Tell Me a Story?

So, last week was a busy week. Taffy's RuPaul's Drag Race Viewing Party was Monday. Wednesday, was the Blackstones' Valentine's Day show, Thursday was Taffy's show at Geno's, and Friday night was Andrew Christian Models and Kenya Michaels at Machine in Boston.

Needless to say, by the end of the weekend, I was a bit exhausted. And, with a bit of personal drama that stemmed from the night at Geno's, my mind was in a place of complete and utter chaos. And, I needed a distraction, stat. So, Monday, I asked Dan to tell me about Shaunna Rai. When and why she made her first appearance, and how she was "born".

I was surprised to learn that Shaunna Rai's birth came at about the same time as Dan's coming out. She was born to a former roommate. She only went out for an hour, the first time she went out. And, originally, she was a way of getting into bars without being ID'ed.

As time went on, Shaunna Rai started being asked to participate in shows around the state, and eventually, even out of state.

Back when Shaunna Rai first hit the scene, drag was bigger than it is now. The "cities" in Maine all had their own queens. Or, the queens claimed their city. Shaunna Rai saw every show as a way to get her name out, so, she didn't claim one city over another.

Over time, Shaunna Rai got involved in events. She was one of the first performers at the Portland Pride Pier Dance. She has been involved with the Frannie Peabody Center, and was named Miss AIDS Awareness. She has been a part of the Screaming Queens show, in Waterville, which is another fundraiser for the Eastern Maine AIDS Network. She promotes the First Friday Art walks, here in Portland, along with some friends. And, I know there is a ton of stuff I've forgotten.

Anyway, as he told me Shaunna Rai's story, I got lost in it.  Though she's applied multiple times for RuPaul's Drag Race, and made it quite far in the process, she has yet to make it to the show. In my eyes though, the glitz and glamour of that life is already there. And, I look forward to being there for the next chapter in both Dan and Shaunna Rai's life.

In Broad Daylight?

The last place I ever expect to see anyone in drag, is the Starbucks, in the middle of the day. And, yet, it happened this afternoon.

You would think, of all people, I would not have the reaction of "What the...?" But, I did.

I think, the reaction was more to the bad wig, lack of makeup, and men's calf length snow boots with an above the knee length skirt, than it was to the person . By my own advice, I should refer to her as a she. Because, I don't have a reference point for labeling. Nor should I try to label.

It was immediately followed by a need to label. And a question of, is this for real, or is this person doing this just for attention?

Even in my own little world, I try to fit everything into little boxes. If it doesn't make sense to me, I try to make it fit. And, I'm finding that sometimes, things just don't fit. Sometimes, you get a box of square pegs that don't fit in the round holes you're trying to put them in.

Perhaps, what I should've done, or should do in the future, is talk to her. I hate that I felt some form of prejudice toward her, given the fact that I'm writing a blog to help educate.

But, it's experiences like this that help me realize that even I still have a way to go in accepting a world that I'm just beginning to understand.

Are you attracted to her?

Ok, so this post was supposed to be about the large amounts of drag that I saw over the last week. It was preempted by an innocent, but poignant question.

"Are you attracted to Shaunna Rai?"

This is a grey area for me. Sort of. And, not an easy yes or no answer. Shaunna Rai lives in Dan, and vice versa, depending on who's being presented to the world at that moment.

Honestly, it's Dan that I'm attracted to. And, when Shaunna Rai is out, I look for Dan in her. I'll admit, there have been times when, yes, I've sat and watched a show, thinking, I wish that I could kiss her. And, I have kissed Shaunna Rai, after shows, before Dan came back out. But, that is the extent of it. I have no desire to be intimate with her sexually. And, she and I have discussed this before. And the feeling is mutual. Shaunna Rai would rather not be intimate with me either. So, it works out good, because I'm a gold star gay, and I have no desire to change that.

What I feel more, toward Shaunna Rai, and drag queens in general, is admiration. The ability to put together an outfit, do the hair and makeup, and to walk around in heels (without falling or wobbling), and in some cases dance or do acrobatic tricks, while in those heels... They've earned admiration, at the very least.

That doesn't mean that I don't find  queens attractive, while they're in drag.
It just means I don't want to sleep with them. I mean, the idea of waking up next to a wig is a little scary. And besides, makeup is hard to get out of fabrics...why else does every soap opera affair get revealed?

It Must be Ladies' Night...

The night of a show is always an interesting time, for me. I get to watch the transformation from male to female. If Shaunna Rai, or any of "MY" girls will allow photos to be taken, and posted, I'll prove it.

With the makeup and the padding,  (when needed) in place, there is a shift in personality. It's almost as if that is the point in time when a queen gets "into character."

This is the point in the night, where I step back into the background, which, is where I like to be. I'm the gopher. And, I'm the caddy. By helping out, I feel like I'm not in the way.

Dan was asked if I get jealous of Shaunna Rai, and the attention that she gets from everyone. The men who think she's hot, the women who want to know where she got her outfits, and everyone in between. The truth is, I do get a little jealous. But, it only lasts a few minutes. Why is this? Well, for one, anyone who has the balls to put on a dress, and do what Dan and all the others do, deserves the attention. And, for two, I'm the one going home with him at the end of the night.

After the show last night, at Blackstones, we went to Denny's. What surprised me most about the night was not how much fun it was, or that it reminded me of the night Dan and I "officially" met. It was that a fan of the "ladies" paid the tab for our table.

Doing kind deeds for others, is rare enough, in the real world. Doing it because you enjoyed a show, floored me. Nobody at our table, at that point was still in drag,  and I hadn't been in drag at all. But, I still ended up getting the perks of association. So, it really isn't all that bad.